Is wife being unreasonable?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We drove from Chicago to DC to avoid taking a 6 week old on a plane because of vaccination fears. There have been so many outbreaks we just couldn’t do it.

I flew with my 6 week old daughter 20 years ago, but would not now with so many people declining vaccinations.

[Anonymous]

Nobody is a drama queen, I am pp whose BTDT, sadly we know that ILS and DHs are not to be counted on in such a situation and honestly don't give a damn to make so much effort and be having a miserable time. I traveled with a 3 year old and my severe GERD 10 month old to Europe to my own sister's wedding and my DH was there. Nobody would understand that my DD was just screaming pretty much her whole life, non stop, not sleeping. The only thing my own family cared is my sister and the wedding. The only thing my sister cared about is that after the ceremony I wasn't there with DD for a photo op, but guess what? DH and I both had to walk out so her church ceremony isn't ruined because DD was screaming bloody murder. So, we did it for her sake! You know who helped me other than DH? Not a single person. Nobody cares about your baby when there is a fancy wedding in question. Not even my own mom, who was busy with everything. So, back off nasty shrew making an effort pp. Some of us have made the effort, and nobody gave a fig.

[Anonymous]

My 2nd baby's first 8 weeks were way harder than DS1's, what with colic and projectile vomiting and really poor sleep. Throw in a jealous toddler, it was the most challenging time in my life, and I was in the comfort of my own home, with the help of my mom and DH.

So yeah, things could be very different than what you want and your expectations of your wife is completely out of whack.

[Anonymous]

Hey both PP's. I'm the show up PP and I believe I EXPLICITLY called out room for flexibility if you have a demon baby!

[Anonymous]

My sister's wedding was 6 weeks PP and we went with our 2 year old. I was the MOH. However, (1) My husband is an absolute co-parent (2) our family actually is super helpful and we had 4 grandparents, aunt/uncle and cousins there who helped with our 2 year old (3) we didn't have to fly. And, damn, was it hard. The baby didn't sleep the entire weekend and we were all in a small hotel room with him crying. The only time he slept was during the party and we paid the price for that all night long. For me, the second time was easier than the first for recovery, but you absolutely never know.

If your wife is saying she thinks it's a bad idea. LISTEN TO HER.

[Anonymous]

OP, my sister stood up as my MOH two days post-partum, but all of us would think my BIL needed his head examined if he expected her to do the same for one of his siblings. Yeah, of course your wife might treat her own siblings differently than yours...they're her f'ing siblings that she grew up with!

I'm sorry to say that you just need to back off on this. You are the one being unreasonable. When I was 6w post-partum with my second, DH took our 2 y.o. on his family's annual vacation, and I stayed home with baby. I would have been miserable sitting on a 2 hr plane ride + 2 hr drive to go on that trip...but it was actually kind of nice for DD to have a special trip with her dad where she got showered with attention after dealing with a new screaming baby at home that seemed to be sucking away all of her parents' energy.

Your older kid will be the perfect age to be the darling of the wedding...so that alone is a great reason to take them without wife and baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hey both PP's. I'm the show up PP and I believe I EXPLICITLY called out room for flexibility if you have a demon baby!

OP won't know that until it's too late, though. Then they'll be out the $$$$ for the tickets. The first 4 weeks are often pretty chill and then all hell can break loose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is no way in a million years I would go with a newborn and a 2 year old.

Would you be willing to take the 2 year old all by yourself so your parents can see him?

Let me guess, your best man and that is too much work.




You guys will be divorced in 5 years btw if you keep this bs up.

No way she's being totally unreasonable. Flying with a 6 week old is a piece of cake and you can get immunizations early if you want. AND you're going to a family event where people will be bending over backwards to help.

A siblings wedding is one of the things you suck it up for OP.

- mother of 2.5 yr old and 10 month old

Bwaa ha ha ha! Nobody will be bending over backwards. They are going to be in line for the bride’s signature wedding cocktail.

I was literally thinking Bwaaaa!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hey both PP's. I'm the show up PP and I believe I EXPLICITLY called out room for flexibility if you have a demon baby!

OP won't know that until it's too late, though. Then they'll be out the $$$$ for the tickets. The first 4 weeks are often pretty chill and then all hell can break loose.

Yeah I did in fact buy plane tickets with a disclaimer that I might not get on the plane for an immediate family member's wedding because I would be about 37 weeks pregnant and was high risk. Like I said I try my best to be there.

[Anonymous]

What OP's wife knows:

- DH and his family will be occupied with the wedding
- OP will have a two-year old and newborn to take care of without dedicated help
- There is travel involved likely before vaccines are given
- OP will be exhausted from having to wrangle a 2-year old and newborn

What OP's wife and OP don't know:

- If the baby will arrive on time
- Whether DW will have tears, need a c-section or otherwise have complications
- Whether newborn will have any issues including reflux, colic, etc.
- Whether this newborn will take to the bottle or whether DW's supply will be better this time
- How 2 year-old will change once newborn is here

With all this, why would OP think that DW is being unreasonable?

