At my wit’s end-bullying

[Anonymous]

Does APS count pre K VPI into the entire school’s racial make up? That’s such bs.

[Anonymous]

Our Catholic Pariish school has much higher rates for non-Catholics.

[Anonymous]

Very sorry op.
My DC is biracial and we lived in a neighborhood that was very white he was able to transfer to a school that was not over crowded, in APS this is available as long as the school is not overcrowded. All the schools are great. No way in hell I was going to put my son through the torture of attending a lily white school (no offense). Get her out, this is going to affect her identity, self esteem, grades, relations ships.
My DC now is very proud of his identity and is able to confidently identify with either race when he prefers to. He has many biracial/bicultural friends. Please move your child to a school where everyone understand and welcomes diversity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does APS count pre K VPI into the entire school’s racial make up? That’s such bs.

No, VPI preschoolers are not included in K-5 civil rights data. Montessori kindergartners are (but not pre-k), but let's look at what that actually means for, say, Jamestown. Last year, Jamestown had 61 students who identified as Black, Hispanic or Asian (and 45 "Multiple," but we'll set them aside for now because of the increased likelihood they may "pass" as white as compared to those other groups). They also had a total of 9 Montessori transfers, but not all of those students were non-white. APS's pupil transfer report doesn't break it down further for Jamestown because the numbers are less than ten for each group, but the report indicates that Montessori kindergarten transfers to Jamestown were some combination of Asian, Hispanic and white. So even if it was only one white student, that means at most 8 of the 61 Black, Hispanic and Asian students identified in the civil rights statistics were Montessori transfers who will most likely transfer elsewhere for first grade, so at least 53 students in the regular Jamestown K-5 population identify as Black, Hispanic or Asian.

[Anonymous]

OP, you said that your two older kids are doing fine in this same school.
So maybe this racial bullying is not a school wide issue but just a matter of a couple of mean girls tormenting your daughter. If so, can you get in touch with their parents?
N. Arlington area is very liberal, I am sure parents will be mortified when they hear that their children are involved in racial bullyng. They might stop their kids from bullying your daughter.
Meanwhile, you need to do something to integrated her into your school community. Perhaps you can have a party and invite her classmates?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you said that your two older kids are doing fine in this same school.
So maybe this racial bullying is not a school wide issue but just a matter of a couple of mean girls tormenting your daughter. If so, can you get in touch with their parents?
N. Arlington area is very liberal, I am sure parents will be mortified when they hear that their children are involved in racial bullyng. They might stop their kids from bullying your daughter.
Meanwhile, you need to do something to integrated her into your school community. Perhaps you can have a party and invite her classmates?

... or they will deny deny deny and then get defensive...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does APS count pre K VPI into the entire school’s racial make up? That’s such bs.

No, VPI preschoolers are not included in K-5 civil rights data. Montessori kindergartners are (but not pre-k), but let's look at what that actually means for, say, Jamestown. Last year, Jamestown had 61 students who identified as Black, Hispanic or Asian (and 45 "Multiple," but we'll set them aside for now because of the increased likelihood they may "pass" as white as compared to those other groups). They also had a total of 9 Montessori transfers, but not all of those students were non-white. APS's pupil transfer report doesn't break it down further for Jamestown because the numbers are less than ten for each group, but the report indicates that Montessori kindergarten transfers to Jamestown were some combination of Asian, Hispanic and white. So even if it was only one white student, that means at most 8 of the 61 Black, Hispanic and Asian students identified in the civil rights statistics were Montessori transfers who will most likely transfer elsewhere for first grade, so at least 53 students in the regular Jamestown K-5 population identify as Black, Hispanic or Asian.

Seven of whom, IN THE ENTIRE SCHOOL K-5, identify as black. It's entirely possible that there is only one other child in OP's child's class that is not white or white looking.

Pre-K kids count for fr/l percentages, but only Montessori Pre-K students in their Kindergarten year would be included in the racial data. Look, "Jamestown parent who shan't be named," your gaslighting may fly in your day job, but even if OP is a troll, her claim is not that far-fetched.

