A friend does not want to socialize with us anymore as couples because we eat meat!

[Anonymous]

I have friends who have been committed ethical vagans for decades and they don't drink at all for related reasons. I'll often suggest a vegan or vegetarian restaurant when we go out so they have enough choices and don't have to order the one vegan thing, and I won't order alcohol. If we are at an Indian or Chinese restaurant where it's common to share dishes we order all things they can eat. But when we were at the alumn picnic for our college, I had a meat burger and free glass of wine. They are great people and I enjoy their company so I'm fine with doing things there way, but I also know they aren't going to get up and stomp away if I eat a free burger, so there's some give on both sides. In your situation, I would follow your friends lead for a few months and either do non food get togethers or say "why don't we try this vegetarian place." See how it feels.

[Anonymous]

I would be of a mind set of: I won’t eat meat in front of you if you will promise not to discuss being Vegan with me. Because friend sounds very committed to Vegan. It’s like politics: different beliefs don’t always make for a great social occasion.
She’s asking you to make a big change for her. What is she offering in return ?

[Anonymous]

I’d dump them. But if you like them, would fish be acceptable for them to watch you eat?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does your socializing have to involve food especially where it is a focal point?
You cant hang out at, say a winery, happy hour, play poker/bunco, catch a movie, or the like?

Most wine isn't vegan (gelatin or fish bladders used during filtration process).

[Anonymous]

It has always been interesting to me how up in arms people get about vegetarianism/veganism. It is usually the case that the vegan person cannot win in a situation like this. If she had simply suggested an alternate activity that didn't involve food and not addressed the issue directly, most of you would be criticizing that and saying that if she felt that strongly about the issue, she should have been direct and the fact that she wasn't indicates that she's a coward. Suggesting that someone end a friendship with someone they like because that person requested not to do a particular activity and then calling that person crazy for adopting a diet that you don't approve of is fairly absurd.

I was raised vegetarian and I got so much crap about it as a child. I had other people's parents criticize my parents to me saying that my parents were depriving me, trying to force me to eat things I didn't want to eat, making fun of the food I brought to school, etc. It was awful. And it was really not a big deal. Like, why does it matter if a kid is eating a sandwich with cheese and lettuce but no ham or turkey? Why does it matter that someone doesn't want pepperoni on their pizza? Why is that something that people take personally when it has nothing to do with them??

These friends are not telling OP that they cannot be friends. They're not telling OP that she and her husband should adopt a diet free of animal products. They just said that they'd prefer socializing without food because meat makes them uncomfortable. Why is this request any different from a person who doesn't drink requesting to do activities that don't involve alcohol? Why is it different than a Jewish person requesting not to do activities on Saturday?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d dump them. But if you like them, would fish be acceptable for them to watch you eat?

Or just engage in any of the many activities available that do not involve food. Jeez.

Fish are animals. Vegans don't eat them. Seafood arguably smells just as strongly if not MORE strongly than red meat.

[Anonymous]

Mooooooo ve on.

[Anonymous]

I don’t know if it’s the norm, but as a teetotaler, I understand them.

I do feel disrespected when people drink in my presence(unless there’s context), so when I eat with vegetarians, I try to be mindful.

[Anonymous]

I am friends with people who are vegetarians, vegans, eat kosher, eat Halal, gluten-sensitive and with tons of food allergies. I personally like my meat well-done and am not really crazy about some seafood (oysters), raw fish, eggnog etc. Usually, I eat what the person with the most food restrictions is eating in the restaurant of their choice.


My kids are the same...they take their lead from their friends with dairy, nut and gluten allergies - and eat what the friend is eating. It is just one meal, so it is not such a sacrifice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know if it’s the norm, but as a teetotaler, I understand them.

I do feel disrespected when people drink in my presence(unless there’s context), so when I eat with vegetarians, I try to be mindful.

You find it disrespectful that other people do things differently than you do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know if it’s the norm, but as a teetotaler, I understand them.

I do feel disrespected when people drink in my presence(unless there’s context), so when I eat with vegetarians, I try to be mindful.

Are you dry because you are an alcoholic? You had an alcoholic parent? B.c then i get it. But if you just care not to drink then you shouldn't be offended

Same as if a vegan chooses that for philosophical reasons...I will be sensitive to that. If it is just for health reasons- meh get over yourself.

[Anonymous]

My DH is a conservative Muslim who doesn't drink, doesn't eat pork and eats only halal otherwise. In his wildest dreams he wouldn't tell other people what to eat around him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I live in SF where a TON of people are vegan or vegetarian. Nobody would ever do this. They might ask you to grill their food first, before you grill meat, so their food doesn't touch animal blood, but that's it.

Just say okay and go to movies with them. They're new. They'll calm down.

My understanding of san fran is they also like the smell of their own farts. SP: "Smug Alert!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a lifelong Hindu vegetarian who would never do that. It’s rude. I do cringe when I see my kids eat meat, which they do rarely at grandparents house, but I don’t want to make them self conscious about it, I do make surethey know an animal suffered and I s dead for the meal on their late. They seem ok with it!

I am a lifelong vegetarian, too. I think it's just different when you've eaten this way forever. I'm used to being the one who isn't eating the burger. Honestly I do have strong emotional reactions to meat - it's hard for me to stop thinking about the animal who lived a miserable life, and was then brutally killed, so someone can enjoy that sandwich. But I don't talk about it because I also like socializing.

I am not going to join the usual DCUM vegan-bashing. But I will say that in my experience vegans to tend to talk about their diets more than vegetarians and talk about the political/moral underpinnings more. Also new vegans are testing the waters - so I think if you are a good friend, you act like you would with any friend who's made a big change in their life and is asking for support, if awkwardly.

There's some great vegan food available. Why not go to a vegan or vegetarian restaurant next time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your friend handled this like an adult. She still wants to do stuff with you, just not watch you eat meat. So what? She told you in person, she didn't insult your eating habits, just said she couldn't do it.

Do you WANT to be friends or do you want to cause problems? How difficult is it to find something else to do with them? Can you not abstain from meat for a couple of hours in order to see these people?

I think you are just looking for a reason to be offended. But this friend hasn't done anything that should offend you. So either suck it up and do non-meat related activities (don't wear a salami-suit or a meat dress) or tell her, face to face, that you can't give up meat for 2 hours so you can still be friends.

+1

+2 be a grownup here