At my wit’s end-bullying

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm so sad and angry that people think you are a troll. I live in 22207, and we've watched with horror as our principal and assistant principal have ignored and dismissed bullying. Please press ahead. Email the asst superintendent for administrative services, the director of special education, and his boss, the asst superintendent for learning and instruction. Go to the Arlington Special Education Advisory Committee (ASEAC) and ask for help. Your child is entitled to an appropriate placement, which by definition should be a safe one.

Children in APS have gotten transfers because of bullying. You social worker should know how it's done. If you post on the SN board, people may know more about the process. But I think the reality is that persistence pays off.

https://www.apsva.us/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/Transfer-Report-2017-18.pdf

I posted that and later apologized.

The reason it seemed suspect is that I was incredulous that there is a school in northern VA that is as monolithic as OP said (only 2 non whites in her daughter's grade).

Everywhere we go around here seems very diverse and the younger grades are especially diverse.

We are in fcps though and never have a reason to be in north Arlington.

Your skepticism isn't misplaced because there are literally no elementary schools in APS where that's the case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm so sad and angry that people think you are a troll. I live in 22207, and we've watched with horror as our principal and assistant principal have ignored and dismissed bullying. Please press ahead. Email the asst superintendent for administrative services, the director of special education, and his boss, the asst superintendent for learning and instruction. Go to the Arlington Special Education Advisory Committee (ASEAC) and ask for help. Your child is entitled to an appropriate placement, which by definition should be a safe one.

Children in APS have gotten transfers because of bullying. You social worker should know how it's done. If you post on the SN board, people may know more about the process. But I think the reality is that persistence pays off.

https://www.apsva.us/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/Transfer-Report-2017-18.pdf

I posted that and later apologized.

The reason it seemed suspect is that I was incredulous that there is a school in northern VA that is as monolithic as OP said (only 2 non whites in her daughter's grade).

Everywhere we go around here seems very diverse and the younger grades are especially diverse.

We are in fcps though and never have a reason to be in north Arlington.

FCPS is diverse on paper but children of color are clumped in certain areas. I imagine FCPS are more diverse than Arlington

We are in a very good pyramid and the elementary schools are all very diverse, including the center.

There are a lot of AA kids at the center and in advanced classes. The high school cohort is high achieving.

It is one of the fcps pyramids mentioned earlier in the thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm so sad and angry that people think you are a troll. I live in 22207, and we've watched with horror as our principal and assistant principal have ignored and dismissed bullying. Please press ahead. Email the asst superintendent for administrative services, the director of special education, and his boss, the asst superintendent for learning and instruction. Go to the Arlington Special Education Advisory Committee (ASEAC) and ask for help. Your child is entitled to an appropriate placement, which by definition should be a safe one.

Children in APS have gotten transfers because of bullying. You social worker should know how it's done. If you post on the SN board, people may know more about the process. But I think the reality is that persistence pays off.

https://www.apsva.us/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/Transfer-Report-2017-18.pdf

I posted that and later apologized.

The reason it seemed suspect is that I was incredulous that there is a school in northern VA that is as monolithic as OP said (only 2 non whites in her daughter's grade).

Everywhere we go around here seems very diverse and the younger grades are especially diverse.

We are in fcps though and never have a reason to be in north Arlington.

FCPS is diverse on paper but children of color are clumped in certain areas. I imagine FCPS are more diverse than Arlington

We are in a very good pyramid and the elementary schools are all very diverse, including the center.

There are a lot of AA kids at the center and in advanced classes. The high school cohort is high achieving.

It is one of the fcps pyramids mentioned earlier in the thread.

PP here. Our school is very diverse but still only 10% black (we are FCPS). The elementary is excellent academically, the middle is good and the high school is terrible. No amount of academic success would be worth what this child in the OP is sacrificing in self worth

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Assuming this is real, I would seriously consider Catholic school. I have friends with kids at St Thomas Moore and they're very happy there. We're at a different Catholic school outside the beltway, and I couldn't imagine such things being tolerated there.

