stopping a potential affair by getting to know the other woman-- does it work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the situation were reversed, maybe a man would reconsider screwing around with another man's wife. Homewrecker women however, are another breed all together. They will do just about anything to "win." Truly a disgusting kind of person, who could care less about her AP's family.

Weird how you give the benefit of the doubt to men but not women. Anyone who cheats on their spouse is trash. Anyone who knowingly gets involved with a married person is also trash. That goes double when there are kids involved.

Right? OP is worried her husband will cheat, but all the focus is on the potential other woman, not on her husband. Newsflash: the other woman never promised to be faithful to you. Your husband did. If he cheats, it's because he is a grown man who decided to cheat, not because some "homewrecker" made him do it. He has the same amount of agency.

NP - As a woman who gave birth to my own children, I could NEVER imagine doing something as stupid as having an affair to jeopardize their well-being. So I agree that women (especially those who are married with their own children) who seek out men who have wives and children are a special kind of awful. I'm not saying men aren't just as disgusting for cheating. Maybe I should post in the controversial relationship beliefs thread

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the situation were reversed, maybe a man would reconsider screwing around with another man's wife. Homewrecker women however, are another breed all together. They will do just about anything to "win." Truly a disgusting kind of person, who could care less about her AP's family.

Weird how you give the benefit of the doubt to men but not women. Anyone who cheats on their spouse is trash. Anyone who knowingly gets involved with a married person is also trash. That goes double when there are kids involved.

Right? OP is worried her husband will cheat, but all the focus is on the potential other woman, not on her husband. Newsflash: the other woman never promised to be faithful to you. Your husband did. If he cheats, it's because he is a grown man who decided to cheat, not because some "homewrecker" made him do it. He has the same amount of agency.

NP - As a woman who gave birth to my own children, I could NEVER imagine doing something as stupid as having an affair to jeopardize their well-being. So I agree that women (especially those who are married with their own children) who seek out men who have wives and children are a special kind of awful. I'm not saying men aren't just as disgusting for cheating. Maybe I should post in the controversial relationship beliefs thread

What if they weren't actively seeking it out, but fate put them together?
Like each were fine, non-cheaters before... but spending so much time together, and on-the-road... one thing leads to another...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the situation were reversed, maybe a man would reconsider screwing around with another man's wife. Homewrecker women however, are another breed all together. They will do just about anything to "win." Truly a disgusting kind of person, who could care less about her AP's family.

Weird how you give the benefit of the doubt to men but not women. Anyone who cheats on their spouse is trash. Anyone who knowingly gets involved with a married person is also trash. That goes double when there are kids involved.

Right? OP is worried her husband will cheat, but all the focus is on the potential other woman, not on her husband. Newsflash: the other woman never promised to be faithful to you. Your husband did. If he cheats, it's because he is a grown man who decided to cheat, not because some "homewrecker" made him do it. He has the same amount of agency.

NP - As a woman who gave birth to my own children, I could NEVER imagine doing something as stupid as having an affair to jeopardize their well-being. So I agree that women (especially those who are married with their own children) who seek out men who have wives and children are a special kind of awful. I'm not saying men aren't just as disgusting for cheating. Maybe I should post in the controversial relationship beliefs thread

What if they weren't actively seeking it out, but fate put them together?
Like each were fine, non-cheaters before... but spending so much time together, and on-the-road... one thing leads to another...

Not PP. Still trash. Fate doesn't not make you cheat. Being a selfish asshat makes you cheat.

Do cheaters tell their kids it was fate that caused their entire world to be turned upside down and destroy your other parent? Excuses. Worthless sorry excuses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the situation were reversed, maybe a man would reconsider screwing around with another man's wife. Homewrecker women however, are another breed all together. They will do just about anything to "win." Truly a disgusting kind of person, who could care less about her AP's family.

Weird how you give the benefit of the doubt to men but not women. Anyone who cheats on their spouse is trash. Anyone who knowingly gets involved with a married person is also trash. That goes double when there are kids involved.

Right? OP is worried her husband will cheat, but all the focus is on the potential other woman, not on her husband. Newsflash: the other woman never promised to be faithful to you. Your husband did. If he cheats, it's because he is a grown man who decided to cheat, not because some "homewrecker" made him do it. He has the same amount of agency.

NP - As a woman who gave birth to my own children, I could NEVER imagine doing something as stupid as having an affair to jeopardize their well-being. So I agree that women (especially those who are married with their own children) who seek out men who have wives and children are a special kind of awful. I'm not saying men aren't just as disgusting for cheating. Maybe I should post in the controversial relationship beliefs thread

What if they weren't actively seeking it out, but fate put them together?

Like each were fine, non-cheaters before... but spending so much time together, and on-the-road... one thing leads to another...

Not PP. Still trash. Fate doesn't not make you cheat. Being a selfish asshat makes you cheat.

Do cheaters tell their kids it was fate that caused their entire world to be turned upside down and destroy your other parent? Excuses. Worthless sorry excuses.

Yup, couldn't agree with this more.

