Found nude pics on DHs phone

[Anonymous]

OP my husband's emotional affair partner sent texts about "dinner" and missing him which synced to my son's new ipod. (We worked through it and still are). I knew intuitively and immediately. Confide in one person, maybe a kind sibling or therapist. You just fond something disturbing, you will be ok but it is a difficult , painful spot and also a process. I confronted because that's my style. I discovered, confirmed and confronted on same day but I got kids out of the house. You are not alone

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Stop jumping at the bit to convict the guy when you're not even sure a crime has been committed.

The words “conviction” and “crime” have no place here. Husband had nudes that do not seem to be porn. Instead of explaining that they came from an innocent source, he lied. It’s now his job to prove his innocence and explain his reason for lying. If he can’t, the explanation for why is obvious. OP isn’t a jury, she’s a woman who deserves respect from her spouse, and isn’t getting it.

[Anonymous]

I think denying is common at first, and op will pursue the details and answers as she is ready. He doesn't realize the shit has hit the fan yet....hell get there. Jumping to a divorce attorney and "knowing all you need to know" sounds ridiculous. She does not know yet. This just started, this part of their story...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one here who finds all these recommendations for extensive investigations or snooping to be exhausting? Who wants to live this way?

Either divorce him if the marriage sucks or accept that he like any other man may or may not have cheated. Let him know you saw what you saw, and you won't accept infidelity so if he is dumb enough to continue, the marriage will be over. If he loves you and wants to stay married, he will break off whatever he has done.

Life's too short to spend it investigating your spouse.

100% agree. He is lying to you and if you find that unacceptable then you need to leave. If not, make your peace and stay. What do you think us going to happen with more “evidence”?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think denying is common at first, and op will pursue the details and answers as she is ready. He doesn't realize the shit has hit the fan yet....hell get there. Jumping to a divorce attorney and "knowing all you need to know" sounds ridiculous. She does not know yet. This just started, this part of their story...

“Denying is common at first...” when what, exactly? What innocent thing goes in that hole?

Agree it’s too early for a divorce attorney but not too early to ask him to spend a night away from home given the seriousness of what OP knows.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I left the house at 5 am and have been at work since 6 am. My DH woke up and is denying there are any such pictures.

Of course he lied OP. And that’s why you were told to take pics of it!!! You showed your hand and now you have an uphill battle towards the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

+1. Now he knows you are looking around and he will take it further underground. Believe me, I speak from experience. The hardest, but best, thing to do is lay low and gather evidence while he suspects nothing. It will be much harder now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Now he’s on to you. I would do a 180 and fake apologize to him for snooping on his phone and say something like, “I know you’d never do something like that.” And then track EVERYTHING. He’s going to expect that you are pissed so be the opposite, it will allow you some time gather info.

I like this idea, but apologizing may be a bit much. Pretend to brush it off and buy his explanation so he hopefully won't feel the need to start taking it all more underground and hide everything. Then investigate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one here who finds all these recommendations for extensive investigations or snooping to be exhausting? Who wants to live this way?

Either divorce him if the marriage sucks or accept that he like any other man may or may not have cheated. Let him know you saw what you saw, and you won't accept infidelity so if he is dumb enough to continue, the marriage will be over. If he loves you and wants to stay married, he will break off whatever he has done.

Life's too short to spend it investigating your spouse.

100% agree. He is lying to you and if you find that unacceptable then you need to leave. If not, make your peace and stay. What do you think us going to happen with more “evidence”?

That's the craziest response imo. I'm betting a lot more is going to develop. OP shouldn't make her peace and stay. She's going to get to the bottom of it first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I left the house at 5 am and have been at work since 6 am. My DH woke up and is denying there are any such pictures.

Of course he lied OP. And that’s why you were told to take pics of it!!! You showed your hand and now you have an uphill battle towards the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

+1. Now he knows you are looking around and he will take it further underground. Believe me, I speak from experience. The hardest, but best, thing to do is lay low and gather evidence while he suspects nothing. It will be much harder now.