I wouldn't do this. There are very few Black kids in Catholic school and catholic religion in general is looked at with suspicion. You aren't doing her any favors there. I wouldn't care how big the house or how long you saved. You are living among aggressive racists who are doing real harm to your child. Is the house worth it?

You need to get her out of the school by whatever means necessary and engage the black parent/his family to correct this immediately. This child is heading down a lifelong path of self hatred.

Oh the irony! In a thread about prejudice!!!

DP. Save your righteous indignation. The Catholic schools in Arlington simply aren't very diverse, no better than schools like Discovery and Tuckahoe. Take a look at the photos on the websites you'll see the token "diversity" photo where they've collected all of the minorities kids in one shot, and then all of the candids are all white kids. If OP's daughter is having self-image problems stemming in part from not being around more kids who look like her, Catholic school isn't going to help with that.

I would second this. For whatever reason, the Catholic K-8 schools in Arlington are not diverse like they are in many parts of MD, or even other parts of VA.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry to hear about your experience, OP. DD was at a neighboring school mentioned in one of the PPs and, as a POC, we experienced marginalization and tone-deaf admin. We moved b/c we didn't want that to be her educational experience. So relieved to be out of that homogeneous environment. Were we to do it again, would definitely not move to 22207 or adjacent zip codes in the first place.

[Anonymous]

OP. You need to reframe your appeal for relocation. First, you need to document each incident your daughter reports to you. Here is the incident report form:

https://www.apsva.us/wp-content/uploads/legacy_assets/www/ec3febdb76-Bully_Incident_Form_Revised1_6_14.pdf

If you don't document that instances, then it is easier for them to ignore your complaints. You need to start documenting every instance where your child is subjected to bullying. Tell your daughter to tell you every day and explain to her that if she wants to move to a better school where the kids will treat her better, she needs to tell you about them because the school will only move her if they have a list of all of the incidents. Hopefully the desire to move to another school, will prompt her to tell you daily about the incidents. And the forms will show them the magnitude of the problem.

Second, you need to send an updated letter to the Superintendent's office asking for a transfer citing that your child is currently being bullied for her race. Cite that the recently approved policy by the school board should make this a priority as they claim that they are sensitive and respectful to claims of bullying and racist bigotry:

https://www.apsva.us/wp-content/uploads/legacy_assets/www/c52862567e-25-1.17_Student_Safety-bullying_prevention.pdf

State that if they are not willing to address the issue and either move your child or move the bullies, that you will contact the police and report them as hate crimes and also contact a lawyer to obtain a fair settlement including moving your child out of the hostile environment.

Do not stand by and let this system ignore your daughter's unacceptable situation.

[Anonymous]

I think you should put her in a diverse private school. Cut costs so she can go. You’ve already tried getting the school to fix the problem, and you’ve tried to transfer her, so the last option is private school (I wouldn’t choose a religious one.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP. You need to reframe your appeal for relocation. First, you need to document each incident your daughter reports to you. Here is the incident report form:

https://www.apsva.us/wp-content/uploads/legacy_assets/www/ec3febdb76-Bully_Incident_Form_Revised1_6_14.pdf

If you don't document that instances, then it is easier for them to ignore your complaints. You need to start documenting every instance where your child is subjected to bullying. Tell your daughter to tell you every day and explain to her that if she wants to move to a better school where the kids will treat her better, she needs to tell you about them because the school will only move her if they have a list of all of the incidents. Hopefully the desire to move to another school, will prompt her to tell you daily about the incidents. And the forms will show them the magnitude of the problem.

Second, you need to send an updated letter to the Superintendent's office asking for a transfer citing that your child is currently being bullied for her race. Cite that the recently approved policy by the school board should make this a priority as they claim that they are sensitive and respectful to claims of bullying and racist bigotry:

https://www.apsva.us/wp-content/uploads/legacy_assets/www/c52862567e-25-1.17_Student_Safety-bullying_prevention.pdf

State that if they are not willing to address the issue and either move your child or move the bullies, that you will contact the police and report them as hate crimes and also contact a lawyer to obtain a fair settlement including moving your child out of the hostile environment.

