Were you spanked as child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a matter of preference and your own values, not "knowing better." There's nothing to know. Research on this is weak, at best, and does not distinguish between causation and correlation, nor does it even attempt to consider greater context, or what actually constitutes a "spanking."

Yeah, there's a difference between beating and spanking. A lot of posters here were flat-out beaten. And spanking with pants down is pretty bad too, in my opinion.

I don't oppose spanking on principle but I can't really picture doing it to my kids. It would have to be for something truly dangerous like running out into traffic.

I think that's exactly the issue. When you spank you've given yourself permission to vent your frustration with your kids physically. It's very easy for it to go from quick smack on the butt when they're 3 to beating the crap out of them when they're a mouthy 10 year old. So yes a lot of people who were spanked as children were in fact beaten because spanking is violence and violence escalates. To do it without anger and increasing violence takes a lot of patience and control, which if they had that, they wouldn't be hitting their kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a matter of preference and your own values, not "knowing better." There's nothing to know. Research on this is weak, at best, and does not distinguish between causation and correlation, nor does it even attempt to consider greater context, or what actually constitutes a "spanking."

Yeah, there's a difference between beating and spanking. A lot of posters here were flat-out beaten. And spanking with pants down is pretty bad too, in my opinion.

I don't oppose spanking on principle but I can't really picture doing it to my kids. It would have to be for something truly dangerous like running out into traffic.

I think that's exactly the issue. When you spank you've given yourself permission to vent your frustration with your kids physically. It's very easy for it to go from quick smack on the butt when they're 3 to beating the crap out of them when they're a mouthy 10 year old. So yes a lot of people who were spanked as children were in fact beaten because spanking is violence and violence escalates. To do it without anger and increasing violence takes a lot of patience and control, which if they had that, they wouldn't be hitting their kids.

I disagree. If you decide ahead of time that you will do one or two light taps on the clothed butt, or whatever it is, and never escalate beyond that, it is fine in my opinion and can be a reasoned decision. Though I agree it takes patience and control. I just disagree with your contention that spanking automatically means you lack patience and control.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a matter of preference and your own values, not "knowing better." There's nothing to know. Research on this is weak, at best, and does not distinguish between causation and correlation, nor does it even attempt to consider greater context, or what actually constitutes a "spanking."

Yeah, there's a difference between beating and spanking. A lot of posters here were flat-out beaten. And spanking with pants down is pretty bad too, in my opinion.

I don't oppose spanking on principle but I can't really picture doing it to my kids. It would have to be for something truly dangerous like running out into traffic.

I think that's exactly the issue. When you spank you've given yourself permission to vent your frustration with your kids physically. It's very easy for it to go from quick smack on the butt when they're 3 to beating the crap out of them when they're a mouthy 10 year old. So yes a lot of people who were spanked as children were in fact beaten because spanking is violence and violence escalates. To do it without anger and increasing violence takes a lot of patience and control, which if they had that, they wouldn't be hitting their kids.

I disagree. If you decide ahead of time that you will do one or two light taps on the clothed butt, or whatever it is, and never escalate beyond that, it is fine in my opinion and can be a reasoned decision. Though I agree it takes patience and control. I just disagree with your contention that spanking automatically means you lack patience and control.

It doesn't automatically mean that, but the reality is that a lot of people habe a tendency to lose their temper. A lot of people lack self awareness and knowing what they can and can't handle. A lot of people lack patience and control. And a lot of people can say ahead of time they're only going to do this and that, but when push comes to shove they take their anger out on their kid. It's too easy for it to go down badly. I think if you do it you're playing with fire. I know my parents loved us and I know they never intended for spanking to get out of control. But it doesn't change the fact that it eacalated over the years to the point that I was still being whipped bare assed by my father in middle school, and slapped across the face until I was in college and it occurred to me that what was happening would now be considered assault.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:36 - yes I was spanked.

Spanking is easy and effective. You spank, then its done. You move on with life and you don't let it ruin everone's day.

The parents who have to constantly resort to yelling need to take a moment to reflect if the verbal assault is really better than a quick smack on the bottom.

what sort of spanking are you doing that is easy and effective? is this an in the moment swat?

Well the last time I had to spank was over a year ago (DD was 3). She wasn't getting something she wanted (5 more minutes of play time) and lost her temper and hit me. I immediately turned her around and gave her a quick smack on the bottom and told her we do not hit people. (Yes, I know people do not believe in punishing hitting by "hitting" but I don't view spanking as hitting). She cried for about a minute and then hugged me and said sorry. That was that.

Guess what? She hasn't hit since.

So you hit your kid because she pissed you off when she hit you, and you told her no hitting. Ever consider maybe the lesson she took from that is that her mom is a bully? I dont for one second believe that this stops at one snack on the bottom. My parents would probably say they disciplined in the same way. The welts and bruises on my behind and legs just appeared there

Don’t project your abuse on to this and turn it into something it’s not. Leaving welts and bruises are very different than a smack on the bottom. Sorry if your folks abused you but the fact remains spanking is not abuse.

For the record I didn’t spank my kid bc she pissed me off. I spanked her as a punishment. I don’t punish out of anger. Maybe that’s something you couldn’t ever understand coming from an abusive home.

[Anonymous]

I just can’t imagine hitting my kids or any kid for that matter. Especially as a reasoned, cold-blooded decision. Is it because you are bigger and stronger and they are dependent on you and so you know they can’t fight back?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:36 - yes I was spanked.

