Ladies did you have a salary requirement for a future husband?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I ever want to get depressed on the state of the world, DCUM never fails to deliver. Seriously, people??? What is wrong with you all and what you value in life... sisters mad at sisters because they are too pretty and too rich, women measuring men by their paycheck, men measuring women by their bra size.

Please start reading some history books and realize how, d*&^ good we have it even if living on a teacher's salary, if our sister is more successful than we are or if you wife has a AA bra size and doesn't want to have sex with you two times a day.

Jeez. So get some self-help books on fulfillment/ happiness/ etc.

FFS. Does your back not hurt from all that self-righteousness you carry?

Kids are starving all over the world. Human trafficking is real. The environment is going to shit. The government is incapable of governing. Oh, and cancer - don't forget cancer!

Yes, we get it. Other things are happening. Worst things to worry about - blah blah. These site would get old pretty quick if all we heard were musings about how grateful we are or should be and how wonderful the gift of life is. This site provides a place for venting, laughter, advice, comfort and for some, a small space to waste time and read. Move around to the other side of the internet if it's so beneath you and bothersome.

[Anonymous]

No, but I was interested in guys who were smart and had some ambition. I never put a dollar figure to it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I see you cut out part of my response, so I'll say it again

Women who are financially secure on their own are less likely to put up with abuse, addiction and adultery (the three main reasons for divorce). That doesn't mean they need their spouse to out earn them.

I am financially secure on my own. I did not/do not have a salary requirement for my husband. At times he has out earned me, but for the past three years, and for the foreseeable future, I out earn him. It doesn't matter to my relationship. I do not think less of him because I have a higher salary. My marriage is not any more likely to end in divorce than if our earnings were reversed. Why? Because we do not (have addiction, abuse or adultery issues. If any of those issues arose, I do not have as much incentive to stay married because again, I am financially secure on my own.

Spew whatever non-facts you want, but you do not speak for most marriages, especially in the DC metro area where many women are educated with good careers.

u

You are wrong. If women have financial security, that is irrelevant. Such women still want their men to out-earn them, and are still more likely to divorce a man who earns less than them than a man who earns more.

Also, you and your personal anecdotes are irrelevant. They are, to quote you, non-facts. I am talking about most marriages, you are only talking about you. The overall divorce rate for women who out-earn men, even among women who are educated and have good careers, is higher than the rate for women who do not.

Maybe it’s the men who don’t want to be out-earned by their wives. When I married my husband 28 years ago I made more than he did. I didn’t care at all. I don’t think he cared either. I knew he was hard working, ambitious, super smart, kind, wanted the same things in life I did etc etc. Frankly, I’d be proud to make more than he does. For many years we made the same, alas, no longer.

[Anonymous]

OP - are you a man?

[Anonymous]

Most marriages do not end in divorce because the wife makes more. Provide a link or shut up with your stupid woman bashing commentary.

[Anonymous]

He had to have a salary and a goal in life. But that salary and that goal could be quite modest. I wanted to marry a grown up. I didn't need to marry a rich one.

[Anonymous]

Mom always said, "It's just as easy to fall in love with a poor mn as it is a rich man."

I wanted to marry for love. A true partner. Mutual respect. Kindness. A sense of humor. A good conversationalist. While we may be MC by DCUM standards, we know we are wealthy in the real world. We have everything we need, much of what we want, and most importantly, we are happy with life and each other. Money had zero impact on the decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mom always said, "It's just as easy to fall in love with a poor mn as it is a rich man."

I wanted to marry for love. A true partner. Mutual respect. Kindness. A sense of humor. A good conversationalist. While we may be MC by DCUM standards, we know we are wealthy in the real world. We have everything we need, much of what we want, and most importantly, we are happy with life and each other. Money had zero impact on the decision.

Only people with money have the luxury of saying money doesn't have an impact.

Ask poor people how they feel. Money isn't everything - but it does matter.

[Anonymous]

DCUM is enlightening. I would not have ever imagined so many people were this materialistic and selfish. You marry for love and you fall in love based on affection, shared values, compatibility, and character. That means that a kind and upstanding schoolteacher > a lying, cheating investment banker. Part of character is being responsible, yes, so women may be turned off by lazy layabouts. But to have a “salary minimum” means you are after a business transaction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mom always said, "It's just as easy to fall in love with a poor mn as it is a rich man."

I wanted to marry for love. A true partner. Mutual respect. Kindness. A sense of humor. A good conversationalist. While we may be MC by DCUM standards, we know we are wealthy in the real world. We have everything we need, much of what we want, and most importantly, we are happy with life and each other. Money had zero impact on the decision.

Only people with money have the luxury of saying money doesn't have an impact.

Ask poor people how they feel. Money isn't everything - but it does matter.

DP. No way. I challenge you on this. Nobody cares about “marrying well” as much as the rich. Middle class and poor mothers just want their daughters to marry upstanding guys with jobs, preferably before they have babies together. Rich mothers want their daughters to land the right wealthy catch.

[Anonymous]

I'm a guy and I think it's shortsighted if a woman doesn't have salary requirements.

Likewise, I wouldn't get married unless our combined income improves my quality of life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mom always said, "It's just as easy to fall in love with a poor mn as it is a rich man."