Do not stand by and let this system ignore your daughter's unacceptable situation.

I second all of this, but would add that you need to be flexible about the school your daughter is moved to. If you're too focused on one in-demand/overcapacity school, you'll get a lot more push back than if you show a willingness to consider other schools that are better able to accommodate transfers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm so sad and angry that people think you are a troll. I live in 22207, and we've watched with horror as our principal and assistant principal have ignored and dismissed bullying. Please press ahead. Email the asst superintendent for administrative services, the director of special education, and his boss, the asst superintendent for learning and instruction. Go to the Arlington Special Education Advisory Committee (ASEAC) and ask for help. Your child is entitled to an appropriate placement, which by definition should be a safe one.

Children in APS have gotten transfers because of bullying. You social worker should know how it's done. If you post on the SN board, people may know more about the process. But I think the reality is that persistence pays off.

https://www.apsva.us/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/Transfer-Report-2017-18.pdf

I posted that and later apologized.

The reason it seemed suspect is that I was incredulous that there is a school in northern VA that is as monolithic as OP said (only 2 non whites in her daughter's grade).

Everywhere we go around here seems very diverse and the younger grades are especially diverse.

We are in fcps though and never have a reason to be in north Arlington.

Some of these very non-diverse schools host Pre-K programs, but those students are required to leave after Pre-K, which may include K if they are Montessori. Their data is included in K-12 racial information and in the school's and fr/l statistics, so it is absolutely possible that a 1st or 2nd grader would be the only non-white child in a class, perhaps even a grade level.

[Anonymous]

I'm bewildered by this post. Your 8 year old child is being bullied and ostracized based on her race, but you are keeping her in this environment for more than 2 years? You need to either:
1. Send her to private or catholic school
2. Move
3. Get an attorney to support your request for a transfer
4. Accept a transfer to a less desired school within your district that is more diverse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Assuming this is real, I would seriously consider Catholic school. I have friends with kids at St Thomas Moore and they're very happy there. We're at a different Catholic school outside the beltway, and I couldn't imagine such things being tolerated there.

I wouldn't do this. There are very few Black kids in Catholic school and catholic religion in general is looked at with suspicion. You aren't doing her any favors there. I wouldn't care how big the house or how long you saved. You are living among aggressive racists who are doing real harm to your child. Is the house worth it?

You need to get her out of the school by whatever means necessary and engage the black parent/his family to correct this immediately. This child is heading down a lifelong path of self hatred.

Oh the irony! In a thread about prejudice!!!

DP. Save your righteous indignation. The Catholic schools in Arlington simply aren't very diverse, no better than schools like Discovery and Tuckahoe. Take a look at the photos on the websites you'll see the token "diversity" photo where they've collected all of the minorities kids in one shot, and then all of the candids are all white kids. If OP's daughter is having self-image problems stemming in part from not being around more kids who look like her, Catholic school isn't going to help with that.

I would second this. For whatever reason, the Catholic K-8 schools in Arlington are not diverse like they are in many parts of MD, or even other parts of VA.

I am the PP who suggested looking at Catholic schools - not because the ones in Arlington are diverse - but because OP made it sound like money was an issue and chances are there's space. It doesn't sound like OP has a very good chance of APS resolving this before school starts and at the very least needs a back-up plan. If I was OP, I'd 100% rather put my kid in a private school I could afford rather than back into the toxic environment she described. But hey, if OP can afford GDS or Sidwell and they will accept her DD at essentially the last minute, go for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm bewildered by this post. Your 8 year old child is being bullied and ostracized based on her race, but you are keeping her in this environment for more than 2 years? You need to either:
1. Send her to private or catholic school
2. Move
3. Get an attorney to support your request for a transfer
4. Accept a transfer to a less desired school within your district that is more diverse.