Spanking is easy and effective. You spank, then its done. You move on with life and you don't let it ruin everone's day.

The parents who have to constantly resort to yelling need to take a moment to reflect if the verbal assault is really better than a quick smack on the bottom.

what sort of spanking are you doing that is easy and effective? is this an in the moment swat?

Well the last time I had to spank was over a year ago (DD was 3). She wasn't getting something she wanted (5 more minutes of play time) and lost her temper and hit me. I immediately turned her around and gave her a quick smack on the bottom and told her we do not hit people. (Yes, I know people do not believe in punishing hitting by "hitting" but I don't view spanking as hitting). She cried for about a minute and then hugged me and said sorry. That was that.

Guess what? She hasn't hit since.

So you hit your kid because she pissed you off when she hit you, and you told her no hitting. Ever consider maybe the lesson she took from that is that her mom is a bully? I dont for one second believe that this stops at one snack on the bottom. My parents would probably say they disciplined in the same way. The welts and bruises on my behind and legs just appeared there

Don’t project your abuse on to this and turn it into something it’s not. Leaving welts and bruises are very different than a smack on the bottom. Sorry if your folks abused you but the fact remains spanking is not abuse.

For the record I didn’t spank my kid bc she pissed me off. I spanked her as a punishment. I don’t punish out of anger. Maybe that’s something you couldn’t ever understand coming from an abusive home.

I'm speaking from experience with parents who thought like you do. It starts with a smack. She hit you then you hit her back and called it punishment. Had she been an adult it would be considered assault. Calling it spanking doesn't change what it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:36 - yes I was spanked.

Spanking is easy and effective. You spank, then its done. You move on with life and you don't let it ruin everone's day.

The parents who have to constantly resort to yelling need to take a moment to reflect if the verbal assault is really better than a quick smack on the bottom.

Your lazy parenting, which is what hitting ("spanking") is, does ruin your kid's day. I promise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:48. My dad used pull my pants down to spank me with flat hand. It was never hard but it was humiliating. I was well loved and not harmed by it, but I will never spank or hit.

I yell a lot though. Hate myself for it. Sometimes call my kid a jerk in anger. Hate myself for that even more. My parents never name called.

Until what age?

8 at very oldest but I can't remember. definitely not past 8.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:36 - yes I was spanked.

Spanking is easy and effective. You spank, then its done. You move on with life and you don't let it ruin everone's day.

The parents who have to constantly resort to yelling need to take a moment to reflect if the verbal assault is really better than a quick smack on the bottom.

Your lazy parenting, which is what hitting ("spanking") is, does ruin your kid's day. I promise.

Says the parent with the kid who will tell them to “shut up” or call them a curse word.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:36 - yes I was spanked.

Spanking is easy and effective. You spank, then its done. You move on with life and you don't let it ruin everone's day.

The parents who have to constantly resort to yelling need to take a moment to reflect if the verbal assault is really better than a quick smack on the bottom.

Your lazy parenting, which is what hitting ("spanking") is, does ruin your kid's day. I promise.

That’s sort of the point of punishment and consequences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a matter of preference and your own values, not "knowing better." There's nothing to know. Research on this is weak, at best, and does not distinguish between causation and correlation, nor does it even attempt to consider greater context, or what actually constitutes a "spanking."

Yeah, there's a difference between beating and spanking. A lot of posters here were flat-out beaten. And spanking with pants down is pretty bad too, in my opinion.

I don't oppose spanking on principle but I can't really picture doing it to my kids. It would have to be for something truly dangerous like running out into traffic.

I think that's exactly the issue. When you spank you've given yourself permission to vent your frustration with your kids physically. It's very easy for it to go from quick smack on the butt when they're 3 to beating the crap out of them when they're a mouthy 10 year old. So yes a lot of people who were spanked as children were in fact beaten because spanking is violence and violence escalates. To do it without anger and increasing violence takes a lot of patience and control, which if they had that, they wouldn't be hitting their kids.

I’m guessing there are just as many people who spank in a controlled and effective fashion and never “escalate to increasing violence.” Since you’re making a strong allegation based on numbers do you have data to support your position and how it compares to the number of people who don’t escalate?

[Anonymous]

Spanking is bad. End of story. It was made illegal in the UK. A woman who spanked her son and then hit him with a hair brush ONE TIME had him removed from her home.

The bigger issue is reporting and having a welfare network equipped to deal with the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Spanking is bad. End of story. It was made illegal in the UK. A woman who spanked her son and then hit him with a hair brush ONE TIME had him removed from her home.

The bigger issue is reporting and having a welfare network equipped to deal with the problem.

We don’t live in the UK. End of story.

[Anonymous]

48, yes, occasionally, until maybe I was 8 or 9? I remember it making me feel very humiliated and shamed. More yellin than hitting though.

I do not spank but I do yell, and I am starting to think that might be worse. or at least as bad.

[Anonymous]

34, yes by Latino parents. I was hit with belt, cords, flip flop, whatever was around. I sometimes had to kneel down too. My mom would sometimes stand by the door with a belt and scream at me to go to the other room. I would try to run through the door fast enough so the belt wouldn't touch me. As I got older I was just smacked/slapped.

I was very mouthy and disrespectful as a kid.