S/O Question for people who wouldn't go to a wedding if your kids aren't invited

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do you all do with your kids at weddings when it's past their bedtime? Roll the stroller into the hallway and tell your toddler to go to sleep in it? Or are you all leaving early because you schlepped your kids to a wedding? I think it's rude to leave a wedding early.

It might be rude to leave a wedding early, but it's not rude to leave a reception before everyone else (what even counts as leaving "early"?). If your kids were invited, and your brought them, and they get tired, then yes, you take them home or to the hotel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you all do with your kids at weddings when it's past their bedtime? Roll the stroller into the hallway and tell your toddler to go to sleep in it? Or are you all leaving early because you schlepped your kids to a wedding? I think it's rude to leave a wedding early.

It might be rude to leave a wedding early, but it's not rude to leave a reception before everyone else (what even counts as leaving "early"?). If your kids were invited, and your brought them, and they get tired, then yes, you take them home or to the hotel.

This. Now it's rude to leave a reception before the bitter end? The last hour is just drunkenness on the dance floor anyways (which - don't get me wrong- is a lot of fun! But don't pretend like it's the same as leaving before the toasts, or the first dance, or before the cake has been cut, or before you've had a chance to congratulate the bride and groom)

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:If it’s an out of town weddin we (almost) categorically wouldn’t go. Weekends are family time and going out of town for the weekend might mean that we go 12 days without really spending quality time with our kids together (rushed weeknight dinners followed by bathtime doesn’t count).

So you never do anything on the weekend that's not 100% family time? You never go away for a girls' weekend? Your husband never goes away for a guys' weekend? Sad. And I say this as someone who works full time, as does my husband.

NP. I don’t think it’s “sad” at all. I think it’s nice that she’s prioritizing time with her young children. Plus a lot of people don’t even like girls/guys weekends. They’re kind of a thing for extroverts with lots of disposable income.

I'm an introvert (and work full-time) and just had a girls' weekend in Vegas with my sister and cousin. It was a blast. I'm glad my children know that mommy and/or daddy can go away for a few days, and it is fine. My sister/cousins know me and if I went back to the room to rest or down to the spa for a hot tub session by myself for some alone time while they kept shopping, it was no big deal. We ate at great restaurants, saw Celine, had a BLAST. Meanwhile, my kids had fun with Daddy and went hiking, had pizza for dinner one night and cleaned up the house to make it special for me when I got home.

I was a camp counselor and had a few girls in their tweens and late teens who had never been away from their parents before, even for a weekend with grandparents. How do you think that went? You think they were secure, confident, well-adjusted girls?

This is all totally off topic.... ? Wanting to spend time together as a family on weekends when your kids are young does not mean you never give your kids a chance to learn independence or be away from mom and dad. I actually posted back on page 1 or 2 that my DH and I go away for a trip without our kids once a year, as an example. And we go away separately from time to time as well. What you are posting about has nothing to do with out of town weddings that don't allow kids and whether or not parents prioritize going to these events despite incovenience/ costs/ etc

Um...I'm responding to "it's nice to prioritize time with young children" [sure, but not ALL the time; being with them ALL the time is actually not good for either you or them] and the comment that "girls' trips are for introverts" [jigga-wuh?]

[Anonymous]

^^meant to say "for extroverts."

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:If it’s an out of town weddin we (almost) categorically wouldn’t go. Weekends are family time and going out of town for the weekend might mean that we go 12 days without really spending quality time with our kids together (rushed weeknight dinners followed by bathtime doesn’t count).

So you never do anything on the weekend that's not 100% family time? You never go away for a girls' weekend? Your husband never goes away for a guys' weekend? Sad. And I say this as someone who works full time, as does my husband.

NP. I don’t think it’s “sad” at all. I think it’s nice that she’s prioritizing time with her young children. Plus a lot of people don’t even like girls/guys weekends. They’re kind of a thing for extroverts with lots of disposable income.

I'm an introvert (and work full-time) and just had a girls' weekend in Vegas with my sister and cousin. It was a blast. I'm glad my children know that mommy and/or daddy can go away for a few days, and it is fine. My sister/cousins know me and if I went back to the room to rest or down to the spa for a hot tub session by myself for some alone time while they kept shopping, it was no big deal. We ate at great restaurants, saw Celine, had a BLAST. Meanwhile, my kids had fun with Daddy and went hiking, had pizza for dinner one night and cleaned up the house to make it special for me when I got home.

I was a camp counselor and had a few girls in their tweens and late teens who had never been away from their parents before, even for a weekend with grandparents. How do you think that went? You think they were secure, confident, well-adjusted girls?

