Were you spanked as child?

[Anonymous]

37 and not spanked

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 50
I was spanked by my mother when I was a tiny child (under 4?) and by my father.
My father continued to hit me - but instead of spanking he hit me across the face with the back of his hand.
or he twisted my arm behind my back or he kicked me in the back of the legs.

Dude, that is not spanking. What you are describing is assault. A lot of what you all are describing is assault. Spanking was for egregious breaking of rules that was made clear to the child and was at the level of their understanding. It was on the bottom and not face or back of legs.

This is just abuse. I'm the one with the child psychologist parent who gave a few pops to the rear in a calm, controlled way for egregious behavior after expectations were clear and were defied. This is the reason for being a secret occasional spanker. People go from 3 controlled hits with a hand to bum to beating their kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I may be wrong, but I believe spanking is legal until age 12. Illegal under 2 (?) and over 12.

This is not true in VA or MD. Legal over 12 in both states.

[Anonymous]

31, South Asian American
We were hit with wooden kitchen spoons or plastic hangers, not spanked, the rare times my parents used physical punishment.
I realize as an adult how ignorant it is using this type of punishment as a consequence and don't do it myself.

[Anonymous]

Yes, with a wooden paddle. I'm 48 and my mother says repeatedly that she regrets it.

[Anonymous]

39, spanked. But not for doing terrible things (was too scared to really mess up) it was always for stupid crap like forgetting to wash your plate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:48- yes. But I want to caveat. My mom was abusive- and the spanking was really hitting.
What I remember is the criticism and verbal/emotional abuse. So much worse than being hit.
A lot of parents wouldn't spank their kids but would tear stripe off of them verbally by criticizing and being generally awful. Those people should not be congratulating themselves. I think kids do forgive spanking because we think that someone lost their cool, or didn't know better. Verbal and emotional abuse is not so easy to let go of.

My mother slapped me across the face a few times, including when I was a teen. She also mentally and verbally abused me, calling me all kinds of names. If she had only just spanked me with an open hand on the bottom, I think it would not have phased me. But the slap across the face, and other stuff that I recall, and the verbal abuse have stayed with me.

Yup- spanking isn't great parenting, and I'm glad that it's on the way out, but a slap across the face is deeply degrading--I think it should be considered emotional abuse because of the lasting hurt that it causes.

[Anonymous]

Once, when I was 8yo. I'm 50.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:39, spanked. But not for doing terrible things (was too scared to really mess up) it was always for stupid crap like forgetting to wash your plate.

Yes me too. I was whipped with a metal tip belt, thrown on a tile floor, slapped on the face and head, kicked, hair pulled, thrown down the stairs. It was for things like spilling milk or breaking something accidentally. Once I accidentally broke my sisters doll, and my dad beat me so badly I blacked out. My teachers inquired about the bruises and the cuts (trust me you’ll get a huge bruise on your head if your dad smashes it on the tile). This did not stop until I was 17 and left the house. My parents were absolutely terrible but continually refer to themselves as wonderful parents.

Truthfully I remember little of the actual beating (I know my sisters and I blacked out a lot). I never want my kids to feel that fearful and fragile. The realization that you can die at the hands of your parents is a terrible one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:39, spanked. But not for doing terrible things (was too scared to really mess up) it was always for stupid crap like forgetting to wash your plate.

Yes me too. I was whipped with a metal tip belt, thrown on a tile floor, slapped on the face and head, kicked, hair pulled, thrown down the stairs. It was for things like spilling milk or breaking something accidentally. Once I accidentally broke my sisters doll, and my dad beat me so badly I blacked out. My teachers inquired about the bruises and the cuts (trust me you’ll get a huge bruise on your head if your dad smashes it on the tile). This did not stop until I was 17 and left the house. My parents were absolutely terrible but continually refer to themselves as wonderful parents.

Truthfully I remember little of the actual beating (I know my sisters and I blacked out a lot). I never want my kids to feel that fearful and fragile. The realization that you can die at the hands of your parents is a terrible one.

And like most other posters, the regular verbal abuse was far worse than the physical stuff. I have forgiven them but I never allow my children to be alone with them.

[Anonymous]

29 and was spanked probably about 4 times total. Always for serious deliberate disobedience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:38, yes. But I have no memory of the majority of my spankings because they happened when I was very young. When I was older, I was always threatened with "I'm going to tell your father." I can recall being spanked with a belt by my father once when my mom told him I needed it. He didn't ask her what it was for, just administered the punishment.

"spanked with a belt" = beaten

[Anonymous]

33 F here. When I'd been particularly naughty, my mum or dad would tell me to come over and stick out my hand. And then they'd smack the back of my hand. Does that count as spanking?

It was pretty effective as a punishment. Didn't really hurt, but it was the shame of being naughty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:33 F here. When I'd been particularly naughty, my mum or dad would tell me to come over and stick out my hand. And then they'd smack the back of my hand. Does that count as spanking?

It was pretty effective as a punishment. Didn't really hurt, but it was the shame of being naughty.

I’m a 40yo PP and this was what my mom did too, although she would smack my open palm. She was always firm but calm and in control. It was also very effective with me without being physically or emotionally damaging, and was an effective deterrent.

[Anonymous]

Yes. About 3 times under 6 or 7 years old. It was very specifically for disobeying my mother and doing something that put me in danger (like leaving a store without her or not staying on our nearby playground.) Effective threat for many years later.