Marriage dynamics - one vs two income households

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a baby around the same time as many of my friends and definitely have noticed a big difference in the marriages of SAHMs and working moms. I work for many reasons.

1. I really enjoy my job and I earn a relatively high salary (200k+) with flexible hours.
2. I enjoy getting out of the house and the interaction I have with other adults during the work week.
3. One of the main factors for me is that my husband contributes at home and we are equals. I would resent doing all of the housework, planning, organizing etc but maybe you don’t mind this.
4. I want my own retirement account.
5. I don’t want my entire life to only be about my husband and child. I have my own identity. My SAHM friends have become more boring and overly focused on their child as time goes by.

I’ve also noticed that many SAHMs think they are staying home for the benefit of their child but really it’s for them. And that’s fine. But I’m not sure it makes much difference to the children and as we know, the children won’t remember their early years. My nanny is excellent with my child. Some of the SAHMs I know are actually making huge parenting mistakes that maybe could be avoided if they weren’t the sole childcare provider for their child.

All of this being said, you need a new job. Working for $35k at your age is silly. Your benefits are terrible. I realize some people can’t find better jobs, but I assume you can. You should quit once the baby comes and then around 5 months postpartum try and find a new job. One with some flexibility so you spend enough time with your child. Just don’t stay out of the workforce too long and try to find a job where you can return if you have a second kid (at least 4 months of unpaid leave)

I agree 100% with all of this.

There is a VERY clear difference between most SAHM marriages and working mother marriages. Especially as the kids get older.

Yes, I've noticed this too. Working mother marriages are more likely to end in divorce. And the working mothers are fatter

Because those women aren't dependent on their husbands. Wow, you're not very bright.

[Anonymous]

If you want to stay home and your DH agrees, you don't need to ask DCUM for permission.

I am a SAHM with a kid in middle school. My DH is retired - he was a litigator. I was a lawyer prekid. We have a nice relaxing sressfree life. Very happy. Works for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a baby around the same time as many of my friends and definitely have noticed a big difference in the marriages of SAHMs and working moms. I work for many reasons.

1. I really enjoy my job and I earn a relatively high salary (200k+) with flexible hours.
2. I enjoy getting out of the house and the interaction I have with other adults during the work week.
3. One of the main factors for me is that my husband contributes at home and we are equals. I would resent doing all of the housework, planning, organizing etc but maybe you don’t mind this.
4. I want my own retirement account.
5. I don’t want my entire life to only be about my husband and child. I have my own identity. My SAHM friends have become more boring and overly focused on their child as time goes by.

I’ve also noticed that many SAHMs think they are staying home for the benefit of their child but really it’s for them. And that’s fine. But I’m not sure it makes much difference to the children and as we know, the children won’t remember their early years. My nanny is excellent with my child. Some of the SAHMs I know are actually making huge parenting mistakes that maybe could be avoided if they weren’t the sole childcare provider for their child.

All of this being said, you need a new job. Working for $35k at your age is silly. Your benefits are terrible. I realize some people can’t find better jobs, but I assume you can. You should quit once the baby comes and then around 5 months postpartum try and find a new job. One with some flexibility so you spend enough time with your child. Just don’t stay out of the workforce too long and try to find a job where you can return if you have a second kid (at least 4 months of unpaid leave)

This is a ridiculous list. I SAH, and could say all the following:

1. I enjoy my job (stay at home), and we have high HHI.
2. I enjoy getting out of the house and interacting with other moms/kids. I also enjoy going out once a week on my own (I'm the PP who has a babysitter once a week) to run errands, work in a coffee shop, etc.
3. My DH and I are equals. Staying at home doesn't change that.
4. I have my own retirement account. That was a priority for us.
5. I DO have my own identity. Sorry your SAHM moms are boring; maybe you're boring too. I, on the other hand, have several hobbies, and I certainly still connect with my prior career in terms of identity/interests.

Yes, I'm staying home for me as much as for my kids/family. I think kids who are raised by working moms and in the care of nannies or daycare providers are just as lucky as kids raised by stay-at-home moms.

You make a lot of judgements about SAHMs that are just ridiculous.

Well it’s easy to notice how our SAHM friends are treated by their husbands and the fact their husbands go off to earn money every day while their wives stay home and act as an unpaid nanny and maid.

