At my wit’s end-bullying

[Anonymous]

Oh how awful, OP. I'm so sorry your baby is going through this. 8 year olds are so clueless. Some can be downright cruel and mean; others are absolutely dumb about race and genuinely curious (touching hair, asking questions).

I would also change schools, although I have no specific suggestions. Just a hug and encourage you to get her out of that environment asap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Assuming this is real, I would seriously consider Catholic school. I have friends with kids at St Thomas Moore and they're very happy there. We're at a different Catholic school outside the beltway, and I couldn't imagine such things being tolerated there.

I wouldn't do this. There are very few Black kids in Catholic school and catholic religion in general is looked at with suspicion. You aren't doing her any favors there. I wouldn't care how big the house or how long you saved. You are living among aggressive racists who are doing real harm to your child. Is the house worth it?

You need to get her out of the school by whatever means necessary and engage the black parent/his family to correct this immediately. This child is heading down a lifelong path of self hatred.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, we could afford N. Arlington but didn't buy there exactly because of this reason, the schools are too white. In all probability the white folks living in 22207 are perfectly nice people but the stress of being just 6-7 people of color in a school is too much for kids and very isolating. N. Arlington is too segregated, you need to move. We ended up buying in Haycock/Longfellow/McLean. Also, my experience could be a little different because we are South Asian, not black but POC nevertheless.

I would never suggest 22207 to a POC, it's just not a healthy place for kids of minorities.

They can't be all that nice if so many children are bullying OP's daughter. Even if these kids didn't explicitly learn it at home, their parents aren't correcting it. And let's say the parents don't know -- the school is doing nothing. School culture comes from somewhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Assuming this is real, I would seriously consider Catholic school. I have friends with kids at St Thomas Moore and they're very happy there. We're at a different Catholic school outside the beltway, and I couldn't imagine such things being tolerated there.

I wouldn't do this. There are very few Black kids in Catholic school and catholic religion in general is looked at with suspicion. You aren't doing her any favors there. I wouldn't care how big the house or how long you saved. You are living among aggressive racists who are doing real harm to your child. Is the house worth it?

You need to get her out of the school by whatever means necessary and engage the black parent/his family to correct this immediately. This child is heading down a lifelong path of self hatred.

Oh the irony! In a thread about prejudice!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, we could afford N. Arlington but didn't buy there exactly because of this reason, the schools are too white. In all probability the white folks living in 22207 are perfectly nice people but the stress of being just 6-7 people of color in a school is too much for kids and very isolating. N. Arlington is too segregated, you need to move. We ended up buying in Haycock/Longfellow/McLean. Also, my experience could be a little different because we are South Asian, not black but POC nevertheless.

I would never suggest 22207 to a POC, it's just not a healthy place for kids of minorities.

They can't be all that nice if so many children are bullying OP's daughter. Even if these kids didn't explicitly learn it at home, their parents aren't correcting it. And let's say the parents don't know -- the school is doing nothing. School culture comes from somewhere.

She said two girls were bullying her child, not “many.” Obviously kids in kindergarten or first grade expressing curiosity about differences between OP’s child and themselves will make OP’s kid uncomfortable and those kids need to be taught why that’s not appropriate, but that’s not the same thing as bullying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, we could afford N. Arlington but didn't buy there exactly because of this reason, the schools are too white. In all probability the white folks living in 22207 are perfectly nice people but the stress of being just 6-7 people of color in a school is too much for kids and very isolating. N. Arlington is too segregated, you need to move. We ended up buying in Haycock/Longfellow/McLean. Also, my experience could be a little different because we are South Asian, not black but POC nevertheless.

I would never suggest 22207 to a POC, it's just not a healthy place for kids of minorities.

They can't be all that nice if so many children are bullying OP's daughter. Even if these kids didn't explicitly learn it at home, their parents aren't correcting it. And let's say the parents don't know -- the school is doing nothing. School culture comes from somewhere.

She said two girls were bullying her child, not “many.” Obviously kids in kindergarten or first grade expressing curiosity about differences between OP’s child and themselves will make OP’s kid uncomfortable and those kids need to be taught why that’s not appropriate, but that’s not the same thing as bullying.

Did you read what OP wrote? These kids are not "expressing curiosity about differences" -- according to OP they are saying nasty things to her daughter about her appearance and expressly telling her she looks dirty.

There's a big difference.

[Anonymous]

I would pull my child out and send her somewhere else, even if I lost money on the house by moving. If you can’t move, then hire a lawyer. It sounds like the school officials don’t care about what is happening to your daughter and you need to force them to do something. Only a lawyer can help you now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, we could afford N. Arlington but didn't buy there exactly because of this reason, the schools are too white. In all probability the white folks living in 22207 are perfectly nice people but the stress of being just 6-7 people of color in a school is too much for kids and very isolating. N. Arlington is too segregated, you need to move. We ended up buying in Haycock/Longfellow/McLean. Also, my experience could be a little different because we are South Asian, not black but POC nevertheless.

I would never suggest 22207 to a POC, it's just not a healthy place for kids of minorities.

They can't be all that nice if so many children are bullying OP's daughter. Even if these kids didn't explicitly learn it at home, their parents aren't correcting it. And let's say the parents don't know -- the school is doing nothing. School culture comes from somewhere.

She said two girls were bullying her child, not “many.” Obviously kids in kindergarten or first grade expressing curiosity about differences between OP’s child and themselves will make OP’s kid uncomfortable and those kids need to be taught why that’s not appropriate, but that’s not the same thing as bullying.

Did you read what OP wrote? These kids are not "expressing curiosity about differences" -- according to OP they are saying nasty things to her daughter about her appearance and expressly telling her she looks dirty.