[Anonymous]

OP, have you considered a foursome? And I don’t mean golf. Win-win for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the situation were reversed, maybe a man would reconsider screwing around with another man's wife. Homewrecker women however, are another breed all together. They will do just about anything to "win." Truly a disgusting kind of person, who could care less about her AP's family.

Weird how you give the benefit of the doubt to men but not women. Anyone who cheats on their spouse is trash. Anyone who knowingly gets involved with a married person is also trash. That goes double when there are kids involved.

Right? OP is worried her husband will cheat, but all the focus is on the potential other woman, not on her husband. Newsflash: the other woman never promised to be faithful to you. Your husband did. If he cheats, it's because he is a grown man who decided to cheat, not because some "homewrecker" made him do it. He has the same amount of agency.

NP - As a woman who gave birth to my own children, I could NEVER imagine doing something as stupid as having an affair to jeopardize their well-being. So I agree that women (especially those who are married with their own children) who seek out men who have wives and children are a special kind of awful. I'm not saying men aren't just as disgusting for cheating. Maybe I should post in the controversial relationship beliefs thread

What if they weren't actively seeking it out, but fate put them together?
Like each were fine, non-cheaters before... but spending so much time together, and on-the-road... one thing leads to another...

Soul mates?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the situation were reversed, maybe a man would reconsider screwing around with another man's wife. Homewrecker women however, are another breed all together. They will do just about anything to "win." Truly a disgusting kind of person, who could care less about her AP's family.

Weird how you give the benefit of the doubt to men but not women. Anyone who cheats on their spouse is trash. Anyone who knowingly gets involved with a married person is also trash. That goes double when there are kids involved.

Right? OP is worried her husband will cheat, but all the focus is on the potential other woman, not on her husband. Newsflash: the other woman never promised to be faithful to you. Your husband did. If he cheats, it's because he is a grown man who decided to cheat, not because some "homewrecker" made him do it. He has the same amount of agency.

NP - As a woman who gave birth to my own children, I could NEVER imagine doing something as stupid as having an affair to jeopardize their well-being. So I agree that women (especially those who are married with their own children) who seek out men who have wives and children are a special kind of awful. I'm not saying men aren't just as disgusting for cheating. Maybe I should post in the controversial relationship beliefs thread

What if they weren't actively seeking it out, but fate put them together?
Like each were fine, non-cheaters before... but spending so much time together, and on-the-road... one thing leads to another...

Soul mates?

Divorce him!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the situation were reversed, maybe a man would reconsider screwing around with another man's wife. Homewrecker women however, are another breed all together. They will do just about anything to "win." Truly a disgusting kind of person, who could care less about her AP's family.

Weird how you give the benefit of the doubt to men but not women. Anyone who cheats on their spouse is trash. Anyone who knowingly gets involved with a married person is also trash. That goes double when there are kids involved.

Right? OP is worried her husband will cheat, but all the focus is on the potential other woman, not on her husband. Newsflash: the other woman never promised to be faithful to you. Your husband did. If he cheats, it's because he is a grown man who decided to cheat, not because some "homewrecker" made him do it. He has the same amount of agency.

NP - As a woman who gave birth to my own children, I could NEVER imagine doing something as stupid as having an affair to jeopardize their well-being. So I agree that women (especially those who are married with their own children) who seek out men who have wives and children are a special kind of awful. I'm not saying men aren't just as disgusting for cheating. Maybe I should post in the controversial relationship beliefs thread

I am not sure how having an affair jeopardizes children. Children shouldn’t have knowledge of their parents’ sex lives regardless of being happily or unhappily married or cheating. If there is cheating, the marriage is already bad and likely going to end in divorce anyway, I do not think cheating alone causes a divorce. And how the parents handle a divorce is what jeopardizes children’s well being. And they should never know all the factors that led to a divorce.

[Anonymous]

How does it jeopardize children? An affair often irretrievably breaks a marriage that might otherwise have pulled through. Part of being married is going through difficult times together. The "better or worse" thing. You don't step out, you step up. You work on your problems, you work on your marriage. Cheating means you are toying with your marriage, betraying the parent of your kids, and very likely condemning your marriage and dooming your children to being children of divorce, and all the baggage and disadvantages that comes with that. Why would any of us, who work so hard to give our kids every possible advantage in life, risk endangering their family of origin? We breastfeed, we make sure they eat their veggies, we give them educational toys, redshirt them, whatever. Of course depriving them of an intact family is a terribly detrimental thing to do to your kids.

Kids aren't stupid. Eventually they will figure it out unless the affair partners work very hard to avoid letting them find out. For example, not immediately moving in together, not immediately getting pregnant/having a baby (my dad's AP gave birth 9 months to the day that he moved out. It was his coworker. Pretty obvious even to me as a kid what happened.

[Anonymous]

Op, where are you? What do you think ofthe advice and opinions here? Have you talked to your husband about your concerns?

[Anonymous]

I am not sure how having an affair jeopardizes children. Children shouldn’t have knowledge of their parents’ sex lives regardless of being happily or unhappily married or cheating. If there is cheating, the marriage is already bad and likely going to end in divorce anyway, I do not think cheating alone causes a divorce. And how the parents handle a divorce is what jeopardizes children’s well being. And they should never know all the factors that led to a divorce.