That’s great you have your own retirement account but you’re obviously not contributing to it now. Unless you are referring to the small amount you can put in a Roth.

You can refer to the HHI as yours all you want but I guarantee your husband doesn’t view it that way. He may not ever admit this to you because he isn’t dumb, but deep down he probably feels it’s entirely his paycheck. I think you’re fooling yourself if you think otherwise.

Also most men with SAHMs seem to act as though they are doing their wife a favor. Staying at home is actually harder for most women. Why would I take on a harder job that isn’t even paid?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a baby around the same time as many of my friends and definitely have noticed a big difference in the marriages of SAHMs and working moms. I work for many reasons.

1. I really enjoy my job and I earn a relatively high salary (200k+) with flexible hours.
2. I enjoy getting out of the house and the interaction I have with other adults during the work week.
3. One of the main factors for me is that my husband contributes at home and we are equals. I would resent doing all of the housework, planning, organizing etc but maybe you don’t mind this.
4. I want my own retirement account.
5. I don’t want my entire life to only be about my husband and child. I have my own identity. My SAHM friends have become more boring and overly focused on their child as time goes by.

I’ve also noticed that many SAHMs think they are staying home for the benefit of their child but really it’s for them. And that’s fine. But I’m not sure it makes much difference to the children and as we know, the children won’t remember their early years. My nanny is excellent with my child. Some of the SAHMs I know are actually making huge parenting mistakes that maybe could be avoided if they weren’t the sole childcare provider for their child.

All of this being said, you need a new job. Working for $35k at your age is silly. Your benefits are terrible. I realize some people can’t find better jobs, but I assume you can. You should quit once the baby comes and then around 5 months postpartum try and find a new job. One with some flexibility so you spend enough time with your child. Just don’t stay out of the workforce too long and try to find a job where you can return if you have a second kid (at least 4 months of unpaid leave)

This is a ridiculous list. I SAH, and could say all the following:

1. I enjoy my job (stay at home), and we have high HHI.
2. I enjoy getting out of the house and interacting with other moms/kids. I also enjoy going out once a week on my own (I'm the PP who has a babysitter once a week) to run errands, work in a coffee shop, etc.
3. My DH and I are equals. Staying at home doesn't change that.
4. I have my own retirement account. That was a priority for us.
5. I DO have my own identity. Sorry your SAHM moms are boring; maybe you're boring too. I, on the other hand, have several hobbies, and I certainly still connect with my prior career in terms of identity/interests.

Yes, I'm staying home for me as much as for my kids/family. I think kids who are raised by working moms and in the care of nannies or daycare providers are just as lucky as kids raised by stay-at-home moms.

You make a lot of judgements about SAHMs that are just ridiculous.

Well it’s easy to notice how our SAHM friends are treated by their husbands and the fact their husbands go off to earn money every day while their wives stay home and act as an unpaid nanny and maid.

That’s great you have your own retirement account but you’re obviously not contributing to it now. Unless you are referring to the small amount you can put in a Roth.

You can refer to the HHI as yours all you want but I guarantee your husband doesn’t view it that way. He may not ever admit this to you because he isn’t dumb, but deep down he probably feels it’s entirely his paycheck. I think you’re fooling yourself if you think otherwise.

Also most men with SAHMs seem to act as though they are doing their wife a favor. Staying at home is actually harder for most women. Why would I take on a harder job that isn’t even paid?

I work, but not all men resent SAHMs or view the paycheck as all theirs. It's just not true. SOME men surely do think this way, but there ARE plenty of happy, emotionally healthy, harmonious families where the mom is SAH. This debate is tired. It's obviously a highly nuanced and personal choice with highly nuanced and personal effects.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a baby around the same time as many of my friends and definitely have noticed a big difference in the marriages of SAHMs and working moms. I work for many reasons.

1. I really enjoy my job and I earn a relatively high salary (200k+) with flexible hours.
2. I enjoy getting out of the house and the interaction I have with other adults during the work week.
3. One of the main factors for me is that my husband contributes at home and we are equals. I would resent doing all of the housework, planning, organizing etc but maybe you don’t mind this.
4. I want my own retirement account.
5. I don’t want my entire life to only be about my husband and child. I have my own identity. My SAHM friends have become more boring and overly focused on their child as time goes by.