There's a big difference.

She said two kids were doing that, a distinction I made in my previous post between actual bullying and inappropriate but non-malicious comments.

[Anonymous]

FYI, if you're trying to get a transfer from Taylor to ASF out of this, many people have tried similar tactics before and the administration is now highly skeptical of any such requests, especially if the bullying allegations haven't extensively reported/documented to the school. You might find them more accommodating if you request a transfer to a school that is more diverse but isn't so overcrowded.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Assuming this is real, I would seriously consider Catholic school. I have friends with kids at St Thomas Moore and they're very happy there. We're at a different Catholic school outside the beltway, and I couldn't imagine such things being tolerated there.

I wouldn't do this. There are very few Black kids in Catholic school and catholic religion in general is looked at with suspicion. You aren't doing her any favors there. I wouldn't care how big the house or how long you saved. You are living among aggressive racists who are doing real harm to your child. Is the house worth it?

You need to get her out of the school by whatever means necessary and engage the black parent/his family to correct this immediately. This child is heading down a lifelong path of self hatred.

Oh the irony! In a thread about prejudice!!!

Eh it's not ironic to not want to place your children in the care of the Catholic Church. Didn't they just ask (yet another) priest or cardinal to step down for assaulting children?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm so sorry this is happening to your daughter. Humans can be so cruel. And this wouldn't at all surprise me to be happening in 22207. Twice this year I've had to loudly intervene when white grandparents at the local playground have been overly aggressive w/the few AA kids that play there. There are literally two AA families who use the playground, and both have been told their kids are too loud, too aggressive, shouldn't be playing near the babies when none of that has been true at all. If anyone thinks the 22207 is immune to bias, implicit or express, they are naive. I'm so sorry.

No one is saying 22207 is immune, people are just saying OP's account isn't factually consistent with the schools where she says she lives. So either she's exaggerating the circumstances (and made one or two other factual errors), which isn't constructive if she's sincerely looking for advice, or she's outright making stuff up to throw shade at a school (and it's really easy to figure out which school she's pointing to).

It is easy to figure out which school it is. And that school has a brand new principal this year. Have you met with her yet?

It sounds as if your daughter is miserable, and that’s awful. What actions have you taken at the school level so far? That will help folks guide you toward next steps.

Transfer requests are regularly shot down, so if your daughter is headed to that school this year, I’d recommend a call to a lawyer and then a meeting with the new principal before the school year starts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Assuming this is real, I would seriously consider Catholic school. I have friends with kids at St Thomas Moore and they're very happy there. We're at a different Catholic school outside the beltway, and I couldn't imagine such things being tolerated there.

I wouldn't do this. There are very few Black kids in Catholic school and catholic religion in general is looked at with suspicion. You aren't doing her any favors there. I wouldn't care how big the house or how long you saved. You are living among aggressive racists who are doing real harm to your child. Is the house worth it?

You need to get her out of the school by whatever means necessary and engage the black parent/his family to correct this immediately. This child is heading down a lifelong path of self hatred.

Oh the irony! In a thread about prejudice!!!

DP. Save your righteous indignation. The Catholic schools in Arlington simply aren't very diverse, no better than schools like Discovery and Tuckahoe. Take a look at the photos on the websites you'll see the token "diversity" photo where they've collected all of the minorities kids in one shot, and then all of the candids are all white kids. If OP's daughter is having self-image problems stemming in part from not being around more kids who look like her, Catholic school isn't going to help with that.

[Anonymous]

As an administrator, I have seen students transferred for less. Have a sit down with the Assistant Superintendent. Also- have you been in contact with the AP at your school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm so sad and angry that people think you are a troll. I live in 22207, and we've watched with horror as our principal and assistant principal have ignored and dismissed bullying. Please press ahead. Email the asst superintendent for administrative services, the director of special education, and his boss, the asst superintendent for learning and instruction. Go to the Arlington Special Education Advisory Committee (ASEAC) and ask for help. Your child is entitled to an appropriate placement, which by definition should be a safe one.

Children in APS have gotten transfers because of bullying. You social worker should know how it's done. If you post on the SN board, people may know more about the process. But I think the reality is that persistence pays off.

https://www.apsva.us/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/Transfer-Report-2017-18.pdf

I posted that and later apologized.

The reason it seemed suspect is that I was incredulous that there is a school in northern VA that is as monolithic as OP said (only 2 non whites in her daughter's grade).

Everywhere we go around here seems very diverse and the younger grades are especially diverse.

We are in fcps though and never have a reason to be in north Arlington.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm so sad and angry that people think you are a troll. I live in 22207, and we've watched with horror as our principal and assistant principal have ignored and dismissed bullying. Please press ahead. Email the asst superintendent for administrative services, the director of special education, and his boss, the asst superintendent for learning and instruction. Go to the Arlington Special Education Advisory Committee (ASEAC) and ask for help. Your child is entitled to an appropriate placement, which by definition should be a safe one.

Children in APS have gotten transfers because of bullying. You social worker should know how it's done. If you post on the SN board, people may know more about the process. But I think the reality is that persistence pays off.

https://www.apsva.us/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/Transfer-Report-2017-18.pdf

I posted that and later apologized.

The reason it seemed suspect is that I was incredulous that there is a school in northern VA that is as monolithic as OP said (only 2 non whites in her daughter's grade).

Everywhere we go around here seems very diverse and the younger grades are especially diverse.

We are in fcps though and never have a reason to be in north Arlington.

FCPS is diverse on paper but children of color are clumped in certain areas. I imagine FCPS are more diverse than Arlington