ILs sleeping in master while staying to watch kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is a sign of respect to offer your best to your guests, especially your elders. I am having a hard time with all of these narcissistic posts. Who are you people that you won't offer your bed to your parents? Sad, very sad.

+1 there’s a lot of people on this thread who weren’t raised to value others...

+2 I'm really stunned at how insecure some of the people are on this thread. Like letting their parents sleep in their bed while they are away is going to harm them somehow. Crazy!

There are many people on this thread who must be keeping the psychotherapists of DC busy. Snowflakes who can't handle the thought of someone sleeping in their bed! #Firstworldproblems

Oh, just shut up already.

Were you captain of the debate team in high school with those skills?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is a sign of respect to offer your best to your guests, especially your elders. I am having a hard time with all of these narcissistic posts. Who are you people that you won't offer your bed to your parents? Sad, very sad.

+1 there’s a lot of people on this thread who weren’t raised to value others...

+2 I'm really stunned at how insecure some of the people are on this thread. Like letting their parents sleep in their bed while they are away is going to harm them somehow. Crazy!

There are many people on this thread who must be keeping the psychotherapists of DC busy. Snowflakes who can't handle the thought of someone sleeping in their bed! #Firstworldproblems

Oh, just shut up already.

+1



The psychotherapists are probably already pretty busy with people like the PP who have so much time and vitriol that they need to troll internet forums insulting people but contributing nothing.

Ha ha, I’m a psychotherapist and I’m totally #teamguestroom absent of cultural issues. Boundaries are healthy

Of course you are. Someone has to validate their patients’ sense of narcissism. “Yes it is my sanctuary! Let the elderly parents sleep in the less comfortable room at the same time I ask them to watch my kids for free.”

Oh so now the parents are “elderly” too? love how everyone is adding “facts” not provided by OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is a sign of respect to offer your best to your guests, especially your elders. I am having a hard time with all of these narcissistic posts. Who are you people that you won't offer your bed to your parents? Sad, very sad.

+1 there’s a lot of people on this thread who weren’t raised to value others...

+2 I'm really stunned at how insecure some of the people are on this thread. Like letting their parents sleep in their bed while they are away is going to harm them somehow. Crazy!

There are many people on this thread who must be keeping the psychotherapists of DC busy. Snowflakes who can't handle the thought of someone sleeping in their bed! #Firstworldproblems

Oh, just shut up already.

+1



The psychotherapists are probably already pretty busy with people like the PP who have so much time and vitriol that they need to troll internet forums insulting people but contributing nothing.

Ha ha, I’m a psychotherapist and I’m totally #teamguestroom absent of cultural issues. Boundaries are healthy

Of course you are. Someone has to validate their patients’ sense of narcissism. “Yes it is my sanctuary! Let the elderly parents sleep in the less comfortable room at the same time I ask them to watch my kids for free.”

Oh so now the parents are “elderly” too? love how everyone is adding “facts” not provided by OP.

The ILs/parents of OP are the grandparents of the kids they are watching at Op’s Home. While it is possible that OP was a teenage parent, I don’t know too many grandparents who I wouldn’t classify as elderly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a pet sitter and frequently my clients tell me to sleep wherever I feel most comfortable whether that’s the guest room or master bedroom. Sometimes I choose the master. I don’t see the big deal.

Of course you don't see the big deal, you don't own a house or have a husband you sleep & have sex with every night. To personal to share.

Just out of curiosity, how do you know all this? Pet sitter = no husband, sex, or home ownership?

NP. This was my question as well. I pet sit and I own two houses, have a profession and an advanced degree. As far as sleeping in the master, I prefer to sleep in a guest room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is a sign of respect to offer your best to your guests, especially your elders. I am having a hard time with all of these narcissistic posts. Who are you people that you won't offer your bed to your parents? Sad, very sad.

+1 there’s a lot of people on this thread who weren’t raised to value others...

+2 I'm really stunned at how insecure some of the people are on this thread. Like letting their parents sleep in their bed while they are away is going to harm them somehow. Crazy!

There are many people on this thread who must be keeping the psychotherapists of DC busy. Snowflakes who can't handle the thought of someone sleeping in their bed! #Firstworldproblems

Oh, just shut up already.

+1



The psychotherapists are probably already pretty busy with people like the PP who have so much time and vitriol that they need to troll internet forums insulting people but contributing nothing.

Ha ha, I’m a psychotherapist and I’m totally #teamguestroom absent of cultural issues. Boundaries are healthy

Of course you are. Someone has to validate their patients’ sense of narcissism. “Yes it is my sanctuary! Let the elderly parents sleep in the less comfortable room at the same time I ask them to watch my kids for free.”