I’ve also noticed that many SAHMs think they are staying home for the benefit of their child but really it’s for them. And that’s fine. But I’m not sure it makes much difference to the children and as we know, the children won’t remember their early years. My nanny is excellent with my child. Some of the SAHMs I know are actually making huge parenting mistakes that maybe could be avoided if they weren’t the sole childcare provider for their child.

All of this being said, you need a new job. Working for $35k at your age is silly. Your benefits are terrible. I realize some people can’t find better jobs, but I assume you can. You should quit once the baby comes and then around 5 months postpartum try and find a new job. One with some flexibility so you spend enough time with your child. Just don’t stay out of the workforce too long and try to find a job where you can return if you have a second kid (at least 4 months of unpaid leave)

This is a ridiculous list. I SAH, and could say all the following:

1. I enjoy my job (stay at home), and we have high HHI.
2. I enjoy getting out of the house and interacting with other moms/kids. I also enjoy going out once a week on my own (I'm the PP who has a babysitter once a week) to run errands, work in a coffee shop, etc.
3. My DH and I are equals. Staying at home doesn't change that.
4. I have my own retirement account. That was a priority for us.
5. I DO have my own identity. Sorry your SAHM moms are boring; maybe you're boring too. I, on the other hand, have several hobbies, and I certainly still connect with my prior career in terms of identity/interests.

Yes, I'm staying home for me as much as for my kids/family. I think kids who are raised by working moms and in the care of nannies or daycare providers are just as lucky as kids raised by stay-at-home moms.

You make a lot of judgements about SAHMs that are just ridiculous.

Well it’s easy to notice how our SAHM friends are treated by their husbands and the fact their husbands go off to earn money every day while their wives stay home and act as an unpaid nanny and maid.

That’s great you have your own retirement account but you’re obviously not contributing to it now. Unless you are referring to the small amount you can put in a Roth.

You can refer to the HHI as yours all you want but I guarantee your husband doesn’t view it that way. He may not ever admit this to you because he isn’t dumb, but deep down he probably feels it’s entirely his paycheck. I think you’re fooling yourself if you think otherwise.

Also most men with SAHMs seem to act as though they are doing their wife a favor. Staying at home is actually harder for most women. Why would I take on a harder job that isn’t even paid?

I am genuinely so sorry about whatever happened in your life that made you feel this way. And sorry your relationship with your husband isn't what it could be.

OP, take note: people like PP obviously should never stay home, because their relationship could never sustain it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a baby around the same time as many of my friends and definitely have noticed a big difference in the marriages of SAHMs and working moms. I work for many reasons.

1. I really enjoy my job and I earn a relatively high salary (200k+) with flexible hours.
2. I enjoy getting out of the house and the interaction I have with other adults during the work week.
3. One of the main factors for me is that my husband contributes at home and we are equals. I would resent doing all of the housework, planning, organizing etc but maybe you don’t mind this.
4. I want my own retirement account.
5. I don’t want my entire life to only be about my husband and child. I have my own identity. My SAHM friends have become more boring and overly focused on their child as time goes by.

I’ve also noticed that many SAHMs think they are staying home for the benefit of their child but really it’s for them. And that’s fine. But I’m not sure it makes much difference to the children and as we know, the children won’t remember their early years. My nanny is excellent with my child. Some of the SAHMs I know are actually making huge parenting mistakes that maybe could be avoided if they weren’t the sole childcare provider for their child.

All of this being said, you need a new job. Working for $35k at your age is silly. Your benefits are terrible. I realize some people can’t find better jobs, but I assume you can. You should quit once the baby comes and then around 5 months postpartum try and find a new job. One with some flexibility so you spend enough time with your child. Just don’t stay out of the workforce too long and try to find a job where you can return if you have a second kid (at least 4 months of unpaid leave)

This is a ridiculous list. I SAH, and could say all the following:

1. I enjoy my job (stay at home), and we have high HHI.
2. I enjoy getting out of the house and interacting with other moms/kids. I also enjoy going out once a week on my own (I'm the PP who has a babysitter once a week) to run errands, work in a coffee shop, etc.
3. My DH and I are equals. Staying at home doesn't change that.
4. I have my own retirement account. That was a priority for us.
5. I DO have my own identity. Sorry your SAHM moms are boring; maybe you're boring too. I, on the other hand, have several hobbies, and I certainly still connect with my prior career in terms of identity/interests.

