ILs sleeping in master while staying to watch kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So because ILs are providing free child care they should get to do whatever they want? Should they be allowed to go through the drawers too? Maybe rearrange furniture? I mean, they’re doing you a favor! Just be grateful!

Isn’t this the same board that says if you do a favor for someone you shouldn’t expect payback because then it’s not really a favor? I don’t know, maybe the ILs don’t really want to babysit and are doing it under duress, but I doubt it. I suspect they’re jumping at the chance to be there.

Are you two years old? There is a difference between making your guests who are helping you out in a huge way comfortable and the behavior you describe. The are coming to help. Hopefully they are thrilled to do it, but it doesn’t change the fab fact that they are giving OP a multi day getaway. So, if the master bedroom has the big comfy bed and tv that they desire, why on earth would you begrudge them those comforts?

Are you an idiot? There is a perfectly COMFORABLE guest room and bathroom for them to use. It’s weird that given a perfectly fine option, with privacy and bathroom, that the ILs are insisting on the master, especially since it makes one of the spouses who sleeps in that bed regularly uncomfortable. It’s that person’s private space, and they are entitled to wanting it private, even if you disagree. It would be different if the master was the only option, but it’s not. And again, them doing her a favor doesn’t equal them getting to do something that makes her or her DH uncomfortable just because it’s what they want.

The guest room is obviously not perfectly comfortable. And the spouse who feels icky for no good reason should just take a deep breath and focus on how grateful they are to have generous and trustworthy grandparents who give them the priceless gift of time alone.

Wanting to have your special private space so you can feel comfy while your parents sleep in a crappy bed or watch the old grainy TV is just unbelievably selfish. I guess making people feel comfortable when they are helping out with your children is not important to you.

+1 The namecalling, poor spelling PP clearly doesn't care about being a good host to family.

Yes, sorry typing on my phone results in an inadvertent typo. And let’s ignore that I got called a 2 year old first.

Assuming the OP’s guest bed is crappy and the tv is grainy to support your opinion does not make them facts. If in fact the OP admits it’s an old uncomfortable bed and the tv is crap, then maybe I would see your point. But I’m only going by what info the OP has provided, and so should you. And providing a comfortable room and private bath to guests IS being a good host. If you don’t see that, I can’t help you.

Now you can go back to trolling for typos to make yourself feel superior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is so weird to me. I would, of course, let my in-laws use the master suite if they'd be more comfortable while watching our children for free! I can't fathom how DCUM is perfectly happy to take, take, take free child care but goes crazy at the thought of family members laying their heads on their precious pillows.

(Obviously there is SOMETHING about the guest bedroom that is not great if the IL's are asking to switch up.)

+1 My sister is convinced her guest bedroom is wonderful and doesn't understand why we choose to stay with my parents instead even though it's more cramped over there. The mattress in my sister's guest bedroom is the most ungodly uncomfortable mattress I've ever slept on. Sister has back problems and she likes sleeping on a mattress harder than concrete so to her it's super comfortable. To me? Not so much.

Maybe try, I dunno, TELLING her that the mattress in her guest bedroom is not comfortable to you. How the heck is she supposed to just know that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is so weird to me. I would, of course, let my in-laws use the master suite if they'd be more comfortable while watching our children for free! I can't fathom how DCUM is perfectly happy to take, take, take free child care but goes crazy at the thought of family members laying their heads on their precious pillows.

(Obviously there is SOMETHING about the guest bedroom that is not great if the IL's are asking to switch up.)

+1 My sister is convinced her guest bedroom is wonderful and doesn't understand why we choose to stay with my parents instead even though it's more cramped over there. The mattress in my sister's guest bedroom is the most ungodly uncomfortable mattress I've ever slept on. Sister has back problems and she likes sleeping on a mattress harder than concrete so to her it's super comfortable. To me? Not so much.

Maybe try, I dunno, TELLING her that the mattress in her guest bedroom is not comfortable to you. How the heck is she supposed to just know that?

Ehh I have the same issue. I cannot sleep at my inlaws because the cheap mattress moves any time one of us moves. It shakes! I'd love to complain to my MIL and would complain to my mom if it were her house, but I can't. It's just not something I can politely bring up to my MIL. Sometimes I sleep on the floor with a quilt instead. Also, the sheets pop off the bed in the middle of the night because the elastic is cheap and I end up with my face on a bare mattress. I did tell her I didn't like flannel sheets though and asked that she not put them on in the winter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is so weird to me. I would, of course, let my in-laws use the master suite if they'd be more comfortable while watching our children for free! I can't fathom how DCUM is perfectly happy to take, take, take free child care but goes crazy at the thought of family members laying their heads on their precious pillows.

(Obviously there is SOMETHING about the guest bedroom that is not great if the IL's are asking to switch up.)

+1 My sister is convinced her guest bedroom is wonderful and doesn't understand why we choose to stay with my parents instead even though it's more cramped over there. The mattress in my sister's guest bedroom is the most ungodly uncomfortable mattress I've ever slept on. Sister has back problems and she likes sleeping on a mattress harder than concrete so to her it's super comfortable. To me? Not so much.