Oh so now the parents are “elderly” too? love how everyone is adding “facts” not provided by OP.

The ILs/parents of OP are the grandparents of the kids they are watching at Op’s Home. While it is possible that OP was a teenage parent, I don’t know too many grandparents who I wouldn’t classify as elderly.

OP has young kids so realistically she is in her 30s. Her parents likely could have had her in their 20s. 50s, even 60, is hardly elderly for gods sake. And if they’re so elderly that they need special concessions for their comfort they probably shouldn’t be watching and running after little kids for a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is a sign of respect to offer your best to your guests, especially your elders. I am having a hard time with all of these narcissistic posts. Who are you people that you won't offer your bed to your parents? Sad, very sad.

+1 there’s a lot of people on this thread who weren’t raised to value others...

+2 I'm really stunned at how insecure some of the people are on this thread. Like letting their parents sleep in their bed while they are away is going to harm them somehow. Crazy!

There are many people on this thread who must be keeping the psychotherapists of DC busy. Snowflakes who can't handle the thought of someone sleeping in their bed! #Firstworldproblems

Oh, just shut up already.

+1



The psychotherapists are probably already pretty busy with people like the PP who have so much time and vitriol that they need to troll internet forums insulting people but contributing nothing.

Ha ha, I’m a psychotherapist and I’m totally #teamguestroom absent of cultural issues. Boundaries are healthy

Of course you are. Someone has to validate their patients’ sense of narcissism. “Yes it is my sanctuary! Let the elderly parents sleep in the less comfortable room at the same time I ask them to watch my kids for free.”

Oh so now the parents are “elderly” too? love how everyone is adding “facts” not provided by OP.

The ILs/parents of OP are the grandparents of the kids they are watching at Op’s Home. While it is possible that OP was a teenage parent, I don’t know too many grandparents who I wouldn’t classify as elderly.

OP has young kids so realistically she is in her 30s. Her parents likely could have had her in their 20s. 50s, even 60, is hardly elderly for gods sake. And if they’re so elderly that they need special concessions for their comfort they probably shouldn’t be watching and running after little kids for a week.

That’s your special definition. Lots of people around these parts raise young kids in their 40s. The AARP defines their membership of elderly as 50+.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:WHY ON EARTH WOULD YOU DEMAND TO SLEEP IN THE BED YOUR ADULT CHILD AND HER SPOUSE SLEEP IN WHEN THERE IS A FINE, EMPTY GUEST ROOM DOWN THE HALL?

How did this even become an option? I'd rather buy a new mattress for guest bed or whatever the "issue" is. stop this now.

BECAUSE AS THE OP MENTIONED THE MASTER BEDROOM HAS AN ATTACHED BATH, A BIG TV AND IS QUIETER AND MORE COMFORTABLE. (Did the all CAPS help me get my point across?)

THE GUEST ROOM ALSO HAS AN ATTACHED BATH. And who is seriously trashy enough to demand to sleep in someone else's marital bed (!) just because they can't survive a night on a comfortable queen bed without being able to watch TV in bed? AND THEY ARE THERE TO WATCH THE KIDS, so yeah they should be closer to the kids.

'
OP and spouse are in the master bedroom daily so presumably if it's good enough for the OP to keep an eye on her kids on a daily basis, it's good enough for Grandma and Grandpa for a week. OP said that the master's attached bath is "better" than the guest room bath whatever that means.

Of course it's good enough to keep an eye on the kids. The point is that if you're at someone's house under the guise of minding their kids, you can't very well complain that you need to spend more time with the kids. It's like staying at someone's house for pet sitting but then not wanting the pets to be close to you while you're watching TV or sleeping.

And nobody is doubting that the master is better. People are saying that the guest bedroom with queen bed and attached bath should be good enough.

Do you seriously go into someone's home, even if yes you're technically doing them a favor, and then refuse to drink the wine and liquor that they made available to you and invited you to drink and instead demand the very best thing in their wine cellar? Just because they drink it sometimes so you should be afforded the same luxury?

Some people are totally clueless.

But OP's inlaws are asking for something costless--using a bedroom that no one is using because OP will be on vacation with her spouse-not drinking up all her wine. OP may feel put out by sharing her space, but her in-laws are doing her a huge favor in caring for her kids.
OP's inlaws are doing her a big favor so presumably

Some people care about their privacy, having everything just how they left it, not needing to pack up their bedroom to leave for a couple of nights, knowing (or at least feeling) like people haven't "accidentally" discovered things that you didn't want them to see, etc, a lot more than a couple hundred bucks for a bottle of wine. Several people on this thread have commented that if the guest suite wasn't good enough for the inlaws then they'd rather just have paid someone else to mind the kids and stay in the nice guest suite. Personally, I'd be the same.