There is no prerequisite for a marriage to be bad in order for cheating to occur. If you believe this, you are horribly mistaken. There is never, ever, ever an excuse or justification for cheating. Really.... try me. Every single excuse you come up with will be destroyed by the comeback "end the marrriage first." Sure... maybe you don't want to because it's hard, expensive, inconvenient, etc. but that is all about YOU. And cheaters are extremely selfish immoral people who only care about THEMSELVES.

Children are hurt the moment a parent makes the decision to cheat, not the moment they are told. Replace your logic with any other immoral act. It doesn't hold up. "Children shouldn't have knowledge of their parents drug use. If there is drug use, the marriage was already bad and going to end in divorce anyway. "

Children need to know that actions have consequences. Daddy didn't just disappear because he went on a long vacation. Daddy disappeared because he went to jail for dealing drugs. Mommy didn't leave because sometimes mommies just do that for no apparent reason. Mommy left because she decided she loved her boss more than Daddy and wanted to go live with him. People used to help hide child molesters, spousal abusers, child abusers, etc. because nice people don't talk about that stuff. It's private, no one else's business.

Nope. Get that shit out in the open so we can all see you for who you are. If you are too ashamed of your actions for your kids to know about them, do some soul searching before you open your legs to married men.

[Anonymous]

I do not recommend meeting-just a bad idea all the way around! The suggestions to work on your own marriage are all valid! If you 'up your game' and there still seems to be at least an EA going on....I'd recommend marriage counseling. He needs to understand that an affair is an affair, even if it's an affair of the heart and mind, not physical! (I read a great book once with a similar title-but forget the exact title) Working together as colleagues is one thing, but a picture on the phone is quite another level! Anyone trying to protect their marriage wouldn't be taking pics of themselves with another woman!

[Anonymous]

So you don’t trust your DH and your solution is to get to know some random woman in the hopes that you can appeal to her sense of morality.

Think about how screwed up that is. You’re leaving your marriage in the hands of some other person because you can’t trust your DH.

My advice: forget about her. She’s truly irrelevant. Having her over for dinner is the easy thing, the surface answer; it’s a band aid on a broken arm. Do the hard thing— confront whatever it is in your marriage that makes you feel this way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the situation were reversed, maybe a man would reconsider screwing around with another man's wife. Homewrecker women however, are another breed all together. They will do just about anything to "win." Truly a disgusting kind of person, who could care less about her AP's family.

Weird how you give the benefit of the doubt to men but not women. Anyone who cheats on their spouse is trash. Anyone who knowingly gets involved with a married person is also trash. That goes double when there are kids involved.

Right? OP is worried her husband will cheat, but all the focus is on the potential other woman, not on her husband. Newsflash: the other woman never promised to be faithful to you. Your husband did. If he cheats, it's because he is a grown man who decided to cheat, not because some "homewrecker" made him do it. He has the same amount of agency.

NP - As a woman who gave birth to my own children, I could NEVER imagine doing something as stupid as having an affair to jeopardize their well-being. So I agree that women (especially those who are married with their own children) who seek out men who have wives and children are a special kind of awful. I'm not saying men aren't just as disgusting for cheating. Maybe I should post in the controversial relationship beliefs thread

What if they weren't actively seeking it out, but fate put them together?
Like each were fine, non-cheaters before... but spending so much time together, and on-the-road... one thing leads to another...

Hilarious!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I am not sure how having an affair jeopardizes children. Children shouldn’t have knowledge of their parents’ sex lives regardless of being happily or unhappily married or cheating. If there is cheating, the marriage is already bad and likely going to end in divorce anyway, I do not think cheating alone causes a divorce. And how the parents handle a divorce is what jeopardizes children’s well being. And they should never know all the factors that led to a divorce.

There is no prerequisite for a marriage to be bad in order for cheating to occur. If you believe this, you are horribly mistaken. There is never, ever, ever an excuse or justification for cheating. Really.... try me. Every single excuse you come up with will be destroyed by the comeback "end the marrriage first." Sure... maybe you don't want to because it's hard, expensive, inconvenient, etc. but that is all about YOU. And cheaters are extremely selfish immoral people who only care about THEMSELVES.

Children are hurt the moment a parent makes the decision to cheat, not the moment they are told. Replace your logic with any other immoral act. It doesn't hold up. "Children shouldn't have knowledge of their parents drug use. If there is drug use, the marriage was already bad and going to end in divorce anyway. "

Children need to know that actions have consequences. Daddy didn't just disappear because he went on a long vacation. Daddy disappeared because he went to jail for dealing drugs. Mommy didn't leave because sometimes mommies just do that for no apparent reason. Mommy left because she decided she loved her boss more than Daddy and wanted to go live with him. People used to help hide child molesters, spousal abusers, child abusers, etc. because nice people don't talk about that stuff. It's private, no one else's business.

Nope. Get that shit out in the open so we can all see you for who you are. If you are too ashamed of your actions for your kids to know about them, do some soul searching before you open your legs to married men.

+1