[Anonymous]

Ok, OP here-

I will clear up some things. The wedding date was already set by the time we announced the pregnancy. My wife is the primary caregiver but I definitely contribute and coparent when I’m home in the evenings and on the weekends. I may not know exactly as much as she does with regard to parenting our son, but I’d imagine it’s pretty close. Other than ceremony and pictures, I will be free to support my wife in any way that she requires.

The issue with taking our toddler by myself- she doesn’t want me to! When I say she doesn’t like my parents, I mean it. I am not “allowed” to take my children around my parents without her present. She doesn’t trust them/they have had a tense and hostile relationship in the past. My wife plans to have her mother travel to our home and stay with her while I’m away for the weekend, so her mother can look after the toddler.

Look guys, I appreciate the feedback. I can see that most of you feel like I should be more sympathetic and supportive to my wife’s needs/wishes. If she has something unexpected happen to her or the baby during childbirth or after, of course I wouldn’t expect her to attend. I’m speaking strictly in the sense of assuming everything goes as expected, I think she should be willing to do this for me. And for my brother/his fiancé, with whom she has a great relationship. When we first discussed attending, she mentioned perhaps having her mother watch our toddler the whole weekend and she attends with just the newborn. I can live with this as well, but now she is no longer interested in that solution. (Her mother lives same city as my parents and is a one hour drive from the wedding location. So if her mother watched our toddler during wedding weekend, my parents could still visit with him in the days following the wedding.)

The wedding is the weekend before Christmas. So if we travel back for the wedding, we will stay through Christmas and visit all of my extended family who will be in town for the wedding, and especially my parents. I believe this is a situation she is trying to avoid.

[Anonymous]

I flew with my 7 week old to visit my dying grandma. It was manageable with staying at her home with her and my aunt. I can't imagine doing that with a toddler in tow and having to go to an in-law's wedding with no help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

The wedding is the weekend before Christmas. So if we travel back for the wedding, we will stay through Christmas and visit all of my extended family who will be in town for the wedding, and especially my parents. I believe this is a situation she is trying to avoid.

This is an important detail you left out! So it's not just one weekend, it's an extended trip to see your family. People were saying a weekend away from home was hard enough, now you want an extended trip away from any of the setup you have for a baby? Plus lots of germy relatives who will all want to touch the baby? Just no.

[Anonymous]

The only thing the wife has done wrong is not come out and say "I'm not going." and instead best around the bush. It's very reasonable for her to want to stay home and not attend this event.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok, OP here-

I will clear up some things. The wedding date was already set by the time we announced the pregnancy. My wife is the primary caregiver but I definitely contribute and coparent when I’m home in the evenings and on the weekends. I may not know exactly as much as she does with regard to parenting our son, but I’d imagine it’s pretty close. Other than ceremony and pictures, I will be free to support my wife in any way that she requires.

The issue with taking our toddler by myself- she doesn’t want me to! When I say she doesn’t like my parents, I mean it. I am not “allowed” to take my children around my parents without her present. She doesn’t trust them/they have had a tense and hostile relationship in the past. My wife plans to have her mother travel to our home and stay with her while I’m away for the weekend, so her mother can look after the toddler.

Look guys, I appreciate the feedback. I can see that most of you feel like I should be more sympathetic and supportive to my wife’s needs/wishes. If she has something unexpected happen to her or the baby during childbirth or after, of course I wouldn’t expect her to attend. I’m speaking strictly in the sense of assuming everything goes as expected, I think she should be willing to do this for me. And for my brother/his fiancé, with whom she has a great relationship. When we first discussed attending, she mentioned perhaps having her mother watch our toddler the whole weekend and she attends with just the newborn. I can live with this as well, but now she is no longer interested in that solution. (Her mother lives same city as my parents and is a one hour drive from the wedding location. So if her mother watched our toddler during wedding weekend, my parents could still visit with him in the days following the wedding.)

The wedding is the weekend before Christmas. So if we travel back for the wedding, we will stay through Christmas and visit all of my extended family who will be in town for the wedding, and especially my parents. I believe this is a situation she is trying to avoid.

This is b.s. All the reasons she doesn't want to travel for the wedding just as equally apply to traveling for Christmas!

And that's so much more chaos: Figuring out presents, bringing presents, celebrations at hours not conducive to one or both child's schedules.....not to mention the extra risks of traveling with a six-week-old during cold and flu season.

Let your wife stay home and have her mom help her out, FFS. You go to the wedding, enjoy, and get back home to your family for Christmas. Have a low key holiday together.

Whatever issues do or don't exist between your wife and your parents don't really matter here--except for the fact that if you keep pushing this trip on her, she's very likely to come out of it resenting them more and liking them less.