S/O Question for people who wouldn't go to a wedding if your kids aren't invited

[Anonymous]

If it’s an out of town weddin we (almost) categorically wouldn’t go. Weekends are family time and going out of town for the weekend might mean that we go 12 days without really spending quality time with our kids together (rushed weeknight dinners followed by bathtime doesn’t count).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Overnight childcare is expensive and I don't have anyone to watch that I'd trust. My parents will watch the kids for some nights, but I don't want to waste that on a child-free wedding -- those precious nights are spent on a vacation with DH and me.

Also, honestly, the kid-free weddings I have been to have been really boring and tedious, even before I had kids. They felt like work events, not something truly enjoyable. It's not that having kids at the wedding is so important, but I think that the people who can deal with kids are more relaxed and fun, and therefore their weddings are much more fun. Since getting childcare is such a hassle, and I don't think the event will be one I would enjoy much, I don't see the point.

I think people are totally fine choosing kid-free weddings, by the way. I would never complain about a kid-free wedding or ask to bring my kids anyhow, of course. I just think they are more likely to be stuffy, uptight affairs.

LOL, OK. Guess we don't hang out with the same crowds.

+1

If I had to pick between a wedding with kids and a wedding without I would choose the one without every time. And I have two young kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it’s an out of town weddin we (almost) categorically wouldn’t go. Weekends are family time and going out of town for the weekend might mean that we go 12 days without really spending quality time with our kids together (rushed weeknight dinners followed by bathtime doesn’t count).

So you never do anything on the weekend that's not 100% family time? You never go away for a girls' weekend? Your husband never goes away for a guys' weekend? Sad. And I say this as someone who works full time, as does my husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it’s an out of town weddin we (almost) categorically wouldn’t go. Weekends are family time and going out of town for the weekend might mean that we go 12 days without really spending quality time with our kids together (rushed weeknight dinners followed by bathtime doesn’t count).

So you never do anything on the weekend that's not 100% family time? You never go away for a girls' weekend? Your husband never goes away for a guys' weekend? Sad. And I say this as someone who works full time, as does my husband.

NP. I don’t think it’s “sad” at all. I think it’s nice that she’s prioritizing time with her young children. Plus a lot of people don’t even like girls/guys weekends. They’re kind of a thing for extroverts with lots of disposable income.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it’s an out of town weddin we (almost) categorically wouldn’t go. Weekends are family time and going out of town for the weekend might mean that we go 12 days without really spending quality time with our kids together (rushed weeknight dinners followed by bathtime doesn’t count).

So you never do anything on the weekend that's not 100% family time? You never go away for a girls' weekend? Your husband never goes away for a guys' weekend? Sad. And I say this as someone who works full time, as does my husband.

NP. I don’t think it’s “sad” at all. I think it’s nice that she’s prioritizing time with her young children. Plus a lot of people don’t even like girls/guys weekends. They’re kind of a thing for extroverts with lots of disposable income.

Actually I'm an introvert. And I do think it's sad that people can't see beyond themselves and make time for their friends. Getting married is a big deal, and it's crappy to not even try to go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it’s an out of town weddin we (almost) categorically wouldn’t go. Weekends are family time and going out of town for the weekend might mean that we go 12 days without really spending quality time with our kids together (rushed weeknight dinners followed by bathtime doesn’t count).

So you never do anything on the weekend that's not 100% family time? You never go away for a girls' weekend? Your husband never goes away for a guys' weekend? Sad. And I say this as someone who works full time, as does my husband.

NP. I don’t think it’s “sad” at all. I think it’s nice that she’s prioritizing time with her young children. Plus a lot of people don’t even like girls/guys weekends. They’re kind of a thing for extroverts with lots of disposable income.

Actually I'm an introvert. And I do think it's sad that people can't see beyond themselves and make time for their friends. Getting married is a big deal, and it's crappy to not even try to go.

100% agree. And I bet the couple getting married showed up at their wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it’s an out of town weddin we (almost) categorically wouldn’t go. Weekends are family time and going out of town for the weekend might mean that we go 12 days without really spending quality time with our kids together (rushed weeknight dinners followed by bathtime doesn’t count).

So you never do anything on the weekend that's not 100% family time? You never go away for a girls' weekend? Your husband never goes away for a guys' weekend? Sad. And I say this as someone who works full time, as does my husband.

NP. I don’t think it’s “sad” at all. I think it’s nice that she’s prioritizing time with her young children. Plus a lot of people don’t even like girls/guys weekends. They’re kind of a thing for extroverts with lots of disposable income.

Actually I'm an introvert. And I do think it's sad that people can't see beyond themselves and make time for their friends. Getting married is a big deal, and it's crappy to not even try to go.

100% agree. And I bet the couple getting married showed up at their wedding.

I don’t disagree but just sharing that I think it’s somewhat comparing apples to oranges unless the couple now getting married already had kids when they attended the other wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it’s an out of town weddin we (almost) categorically wouldn’t go. Weekends are family time and going out of town for the weekend might mean that we go 12 days without really spending quality time with our kids together (rushed weeknight dinners followed by bathtime doesn’t count).

So you never do anything on the weekend that's not 100% family time? You never go away for a girls' weekend? Your husband never goes away for a guys' weekend? Sad. And I say this as someone who works full time, as does my husband.

Of course we do, occasionally. But we actually like spending time together as a family and weekends are the only time we can really do it. We like to go away for weekends together, or go for hikes together, or go out to eat together, or whatever. But that's why I said "almost" categorically- of course there would be exceptions, like if my brother were getting married. But in general, if it's a close friend of DH then he will go alone and a close friend of mine I will go alone. We do go away without kids once a year- but no thanks on spending that one kid-free trip per year on my cousin's child's wedding in Rochester.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it’s an out of town weddin we (almost) categorically wouldn’t go. Weekends are family time and going out of town for the weekend might mean that we go 12 days without really spending quality time with our kids together (rushed weeknight dinners followed by bathtime doesn’t count).