Yes, I'm staying home for me as much as for my kids/family. I think kids who are raised by working moms and in the care of nannies or daycare providers are just as lucky as kids raised by stay-at-home moms.

You make a lot of judgements about SAHMs that are just ridiculous.

Well it’s easy to notice how our SAHM friends are treated by their husbands and the fact their husbands go off to earn money every day while their wives stay home and act as an unpaid nanny and maid.

That’s great you have your own retirement account but you’re obviously not contributing to it now. Unless you are referring to the small amount you can put in a Roth.

You can refer to the HHI as yours all you want but I guarantee your husband doesn’t view it that way. He may not ever admit this to you because he isn’t dumb, but deep down he probably feels it’s entirely his paycheck. I think you’re fooling yourself if you think otherwise.

Also most men with SAHMs seem to act as though they are doing their wife a favor. Staying at home is actually harder for most women. Why would I take on a harder job that isn’t even paid?

I work, but not all men resent SAHMs or view the paycheck as all theirs. It's just not true. SOME men surely do think this way, but there ARE plenty of happy, emotionally healthy, harmonious families where the mom is SAH. This debate is tired. It's obviously a highly nuanced and personal choice with highly nuanced and personal effects.

PP here. Of course not. But OP is smart to consider that staying home might change their dynamic. It does for many.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a baby around the same time as many of my friends and definitely have noticed a big difference in the marriages of SAHMs and working moms. I work for many reasons.

1. I really enjoy my job and I earn a relatively high salary (200k+) with flexible hours.
2. I enjoy getting out of the house and the interaction I have with other adults during the work week.
3. One of the main factors for me is that my husband contributes at home and we are equals. I would resent doing all of the housework, planning, organizing etc but maybe you don’t mind this.
4. I want my own retirement account.
5. I don’t want my entire life to only be about my husband and child. I have my own identity. My SAHM friends have become more boring and overly focused on their child as time goes by.

I’ve also noticed that many SAHMs think they are staying home for the benefit of their child but really it’s for them. And that’s fine. But I’m not sure it makes much difference to the children and as we know, the children won’t remember their early years. My nanny is excellent with my child. Some of the SAHMs I know are actually making huge parenting mistakes that maybe could be avoided if they weren’t the sole childcare provider for their child.

All of this being said, you need a new job. Working for $35k at your age is silly. Your benefits are terrible. I realize some people can’t find better jobs, but I assume you can. You should quit once the baby comes and then around 5 months postpartum try and find a new job. One with some flexibility so you spend enough time with your child. Just don’t stay out of the workforce too long and try to find a job where you can return if you have a second kid (at least 4 months of unpaid leave)

This is a ridiculous list. I SAH, and could say all the following:

1. I enjoy my job (stay at home), and we have high HHI.
2. I enjoy getting out of the house and interacting with other moms/kids. I also enjoy going out once a week on my own (I'm the PP who has a babysitter once a week) to run errands, work in a coffee shop, etc.
3. My DH and I are equals. Staying at home doesn't change that.
4. I have my own retirement account. That was a priority for us.
5. I DO have my own identity. Sorry your SAHM moms are boring; maybe you're boring too. I, on the other hand, have several hobbies, and I certainly still connect with my prior career in terms of identity/interests.

Yes, I'm staying home for me as much as for my kids/family. I think kids who are raised by working moms and in the care of nannies or daycare providers are just as lucky as kids raised by stay-at-home moms.

You make a lot of judgements about SAHMs that are just ridiculous.

Well it’s easy to notice how our SAHM friends are treated by their husbands and the fact their husbands go off to earn money every day while their wives stay home and act as an unpaid nanny and maid.

That’s great you have your own retirement account but you’re obviously not contributing to it now. Unless you are referring to the small amount you can put in a Roth.

You can refer to the HHI as yours all you want but I guarantee your husband doesn’t view it that way. He may not ever admit this to you because he isn’t dumb, but deep down he probably feels it’s entirely his paycheck. I think you’re fooling yourself if you think otherwise.