I wanted to marry for love. A true partner. Mutual respect. Kindness. A sense of humor. A good conversationalist. While we may be MC by DCUM standards, we know we are wealthy in the real world. We have everything we need, much of what we want, and most importantly, we are happy with life and each other. Money had zero impact on the decision.

Only people with money have the luxury of saying money doesn't have an impact.

Ask poor people how they feel. Money isn't everything - but it does matter.

DP. No way. I challenge you on this. Nobody cares about “marrying well” as much as the rich. Middle class and poor mothers just want their daughters to marry upstanding guys with jobs, preferably before they have babies together. Rich mothers want their daughters to land the right wealthy catch.

Challenge all you want. This board is telling. The "divide" people are making are between a teacher and a finance guy. Bwahahaahahaaha How insulated are you? So, if money doesn't matter, you're okay with your spouse working at the car wash. And living where that car wash affords you. And having your kids go to school in the neighborhood that that car wash affords your family - because, you know, love.

Don't tell me - a former poor ass mother - what I wanted. I did with what I had at the time. Yes, you can love someone in the absence of money. But if you think rich people or even middle class people argue and DIVORCE over money - what do you think poor people go through. You act like I'm saying that if a guy isn't rich, I can't love him. Of course I can.

But you all are contradicting yourselves. You say money doesn't matter, but then you say...if he made I teacher's salary I'd love him all the same. Well teachers around here make at least, what $50K? More if at a better school and longer in the system. Would you answer be the same if the guy you met was at $15K? Or what if he didn't have a job but was uber ambitious at his volunteer gig? Would that be okay? Because if not, then you DO have some type of salary requirement - it's just lower than someone else's.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t have a money requirement per se...

Here’s my story:

I was again single at 36. Went on Tinder. Met a guy who was also 36, lived in a share-house, and was “thinking of going back to school.” I lived alone in a condo I owned and had an established career as a lawyer. The guy and I also didn’t click, but I thought about what I wanted.

I said, I need to date an “adult.” I’m a grown up now and I think I’d be better suited to dating someone with his own apartment (didn’t care if he was renting) and has a career (fine with what the career was, even if relatively low-paid). I also decided the guy needed to have graduated from college.

I wrote these requirements on a piece of paper - college, own apartment, career. And I also wrote down non-smoker, not currently in a relationship (or “it’s some complicated situation”), not addicted to another harder than reality TV.

This helped me. I found my husband a few months later. I was operating before as a romantic. I should date anyone, you never know, blah blah blah...

I found my husband, because I decided to stop wasting time with long-shots (based on different lifestyles), and trying to date someone who was at a similar place in life, and who also was looking for a spouse.

So not money, per se...

I feel compelled to add that my therapist suggested I make this list. So free therapy for everyone. Or fodder to say I’m a narcissistic nutcase.

I had a similar list in my brain:

Had to be at least as educated as me (masters or above)
Had to own a condo or be saving for one (because I was)
No drugs
No dogs (because I wanted to get one and raise it together)
No cats (because they weird me out)
No one that came from a dysfunctional family (because I do and it really messes you up)

[Anonymous]

Hopefully, you can see the connection where men often date younger women. It's not all about being "creepy." Sometimes, it's just pragmatic.

A guy who doesn't make that much money might be OK for someone in her 20s who probably doesn't make that much either, and is more easily impressed, but it won't be acceptable to a women in her 30s or 40s looking to start a family. The reality is that money matters more the older you get.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mom always said, "It's just as easy to fall in love with a poor mn as it is a rich man."

I wanted to marry for love. A true partner. Mutual respect. Kindness. A sense of humor. A good conversationalist. While we may be MC by DCUM standards, we know we are wealthy in the real world. We have everything we need, much of what we want, and most importantly, we are happy with life and each other. Money had zero impact on the decision.

Only people with money have the luxury of saying money doesn't have an impact.

Ask poor people how they feel. Money isn't everything - but it does matter.

DP. No way. I challenge you on this. Nobody cares about “marrying well” as much as the rich. Middle class and poor mothers just want their daughters to marry upstanding guys with jobs, preferably before they have babies together. Rich mothers want their daughters to land the right wealthy catch.

Challenge all you want. This board is telling. The "divide" people are making are between a teacher and a finance guy. Bwahahaahahaaha How insulated are you? So, if money doesn't matter, you're okay with your spouse working at the car wash. And living where that car wash affords you. And having your kids go to school in the neighborhood that that car wash affords your family - because, you know, love.

Don't tell me - a former poor ass mother - what I wanted. I did with what I had at the time. Yes, you can love someone in the absence of money. But if you think rich people or even middle class people argue and DIVORCE over money - what do you think poor people go through. You act like I'm saying that if a guy isn't rich, I can't love him. Of course I can.

But you all are contradicting yourselves. You say money doesn't matter, but then you say...if he made I teacher's salary I'd love him all the same. Well teachers around here make at least, what $50K? More if at a better school and longer in the system. Would you answer be the same if the guy you met was at $15K? Or what if he didn't have a job but was uber ambitious at his volunteer gig? Would that be okay? Because if not, then you DO have some type of salary requirement - it's just lower than someone else's.

Fair enough. I’ve never had a salary requirement because I suppose i always had an education requirment: must be a college graduate. I was never in a dating pool that included anyone who would be making $15k. But you know, no one who has said “yes I have a salary requirement” is saying it’s $50k. They’re saying $200k. This is the kind of salary requirement we can agree is ridiculous.