A friend does not want to socialize with us anymore as couples because we eat meat!

[Anonymous]

I agree with PP above. Smoking is a disgusting habit but you can smoke if you want to as long as we are outside. False equivalence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The friends approach is a demand disguised as a request and therefore manipulative.
Basically they are saying “change your eating habits right now for me! Or else!” Further she is stating : your food is so disgusting to me I can’t even look at what you are eating.
Both are aggressive statements packaged up in a belief system. That is why it is so annoying to some people. They find being manipulated that way not conducive to friendship. Yes a friend could do without meat but the way it was stated (as reported) was not very tactful. A person could say “why don’t we try a vegan restaurant or a vegetarian restaurant?” Instead they went for a dramatic line in the sand.

No she isn't. The friend said "I don't want to watch you eat meat"...that's not the same as telling friend to change. She is morally opposed to eating meat and it makes her sick but she is willing to look past that OP eats meat as long as she doesn't have to witness it. She suggested drinks or a movie or something that doesn't involve eating for one meal. The meal that OP shares with her.

Look...I don't smoke. I'm okay if you do when we aren't together. But I don't want to spend three hours with you watching you puff on a cigarette and blow smoke in my face. It's disgusting to me and makes me pretty ill. I still want to hang out with you, but not while you're smoking around me. Okay??? Same thing.

Give me a f@cking break. Yesterday she ate meat and today it makes her sick to watch someone else it it?

She’s suddenly grandly ready to “look past it “ and remain friends as long as friend does what she says.

[Anonymous]

I'd have asked if she was being treated for anxiety. Her inability to focus on other aspects of a meal than your food is the tip-off.

If not, I think I'd do the slow fade because even if we went to a movie together my thought bubble would be 'she can't watch me eating meat'... and that would tumble through my head like your meals tumble through hers... long story short- her crazy will make you crazy.

[Anonymous]

They are not obligated to socialize or not socialize with you regardless of what you or they do or don't eat.

Just like if you had different political opinions, or any other reason you differ from them.

All you can say is "O.K., we understand, we'll miss your company."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The friends approach is a demand disguised as a request and therefore manipulative.
Basically they are saying “change your eating habits right now for me! Or else!” Further she is stating : your food is so disgusting to me I can’t even look at what you are eating.
Both are aggressive statements packaged up in a belief system. That is why it is so annoying to some people. They find being manipulated that way not conducive to friendship. Yes a friend could do without meat but the way it was stated (as reported) was not very tactful. A person could say “why don’t we try a vegan restaurant or a vegetarian restaurant?” Instead they went for a dramatic line in the sand.

No she isn't. The friend said "I don't want to watch you eat meat"...that's not the same as telling friend to change. She is morally opposed to eating meat and it makes her sick but she is willing to look past that OP eats meat as long as she doesn't have to witness it. She suggested drinks or a movie or something that doesn't involve eating for one meal. The meal that OP shares with her.

Look...I don't smoke. I'm okay if you do when we aren't together. But I don't want to spend three hours with you watching you puff on a cigarette and blow smoke in my face. It's disgusting to me and makes me pretty ill. I still want to hang out with you, but not while you're smoking around me. Okay??? Same thing.

+1

You nailed it. Thank you!

No it isn't. Neither you, nor the PP are very bright. Smoking and eating meat are false equivalents. Is the person eating meat chewing it and spitting it in your face? Well, the person smoking is blowing into the air, aren't they?

Second hand meat exposure?

[Anonymous]

Dump them. People are so uptight. I could not handle that.

[Anonymous]

For heaven’s sake, people! The PP was talking about the inconsiderate attitude, not about second hand meat eating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For heaven’s sake, people! The PP was talking about the inconsiderate attitude, not about second hand meat eating.

Ha ha ha... I really hope you’re joking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They are not obligated to socialize or not socialize with you regardless of what you or they do or don't eat.

Just like if you had different political opinions, or any other reason you differ from them.

All you can say is "O.K., we understand, we'll miss your company."

+1

[Anonymous]

Honestly, I would find some new people. She could have just started inviting you to movies and things and declining dinner invites, but she had to come out for coffee to tell you that your eating meat around them was a problem? Nah. Bye.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d dump them. But if you like them, would fish be acceptable for them to watch you eat?

Or just engage in any of the many activities available that do not involve food. Jeez.

Fish are animals. Vegans don't eat them. Seafood arguably smells just as strongly if not MORE strongly than red meat.

+1

people are so bizarre with their anti-vegetarian and anti-vegan huffiness here

is it really so impossible not to eat an animal for one meal once a month or however often you get together? like, what, your body shuts down without animal flesh?

A lot of people have limited funds and when they go to a restaurant they want to spend those few coin on something they actually want to eat and enjoy, which may or may not be meat. I have no problem with vegans, and likely would have adjusted my behavior without being asked, but I do have a problem with vegans asking me to adjust my behavior, eff that noise

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I would find some new people. She could have just started inviting you to movies and things and declining dinner invites, but she had to come out for coffee to tell you that your eating meat around them was a problem? Nah. Bye.

Yes that self righteousness would really bug me, so I’d find reasonable people to hang out with. Who knows what other whackadoo stuff they’d come up with next?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For heaven’s sake, people! The PP was talking about the inconsiderate attitude, not about second hand meat eating.

Ha ha ha... I really hope you’re joking.

I definitely don’t hope you’ll become less literal. It’s a lost cause.

[Anonymous]

Eight pages and nobody mentioned that op's friend is ok with movie outings? What will she say, "pay for your own ticket, but I'd better not seeing you eat movie popcorn, it's so gross!".
I would stop socializing with these friends. If they calm down then you can revisit. My rationale is that nobody tells me or my husband what we can't eat in public, especially if we are paying for our meals. Life makes you "suck it up" a lot more then we realize, and a restaurant meal shouldn't be one of them. Recent example, we were at a picnic and they were serving prime rib. Unfortunately we had to leave before the prime rib was ready and I didn't get any. That's when "suck it up" is appropriate.
Finally, no peer of mine calls me to a Tony Soprano style sit-down on their turf and tells me that I can't take an action that I am allowed legally and socially to do. Your boss can call you into a meeting, your mother can, and maybe a spouse can, but not a peer. I would also be mad as hell that this friend made you worry needlessly about your children. Believe me, she knew exactly what she was doing. People who engage in such behavior love the power it gives them. It's this action that would make it very difficult if not impossible to want to be close with this couple. I'd be polite when I saw them, but I think I'd find some new friends.

[Anonymous]

it seems to me that no one is telling the OP and her husband what they can eat. They're not even saying what the Op's thread title says, which is they won't socialize anymore. They just said they don't want to eat out with them anymore. She said she'd be fine doing other things.

sure. Kind of annoying, but is it really a hill to die on? Like, you're not willing to hang out with them in other situations because they don't want to eat with you anymore?