[Anonymous]

karma will destroy those who hurt your child

[Anonymous]

karma destroys bullies because they are good at it and they never learn anything productive. Their high point peak is in high school and they are essentially dead by age 40.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you said that your two older kids are doing fine in this same school.
So maybe this racial bullying is not a school wide issue but just a matter of a couple of mean girls tormenting your daughter. If so, can you get in touch with their parents?
N. Arlington area is very liberal, I am sure parents will be mortified when they hear that their children are involved in racial bullyng. They might stop their kids from bullying your daughter.
Meanwhile, you need to do something to integrated her into your school community. Perhaps you can have a party and invite her classmates?

Are you really suggesting to OP that she should invite racists into her home? BAD IDEA OP Don't.do.this!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you said that your two older kids are doing fine in this same school.
So maybe this racial bullying is not a school wide issue but just a matter of a couple of mean girls tormenting your daughter. If so, can you get in touch with their parents?
N. Arlington area is very liberal, I am sure parents will be mortified when they hear that their children are involved in racial bullyng. They might stop their kids from bullying your daughter.
Meanwhile, you need to do something to integrated her into your school community. Perhaps you can have a party and invite her classmates?

Are you really suggesting to OP that she should invite racists into her home? BAD IDEA OP Don't.do.this!

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:karma destroys bullies because they are good at it and they never learn anything productive. Their high point peak is in high school and they are essentially dead by age 40.

+1

Very true. They become adult bullies that no one likes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you said that your two older kids are doing fine in this same school.
So maybe this racial bullying is not a school wide issue but just a matter of a couple of mean girls tormenting your daughter. If so, can you get in touch with their parents?
N. Arlington area is very liberal, I am sure parents will be mortified when they hear that their children are involved in racial bullyng. They might stop their kids from bullying your daughter.
Meanwhile, you need to do something to integrated her into your school community. Perhaps you can have a party and invite her classmates?

Are you really suggesting to OP that she should invite racists into her home? BAD IDEA OP Don't.do.this!

I am sure not all her classmates are racist. These are 8 year olds we are talking about. But having a party for her classmates and setting up play dates will help OP’s daughter to find friends in her class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do people keep suggesting catholic school?
That is a terrible choice for a child of color who is being bullied. There would be even less diversity there than in public school.