+1

It would not be costless for me. It would cost me my peace of mind, and my privacy.

If my in-laws had concerns about the comfort of the guestroom, I would figure out what the room needed to be more comfortable, and address that before they arrived.

If someone sleeping in your bed for a few nights while you’re away costs you your peace of mind, you have bigger problems (that require psychological support.)

Yeah, no - this is totally reasonable. I mean , the inlaws could smell of something (smoke, perfume, garlic, incontinence?) that could linger in OP’s bedroom long term. It’s reasonable not to want to experience that.
Yuck.

What?! If the ILs smelled like any of this, OP would already know this and likely have trotted it out as another excuse not to have them in the master bedroom. You are totally grasping at straws here (or have disgusting, unhygienic relatives yourself, congrats).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is a sign of respect to offer your best to your guests, especially your elders. I am having a hard time with all of these narcissistic posts. Who are you people that you won't offer your bed to your parents? Sad, very sad.

+100%. selfish, dishonorable people that don't trust their parents enough to sleep in their room.

Yes, so when you are having sex with your partner you should think of your parents , right? Smell their perfume? Perfect.

Agreed. I seriously can't imagine guests having sex in my bed while I'm out of town. A master bedroom is not the same as a hotel.

And yes, my guest room has a better mattress than my master bedroom. Better sheets too.

Well, that’s just stupid. What an idiot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What matters most is that they are minding the kids.

So you suck it up if they prefer your bedroom.

Plus, I bet the guest bed isn't as good as you think.

This! Everyone should have to sleep in their guest bed for a week and see how they like it. Almost very guest bed I’ve ever been in has been lumpy, misshapen, squeaky, too hard or soft, and generally awful. People really don’t give a shit about their guest beds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is a sign of respect to offer your best to your guests, especially your elders. I am having a hard time with all of these narcissistic posts. Who are you people that you won't offer your bed to your parents? Sad, very sad.

+1 there’s a lot of people on this thread who weren’t raised to value others...

+2 I'm really stunned at how insecure some of the people are on this thread. Like letting their parents sleep in their bed while they are away is going to harm them somehow. Crazy!

I’m surprised about all these adults who are Squemish about their parents or ILs having sex.

I posted earlier I really think this is family or culture based. In my family this would be unthinkable (me offering, them asking/accepting). It never happened when I was a child and it won't happen when I'm an adult.

It is as unfathomable to me that you all are totally cool with people in your personal space as it is to you that someone could value privacy enough to not want people, even very close family members, in their space. But like I said my parents are the same way and would willingly spend mucho $$$ at a hotel to avoid it.

If it was necessary for some reason I would of course get over it (like, I don't know, my parents become unexpectedly destitute and my guest bed caught on fire).

Such delicate sensibilities! Do you touch your husband’s genitals while wearing latex gloves? Do you have sex through a hole in the sheet?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What matters most is that they are minding the kids.

So you suck it up if they prefer your bedroom.

Plus, I bet the guest bed isn't as good as you think.

This! Everyone should have to sleep in their guest bed for a week and see how they like it. Almost very guest bed I’ve ever been in has been lumpy, misshapen, squeaky, too hard or soft, and generally awful. People really don’t give a shit about their guest beds.

+1. Op, who has long abandoned this thread should sleep there for a week and gain some empathy for her ILs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is a sign of respect to offer your best to your guests, especially your elders. I am having a hard time with all of these narcissistic posts. Who are you people that you won't offer your bed to your parents? Sad, very sad.

+1 there’s a lot of people on this thread who weren’t raised to value others...

+2 I'm really stunned at how insecure some of the people are on this thread. Like letting their parents sleep in their bed while they are away is going to harm them somehow. Crazy!

There are many people on this thread who must be keeping the psychotherapists of DC busy. Snowflakes who can't handle the thought of someone sleeping in their bed! #Firstworldproblems

Oh, just shut up already.

+1



The psychotherapists are probably already pretty busy with people like the PP who have so much time and vitriol that they need to troll internet forums insulting people but contributing nothing.

Ha ha, I’m a psychotherapist and I’m totally #teamguestroom absent of cultural issues. Boundaries are healthy

Of course you are. Someone has to validate their patients’ sense of narcissism. “Yes it is my sanctuary! Let the elderly parents sleep in the less comfortable room at the same time I ask them to watch my kids for free.”

Oh so now the parents are “elderly” too? love how everyone is adding “facts” not provided by OP.

