ILs sleeping in master while staying to watch kids?

[Anonymous]

We have a nice guest room with a queen bed and attached bath. One spouse thinks it’s weird for ILs, who are coming for a few nights to watch the kids while we go out of town, to sleep in our master bed while we’re gone when we have a perfectly comfortable guest space for them to use. The other spouse thinks it’s ok to let them sleep in their preferred room/bed (the master) and be more comfortable with a big TV, better attached bath, quieter/further from the kids, etc while we’re away and they’re watching the kids. To be fair, these are ILs who generally cross boundaries and make themselves very comfortable in our house, too much so for both of us at times. We are both willing to compromise but the spouse who thinks it’s weird will be annoyed to have them in our bed. Who should give in?

[Anonymous]

Holy shit what kind of person asks someone to spend multiple days in their house then gets wound up about boundaries

It’d be INSANELY rude to keep them out of the master. Like bonkers rude

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have a nice guest room with a queen bed and attached bath. One spouse thinks it’s weird for ILs, who are coming for a few nights to watch the kids while we go out of town, to sleep in our master bed while we’re gone when we have a perfectly comfortable guest space for them to use. The other spouse thinks it’s ok to let them sleep in their preferred room/bed (the master) and be more comfortable with a big TV, better attached bath, quieter/further from the kids, etc while we’re away and they’re watching the kids. To be fair, these are ILs who generally cross boundaries and make themselves very comfortable in our house, too much so for both of us at times. We are both willing to compromise but the spouse who thinks it’s weird will be annoyed to have them in our bed. Who should give in?

I'd never let anyone sleep in my room/bed while I was away. Especially inlaws. Gross. I'd probably lock that part of the house if I had people staying in my house and I wasn't there.

But then again, I also wouldn't expect anyone to mind my kids for free while I went out for several days to enjoy myself.

Personally, I feel like it's a person's right to not have someone sleep in their bed unless they invite them.

[Anonymous]

I don't like others sleeping in my bed especially when there is a perfectly fine guest room. It's not like they are going to have to sleep on couches.

Just say you want them closer to the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have a nice guest room with a queen bed and attached bath. One spouse thinks it’s weird for ILs, who are coming for a few nights to watch the kids while we go out of town, to sleep in our master bed while we’re gone when we have a perfectly comfortable guest space for them to use. The other spouse thinks it’s ok to let them sleep in their preferred room/bed (the master) and be more comfortable with a big TV, better attached bath, quieter/further from the kids, etc while we’re away and they’re watching the kids. To be fair, these are ILs who generally cross boundaries and make themselves very comfortable in our house, too much so for both of us at times. We are both willing to compromise but the spouse who thinks it’s weird will be annoyed to have them in our bed. Who should give in?

I'd love to know how someone makes it clear that "their preferred room/bed" is the master. Did you specifically offer them free reign of the house and say that they were welcome to sleep anywhere they wanted, including the master bed, and that they should tell you what they preferred? Because that's insanely rude to offer that without checking with your husband in private first.

I'm having a hard time imagining any adult raising it themselves like "oh by the way, we will actually be sleeping in your bed while you're away, using your closets and your private bath etc.... yes even though you have a beautiful guest room down the hall." Who seriously does that? It's not like you're going away for 6-12 months. (And honestly, even then I'd think it's personally kind of weird with a nice guest room down the hall.)

Or did you just come home from an evening away one time and it was like Goldilocks "and it looks like someone has been sleeping in MY bed... who was that?"

[Anonymous]

They should stay in the guest room. If there is a big discrepancy in the bathrooms they can use the master bath if necessary.

[Anonymous]

I’m a pet sitter and frequently my clients tell me to sleep wherever I feel most comfortable whether that’s the guest room or master bedroom. Sometimes I choose the master. I don’t see the big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a pet sitter and frequently my clients tell me to sleep wherever I feel most comfortable whether that’s the guest room or master bedroom. Sometimes I choose the master. I don’t see the big deal.

Of course you don't see the big deal, you don't own a house or have a husband you sleep & have sex with every night. To personal to share.

[Anonymous]

Guest room. No question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a pet sitter and frequently my clients tell me to sleep wherever I feel most comfortable whether that’s the guest room or master bedroom. Sometimes I choose the master. I don’t see the big deal.

There’s something very strange about a person who stays in people’s homes for money and then helps themselves to private things including choosing to sleep in the master bed when there’s a perfectly fine guest room available. a la The Hand That Rocks The Cradle.

And of course some people offer it. They know that anyone with no sense of privacy or boundaries who would accept such an offer would have just done it anyway regardless of what was offered. Doesn’t mean they want you to do it.

[Anonymous]

Guest bedroom

[Anonymous]

Obviously it’s strange if they’re insisting on the maste. It’s also strange to ask people to watch your kids for several days and then complain about boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Who should give in? The spouse who wants to honor the other spouse’s request to not have someone else sleeping in his/her bed. To disregard that would be akin to saying, “Your feelings about your personal space, aka our marital bed, don’t matter.” Why would anyone get in a power struggle over the very place they have to sleep every night. If my spouse doesn’t want someone in our bed, I need to respect that even if I don’t agree with it.

[Anonymous]

It is not weird for them to sleep in your room.

If you did not have a guest bedroom, where would they sleep? I know many couples who have their guests (parents and the like) sleep in their bed and they take the murphy bed or blow up bed on the floor when guests comes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a pet sitter and frequently my clients tell me to sleep wherever I feel most comfortable whether that’s the guest room or master bedroom. Sometimes I choose the master. I don’t see the big deal.

There’s something very strange about a person who stays in people’s homes for money and then helps themselves to private things including choosing to sleep in the master bed when there’s a perfectly fine guest room available. a la The Hand That Rocks The Cradle.

And of course some people offer it. They know that anyone with no sense of privacy or boundaries who would accept such an offer would have just done it anyway regardless of what was offered. Doesn’t mean they want you to do it.

It makes sense in some cases. Our dog sleep in our bedroom and would be more comfortable if the dog sitter slept there when we are gone.