Also most men with SAHMs seem to act as though they are doing their wife a favor. Staying at home is actually harder for most women. Why would I take on a harder job that isn’t even paid?

I am genuinely so sorry about whatever happened in your life that made you feel this way. And sorry your relationship with your husband isn't what it could be.

OP, take note: people like PP obviously should never stay home, because their relationship could never sustain it.

PP here. I hope that instead of making irrational and silly insults, that OP will read what I wrote and give it some thought. I tried to provide some concrete and honest reasons as to why I work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I guess I'm just worried about being dependent on my DH even though in reality I am now given his income vastly exceeds mine. I work in refugee resettlement and this work environment right now is, well, sad and exhausting. DH ideally doesn't want me to stay home until IF he makes partner for more security, which won't be for a few year if it does happen.

It sounds like you enjoy working. Take your maternity leave and then decide. Don’t feel bad for either decision. Signed, someone who SAH and then WOH and appreciates both.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again here, so for those who said it is unlikely that he'll make partner can you share details about this. I'm optimistic as he's been told in his last two reviews that they are preparing him for partnership duties and have been actively training him. The firm sent him to a special training conference last year too. Been at the firm almost 5 years since 2L year after working for the feds in expert area for 4 years (also - we have paid off all of our student loans as of two years ago thanks to his job). DH exceeds his hour requirement (last year was 2400+) and has clients specifically asking for him. I know nothing about the legal word though so this all sounds good to me. Are these things not positive?

Also, I don't want him to take on more home responsibilities as his work load is so high, and if his partner told him 2 reviews ago that if he wants to be on the partner track that he needs to keep up the work load. Another female associate complained about the work load and got pushed out soon after. I understand a bit that he has to hustle if he wants to make partner, which he does. He also really likes his job and is a workaholic. It is part of his personality that I know and love. I'm truly okay with doing more on the homefront as it is part of our partnership in life (been married 10 years, together 16 years).

My goal is to make things the least stressful on all of us as there's a fair deal of stress in our lives. That is really all that I want.

Attorney and fellow biglaw wife here...the business model for law firms nowadays is to burn associates out and throw them to the side. Your husband is probably doing great work and is lucky to have your emotional support at home with those hours but the actual fact is that only a very small percentage of people are made partner. There’s also a bit of luck to it for most law firms (I.e. is he in a hot practice area when he goes up for partner? Does he have the connections and skill to generate business? Etc). Plus for some firms with large numbers of non equity partners....even being made a partner does not come with the stability you would think.

Also take a look at some of the partners next time you get the chance. They almost always look 10+ years older than they are. You don’t know that your husband will even want to be a partner when he gets the chance. You don’t know how it will feel for him to start missing special occasions with the kids when he is still working a lot and they are older. Is he going to want to keep billing the types of hours he is now for the next 10+ years? Don’t permanently chain him into working in that type of environment by failing to consider the potential long-term impact of leaving the work force. I second a previous suggestion that you leave your job (they should be paying you more!) and find something else while you are at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a baby around the same time as many of my friends and definitely have noticed a big difference in the marriages of SAHMs and working moms. I work for many reasons.

1. I really enjoy my job and I earn a relatively high salary (200k+) with flexible hours.
2. I enjoy getting out of the house and the interaction I have with other adults during the work week.
3. One of the main factors for me is that my husband contributes at home and we are equals. I would resent doing all of the housework, planning, organizing etc but maybe you don’t mind this.
4. I want my own retirement account.
5. I don’t want my entire life to only be about my husband and child. I have my own identity. My SAHM friends have become more boring and overly focused on their child as time goes by.

I’ve also noticed that many SAHMs think they are staying home for the benefit of their child but really it’s for them. And that’s fine. But I’m not sure it makes much difference to the children and as we know, the children won’t remember their early years. My nanny is excellent with my child. Some of the SAHMs I know are actually making huge parenting mistakes that maybe could be avoided if they weren’t the sole childcare provider for their child.

