A friend does not want to socialize with us anymore as couples because we eat meat!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So do these people have trouble even being in a restaurant where meat is served? Even if you and DH don't order a meat dish, wouldn't the meat ordered by a nearby table be an issue?

I remember the old saying: "How do you know someone is vegan?"
"Don't worry, they'll tell you as soon as you meet them."

And what is wrong with that? So people in the area brag about the their jobs all the time but God forbid they brag abut their philosophy?

[Anonymous]

I think the request is a little odd, but if I liked them, I’d offer to eat vegetarian when out with them or do other activities. She’s being honest and it doesn’t seem like a big sacrifice to me for someone I like spending time with.

The vegans I know keep their mouth shut about what other people order at restaurants. If their having a potluck at their house, then yes, they expect you only to bring a vegan dish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you're mischaracterizing the situation. She's explicitly said that she does want to socialize with you, she just doesn't want to eat with you.

If you had a friend who had nearly died from alcoholism, and came out of rehab needing to avoid even being around anyone drinking, would you order a glass of wine with dinner?

If a certain type of cuisine makes you nauseous just to smell it, what would you do if you had a friend that insisted you had to join them for dinner there? Would you go along and just hope you didn't throw up at dinner?

These friends have pointed out that they are vegan and can't tolerate others eating meat. You can choose to do non-food socializing with them. You can choose to go to vegan or vegetarian restaurants with them. Or you can choose to end the friendship. Take your pick, but don't characterize this as them not wanting to socialize with you because they don't want to see you eat meat.

And for the record, I'm a pretty normal omnivore with very few eating restrictions. But I am considerate of my friends when I eat with someone with a food restriction.

The bolded parts. Plus - this is about the belief, not only diet. Belief.. is next best thing to a religion.. so by that token so just as you would respect someone who has a certain religious restrictions regarding certain meat types that out of respect you would not eat in front of the person knowing it would offend you, then why is it even an issue among the friends? Sure, I would respect their wish without any hesitation. After all good company is more important then food.
Besides how easy it is to find a place that you can find some salad and non-meat foods now and then. Skip the meat for your own sake as well. It will do you good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell her "Aw, that's too BAHHHHD" and really bleat it when you say it.

"we should just MOOOOOVE on."

Are you in second grade? Isn’t it past your bedtime?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Meat really smells. I find myself moving away when friends get fragrant meat dishes.
Anyway - why would you order a bloody steak in front of some vegans?

Meat smells amazing to meat eaters. And steaks aren’t always bloody. Such hyperbole.

She was ordering bloody rare steaks. Learn to read. All of you need to learn some social graces.

[Anonymous]

How dreadful

[Anonymous]

Vegans can often be a bit crazy! I have a friend who went vegan about a year ago. It’s now like a religion for him. He asked me to stop watching The Great British Bake Off because he said it was “a show about exploiting animals”. We do still hang out but we never eat out unless at a vegan restaurant (so not very often!) and we do other non-eating activities. But it is a bit like hanging out with an evangelical Christian who tries to take every opportunity to convert you.

Anyway - I think it’s good that your friend told you the issue, and if you like them, I’d keep seeing them but either eat at places they feel more comfortable or do things without food involved.

[Anonymous]

Does your socializing have to involve food especially where it is a focal point?
You cant hang out at, say a winery, happy hour, play poker/bunco, catch a movie, or the like?

[Anonymous]

Kick her to the curb

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you're mischaracterizing the situation. She's explicitly said that she does want to socialize with you, she just doesn't want to eat with you.

If you had a friend who had nearly died from alcoholism, and came out of rehab needing to avoid even being around anyone drinking, would you order a glass of wine with dinner?

If a certain type of cuisine makes you nauseous just to smell it, what would you do if you had a friend that insisted you had to join them for dinner there? Would you go along and just hope you didn't throw up at dinner?

These friends have pointed out that they are vegan and can't tolerate others eating meat. You can choose to do non-food socializing with them. You can choose to go to vegan or vegetarian restaurants with them. Or you can choose to end the friendship. Take your pick, but don't characterize this as them not wanting to socialize with you because they don't want to see you eat meat.

And for the record, I'm a pretty normal omnivore with very few eating restrictions. But I am considerate of my friends when I eat with someone with a food restriction.

Please. This is not a "food restriction." It's a personal choice that this "friend" does not have a right to impose on anyone else.

Barring a food allergy or medical condition, that's all any food restrictions are. It's a choice for someone who is Jewish to keep Kosher or for someone who is Muslim to eat Halal. It is as much a food restriction to choose not to eat meat as it is a food restriction for a Hindu to not eat beef. I'm not sure why you are so disdainful of someone who keeps vegan because they have an ethical objection to eating animals vs someone who avoids certain foods due to a religion, but if it is not a medical condition like an allergy, then all food restrictions are a personal choice.

[Anonymous]

I’m a meat eater but if I had friends that ate dog meat, I’d be pretty grossed out and wouldn’t want to eat out with them. I think it’s probably like that for them. (Or, as another example, my husband is seriously grossed out whenever I order any seafood that comes with eyes or tentacles—like he’s ready to vomit at the sight of it. And he eats meat!). So I think I’d be sympathetic and just do other things with them. Or go for Ethiopian food, which has awesome vegetarian options.

[Anonymous]

I’m a lifelong Hindu vegetarian who would never do that. It’s rude. I do cringe when I see my kids eat meat, which they do rarely at grandparents house, but I don’t want to make them self conscious about it, I do make surethey know an animal suffered and I s dead for the meal on their late. They seem ok with it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is someone I am pretty friendly with via my kids school. Our husbands got along too. We have gone out for dinner with them maybe 12-13 times since we met about 2 years ago. She and her husband became hardcore vegan in last month. We have gone to a few restaurants (last few times) where my husband ordered a steak, as he generally does and I ordered a chicken dish. They ordered some vegan dish.

We have done it this way ever since they became vegan. Well.......3 days ago I get a call from her telling me she needs to speak to me in person. We agree to meet for coffee, I am thinking its something about one of the kids. She could have knocked me over with a feather by telling me that they are both uncomfortable when we are in a restaurant with them and ordering steak medium and whatever it is I am ordering. She said she cannot handle even looking at it and they are just too uncomfortable so while "they like us, they would like to continue to see us for occasions that do no involve eating"! She said maybe drinks, a movie, etc......

OK someone please clue me in. Is this the norm? Am I maybe totally clueless as to how being friends with vegans work? Is she being a nut job or am I just insensitive? Please help, I am still reeling....

Back away.

[Anonymous]

"Oh that's ok actually. I'm uncomfortable with this new you... the one who would come up with such a suggestion."

[Anonymous]

Meeting for coffee about this is high drama. She should have just waited til you suggested going out to eat. Maybe it's for the best if you don't continue the friendship; if someone had me meet for for coffee just to tell me this, I would not want to see them again for a while.