This is all totally off topic.... ? Wanting to spend time together as a family on weekends when your kids are young does not mean you never give your kids a chance to learn independence or be away from mom and dad. I actually posted back on page 1 or 2 that my DH and I go away for a trip without our kids once a year, as an example. And we go away separately from time to time as well. What you are posting about has nothing to do with out of town weddings that don't allow kids and whether or not parents prioritize going to these events despite incovenience/ costs/ etc

Um...I'm responding to "it's nice to prioritize time with young children" [sure, but not ALL the time; being with them ALL the time is actually not good for either you or them] and the comment that "girls' trips are for introverts" [jigga-wuh?]

I’m clearly not with them all the time since I’m not a stay at home parent- hence prioritizing family time on weekends. You’re really arguing that it’s better for our kids if their dad and I are gone half the weekends out of the summer, last summer, without them at these childless weddings? And don’t say “it’s not that many- just the important ones!” Because I’ve already clarified that for a very close friend or family member we would attend. The post was about saying no to child free weddings as a general lie and yes f they are out of town, as a general rule, we think it’s better for our kids to spend more than 1-2 weekends a month with us from May through September.

[Anonymous]

General rule not general lie- sorry, on my phone!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think that kids who are relatives of the bride and groom should be invited to the wedding ceremony because it is an important family event. Regarding the reception, that is less important but I would still prefer that kids can go.

We do not attend any weddings of relatives that do not include the children of all the relatives hecause that kind of wedding says possibly more about the bride and groom than about the potential guests.

Do you hear yourself? It's THEIR wedding! It should absolutely say more about them than anyone else on the planet. You people who think that someone else's wedding should be about you are...I don't even have an appropriate word for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it’s an out of town weddin we (almost) categorically wouldn’t go. Weekends are family time and going out of town for the weekend might mean that we go 12 days without really spending quality time with our kids together (rushed weeknight dinners followed by bathtime doesn’t count).

So you never do anything on the weekend that's not 100% family time? You never go away for a girls' weekend? Your husband never goes away for a guys' weekend? Sad. And I say this as someone who works full time, as does my husband.

DP. A girls' weekend is fun and worth it. A wedding is not.

Huh? I've been to awesome weddings. Sorry you haven't. It also becomes a girls' trip/friend trip if it's a friend getting married. What kind of weddings do you people go to?!?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:If it’s an out of town weddin we (almost) categorically wouldn’t go. Weekends are family time and going out of town for the weekend might mean that we go 12 days without really spending quality time with our kids together (rushed weeknight dinners followed by bathtime doesn’t count).

So you never do anything on the weekend that's not 100% family time? You never go away for a girls' weekend? Your husband never goes away for a guys' weekend? Sad. And I say this as someone who works full time, as does my husband.

NP. I don’t think it’s “sad” at all. I think it’s nice that she’s prioritizing time with her young children. Plus a lot of people don’t even like girls/guys weekends. They’re kind of a thing for extroverts with lots of disposable income.

Actually I'm an introvert. And I do think it's sad that people can't see beyond themselves and make time for their friends. Getting married is a big deal, and it's crappy to not even try to go.

I'm the one you are criticizing for liking family time. I think it's the opposite of sad that I'm prioritizing the needs of my children above the needs of my old college roommate who I see once a year. It's practically the opposite of "can't see beyond myself". It's putting my kids ahead of casual friends.

I'm not criticizing you for liking family time, but you are obviously being defensive. When did we start talking about an old college roommate who you see once a year? Keep changing the goal posts if you need to in order to make your argument stronger.

DP. It sounds like you are the one being defensive...? Also yes most weddings people are invited to are old college roommates, etc., in my experience. You just sound like you think PP was implying you’re a bad mom for going to weddings. I think you need to relax and understand other people’s social lives are different than yours. I doubt this poster would miss her sister/best fruend’s wedding just to be home with her kids.

You have reading comprehension issues. I never thought PP was saying I'm a bad mom for going to weddings. I actually haven't gone to a single wedding since I've had kids because all of my friends were either married before that, have never gotten married, or eloped. So where did that come from? And what could I possibly be being defensive about? I couldn't care less if other people's social lives are different from mine. Obviously I'd expect that that would be the case. But I think people who don't consider that a wedding is important to someone and make an effort to go are rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I LOVE kid-free events, and I'm from the NYC area where almost all weddings are kid-free affairs with lots of food and have an open bar. However, for us, it comes down to expense.

Additionally, over the years, I have spent thousands attending out of state weddings that didn't work out. So, therefore I no longer view a wedding as something I want to spend a bunch of money on, especially when the couple gets divorced within five years. If it is a local wedding for a close friend, sure. If it is an out of town wedding for a close friend, we usually "send a delegate". I'm not hiring a weekend sitter to go to a wedding.

For what it is worth, I never understood the whole "just make a weekend out of it!" argument. I don't want to spend my vacation time and money, both of which are finite resources, attending a wedding. If I'm going to invest the time and money to enjoy a weekend away with my spouse, we are going to do exactly what we want to do. But all that is kind of a hypothetical anyway, as we no longer have someone to watch our kids for a weekend (grandparents in ill health).