SHe needs to move. She's asking too much of a public school system. They have refused her request for transfer for some reason and it's probably a good one. The statistics OP cites at the beginning aren't correct, so either she's trolling or exaggerating or misrepresenting the situation. In any event, if she truly believes that the situation is as bad as it is then she needs to move to another public school or figure out private or catholic. The school, being public, has ever right to deny her. There may also be bussing/transportation issues not being mentioned here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Assuming this is real, I would seriously consider Catholic school. I have friends with kids at St Thomas Moore and they're very happy there. We're at a different Catholic school outside the beltway, and I couldn't imagine such things being tolerated there.

I wouldn't do this. There are very few Black kids in Catholic school and catholic religion in general is looked at with suspicion. You aren't doing her any favors there. I wouldn't care how big the house or how long you saved. You are living among aggressive racists who are doing real harm to your child. Is the house worth it?

You need to get her out of the school by whatever means necessary and engage the black parent/his family to correct this immediately. This child is heading down a lifelong path of self hatred.

Oh the irony! In a thread about prejudice!!!

DP. Save your righteous indignation. The Catholic schools in Arlington simply aren't very diverse, no better than schools like Discovery and Tuckahoe. Take a look at the photos on the websites you'll see the token "diversity" photo where they've collected all of the minorities kids in one shot, and then all of the candids are all white kids. If OP's daughter is having self-image problems stemming in part from not being around more kids who look like her, Catholic school isn't going to help with that.

I would second this. For whatever reason, the Catholic K-8 schools in Arlington are not diverse like they are in many parts of MD, or even other parts of VA.

I am the PP who suggested looking at Catholic schools - not because the ones in Arlington are diverse - but because OP made it sound like money was an issue and chances are there's space. It doesn't sound like OP has a very good chance of APS resolving this before school starts and at the very least needs a back-up plan. If I was OP, I'd 100% rather put my kid in a private school I could afford rather than back into the toxic environment she described. But hey, if OP can afford GDS or Sidwell and they will accept her DD at essentially the last minute, go for it.

What catholic school around here is less than $20k+/year?

[Anonymous]

Why do people keep suggesting catholic school?
That is a terrible choice for a child of color who is being bullied. There would be even less diversity there than in public school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Assuming this is real, I would seriously consider Catholic school. I have friends with kids at St Thomas Moore and they're very happy there. We're at a different Catholic school outside the beltway, and I couldn't imagine such things being tolerated there.

I wouldn't do this. There are very few Black kids in Catholic school and catholic religion in general is looked at with suspicion. You aren't doing her any favors there. I wouldn't care how big the house or how long you saved. You are living among aggressive racists who are doing real harm to your child. Is the house worth it?

You need to get her out of the school by whatever means necessary and engage the black parent/his family to correct this immediately. This child is heading down a lifelong path of self hatred.

Oh the irony! In a thread about prejudice!!!

DP. Save your righteous indignation. The Catholic schools in Arlington simply aren't very diverse, no better than schools like Discovery and Tuckahoe. Take a look at the photos on the websites you'll see the token "diversity" photo where they've collected all of the minorities kids in one shot, and then all of the candids are all white kids. If OP's daughter is having self-image problems stemming in part from not being around more kids who look like her, Catholic school isn't going to help with that.

I would second this. For whatever reason, the Catholic K-8 schools in Arlington are not diverse like they are in many parts of MD, or even other parts of VA.

I am the PP who suggested looking at Catholic schools - not because the ones in Arlington are diverse - but because OP made it sound like money was an issue and chances are there's space. It doesn't sound like OP has a very good chance of APS resolving this before school starts and at the very least needs a back-up plan. If I was OP, I'd 100% rather put my kid in a private school I could afford rather than back into the toxic environment she described. But hey, if OP can afford GDS or Sidwell and they will accept her DD at essentially the last minute, go for it.

What catholic school around here is less than $20k+/year?

Most of them, even for non-Catholics. St. Thomas More, as suggested above is roughly $9,000 for a non-Catholic.