Did I not do enough to help my DD?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know you want to sound "above it all" OP, but you sound snarky and jealous to me. Yes, some parents are smart. Don't fault them for being smarter than the average Joe.

I don't think OP is jealous at all. She states that she wishes she did the same for her DC. In reality, it wasn't so much smarts as it was research and organization. Info is easily available. Just need to be crafty enough to plan and execute. In the end, kid did the hard work of 99th percentile and top 10% rank.

My DS was a jack of all trades in middle school. Never would I have imagined by HS he would accelerate (on his own) in math, doubling up math courses because it was his choice and only getting 80's on exams. He could have withdrawn one math elective but he was adamant about sticking it out. It will affect his overall GPA, this year, but again his choice. He's passionate about government, politics, business, math, quantum computing, AI, cyber security. He is a varsity golfer and a junior race driver with F1 license. He has stayed true to a local charity since 4th grade. The Chairperson asked him to be President of student committee for this charity. I didn't even know this until DS had to build a resume for HOBY (wasn't selected). When we looked at resume and polished his format...it was then I realized WHOA what do we do with all of it? Two polar opposite sports, a new leadership position, dedication to a charity for 5 years with hundreds of hours. Interest in many subjects. Not a terrific writer. Taking HS biz path for advanced biz diploma. Doing poorly in Spanish and mid 80's in extra math elective, high 90's in grade level math. He has many practice SAT's each increasing but not stellar, PSAT 9th to 10th decent increase. Anyway, long winded post leaves me anxious. Let him figure it out or guide him. He's great at advocating for himself. No issue emailing teachers or counselor. Found a job for summer. Goes for extra help in math, yet he does a few hours of peer tutoring for same teacher lol. He will not be 99th percentile or top 10% class ranked. Oh and he had major surgery for a non life threatening condition in August '18. Made it back by first day of school. Again, his choice and I was a worried wreck. His recovery was the most important thing.

How do I help a 10th grader who is a jack of all trades, master of none?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our son got into a top 20 and would not have without us. We encouraged him to sign up for ECs over the years, prepped him for the ACT, helped him work on a special fundraising project which he talked about in his essay, reviewed and edited his essays (did not rewrite...just gave input), contacted influential alumni who advocated on his behalf, etc. etc. This is how you get into an elite school these days without a hook. It's sad but true.

White privilege.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some parents do more than others. At this point, it is what it is. Move on.

This! Some parents do the research, figure out the formula (or pay consultants) and build their student's profile (choice of classes, Ecs, test prep, summer activities, volunteerism, etc.) over the course of their high school years to fit that formula. You do you!

And in DC it goes further. There are “very well connected” people who strategically enroll their average child in a particular HRCS which custom design and portrays the student as some kind of genius to the targeted college. One such example got to his dream school but is having serious issues keeping up with the academics. OP does not seem to be misrepresenting DD’s merits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some parents do more than others. At this point, it is what it is. Move on.

This! Some parents do the research, figure out the formula (or pay consultants) and build their student's profile (choice of classes, Ecs, test prep, summer activities, volunteerism, etc.) over the course of their high school years to fit that formula. You do you!

Gaming and prepping kids like robots and drones...

[Anonymous]

The neighbor spent a lot of time molding her daughter into a good film school candidate. Hopefully her daughter really, really loves film. If not, she spent a lot of time and energy focused in on a fairly narrow subject. She got into the school of her dreams but that doesn't mean that she can just switch to any old major that she wants to.

[Anonymous]

My sister was disappointed her eldest, who got into a T20, didn't get into an Ivy.

For her second, she paid for a private college counselor starting the summer before freshman year. Counselor gave advice on classes and ECs, and child followed up on them for next three years. Plus essays etc. Second child got into an Ivy.

Both kids were at a Big 3.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister was disappointed her eldest, who got into a T20, didn't get into an Ivy.

For her second, she paid for a private college counselor starting the summer before freshman year. Counselor gave advice on classes and ECs, and child followed up on them for next three years. Plus essays etc. Second child got into an Ivy.

Both kids were at a Big 3.

White privilege.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister was disappointed her eldest, who got into a T20, didn't get into an Ivy.

For her second, she paid for a private college counselor starting the summer before freshman year. Counselor gave advice on classes and ECs, and child followed up on them for next three years. Plus essays etc. Second child got into an Ivy.

Both kids were at a Big 3.

White privilege.

PP--this was my pretty much my view. My sister and I are both HYPS, but I took a very laissez faire approach to DCs' college and let them figure it out. Worked with one, not so much with the other. Didn't even do test prep--they were on their own if they wanted that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister was disappointed her eldest, who got into a T20, didn't get into an Ivy.

For her second, she paid for a private college counselor starting the summer before freshman year. Counselor gave advice on classes and ECs, and child followed up on them for next three years. Plus essays etc. Second child got into an Ivy.

Both kids were at a Big 3.

White privilege.

Class issue. URMs with $ do it too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our son got into a top 20 and would not have without us. We encouraged him to sign up for ECs over the years, prepped him for the ACT, helped him work on a special fundraising project which he talked about in his essay, reviewed and edited his essays (did not rewrite...just gave input), contacted influential alumni who advocated on his behalf, etc. etc. This is how you get into an elite school these days without a hook. It's sad but true.

Lol....will you be going to college with your son to ensure the grad school app is as strong as possible? Why couldn’t your child have done all of these things for himself? My unhooked DD somehow managed to get herself into a top 10 without a four year strategic plan authored and executed by her parents.

PP here. Kids are a lot more mature in college and know what it takes. My DS was a late bloomer...immature for his age, but very bright, kind, and likable.

[Anonymous]

This thread has me thinking I am behind the curve with my 2nd grader. Perhaps I should just have her commit to a major now so I can plan summer camps accordingly.

[Anonymous]

Every family takes this journey their own way. We get a lot of assistance from our school so it makes our job easier. We have been working on small bits of the process all along. One family at our school has been doing formal college visits since 8th grade. That’s not right for us so we haven’t done that, but they have found it invaluable. Friends in different schools haven’t even thought about the process until their junior year and that works for them. I don’t really think the when or how you handle the admissions process matters as much as doing the things that work best for each kid. What drives me personally bonkers is when someone who has followed a different process gets pissy if they realize that they should have done some things differently. I have bumped into that a couple times and I just have learned very quickly who to answer generally and vaguely and with whom I can answer more openly.

“Where is your daughter thinking of applying?”

General and vague answer: “Anywhere we qualify for in state tuition.”

More honest answer: “We have seen x, y, and z so far and y is leading the pack.”

[Anonymous]

My mother was doing this starting in the early 80s when I was in MS. I went to an elite, audition-entry music school in Manhattan on weekends, spent my summers on educational trips in Kenya or at Oxford university. I still had to get the grades for my chosen degree, but I think all of it helped. Looking back now, I expect my parents spent thousands on me in order to do all this stuff, I just didn't realize at the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some parents do more than others. At this point, it is what it is. Move on.

This! Some parents do the research, figure out the formula (or pay consultants) and build their student's profile (choice of classes, Ecs, test prep, summer activities, volunteerism, etc.) over the course of their high school years to fit that formula. You do you!

Gaming and prepping kids like robots and drones...

Yes, but not in the way you wrote it: my kid is creating games and building robots and using drones for service projects.

[Anonymous]

Many parents go the extra, extra mile to help their kids, they just don't announce it.