So you never do anything on the weekend that's not 100% family time? You never go away for a girls' weekend? Your husband never goes away for a guys' weekend? Sad. And I say this as someone who works full time, as does my husband.

NP. I don’t think it’s “sad” at all. I think it’s nice that she’s prioritizing time with her young children. Plus a lot of people don’t even like girls/guys weekends. They’re kind of a thing for extroverts with lots of disposable income.

Actually I'm an introvert. And I do think it's sad that people can't see beyond themselves and make time for their friends. Getting married is a big deal, and it's crappy to not even try to go.

100% agree. And I bet the couple getting married showed up at their wedding.

A lot of people on this thread are saying they wouldn’t go to an out-of-town weekend without their kids. I don’t know why you’re licking on PO. She prefers to spend time with her kids on the weekends vs not seeing them all weekend.

[Anonymous]

^....picking on PP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it’s an out of town weddin we (almost) categorically wouldn’t go. Weekends are family time and going out of town for the weekend might mean that we go 12 days without really spending quality time with our kids together (rushed weeknight dinners followed by bathtime doesn’t count).

So you never do anything on the weekend that's not 100% family time? You never go away for a girls' weekend? Your husband never goes away for a guys' weekend? Sad. And I say this as someone who works full time, as does my husband.

NP. I don’t think it’s “sad” at all. I think it’s nice that she’s prioritizing time with her young children. Plus a lot of people don’t even like girls/guys weekends. They’re kind of a thing for extroverts with lots of disposable income.

Actually I'm an introvert. And I do think it's sad that people can't see beyond themselves and make time for their friends. Getting married is a big deal, and it's crappy to not even try to go.

I'm the one you are criticizing for liking family time. I think it's the opposite of sad that I'm prioritizing the needs of my children above the needs of my old college roommate who I see once a year. It's practically the opposite of "can't see beyond myself". It's putting my kids ahead of casual friends.

[Anonymous]

I agree-- child care and expenses. My cousin had a no-kids wedding on the other side of the country. I went, while my husband and kids stayed home. It just did not make sense to pay for a plane ticket to fly my kid across the country so she could -not- go to a wedding (we might have been able to find a family friend to babysit). I went, I had fun--it was definitely not a stuffy, stuck up affair! If my kid had been invited, we would have all attended.

Also, if we're not super-close and I don't know a lot of other people at the wedding, it might just not be worth the cost of a babysitter. If it's out of town, I'm unlikely to be willing to hire a random babysitter, so unless there's someone I trust who can refer their sitter, that's going to be a problem.

I don't care what people do, as long as they don't pitch a fit because someone with kids says they aren't coming. Have the party you want, and recognize that it means that some people won't be able to come. Likewise, let people have the party they want, and don't attend if it's too expensive or too inconvenient for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it’s an out of town weddin we (almost) categorically wouldn’t go. Weekends are family time and going out of town for the weekend might mean that we go 12 days without really spending quality time with our kids together (rushed weeknight dinners followed by bathtime doesn’t count).

So you never do anything on the weekend that's not 100% family time? You never go away for a girls' weekend? Your husband never goes away for a guys' weekend? Sad. And I say this as someone who works full time, as does my husband.

NP. I don’t think it’s “sad” at all. I think it’s nice that she’s prioritizing time with her young children. Plus a lot of people don’t even like girls/guys weekends. They’re kind of a thing for extroverts with lots of disposable income.

Actually I'm an introvert. And I do think it's sad that people can't see beyond themselves and make time for their friends. Getting married is a big deal, and it's crappy to not even try to go.

100% agree. And I bet the couple getting married showed up at their wedding.

A lot of people on this thread are saying they wouldn’t go to an out-of-town weekend without their kids. I don’t know why you’re licking on PO. She prefers to spend time with her kids on the weekends vs not seeing them all weekend.

Thank you! I'm not sure why I'm getting all the hate.... probably because I admitted that it wasn't a childcare or finance issue it was a priority issue. Even though for other responders, I guarantee priorities played a part in their choice as well.

[Anonymous]

Because my travel time and money are limited, and I'm not going to spend it on a wedding where my kid isn't invited. If I'm going to go off somewhere on my own for a kid-free vacation, it will not be to a wedding! The whole point of schlepping out of town for a wedding is that it doubles as a family reunion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Overnight childcare is expensive and I don't have anyone to watch that I'd trust. My parents will watch the kids for some nights, but I don't want to waste that on a child-free wedding -- those precious nights are spent on a vacation with DH and me.

Also, honestly, the kid-free weddings I have been to have been really boring and tedious, even before I had kids. They felt like work events, not something truly enjoyable. It's not that having kids at the wedding is so important, but I think that the people who can deal with kids are more relaxed and fun, and therefore their weddings are much more fun. Since getting childcare is such a hassle, and I don't think the event will be one I would enjoy much, I don't see the point.

I think people are totally fine choosing kid-free weddings, by the way. I would never complain about a kid-free wedding or ask to bring my kids anyhow, of course. I just think they are more likely to be stuffy, uptight affairs.

Huh. My experience is totally different. The kid-free weddings I've been too were really fun--tons of dancing! As a parent, I feel like I can relax more if I'm not also watching out for my kid, so I can have a drink and dance and have conversations with people without worrying about whether my kid is being disruptive, or if she's getting too tired and needs to leave, etc.