Maybe try, I dunno, TELLING her that the mattress in her guest bedroom is not comfortable to you. How the heck is she supposed to just know that?

Wow, here I had never even CONSIDERED telling her that! Thanks so much PP! You're brilliant thoughts have truly illuminated my day!

I have told her that the bed is uncomfortable. But the bed is comfortable TO HER so to HER there isn't a problem and I should be perfectly comfortable in that bed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So because ILs are providing free child care they should get to do whatever they want? Should they be allowed to go through the drawers too? Maybe rearrange furniture? I mean, they’re doing you a favor! Just be grateful!

Isn’t this the same board that says if you do a favor for someone you shouldn’t expect payback because then it’s not really a favor? I don’t know, maybe the ILs don’t really want to babysit and are doing it under duress, but I doubt it. I suspect they’re jumping at the chance to be there.

Are you two years old? There is a difference between making your guests who are helping you out in a huge way comfortable and the behavior you describe. The are coming to help. Hopefully they are thrilled to do it, but it doesn’t change the fab fact that they are giving OP a multi day getaway. So, if the master bedroom has the big comfy bed and tv that they desire, why on earth would you begrudge them those comforts?

Are you an idiot? There is a perfectly COMFORABLE guest room and bathroom for them to use. It’s weird that given a perfectly fine option, with privacy and bathroom, that the ILs are insisting on the master, especially since it makes one of the spouses who sleeps in that bed regularly uncomfortable. It’s that person’s private space, and they are entitled to wanting it private, even if you disagree. It would be different if the master was the only option, but it’s not. And again, them doing her a favor doesn’t equal them getting to do something that makes her or her DH uncomfortable just because it’s what they want.

The guest room is obviously not perfectly comfortable. And the spouse who feels icky for no good reason should just take a deep breath and focus on how grateful they are to have generous and trustworthy grandparents who give them the priceless gift of time alone.

Wanting to have your special private space so you can feel comfy while your parents sleep in a crappy bed or watch the old grainy TV is just unbelievably selfish. I guess making people feel comfortable when they are helping out with your children is not important to you.

+1 The namecalling, poor spelling PP clearly doesn't care about being a good host to family.

Yes, sorry typing on my phone results in an inadvertent typo. And let’s ignore that I got called a 2 year old first.

Assuming the OP’s guest bed is crappy and the tv is grainy to support your opinion does not make them facts. If in fact the OP admits it’s an old uncomfortable bed and the tv is crap, then maybe I would see your point. But I’m only going by what info the OP has provided, and so should you. And providing a comfortable room and private bath to guests IS being a good host. If you don’t see that, I can’t help you.

Now you can go back to trolling for typos to make yourself feel superior.

"PP called me a 2 year old, so I called PP an idiot." I hope you're not a parent, because I would hate to see that you're parenting your kids this way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is so weird to me. I would, of course, let my in-laws use the master suite if they'd be more comfortable while watching our children for free! I can't fathom how DCUM is perfectly happy to take, take, take free child care but goes crazy at the thought of family members laying their heads on their precious pillows.

(Obviously there is SOMETHING about the guest bedroom that is not great if the IL's are asking to switch up.)

+1 My sister is convinced her guest bedroom is wonderful and doesn't understand why we choose to stay with my parents instead even though it's more cramped over there. The mattress in my sister's guest bedroom is the most ungodly uncomfortable mattress I've ever slept on. Sister has back problems and she likes sleeping on a mattress harder than concrete so to her it's super comfortable. To me? Not so much.

Maybe try, I dunno, TELLING her that the mattress in her guest bedroom is not comfortable to you. How the heck is she supposed to just know that?

Ehh I have the same issue. I cannot sleep at my inlaws because the cheap mattress moves any time one of us moves. It shakes! I'd love to complain to my MIL and would complain to my mom if it were her house, but I can't. It's just not something I can politely bring up to my MIL. Sometimes I sleep on the floor with a quilt instead. Also, the sheets pop off the bed in the middle of the night because the elastic is cheap and I end up with my face on a bare mattress. I did tell her I didn't like flannel sheets though and asked that she not put them on in the winter.

NP. Thank goodness for my husband, who spoke up early on and said that the guest mattress in my ILs' house was too worn and uncomfortable to sleep on. He spoke up, they got a new mattress, no one is sleeping on the freaking floor. As for sheets, bring your own!

[Anonymous]

Of course let them sleep in the Master. No brainer. They are family and doing you a big favor. Why wouldn't you let them sleep in there? Wash the sheets before and after

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So because ILs are providing free child care they should get to do whatever they want? Should they be allowed to go through the drawers too? Maybe rearrange furniture? I mean, they’re doing you a favor! Just be grateful!

Isn’t this the same board that says if you do a favor for someone you shouldn’t expect payback because then it’s not really a favor? I don’t know, maybe the ILs don’t really want to babysit and are doing it under duress, but I doubt it. I suspect they’re jumping at the chance to be there.

