Ladies did you have a salary requirement for a future husband?

[Anonymous]

No. But I did drop guys who a) already had 1 or more kids to support, b) had no college degree and no plan to get one, or c) were living above their means and had a lot of debt.

[Anonymous]

I hope you know that when they say "no" there is the unspoken proviso, "but you have to make more than I do".

[Anonymous]

I didn’t have a money requirement per se...

Here’s my story:

I was again single at 36. Went on Tinder. Met a guy who was also 36, lived in a share-house, and was “thinking of going back to school.” I lived alone in a condo I owned and had an established career as a lawyer. The guy and I also didn’t click, but I thought about what I wanted.

I said, I need to date an “adult.” I’m a grown up now and I think I’d be better suited to dating someone with his own apartment (didn’t care if he was renting) and has a career (fine with what the career was, even if relatively low-paid). I also decided the guy needed to have graduated from college.

I wrote these requirements on a piece of paper - college, own apartment, career. And I also wrote down non-smoker, not currently in a relationship (or “it’s some complicated situation”), not addicted to another harder than reality TV.

This helped me. I found my husband a few months later. I was operating before as a romantic. I should date anyone, you never know, blah blah blah...

I found my husband, because I decided to stop wasting time with long-shots (based on different lifestyles), and trying to date someone who was at a similar place in life, and who also was looking for a spouse.

So not money, per se...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hope you know that when they say "no" there is the unspoken proviso, "but you have to make more than I do".

Also not true. Sorry you are jaded.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t have a money requirement per se...

Here’s my story:

I was again single at 36. Went on Tinder. Met a guy who was also 36, lived in a share-house, and was “thinking of going back to school.” I lived alone in a condo I owned and had an established career as a lawyer. The guy and I also didn’t click, but I thought about what I wanted.

I said, I need to date an “adult.” I’m a grown up now and I think I’d be better suited to dating someone with his own apartment (didn’t care if he was renting) and has a career (fine with what the career was, even if relatively low-paid). I also decided the guy needed to have graduated from college.

I wrote these requirements on a piece of paper - college, own apartment, career. And I also wrote down non-smoker, not currently in a relationship (or “it’s some complicated situation”), not addicted to another harder than reality TV.

This helped me. I found my husband a few months later. I was operating before as a romantic. I should date anyone, you never know, blah blah blah...

I found my husband, because I decided to stop wasting time with long-shots (based on different lifestyles), and trying to date someone who was at a similar place in life, and who also was looking for a spouse.

So not money, per se...

I feel compelled to add that my therapist suggested I make this list. So free therapy for everyone. Or fodder to say I’m a narcissistic nutcase.

[Anonymous]

No because I make enough money to support my family. I wanted a husband who works, but I didn’t need him to support the lifestyle I want.

[Anonymous]

Definitely YES! I married him for his potential, which he has mostly lived up to and I am very happy! I would absolutely not call myself a gold digger as I knew I would always work (barring any catastrophe) and have always been ambitious and I wanted a good team player.

[Anonymous]

No income requirement, particularly as we met midway through college. And based on our majors, it was clear that in our future my salary would always be significantly less than his (I actively pointed this out to him early on, it's a notoriously low paying career), so who was I to judge? I will concede, as have a couple of PPs, that overall employability and reliability was important to me. If DH had flaked out senior year, it would have been a different story. But if he had decided he wanted to be an elementary school teacher instead of an engineer, it would still have been fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No income requirement, particularly as we met midway through college. And based on our majors, it was clear that in our future my salary would always be significantly less than his (I actively pointed this out to him early on, it's a notoriously low paying career), so who was I to judge? I will concede, as have a couple of PPs, that overall employability and reliability was important to me. If DH had flaked out senior year, it would have been a different story. But if he had decided he wanted to be an elementary school teacher instead of an engineer, it would still have been fine.

Right. My parents met in college and married when they were 22. My mom always said, "I didn't know exactly what your dad would do throughout his career, but I saw from the beginning that he is creative, works hard, and can hustle, so I had confidence in him." She told me to look for character traits more than the specific area of employment, especially when I was dating in my 20s. If you're dating in your 30s or 40s, specific employment is probably more important, since there's just less time to figure things out.

[Anonymous]

As long as he can help shoulder the families finances its fine. Not looking for a freeloader or someone wealthy

[Anonymous]

No, not at all. I made more than enough money to provide the life I wanted for myself, future children, etc. I have always outearned dh by 5-10x (sales vs non-profit).

Otoh, financially responsibility and compatible views on money were important to me. Dh and I are both savers and planners when it comes to money.

[Anonymous]

My only financial requirement when dating is that a man is self-sufficient and does not rely on others to support himself.

My preference is that it's not a shoebox and a bus pass - but the range of scale of what it looks likes varies depending on all the other factors.

[Anonymous]

Started seriously dating and looking for a husband when I was 22-23. I was in medical school at the time. So everyone made more money than I did, but I had pretty good potential. Also, I knew that I wanted to have a lot of kids, so finding someone else who wanted that and marrying relatively young was important to me.

I didn’t have a salary requirement, but I wanted to find someone who either supported my career or had the potential to make more money than I did. Turns out that men who are willing to support the career of their girlfriends/wives are few and far between. I am sure they exist, but I never met them. Maybe I was not pretty enough or maybe too pretty. I don’t know. Anyway, I decided that wasn’t going to work out. I met my husband, another medical student, when I was 24. Married at 26.

[Anonymous]

Yes and no. I didn't have a set number in mind or anything, but there are things that attracted me to DH that signified he was making decent money. We could go on trips together, he lived in a good size apartment in the North End of Boston, he had a car that he paid for parking on, etc.

So no, I didn't say "I will only marry guys who make X". But I was looking for someone who could share a similar lifestyle

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eww. You're perpetuating the worst stereotypes about women being gold-diggers.

When I started dating my husband, he was a scruffy guy just out of grad school making $35K/year. He drove a crappy car that barely worked and survived on tacos from 24-hour taco stands. I saw his potential and fell in love with him. Fast forward 6 years and he's making $230K/year + stock.

You’re agreeing with PP. You saw his potential to make a lot of money and fell in love with him.

Pot meet kettle

When did I say that? You're reading into it and making assumptions. I saw his potential AS A PERSON. I care that he's making more because, at the time, he was on the brink of declaring bankruptcy and had gained 60 pounds from depression.

When I said "potential," I meant I saw in him the ability to craft a happier life for himself. One where he wasn't depressed, in poverty, and unhealthy.

Omg, own it. You protest too much.

If you were talking about his potential as a PERSON, your next line would not have been his six-figure salary. Oh, can’t forget the stock BONUS.

No mention how he blossomed as a human being or surprised you as how great a dad he was. Just salary. And of course bonus.