So your experience at a wedding would be later dampened by the fact that the couple got divorced five years later? Are you serious? One of the best weddings I ever went to was in Italy. The entire two week trip was paid for, we stayed in a beautiful villa and a hotel in Rome and traveled all over Tuscany and Umbria. The couple later got divorced, but that in no way colors the time I spent in Italy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is all pretty interesting. I understand the prioritizing involved - i really do - but I think it's crappy to not go to a wedding solely because it's inconvenient (NOT because of an actual lack of finances or childcare) now that you have kids.

I am married and have one child. My best friend is single and kid-free. She has gone to every bachelorette party, every wedding, all over the place, for her friends for years. If she were to get married soon and many of those friends didn't come solely because of the inconvenience or not wanting to be away from their kids for the weekend, I think that would be crappy.

They she should invite kids to the wedding!

I sincerely hope you were joking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We usually get one child-free long weekend a year where my mom watches the kids. If the wedding is some place cool, I would attend and stay a few days extra. But I am not going to St Louis or Lincoln Nebraska. Sorry.

So you are 100% convinced that your mom wouldn't watch your kids for another weekend one year? If so, why wouldn't she? And do you just stop being friends with people who don't like in NYC or DC or LA? You sound like a terrible friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
We usually do things as a family, and someone's wedding is not a good enough reason to go to the trouble of finding and paying for care for our children.

Don't worry, no one misses you.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:If it’s an out of town weddin we (almost) categorically wouldn’t go. Weekends are family time and going out of town for the weekend might mean that we go 12 days without really spending quality time with our kids together (rushed weeknight dinners followed by bathtime doesn’t count).

So you never do anything on the weekend that's not 100% family time? You never go away for a girls' weekend? Your husband never goes away for a guys' weekend? Sad. And I say this as someone who works full time, as does my husband.

NP. I don’t think it’s “sad” at all. I think it’s nice that she’s prioritizing time with her young children. Plus a lot of people don’t even like girls/guys weekends. They’re kind of a thing for extroverts with lots of disposable income.

Actually I'm an introvert. And I do think it's sad that people can't see beyond themselves and make time for their friends. Getting married is a big deal, and it's crappy to not even try to go.

I'm the one you are criticizing for liking family time. I think it's the opposite of sad that I'm prioritizing the needs of my children above the needs of my old college roommate who I see once a year. It's practically the opposite of "can't see beyond myself". It's putting my kids ahead of casual friends.

I Hess if you don’t want to HAVE any friends and have your life be all about your kids, that’s fine. But I have friends I’ve known way longer than kids have been alive and I feel it’s jmoirtant to make the effort.

Honestly, I'm sensing that you don't have kids. No one with kids would say that putting your kids needs ahead of your friends needs means "you don't want to have any friends and want your life to be all about your kids". What a strange thing to say.

There are multiple people responding to this thread. I'm the one who actually does have kids, and I didn't write the type-ridden statement you're referring to. I do, however, think that your idea of prioritizing the needs of your children is a bit cringe-inducing. I love my kids, but just because I'm their mom doesn't mean I'm not also a wife, daughter, friend, etc. Part of being a good person is considering the needs of others, not just your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:If it’s an out of town weddin we (almost) categorically wouldn’t go. Weekends are family time and going out of town for the weekend might mean that we go 12 days without really spending quality time with our kids together (rushed weeknight dinners followed by bathtime doesn’t count).

So you never do anything on the weekend that's not 100% family time? You never go away for a girls' weekend? Your husband never goes away for a guys' weekend? Sad. And I say this as someone who works full time, as does my husband.

NP. I don’t think it’s “sad” at all. I think it’s nice that she’s prioritizing time with her young children. Plus a lot of people don’t even like girls/guys weekends. They’re kind of a thing for extroverts with lots of disposable income.

Actually I'm an introvert. And I do think it's sad that people can't see beyond themselves and make time for their friends. Getting married is a big deal, and it's crappy to not even try to go.

I'm the one you are criticizing for liking family time. I think it's the opposite of sad that I'm prioritizing the needs of my children above the needs of my old college roommate who I see once a year. It's practically the opposite of "can't see beyond myself". It's putting my kids ahead of casual friends.

I'm not criticizing you for liking family time, but you are obviously being defensive. When did we start talking about an old college roommate who you see once a year? Keep changing the goal posts if you need to in order to make your argument stronger.

What? I specifically said that if it were a close family member or friend, I'd go alone (or my DH would go alone) or for a VERY close family member we would leave our kids behind. But most wedding invites are for old college friends or more distant family members. Anyways, I was just answering the OP's question honestly and I'm not sure why that offends you, but when you have kids one day I'm sure you'll understand why my kids are more important to me than , for example, my old freshman year roommate.

Show me where in the thread above you said you would go for a VERY close family member. Also, I have kids. Maybe someday you'll understand that a world exists beyond your children. Or you won't and you'll end up like one of those MILs in the relationship threads.