Are you two years old? There is a difference between making your guests who are helping you out in a huge way comfortable and the behavior you describe. The are coming to help. Hopefully they are thrilled to do it, but it doesn’t change the fab fact that they are giving OP a multi day getaway. So, if the master bedroom has the big comfy bed and tv that they desire, why on earth would you begrudge them those comforts?

Are you an idiot? There is a perfectly COMFORABLE guest room and bathroom for them to use. It’s weird that given a perfectly fine option, with privacy and bathroom, that the ILs are insisting on the master, especially since it makes one of the spouses who sleeps in that bed regularly uncomfortable. It’s that person’s private space, and they are entitled to wanting it private, even if you disagree. It would be different if the master was the only option, but it’s not. And again, them doing her a favor doesn’t equal them getting to do something that makes her or her DH uncomfortable just because it’s what they want.

The guest room is obviously not perfectly comfortable. And the spouse who feels icky for no good reason should just take a deep breath and focus on how grateful they are to have generous and trustworthy grandparents who give them the priceless gift of time alone.

Wanting to have your special private space so you can feel comfy while your parents sleep in a crappy bed or watch the old grainy TV is just unbelievably selfish. I guess making people feel comfortable when they are helping out with your children is not important to you.

+1 The namecalling, poor spelling PP clearly doesn't care about being a good host to family.

Yes, sorry typing on my phone results in an inadvertent typo. And let’s ignore that I got called a 2 year old first.

Assuming the OP’s guest bed is crappy and the tv is grainy to support your opinion does not make them facts. If in fact the OP admits it’s an old uncomfortable bed and the tv is crap, then maybe I would see your point. But I’m only going by what info the OP has provided, and so should you. And providing a comfortable room and private bath to guests IS being a good host. If you don’t see that, I can’t help you.

Now you can go back to trolling for typos to make yourself feel superior.

“The other spouse thinks it’s ok to let them sleep in their preferred room/bed (the master) and be more comfortable with a big TV, better attached bath, quieter/further from the kids, etc while we’re away and they’re watching the kids.”

The bed, tv, bath and location are preferable to their guests. They are doing Op a fair and should get the most comfortable space if it is available, which it is. This would be like inviting someone on a plane ride to come help you and having them sit in economy (because it is perfectly fine) while everyone leaves your business class seat vacant because you don’t want them to sully it. Understandable if you are running a business, but very strange and kind of hostile if dealing with people you love.

[Anonymous]

*OP a favor*

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a pet sitter and frequently my clients tell me to sleep wherever I feel most comfortable whether that’s the guest room or master bedroom. Sometimes I choose the master. I don’t see the big deal.

There’s something very strange about a person who stays in people’s homes for money and then helps themselves to private things including choosing to sleep in the master bed when there’s a perfectly fine guest room available. a la The Hand That Rocks The Cradle.

And of course some people offer it. They know that anyone with no sense of privacy or boundaries who would accept such an offer would have just done it anyway regardless of what was offered. Doesn’t mean they want you to do it.

It makes sense in some cases. Our dog sleep in our bedroom and would be more comfortable if the dog sitter slept there when we are gone.

Yes, I have only pet sat twice, but both times, I've been told to sleep in master because that's where the dogs sleep.

[Anonymous]

I’d turn down the sitting on these terms. There’s a guest room. For guests. Which the grandparents are. In our house, grandparents would have to come in at least a day in advance of any trip we took and stay a day on the other end, so they don’t be in the guest room anyway for those nights. HAving them in the master in between would just mean multiple sets of sheets to wash and I’d have to strip and make our bed both right before we left and right when we got back in the door? No thanks. Doesn’t matter if it’s my parents or his making this request.

[Anonymous]

Guest room. No question. If the alternative is the basement in a sleeping bag, then they can sleep in the master. I find it weird and creepy they would prefer to be in your person space when there is a perfectly good guest room down the hall. A better TV and quieter room are minor. It sounds like they just want to snoop in your stuff. I’d lock the door!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who should give in? The spouse who wants to honor the other spouse’s request to not have someone else sleeping in his/her bed. To disregard that would be akin to saying, “Your feelings about your personal space, aka our marital bed, don’t matter.” Why would anyone get in a power struggle over the very place they have to sleep every night. If my spouse doesn’t want someone in our bed, I need to respect that even if I don’t agree with it.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who should give in? The spouse who wants to honor the other spouse’s request to not have someone else sleeping in his/her bed. To disregard that would be akin to saying, “Your feelings about your personal space, aka our marital bed, don’t matter.” Why would anyone get in a power struggle over the very place they have to sleep every night. If my spouse doesn’t want someone in our bed, I need to respect that even if I don’t agree with it.

+1

Fine. Then pay 2K to get a 1 week full time sitter because you're dishonoring your in-law's reasonable request to be comfortable.

[Anonymous]

When I used to babysit overnight I would sleep in the parents' master bedroom, but I lived in the basement and the kids all slept upstairs. Even after I moved out, me and my boyfriend,later fiance would stay there with the kids and stay in the master. It was easier to hear the kids then and the littler ones usually ended up in the bed anyway by morning. Clean sheets on the bed, NBD.