All of this being said, you need a new job. Working for $35k at your age is silly. Your benefits are terrible. I realize some people can’t find better jobs, but I assume you can. You should quit once the baby comes and then around 5 months postpartum try and find a new job. One with some flexibility so you spend enough time with your child. Just don’t stay out of the workforce too long and try to find a job where you can return if you have a second kid (at least 4 months of unpaid leave)

This is a ridiculous list. I SAH, and could say all the following:

1. I enjoy my job (stay at home), and we have high HHI.
2. I enjoy getting out of the house and interacting with other moms/kids. I also enjoy going out once a week on my own (I'm the PP who has a babysitter once a week) to run errands, work in a coffee shop, etc.
3. My DH and I are equals. Staying at home doesn't change that.
4. I have my own retirement account. That was a priority for us.
5. I DO have my own identity. Sorry your SAHM moms are boring; maybe you're boring too. I, on the other hand, have several hobbies, and I certainly still connect with my prior career in terms of identity/interests.

Yes, I'm staying home for me as much as for my kids/family. I think kids who are raised by working moms and in the care of nannies or daycare providers are just as lucky as kids raised by stay-at-home moms.

You make a lot of judgements about SAHMs that are just ridiculous.

OP you should read this list and understand that many SAHMs will find it ridiculous. Are you the kind of person who thinks having your own retirement account, identity and enjoying your job are ridiculous?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again here, so for those who said it is unlikely that he'll make partner can you share details about this. I'm optimistic as he's been told in his last two reviews that they are preparing him for partnership duties and have been actively training him. The firm sent him to a special training conference last year too. Been at the firm almost 5 years since 2L year after working for the feds in expert area for 4 years (also - we have paid off all of our student loans as of two years ago thanks to his job). DH exceeds his hour requirement (last year was 2400+) and has clients specifically asking for him. I know nothing about the legal word though so this all sounds good to me. Are these things not positive?

Also, I don't want him to take on more home responsibilities as his work load is so high, and if his partner told him 2 reviews ago that if he wants to be on the partner track that he needs to keep up the work load. Another female associate complained about the work load and got pushed out soon after. I understand a bit that he has to hustle if he wants to make partner, which he does. He also really likes his job and is a workaholic. It is part of his personality that I know and love. I'm truly okay with doing more on the homefront as it is part of our partnership in life (been married 10 years, together 16 years).

My goal is to make things the least stressful on all of us as there's a fair deal of stress in our lives. That is really all that I want.

Attorney and fellow biglaw wife here...the business model for law firms nowadays is to burn associates out and throw them to the side. Your husband is probably doing great work and is lucky to have your emotional support at home with those hours but the actual fact is that only a very small percentage of people are made partner. There’s also a bit of luck to it for most law firms (I.e. is he in a hot practice area when he goes up for partner? Does he have the connections and skill to generate business? Etc). Plus for some firms with large numbers of non equity partners....even being made a partner does not come with the stability you would think.

Also take a look at some of the partners next time you get the chance. They almost always look 10+ years older than they are. You don’t know that your husband will even want to be a partner when he gets the chance. You don’t know how it will feel for him to start missing special occasions with the kids when he is still working a lot and they are older. Is he going to want to keep billing the types of hours he is now for the next 10+ years? Don’t permanently chain him into working in that type of environment by failing to consider the potential long-term impact of leaving the work force. I second a previous suggestion that you leave your job (they should be paying you more!) and find something else while you are at home.

This. Don’t discount the fact you staying home long term (more than 6 plus months) is going to place a huge burden on your husband and will make his career even more stressful. Being the sole breadwinner is scary. But I agree you need to make more money because you’re not going to be able to support your family if something happens to his job or he no longer wants to stay in big law

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's a sixth year associate. The chances he will make partner are very low. He may be scrambling to find a job sometime in the next few years. You need to keep your career going.

+1

[Anonymous]

Do you actually WANT to be a SAHM? That's the real question here and I don't think you answered it.

If you want to keep working, then you should. Period. Even if you are technically "paying to work."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you want to stay home and your DH agrees, you don't need to ask DCUM for permission.

I am a SAHM with a kid in middle school. My DH is retired - he was a litigator. I was a lawyer prekid. We have a nice relaxing sressfree life. Very happy. Works for us.

Same here. No regrets whatsoever. Life is good

[Anonymous]

I worked in biglaw for many years. The next 2-3 will determine whether he becomes partner. Is he in a recession-proof area? It is good news that they have talked to him about his path. Things outside of his control could still derail his plans (like the economy tanking and he is a real estate finance attorney), but I would feel pretty good based on what you have said.