A friend does not want to socialize with us anymore as couples because we eat meat!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be of a mind set of: I won’t eat meat in front of you if you will promise not to discuss being Vegan with me. Because friend sounds very committed to Vegan. It’s like politics: different beliefs don’t always make for a great social occasion.
She’s asking you to make a big change for her. What is she offering in return ?

Only if someone is an intolerant anus. I have no idea about the "political" opinions about those I hang out with. I can guess, but I dont want to know. I suspect a lot of them are liberal, but not as liberal as they like to think they are. That's based on my own perhaps flawed thinking. I'm a right=leaning independent. And guess what? We dont talk political stuff because it boring and doesnt solve anything.

My FIL is a vegetarian and we accommodate him at meals. I dont eat meat all the time, and I dont eat pork at all. I minimize red meat and eat no processed meats. But I'm more interested in discussing what a vegan eats with them than judging them.

There are two types of people in the world: those who wish to tell others how to live, and those who would let others live as they wish.

I follow the motto for eating, it is simple.. "Eat food, not too much, mostly plants"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be of a mind set of: I won’t eat meat in front of you if you will promise not to discuss being Vegan with me. Because friend sounds very committed to Vegan. It’s like politics: different beliefs don’t always make for a great social occasion.
She’s asking you to make a big change for her. What is she offering in return ?

Being OP's friend?

Do you really have that sort of transactional attitude toward friendship?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d dump them. But if you like them, would fish be acceptable for them to watch you eat?

Or just engage in any of the many activities available that do not involve food. Jeez.

Fish are animals. Vegans don't eat them. Seafood arguably smells just as strongly if not MORE strongly than red meat.

+1

people are so bizarre with their anti-vegetarian and anti-vegan huffiness here

is it really so impossible not to eat an animal for one meal once a month or however often you get together? like, what, your body shuts down without animal flesh?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know if it’s the norm, but as a teetotaler, I understand them.

I do feel disrespected when people drink in my presence(unless there’s context), so when I eat with vegetarians, I try to be mindful.

Are you dry because you are an alcoholic? You had an alcoholic parent? B.c then i get it. But if you just care not to drink then you shouldn't be offended

Same as if a vegan chooses that for philosophical reasons...I will be sensitive to that. If it is just for health reasons- meh get over yourself.

I was never even a social drinker, just tried. I think my biological father might be a functional alcoholic. I’m philosophically against alcohol and smoking(for the most part), feel disgusted by it(just like many vegetarians fell about meat), and tend to distance myself from people who don’t respect that.

[Anonymous]

They are newly vegan and super excited - just like people who get really preachy about intermittent fasting, Atkins, paleo, keto, whatever. I would roll with it and do non-eating things or be willing to try some vegan dishes and restaurants. If I liked them otherwise, I would accommodate the quirk. It’s hard to find adult couple friends where both spouses enjoy each other’s company AND the kids get along.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am friends with people who are vegetarians, vegans, eat kosher, eat Halal, gluten-sensitive and with tons of food allergies. I personally like my meat well-done and am not really crazy about some seafood (oysters), raw fish, eggnog etc. Usually, I eat what the person with the most food restrictions is eating in the restaurant of their choice.


My kids are the same...they take their lead from their friends with dairy, nut and gluten allergies - and eat what the friend is eating. It is just one meal, so it is not such a sacrifice.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Meat really smells. I find myself moving away when friends get fragrant meat dishes.
Anyway - why would you order a bloody steak in front of some vegans?

Meat smells amazing to meat eaters. And steaks aren’t always bloody. Such hyperbole.

She was ordering bloody rare steaks. Learn to read. All of you need to learn some social graces.

A steak cooked medium, which the OP mentioned, is far from bloody. You need to stop bloviating about things you know nothing about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know if it’s the norm, but as a teetotaler, I understand them.

I do feel disrespected when people drink in my presence(unless there’s context), so when I eat with vegetarians, I try to be mindful.

Are you dry because you are an alcoholic? You had an alcoholic parent? B.c then i get it. But if you just care not to drink then you shouldn't be offended

Same as if a vegan chooses that for philosophical reasons...I will be sensitive to that. If it is just for health reasons- meh get over yourself.

I was never even a social drinker, just tried. I think my biological father might be a functional alcoholic. I’m philosophically against alcohol and smoking(for the most part), feel disgusted by it(just like many vegetarians fell about meat), and tend to distance myself from people who don’t respect that.

Responding to myself. Feel, not fell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know if it’s the norm, but as a teetotaler, I understand them.

I do feel disrespected when people drink in my presence(unless there’s context), so when I eat with vegetarians, I try to be mindful.

Are you dry because you are an alcoholic? You had an alcoholic parent? B.c then i get it. But if you just care not to drink then you shouldn't be offended

Same as if a vegan chooses that for philosophical reasons...I will be sensitive to that. If it is just for health reasons- meh get over yourself.

I was never even a social drinker, just tried. I think my biological father might be a functional alcoholic. I’m philosophically against alcohol and smoking(for the most part), feel disgusted by it(just like many vegetarians fell about meat), and tend to distance myself from people who don’t respect that.

Respect is the wrong word here. Social drinking is a fact of life, I mean people aren't drinking to disrespect you, they are just doing what they do.

[Anonymous]

What if I'm uncomfortable eating with someone who doesn't eat meat? Should she have a steak to make me feel better?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Meat really smells. I find myself moving away when friends get fragrant meat dishes.
Anyway - why would you order a bloody steak in front of some vegans?

Hmmm. Let's see.

Because I like it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Well, on the one hand, they're extreme, but on the other, she cared enough about you to actually get together with you and tell you this in person, even offering to see you in non-restaurant locales.

So all in all, I think she's a kind friend and if you like her, you could take her up on her offer!

+1

I think she values your friendship so much that she was willing to communicate and not beat around the bush about this. She was direct as to avoid miscommunication. I think if you value this friendship as well you can still go out together, even for dinner. You can try a vegan restaurant or a non-meat option. I say this as a a hard core, seared medium, kinda person who does go vegan for one of my friends and it hasn't hurt me yet.

[Anonymous]

Okay it seems odd to me, given my experience with vegans and vegetarians but I think it was really nice that she wanted to be honest with you and still wants to socialize in ways that don't involve eating. She didn't condemn you, OP, she wants to work around it. I'd give it a chance but I wouldn't be surprised if you all start drifting apart.

[Anonymous]

It seems odd to me if she’s only been a vegan for a month that they would find the sight of meat so troubling. We’re they vegetarians before or did they eat meat until very recently.

Are they vegan for health reasons or animal rights reasons? A lot of people are becoming vegan for health reasons and if that’s the case, I think it’s weird that they can’t eat with OP unless the issue is that meat still does seem appealing to them and it’s too tempting to eat out with OP.

[Anonymous]

If they've been vegan for a whole month, I bet they don't want to watch other people eating meat because they are still having a hard time *not* eating meat. Like a newly recovering alcoholic would want to avoid bars for awhile so as not to be tempted or envious.

If you like these friends otherwise, I guess you could find other ways to hang out. But honestly, I find as an adult that most socializing happens around meals. I hate tofu, so I have a hard time finding things at most vegetarian restaurants that I really want to pay for. So that wouldn't be a great solution for me, personally.