Is wife being unreasonable?
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
| OP, this is a dbag expectation on your part. Come correct. |
Anonymous
Did you ever tell her that. My H best friend yelled at me on a vacation because my 6 month old son woke him at 6am when he cried because he was confused where he was. 10 years later he called an apologized. I really appreciated it and thought much better of him after that. |
Anonymous
|
The 6 week mark was a milestone for us. Our toddler morphed from a bubbly, sweet, cuddly precious child into a tantrum-making, insecure, needy-as-f, whiny, brat who actually once threw a toy at the baby in frustration. It was a brief phase (shes a doll again) but it was real and scary for her and upset our whole dynamic.
Just pointing out that your now only child is going to have its world totally rocked and will still be adjusting to the new normal of not being mommy’s only priority. It was the most heartbreaking side effect of going from 1 to 2. This is another reason to consider taking the toddler alone for “special time with daddy.” |
Anonymous
| This trip would be nothing but a pain in the butt for your wife so why put her through it. Plus, if it's at the end of the year you will be in flu season and there is no better place to pick up germs than on an airplane. You go and have a good time and let your wife and kids stay home. And, whatever you don't don't put the blame for her not coming on her as that will just set your parents off. You don't need that nor does she. Just say that it's the right decision for your family and have a good time on your own. |
Anonymous
| Hey, let her stay home and you can hustle one of the bridesmaids. Win win! |
Anonymous
This x1,000,000. |
Anonymous
When did OP come back and say this? I haven't seen a post from OP since his original post. |
Anonymous
No way she's being totally unreasonable. Flying with a 6 week old is a piece of cake and you can get immunizations early if you want. AND you're going to a family event where people will be bending over backwards to help. A siblings wedding is one of the things you suck it up for OP. - mother of 2.5 yr old and 10 month old |
Anonymous
|
OP, you sound pretty self absorbed and oblivious to taking care of a newborn, just like my DH - likely because your wife does most of the childcare?
My opinion is that you should plan on either going alone, or taking the 2 year old with you, but do not expect your wife and infant to go. If your wife was telling you not to go, I would view that as unreasonable, but not wanting to go herself with a newborn is NOT unreasonable. I skipped a close family wedding of my DH when our first was a newborn, and I LOVE (adore even) my in-laws, and I'm sure they would have tried to help me. I am listing some reasons below. Some you may consider to be TMI, but they are realities after birth that a lot of men just don't realize (and their wives don't mention for a variety of reasons) 1. IF your baby is born on the due date, baby will only be 6 weeks with no vaccinations. Taking a baby that young around so many people is not a good idea. 2. There's no guarantee your wife will give birth on her due date. Most doctors let you go up to 2 weeks past the due date before suggesting inducing labor. Your baby could be only 4 weeks old at the time of the wedding. 3. Your wife could end up with a C-section, which requires a long recovery, and if it's an emergency C, it's even harder to recover from. It's difficult afterward to even lift the baby up. I say this as a 2 time C-section mother who both times tried to do too much too soon afterwards, and ended up tearing the incision open and requiring hospital treatment to close it, and the 2nd time I also got a cellulitis infection in it and that was terrible. 4. If your wife has a natural birth there is a possibility she could sustain a high degree of tearing which requires a longer recovery period. I don't know from personal experience, but I have a friend who had a 4th degree tear (I think it was?) and just sitting was very uncomfortable for her for a long time. 5. After giving birth, sometimes the mother gets terrible hemorrhoids that are very uncomfortable and make sitting very uncomfortable. Mine required treatment. I couldn't imagine sitting on a plane for hours when they were at their worst, even with my donut pillow. 6. at 6 weeks, a baby needs to be fed so often. They also cry a LOT. It is a huge PITA to fly with an infant. If you can't take into consideration wife's comfort on the flight, at least think of the OTHER PASSENGERS on the flight. It's no fun for a baby to be screaming the entire flight. 7. A newborn is prone to crazy poo blowouts. I barely flew with my newborns because of the hassle, but for one of the times, we had a poo blowout while I was going through security and rushing to make our flight. It was a nightmare. Another time, I was flying with my infant on my lap and he had a blowout and poo was everywhere - on me, on him, it went up the back of his onesie and came out by his neck, so was in his hair too. Do you realize what a pain it is just to change a regular diaper on a plane, let alone a poo explosion?? It stunk up the cabin and I was so horrified and felt so bad for the other passengers. 8. Newborns may also be prone to projectile vomiting, and it can be a lot and often. It may even be a medical condition. If this is the case, do you really want to take said newborn on a plane? OP, I feel for you, but please take the above scenarios into consideration. |
Anonymous
Bwaa ha ha ha! Nobody will be bending over backwards. They are going to be in line for the bride’s signature wedding cocktail. |
Anonymous
| If OP doesn't think he can handle the 2 year old with support of other relatives, that's a big clue that OP's wife is the default parent and OP's family is not that helpful. I was a hot mess at 6 weeks postpartum, and nobody would have wanted me crying all over their wedding. |
Anonymous
Well even if they didn't I would bend over backwards to be there for me or DH's siblings big life milestones (and have actually done that). People act like having children is like incapacitating. Sure the beginning is hard. And if OP ends up having a super difficult colicky baby and mom is totally burned out at 6 weeks then I would have total sympathy for her bailing. But why do people on this board never want to put themselves through ANY hardship to show up for their family. In all liklihood OP's DW will be fine and the toddler will be in the thick of the festivities. It will be a long tiring weekend and if they can get help they should but it is ONE weekend and this DW is saying way far in advance she would be incapable of going. If my DH said he wouldn't go to my brother's wedding, for basically any reason, I would be raking him over the coals. We show up for our family, plain and simple. When a sibling of mine died, people showed up. So we show up too, for happy events and for sad events, if we're able we show up. And that's how you become the kind of person people show up for. |
Anonymous
|
I traveled with my second before 6 weeks and a two year old, DH was with us, transcontinental, because we had to. For fun? Heck no. Is your family so not understanding of this? You know in China they say giving birth means 30 days in pajamas? Here is a little common sense from parents.com
You need to back off, if she isn't comfortable with it, and she knows you will ditch her(which you will, 100%). After all, many of us here, BTDT situaitons and know husbands are all talk and no walk.... You become total a**holes as soon as you are near your bros and your family.... https://www.parents.com/pregnancy/week-by-week/35/qa-when-can-baby-fly/ |
Anonymous
Ugh, drama queen. Sorry, a newborn is an exemption from just about anything short of the death of your own parent or sibling. Period. |
Anonymous
I'm not the drama queen, I'm the one saying having a newborn doesn't incapacitate me from life. You all are the drama queens acting like one weekend is going to destroy you. |