Yep. Never accuse until you have proof.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, OP you are getting the typical "divorce cheerleader" advice here from women who don't have to live your life when all is said and done.

Back up for a moment, is he a good husband and father? is this in character or out of it? Any changes in the relationship lately?

Yes, it's entirely possible he has naked pictures of another woman who he isn't physical with. I have received these a few times in my 20 year marriage - not saying it's appropriate but it's not that uncommon.

It's also possible it's not his boss, or it's his divorced friend who is sleeping with a hot woman and shared the picture. It's also possible it's his boss and he is having a full blown affair.

Rather than spend the best years of your life turning into an amateur detective, which may or may not reveal any definitive evidence, have a heart to heart with him. Tell him what you saw, ask for his explanation, make it clear that infidelity won't be tolerated and you would feel better if you had some transparency, i.e. access to his phone to reassure you. This all assumes you have an otherwise good marriage and sex life. If you don't, and are looking for a reason to split, then do it for other reasons.

Yeah, right....lol

[Anonymous]

Is she hot

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can tell she's a middle-aged blonde, then do any of these photos show her face? If not a celebrity or some random online photo then this is somebody your husband knows in real life. Co-worker?

You may have found these photos before anything physical has happened but like others have said, you have to ask your husband.

She looks like she could be his boss.

Same short blonde hair. Same body type. But there’s no face.

That would be bad, a deal breaker.

He'll never admit to that one, you'll have to find out on your own OP. See what you can find out without him suspecting. That's you best course of action. Until then act normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, OP you are getting the typical "divorce cheerleader" advice here from women who don't have to live your life when all is said and done.

Back up for a moment, is he a good husband and father? is this in character or out of it? Any changes in the relationship lately?

Yes, it's entirely possible he has naked pictures of another woman who he isn't physical with. I have received these a few times in my 20 year marriage - not saying it's appropriate but it's not that uncommon.

It's also possible it's not his boss, or it's his divorced friend who is sleeping with a hot woman and shared the picture. It's also possible it's his boss and he is having a full blown affair.

Rather than spend the best years of your life turning into an amateur detective, which may or may not reveal any definitive evidence, have a heart to heart with him. Tell him what you saw, ask for his explanation, make it clear that infidelity won't be tolerated and you would feel better if you had some transparency, i.e. access to his phone to reassure you. This all assumes you have an otherwise good marriage and sex life. If you don't, and are looking for a reason to split, then do it for other reasons.

Yeah, right....lol

Reminded me of how Trump told Putin to "stop interfering", bahahah! Dumb a reporter.

Yep. They'll simply communicate from work, or another hidden phone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel so stupid. I can’t believe I didn’t save what I saw.

He’s completly denying it saying it is silly that I think he’s cheating and there’s nothing on his phone.

If he weren’t up to something shady he wouldn’t lie. He would explain the innocent reason.

This. So what that you didn’t save them. You know what you saw. You know he is lying. There is nothing more to know. Marriage over. If he had admitted it, shown remorse, etc., well then, who knows. But he is going to try to make you think you literally imagined this?! F that!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I left the house at 5 am and have been at work since 6 am. My DH woke up and is denying there are any such pictures.

Of course he lied OP. And that’s why you were told to take pics of it!!! You showed your hand and now you have an uphill battle towards the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

+1. Now he knows you are looking around and he will take it further underground. Believe me, I speak from experience. The hardest, but best, thing to do is lay low and gather evidence while he suspects nothing. It will be much harder now.

Or like my dumb exH, he had so many avenues of paper trails there was no way he could have stopped my freight train hauling mounds of evidence of cheating, it literally brought him to his knees. Two days between the initial confrontation (he lied and said it was nothing) and presenting him with hard evidence. It was a beautiful day because I knew he was gaslighting me and that was driving me more crazy than anything else.