Actually it's a good choice because you know religion.
Kids are reminded constantly that Jesus loves everyone, that they should love their neighbor, that it's important to follow Jesus example of being nice to everyone and so no. I grew up in the area and attended Catholic school back in the 70/80s.
We had a handful of black kids. We were not allowed or supposed to discuss that they were black or ask any questions. Everyone was exactly the same in the eyes of God and skin color didn't matter to Jesus so it couldn't matter to us. That type of thinking brings it own challenges of course and I don't think this is the right way and that race should be acknowledged but at least bullying based on race was not tolerated.
Lastly, we as kids simply viewed Black children who attended school with us as extensions of our white selves. They might have had darker skin but in our minds that was the only difference and we just assumed they liked the same things we liked, their families did the same things we did, and so on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Apologies in advance for long post.
I am not prone to histrionics. When one of my children complains of an incident in school where he/she felt unfairly treated by either another student or a teacher, I have always asked in -depth questions on the facts and, once I am satisfied that it is not a really serious issue, which it usually is not, I help my child to see things in perspective, arm them for any future similar situations in cases where I believe they might be being over sensitive or simply teach them how to stand up for themselves to say something along the lines of-“that’s not very kind. Please don’t do that” in a firm voice. There has never, until now, been a strong enough reason for me to escalate anything to the teacher or higher. I have two other children -14 and 10 and my youngest is 8. She (youngest) has had the most awful time since she started at her school which is different from her siblings because we moved.
It is a predominantly white school (well known for good academics) and my daughter is mixed -white/Black. I must stress that I do not think the school is racist per se but because there are so few children of other races -5 families in total I was told last year by the social worker though it looks like there are a couple more this year- many of the children are curious about differences and have asked my daughter many awkward questions and postulated various reasons why they believe she looks different-none of them nice-think covered in mud, being likened to various animals etc. I can see why this is happening. Faced with being on close proximity , even friends with someone who is different from them, they want their curiosities assuaged and my daughter has borne the brunt of these questions as the only child of color in her class until this year when a South Asian girl was added. Don’t even start me off on Black History Month and lessons on Slavery-ugh! This year the curiosity has ratcheted up to unkindness and there have been 2 children in particular who insist on teasing her about some aspect of her looks -usually related to her race -who ask her almost daily whether her bottom is so large because she is black. My daughter is very slim but when she walks she juts her bottom out. It looks very cute to me but clearly these 2 girls think otherwise.
She has been bullied on the bus, had her hair pulled, been shoved, and the questions have taken on a meanness which did not exist before.
Her reaction has gone from despair and hating herself for being brown, wanting to die, not knowing how to be happy being brown, believing brown is ugly and her beautiful golden brown curls are nasty, being angry with her black parent for not having white hair and white skin like other parents and for making her brown, to this year, just trying her best to disassociate herself from her blackness by insisting that only her white parent attend school functions and, to be honest, she seems happier. She has gone from oscillating between extreme anger and hysterical tears upon arriving home from school to being just anxious that her friends will see her non white parent and she’s obsessed with comparing her complexion with her brother and sister (who could not care less) and deciding that she has the lightest skin and lightest eyes.
I am hearbtoken for her. Of course we both go to school events where all parents are invited but she has pleaded with black parent not to volunteer in the classroom so only the white parent does. However, more than once I have heard children ask her where her other parent is when we are both there-gives black parent a wide berth. One child, upon hearing her sister (who has zero issues with her color) refer to that parent as mom/dad, asked my daughter who the person was and her sister piped up again that “he/she is my dad/mom”. My daughter looked mortified and the little girl who had asked looked utterly confused and looked to her parents, to whom we had just introduced ourselves, for confirmation. We laughed it off but I felt so sad for my daughter that she has had to create this fallacy in order to fit in. An 8 year old should not have to deal with these things. She should be in a safe environment as she develops a love of learning.
I have requested a transfer for two years in a row now, to a more diverse environment where there are a smattering of children of various races/complexions so that she does not have to endure this any longer. I despair over how this will all translate in the pre teen and teen years-I fear it will not be good. I also do not want to compromise on academic rigor.
The first year I was told verbally that there was room for her at another very good school both wrt to academics and diversity because a student had left only to be told, about a week before school started that, a new family had moved into the neighborhood and the space was gone. We both cried when she was leaving for school on the first day back. This year I received a letter rejecting my application even before I’d had a chance to make another request. I have written a strong letter to the Deputy Superintendent but she does not appear to be budging at this point.
What are my options? Part of me wants to put pressure on then by naming and shaming publicly -not that I even know how to go about that-but I am more concerned that my daughter is put in a healthier environment than retaliation. I just don’t know what avenues are open to us at this point. Private is not an option. I used a lawyer to get her an IEP -expensive - so it will be tough but if it is our only option we will have to do that.
Any advice will be appreciated.

It doesn't sound like you are witnessing theses actions. And it sounds like your DD is overly sensitive just in general.

What happens when you have an overly sensitive child and any non-super positive interactions with another child or an adult, the child views and feels far more deeply than a child with normal sensitivity and it means that situations get blown up in the child's mind to a level that doesn't match reality.
For example, pulled hair may have happened once but an overly sensitive child will report it as always happening because in their mind the one time that it did happen means that it is always going to happen the next time any time they see the child even if the other child never approaches the child again or even speaks to the child. Its not like the child is willfully lying by saying it happens all the time but rather they have serious anxiety about the situation and they have no other way to describe or even understand the feeling so they turn into something concrete they can articulate.

While you peruse school options, you might also want to in parallel really think about seeking an evaluation for your child. Yes, you can switch schools but you may find this same issue appears again for your child.