The ILs/parents of OP are the grandparents of the kids they are watching at Op’s Home. While it is possible that OP was a teenage parent, I don’t know too many grandparents who I wouldn’t classify as elderly.

OP has young kids so realistically she is in her 30s. Her parents likely could have had her in their 20s. 50s, even 60, is hardly elderly for gods sake. And if they’re so elderly that they need special concessions for their comfort they probably shouldn’t be watching and running after little kids for a week.

That’s your special definition. Lots of people around these parts raise young kids in their 40s. The AARP defines their membership of elderly as 50+.

Yes I know. I’m one of them. I was giving one realistic possibility that would not mean OP’s ILs were elderly. It’s not my “special definition.” And once again for the people in the back, everyone is prescribing additional facts not given by the OP to justify their opinion. We have no idea how old these people are, only that they are presumably young empnough to babysit, they frequently cross boundaries, and they want to use OP and spouses bedroom despit one of the inhabitants of that room being uncomfortable with it.

But speaking of special definitions, the AARP can call elderly anything they want. But 50 is not elderly FFS. What’s middle age? 35?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is a sign of respect to offer your best to your guests, especially your elders. I am having a hard time with all of these narcissistic posts. Who are you people that you won't offer your bed to your parents? Sad, very sad.

+1 there’s a lot of people on this thread who weren’t raised to value others...

+2 I'm really stunned at how insecure some of the people are on this thread. Like letting their parents sleep in their bed while they are away is going to harm them somehow. Crazy!

I’m surprised about all these adults who are Squemish about their parents or ILs having sex.

I posted earlier I really think this is family or culture based. In my family this would be unthinkable (me offering, them asking/accepting). It never happened when I was a child and it won't happen when I'm an adult.

It is as unfathomable to me that you all are totally cool with people in your personal space as it is to you that someone could value privacy enough to not want people, even very close family members, in their space. But like I said my parents are the same way and would willingly spend mucho $$$ at a hotel to avoid it.

If it was necessary for some reason I would of course get over it (like, I don't know, my parents become unexpectedly destitute and my guest bed caught on fire).

Such delicate sensibilities! Do you touch your husband’s genitals while wearing latex gloves? Do you have sex through a hole in the sheet?

Nope! We get down, which is why I don't want my parents up in there!

[Anonymous]

I think that you need to respect your SPOUSE if they feel that boundaries are crossed and their personal space invaded - particularly when you have a guest room with an ensuite bath.

The arguments on the thread is whether the "feeling" is right or wrong as if people have to justify their discomfort at the thought.

I'm sorry - but if I "feel" a certain away - I think that one main reason that you have a spouse is that they support you in loving, reasonable ways and this is more than reasonable - given the specific dynamics and rooming available.

FWIW - I wouldn't want anyone sleeping in my bed. Not my parents or sibling or anyone other than my child. It's my personal sanctuary and I would be internally grossed out at the thought.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is a sign of respect to offer your best to your guests, especially your elders. I am having a hard time with all of these narcissistic posts. Who are you people that you won't offer your bed to your parents? Sad, very sad.

+1 there’s a lot of people on this thread who weren’t raised to value others...

+2 I'm really stunned at how insecure some of the people are on this thread. Like letting their parents sleep in their bed while they are away is going to harm them somehow. Crazy!

There are many people on this thread who must be keeping the psychotherapists of DC busy. Snowflakes who can't handle the thought of someone sleeping in their bed! #Firstworldproblems

Oh, just shut up already.

+1



The psychotherapists are probably already pretty busy with people like the PP who have so much time and vitriol that they need to troll internet forums insulting people but contributing nothing.

Ha ha, I’m a psychotherapist and I’m totally #teamguestroom absent of cultural issues. Boundaries are healthy

Of course you are. Someone has to validate their patients’ sense of narcissism. “Yes it is my sanctuary! Let the elderly parents sleep in the less comfortable room at the same time I ask them to watch my kids for free.”

Oh so now the parents are “elderly” too? love how everyone is adding “facts” not provided by OP.

The ILs/parents of OP are the grandparents of the kids they are watching at Op’s Home. While it is possible that OP was a teenage parent, I don’t know too many grandparents who I wouldn’t classify as elderly.

OP has young kids so realistically she is in her 30s. Her parents likely could have had her in their 20s. 50s, even 60, is hardly elderly for gods sake. And if they’re so elderly that they need special concessions for their comfort they probably shouldn’t be watching and running after little kids for a week.

That’s your special definition. Lots of people around these parts raise young kids in their 40s. The AARP defines their membership of elderly as 50+.

Where does AARP define "elderly"?

They are an association for retired persons, not necessarily for elderly people.