At my wit’s end-bullying

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Call the Board of Education member over your school. Safety is an issue here. I hate reading your post, Mom. We are a very white family at my house but we would never ever say anything other than kind and welcoming things to your family and sweet girl. How stupid of those others! Mixed children are always so beautiful! Hug her from me and do push at the Board level.

If you haven't had success with teacher or principal then I would employ and advocate to meet with school officials. I would also ask the advocate to draft letters to the parents of the children who are responsible. This behavior is out of control and the school/bus driver have a responsibility to deal with it.

[Anonymous]

Move to MD.

[Anonymous]

22207 is probably the whitest zip code in NoVa. The white kids think that everything revolves around them and that anything else is abnormal, and they treat other kids poorly.

You couldn't pay me to live there (we are a bi-racial family).

[Anonymous]

OP, see if you can transfer to Campbell. There is sometimes room in the upper grades. Your kid will be welcomed, butt, curls and all. Your kid will get a great education and your family will be welcomed at any time. Bullying isn’t tolerated and frankly it just isn’t very prevalent. I know of one African American family that transferred to Campbell so their children could have a more diverse but academically rigorous experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:22207 is probably the whitest zip code in NoVa. The white kids think that everything revolves around them and that anything else is abnormal, and they treat other kids poorly.

You couldn't pay me to live there (we are a bi-racial family).

Awesome!! Signed 22207 parent

[Anonymous]

Come to Takoma Park! We are affordable, diverse, friendly and welcoming, and the schools are good too.

[Anonymous]

Maybe a school in S Arlington would work? I know the scores aren't as high, but all my neighbors speak highly of the schools their children attend. I've toured a couple - very diverse.

We are also a biracial family, and live in 22204.

Your experience sounds too much like what I want to avoid with my kids. You're making me really happy we decided not to buy in 22207. I sincerely hope it works out for your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm so sorry this is happening to your daughter. Humans can be so cruel. And this wouldn't at all surprise me to be happening in 22207. Twice this year I've had to loudly intervene when white grandparents at the local playground have been overly aggressive w/the few AA kids that play there. There are literally two AA families who use the playground, and both have been told their kids are too loud, too aggressive, shouldn't be playing near the babies when none of that has been true at all. If anyone thinks the 22207 is immune to bias, implicit or express, they are naive. I'm so sorry.

Nanny here. This is why I don't take my charges to local parks. Although my charges are Caucasian, they need to understand that the world does not look the way the local parks look. I prefer VA Highlands, due to the fantastic spray pad, but any other park is better than the ones in walking distance from their home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, we could afford N. Arlington but didn't buy there exactly because of this reason, the schools are too white. In all probability the white folks living in 22207 are perfectly nice people but the stress of being just 6-7 people of color in a school is too much for kids and very isolating. N. Arlington is too segregated, you need to move. We ended up buying in Haycock/Longfellow/McLean. Also, my experience could be a little different because we are South Asian, not black but POC nevertheless.

I would never suggest 22207 to a POC, it's just not a healthy place for kids of minorities.

They can't be all that nice if so many children are bullying OP's daughter. Even if these kids didn't explicitly learn it at home, their parents aren't correcting it. And let's say the parents don't know -- the school is doing nothing. School culture comes from somewhere.

She said two girls were bullying her child, not “many.” Obviously kids in kindergarten or first grade expressing curiosity about differences between OP’s child and themselves will make OP’s kid uncomfortable and those kids need to be taught why that’s not appropriate, but that’s not the same thing as bullying.

Did you read what OP wrote? These kids are not "expressing curiosity about differences" -- according to OP they are saying nasty things to her daughter about her appearance and expressly telling her she looks dirty.

There's a big difference.

She said two kids were doing that, a distinction I made in my previous post between actual bullying and inappropriate but non-malicious comments.

It doesn't matter. A bully is being a bully when they use bullying words and actions, not when the entire class follows their model. When the whole class does it, it's ostracism.

[Anonymous]

i’m Sorry OP, but you and your spouse were naive to think that sending your child to a completely white school won’t be a problem at some point.
I suggest you move as soon as possible or go to private with more diversity asap.
I say this a a bi-racial person that as a child attended an all-white ES.
I would never do this to my child, it will have a long-lasting psychological impact.
This is particularly pronounced in girls, as boys seem to be less concerned with appearance early on and therefore less likely to bully at a young age (in my opinion).

Wishing your family the best.

[Anonymous]

OP are you a black woman or a white woman? As a black woman with biracial children I find white women with biracial children often find it hard to deal with little nuances and issues around race, bullying and other things because most white women don't notice these issues until they marry a person of color. Black churches, black Greek organizations, and social organizations such as Jack & Jill, the Links all provide outlets and ways to deal with being a minority in a majority world. Though you would have a hard time breaking into these circles as a woman without color. I am sorry that your daughter is being bullied, although you cannot move, you can work on your daughter's self esteem by reading books to her, teaching her about Black history, taking classes on social grace and getting her involved in activities outside of school. All children go through some sort of bullying and I think many parents on here gave you great advice. If you are white and your husband is black he needs to be man and be proactive and teach his daughter about her culture, history and instill black pride in herself. If your daughter is lacking play-dates then I suggest getting to know the parents of the bullies and inviting them perhaps to a BBQ or whatever. If that does not work, learn to make friends with the parents of the other parents in the class so that you might have allies.

[Anonymous]

There has never, until now, been a strong enough reason for me to escalate anything to the teacher or higher.

The quote is from OP in the first post. I'm confused as to whether she has actually spoken to teachers or administrators at this school. Or if she has just applied for an administrative transfer with APS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
My daughter is very slim but when she walks she juts her bottom out. It looks very cute to me but clearly these 2 girls think otherwise.

FYI - that's a physical issue - Swayback (Lordosis)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

There has never, until now, been a strong enough reason for me to escalate anything to the teacher or higher.

The quote is from OP in the first post. I'm confused as to whether she has actually spoken to teachers or administrators at this school. Or if she has just applied for an administrative transfer with APS.

While I have my questions about OP's posts, I think you may be interpreting this one a bit too strictly. The child in question is the youngest of three, and it's possible that OP was not saying she's never felt the need to escalate to a teacher or higher until the specific moment in time that she wrote the post, she may have been saying that she never felt the need to escalate anything before these issues started occurring with her youngest child, and then for the first time she escalated.

[Anonymous]

How is this all coming to a head now, in August? Is your child in summer school?