Is wife being unreasonable?

[Anonymous]

OP has disappeared since he hasn't seen the responses he wanted.

[Anonymous]

Not unreasonable in the least. If she was telling you YOU couldn't go, I would say unreasonable. But she's just being rational

To echo others, I would not fly with a 6 week old. Any doctor I've heard of advises against it. And she's right: when you're there, you're going to be busy with pre-wedding duties, pictures, the ceremony (obviously), best man stuff...you're not going to be swooping in regularly to take one kid or the other, which is what's necessary in a new (public) place with young toddler and a newborn who needs to eat (ie the person feeding him needs to sit in one place, not be chasing a toddler) very often. Being at a wedding (and all the other stuff that goes along with it) would work only if you brought a separate babysitter just for the toddler. But that doesn't fix the problem of not flying at 6 weeks - my pediatrician explicitly advised against it. Just go yourself, and you'll have more fun anyways

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh, I’m sure everyone wants to babysit a 2 year old at a wedding.

OP: do you even spend time with your kids?

Haha right?? I'm not thinking OP does much actual parenting at ALL based on this...v delusional

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I think you’re the one keeping your children from your parents. Why can’t you bring the 2 year old without your wife?

One second you say your family is all about helping babysit the kids for the wedding. The moment anyone suggests you take them up on this offer and bring the toddler, you backtrack so fast and say it’s impossible without your wife. Seriously, either there’s tons of help at the wedding and it’s easy to take the toddler ....or it’s not. (and you should listen to your wife!)

Deep down you know that this “family help” is not going to materialize and everything will get dumped on your wife. If YOU can’t handle taking the toddler on your own, don’t expect your wife to travel with a 6 week infant AND a toddler.

YUP! Read this one again, OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nope, nope, nope. No way would I have gone to a wedding 6 weeks post-partum, never mind one a plane ride away, with or without a 2 year old. Be grateful your wife is cool with you going solo to the event - that's the most reasonable solution, and frankly some women might even give you grief about that.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope, nope, nope. No way would I have gone to a wedding 6 weeks post-partum, never mind one a plane ride away, with or without a 2 year old. Be grateful your wife is cool with you going solo to the event - that's the most reasonable solution, and frankly some women might even give you grief about that.

+1

+2
Taking a baby too young to have vaccinations on an airplane is probably contrary to your pediatrician's advice, for one. Six weeks post-partum, I was still bleeding occasionally, totally hormonal, and exhausted. Taking care of a baby and a toddler in a hotel room while my husband parties with his family sounds miserable. Either he goes and takes the toddler or he goes alone, but her not wanting to go is not unreasonable.

And the in-laws are not going to be much help with the toddler. They are going to be busy--like everyone else--with the wedding. If you truly think they will be so helpful, then you go with the toddler and see just how much help you get.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Expecting a woman to travel on a three hour flight 6 weeks PP with a toddler and a newborn, while you perform best man duties all weekend, is actually unreasonable.

She, on the other hand is being perfectly reasonable by staying home and encouraging you to go. If you believe you have enough help there, go and take your toddler so she can stay home and recover with the new born.

I also wouldn’t be keen on travelling on a flight that long with a newborn, before they’ve had vaccinations.

I completely agree.

And I would never take a six week old on an airplane during flu season. No way.

[Anonymous]

You have no idea how much harder this is about to get than with just one child. By the time the wedding rolls around, come back here and tell us if you'd be willing to do this if your wife was the one in the wedding party while you had sole responsibility for the kids in an unfamiliar place.

You guys will barely have figured out how to function as two adults with two children (one up all night) at home by the 6-week mark. You are being unreasonable.

It may also be that your wife doesn't like your family. What's she's saying, though, is that their "help" is likely to be more stressful than helpful, particularly because since they don't have a good relationship, and your parents are the parents of the groom, she won't be able to ask for anything; she'll just be expected to be grateful for whatever small amount of help she gets.

[Anonymous]

Wow, even my very social and often clueless DH is not this dopey.

If she’s OK with you going alone, just go and party it up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m going to disagree with most of the posters here and I have two children who are two years apart. I don’t think it is unreasonable to expect all of you to go. That said, I would confirm that there is going to be someone - whether it is you or your in-laws or hire a babysitter - to be on call for most of the weekend with the two-year-old.

If not I agree with others that you should go with the two-year-old.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP has disappeared since he hasn't seen the responses he wanted.

He was blown when we called him out that he can't even take a 2 year old by himself.

[Anonymous]

Another vote for OP takes the 2-year old.

Nearly 20 years later, I still feel badly that my DH and I scheduled our wedding 2 months after the due date of my BIL and SIL's first baby (everyone said 'babies are easy - it's not a big deal..). BIL was also best man.

The baby had colic, never slept and cried all the time. My SIL ended up going on a pumping marathon and saved up enough milk to leave the baby with her mother and come without the baby to the wedding for the weekend (2 hour plane ride + 1 hour drive). I am so, so lucky that they didn't hold that against us and they could laugh about it (after the fact). They are saints (as was my SIL's mom) to have found a way to still come and I can't believe DH and I were so darn selfish... I would never, ever do that again or ask/ expect someone to do so (and they didn't even have a toddler).

[Anonymous]

We took a two year old and 12 week old to Cuba. It was a great time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m going to disagree with most of the posters here and I have two children who are two years apart. I don’t think it is unreasonable to expect all of you to go. That said, I would confirm that there is going to be someone - whether it is you or your in-laws or hire a babysitter - to be on call for most of the weekend with the two-year-old.

If not I agree with others that you should go with the two-year-old.

LOL, what? He's the best man, he isn't going to be on call, and neither are his parents. There is no way that my mom would have been able to help someone with a two year old the weekend I got married. COME ON.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why was the wedding scheduled so close to her due date? It would be bad enough for a 6 week old to be attending a crowded wedding in the same town. Plane rides and hotel rooms are terrible idea. 6 week olds do not have immunizations. Even a light fever means an ER visit for fear of simple viruses causing things like meningitis. Believe me you don’t want to watch nurses trying to poke into those tiny veins to do bloodwork. It is torture.

Your family should have delayed the wedding for at least a couple more weeks. Or they should accept that it is not reasonable for her and the newborn to attend. You’d hoild go with and take care of your 2yo.

This is a good point.

Why didn’t they schedule the wedding a few months after the due date if it was so critical for the baby to be there?

I'm in the hell no don't go camp -- but, you do realize that many weddings are planned more than nine months in advance, right (and most people don't tell about pregnancies until they're a couple of months in)?