Did I not do enough to help my DD?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our son got into a top 20 and would not have without us. We encouraged him to sign up for ECs over the years, prepped him for the ACT, helped him work on a special fundraising project which he talked about in his essay, reviewed and edited his essays (did not rewrite...just gave input), contacted influential alumni who advocated on his behalf, etc. etc. This is how you get into an elite school these days without a hook. It's sad but true.

Lol....will you be going to college with your son to ensure the grad school app is as strong as possible? Why couldn’t your child have done all of these things for himself? My unhooked DD somehow managed to get herself into a top 10 without a four year strategic plan authored and executed by her parents.

Our son probably would have done it on his own, but we left no stone unturned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Coming up with a Master Plan when the child is in Middle School, and basing all of their choices (for camps, activities, etc) on that...is not being a good parent to me. It is painting that kid into a corner (assigning them to a box, which you have labeled success) when you should all be exploring who they are. By having a breadth of experiences, and pursuing what appeals to them AS THEY GROW into who they are meant to be...they will achieve happiness and fulfillment. NOT by hiring consultants who can rig some artificial childhood that looks good to admissions committees five years later. That is not a healthy, natural childhood.

Agree! I have a high school junior. She wants completely different things now than she did in 8th grade -- and that's ok. We've given her opportunities but had to be ok with her doing things and then deciding that's not the right thing. It's all part of the process. To admissions officers, she may look like a kid who doesn't;t know what she wants because her experiences are kind of all over the place, but I'm ok with that and I think she can explain it.

[Anonymous]

OP, many journeys don't need this involvement, turning out fine. I think you need to trust yourself that this didn't feel right to you. Wouldn't have been right for you or your family. It is nice that you can reflect and send good wishes re: your neighbor's family's journey.

[Anonymous]

Heard re: admission to any particular school: No school should be viewed as a prize to be won. Instead, a case should be made that the school is a logical next step.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Heard re: admission to any particular school: No school should be viewed as a prize to be won. Instead, a case should be made that the school is a logical next step.

Yes, that’s the case every parent is trying to make. Hell, I made it when I applied early.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sure, fine, it worked out. But what if she hadn’t gotten in? Lotta eggs in one basket and could have been a big mess. Also it’s rare for kids that young to know absolutely what they want to study or do, or for that matter where they want to go to school. My first later realized his dream college from a young age wasn’t at all what he wanted when the time came.

This. If she hadn’t gotten in, she’d be stuck with an extracurricular that would do her little good at other top schools.

Figured out the school. It has always attracted artsy kids and would have no problems attracting film types. My guess is that the kid is stronger in this area than OP thinks.

[Anonymous]

This sounds like the mother was over-involved. I hope the school is not particularly close to home and that the daughter gets a chance to make more choices for herself. It's hard for a child to explore what they truly want, as an individual, when they have a parent who is that intense.

[Anonymous]

I think its the thoughtful parenting if you can afford it. We would do it and do do it. We have friends kids visit each summer and they have specific interests and parents could do more and refuse so we do it and sign up each kid for a week intensive. I don't get why you would not. One child wants specific major with no experience so why not give them the experience to make sure it is what they want.

[Anonymous]

Are you sure that this is entirely parent-driven and not child-driven? You said the kid was very happy how it turned out. I think there is nothing wrong with helping out your kid if your kid has an expressed strong interest in a certain area, by helping research schools and summer programs that fit and helping strategize ways to get the kid accepted to a program in that area. A kid may have a passion, but often doesn't have the life experience and knowledge of how to parlay that into a college acceptance in that area. If a parent can do that, why not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you sure that this is entirely parent-driven and not child-driven? You said the kid was very happy how it turned out. I think there is nothing wrong with helping out your kid if your kid has an expressed strong interest in a certain area, by helping research schools and summer programs that fit and helping strategize ways to get the kid accepted to a program in that area. A kid may have a passion, but often doesn't have the life experience and knowledge of how to parlay that into a college acceptance in that area. If a parent can do that, why not?

This. It makes no sense to assume that the parent drove this. Got to one of the many student college app boards, and you'll find many kids driving their process.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think its the thoughtful parenting if you can afford it. We would do it and do do it. We have friends kids visit each summer and they have specific interests and parents could do more and refuse so we do it and sign up each kid for a week intensive. I don't get why you would not. One child wants specific major with no experience so why not give them the experience to make sure it is what they want.

The parent in the OP's post manufactured her child's entire backstory to fit a narrative she thought would make her an attractive applicant. It is the most cynical and inauthentic approach to college admissions I've heard in recent memory. It has nothing to do with your signing up some random children for a week long course. And your writing is atrocious......did you go to UVA?

[Anonymous]

Why don’t admission reps figure this out? If they stopped falling for the hype perhaps their schools would reflect an even more creative class of artsy types? Or whatever types they are seeking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why don’t admission reps figure this out? If they stopped falling for the hype perhaps their schools would reflect an even more creative class of artsy types? Or whatever types they are seeking.

The smart ones at selective schools have figured this out to some extent. They discount all of the BS summer programs and service trips. But if the parent is conniving enough to play the long game it is hard to cut through the BS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The parent in the OP's post manufactured her child's entire backstory to fit a narrative she thought would make her an attractive applicant. It is the most cynical and inauthentic approach to college admissions I've heard in recent memory. It has nothing to do with your signing up some random children for a week long course. And your writing is atrocious......did you go to UVA?

This makes zero sense in the current environment. Do you think this neighbor was the only person who heard about the new program? The top colleges are deluged with piles of "story" apps. They accept only the tiny group of applicants who have achieved something that suggests rare skill. An essay on one's interest in film doesn't cut it, nor do a few years of film-specific extracurriculars. The more likely story is that the neighbor's kid won some kind of award or otherwise has more going for her than OP thinks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don’t admission reps figure this out? If they stopped falling for the hype perhaps their schools would reflect an even more creative class of artsy types? Or whatever types they are seeking.

The smart ones at selective schools have figured this out to some extent. They discount all of the BS summer programs and service trips. But if the parent is conniving enough to play the long game it is hard to cut through the BS.

Tons of applicants, particularly in competitive areas, "play the long game" starting from middle school or before. Something made this one special enough to get in.