husband meeting up with female trainer and friends tonight out of town

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not giving any advice or anything but when it comes to male and female relations their is a big disconnect and it's important for each to better understand common perspective and emotions of each side.

Successful men are driven to have multiple sex partners. They have to battle that natural instinct in order to have a organized and peaceful home life. Under the organized and peaceful home life is a major sexual let down and feeling of inadequacy unless there has been release with a few affairs/hookers or one nighters. Men can love their wives and family more than anything and not be phased by the affair / hookup in the least.

Women usually don't engage in extramarital sex unless it has a highly emotional bond involved. If a woman cheats, it usually means the marriage is already over and she is literally no longer in love with her spouse. A woman carries this outlook and applies it to her cheating spouse because it is the only thing she knows and cannot fathom a mans perspective and hormones.

Not making any recommendations ... But when making decisions that will gravely effect the quality of life and have extensive ramifications it is VERY important to deal with life the way it actually is as opposed to how you believe it should be. Once both partners understand what each other deals with they could actually talk about things that would make them very close and honest.

When you think about it.. The whole "boundaries" and unspoken truths relationships people organize their lives with do not lead to closeness. There is a major wall between most spouses and in many ways the whole thing is just a monetary/management partnership with a good bit of fake posturing.

What a bunch of bullshit. How about, be a grown-up and honor your vows to your wife? This type of pop-cultural justificationlets men off the hook because its somehow “biological” for them to cheat because they are “successful”. It also infantilizes man — Its ok they just can’t help it, they can’t keep it in their pants because they make a lot of money.

+1. I majored in biological anthropology, and these “armchair anthropologists” drive me nuts. Same as people who espouse the paleo diet because they have some romantic notion of what early human behavior was, without ever having read a scientific paper. Females are just as biologically inclined to “cheat” as males are. We’ve just been programmed by culture to have certain beliefs about male and female behavior. Often these beliefs don’t hold up to scientific scrutiny.

It’s fine if you don’t want to be monogamous- just don’t get married- but don’t use BS pop psych “science” to rationalize being a douchebag.

[Anonymous]

"Keep your psychobabble worldview. My experience with adult men has never reflected the warped dynamic you’re talking about. People in adult relationships don’t resort to tired gender tropes."


You are a bully. No man in his right mind would ever speak his heart to you that's why you never have and never will truly know a man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^btw I'm not endorsing extramarital conduct. I'm saying with most successful men it takes a high capacity woman to be able to honestly accept what men are thinking and feeling. The shattering of the fantasy is too much for most couples to talk about so they live by boundries and silence. It can make a man drive around on his riding mower with a blank expression like a zombie. It's horrifying.

How horrifying that men can’t run around sticking it in whoever they want because they willingly made a choice to get married. I feel so sorry for them.

-signed, a woman who would love a romp with a hot young 24 year old guy but doesn’t cry about because she’s a f*cking adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not giving any advice or anything but when it comes to male and female relations their is a big disconnect and it's important for each to better understand common perspective and emotions of each side.

Successful men are driven to have multiple sex partners. They have to battle that natural instinct in order to have a organized and peaceful home life. Under the organized and peaceful home life is a major sexual let down and feeling of inadequacy unless there has been release with a few affairs/hookers or one nighters. Men can love their wives and family more than anything and not be phased by the affair / hookup in the least.

Women usually don't engage in extramarital sex unless it has a highly emotional bond involved. If a woman cheats, it usually means the marriage is already over and she is literally no longer in love with her spouse. A woman carries this outlook and applies it to her cheating spouse because it is the only thing she knows and cannot fathom a mans perspective and hormones.

Not making any recommendations ... But when making decisions that will gravely effect the quality of life and have extensive ramifications it is VERY important to deal with life the way it actually is as opposed to how you believe it should be. Once both partners understand what each other deals with they could actually talk about things that would make them very close and honest.

When you think about it.. The whole "boundaries" and unspoken truths relationships people organize their lives with do not lead to closeness. There is a major wall between most spouses and in many ways the whole thing is just a monetary/management partnership with a good bit of fake posturing.

What a bunch of bullshit. How about, be a grown-up and honor your vows to your wife? This type of pop-cultural justificationlets men off the hook because its somehow “biological” for them to cheat because they are “successful”. It also infantilizes man — Its ok they just can’t help it, they can’t keep it in their pants because they make a lot of money.

+1. I majored in biological anthropology, and these “armchair anthropologists” drive me nuts. Same as people who espouse the paleo diet because they have some romantic notion of what early human behavior was, without ever having read a scientific paper. Females are just as biologically inclined to “cheat” as males are. We’ve just been programmed by culture to have certain beliefs about male and female behavior. Often these beliefs don’t hold up to scientific scrutiny.

It’s fine if you don’t want to be monogamous- just don’t get married- but don’t use BS pop psych “science” to rationalize being a douchebag.

-1

Trite cliche's are always not even close to the truth. They are the crutches used by emotionally low capacity people to mentally survive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Keep your psychobabble worldview. My experience with adult men has never reflected the warped dynamic you’re talking about. People in adult relationships don’t resort to tired gender tropes."

You are a bully. No man in his right mind would ever speak his heart to you that's why you never have and never will truly know a man.

So truly knowing men means accepting that at their core, men are zombies driven solely by their penis? That’s pretty sexist. I know a lot of men who would be very offended by that. I’ve heard most of my male friends complain that they hate society’s view that men are 100% sex-driven.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not giving any advice or anything but when it comes to male and female relations their is a big disconnect and it's important for each to better understand common perspective and emotions of each side.

Successful men are driven to have multiple sex partners. They have to battle that natural instinct in order to have a organized and peaceful home life. Under the organized and peaceful home life is a major sexual let down and feeling of inadequacy unless there has been release with a few affairs/hookers or one nighters. Men can love their wives and family more than anything and not be phased by the affair / hookup in the least.

Women usually don't engage in extramarital sex unless it has a highly emotional bond involved. If a woman cheats, it usually means the marriage is already over and she is literally no longer in love with her spouse. A woman carries this outlook and applies it to her cheating spouse because it is the only thing she knows and cannot fathom a mans perspective and hormones.

Not making any recommendations ... But when making decisions that will gravely effect the quality of life and have extensive ramifications it is VERY important to deal with life the way it actually is as opposed to how you believe it should be. Once both partners understand what each other deals with they could actually talk about things that would make them very close and honest.

When you think about it.. The whole "boundaries" and unspoken truths relationships people organize their lives with do not lead to closeness. There is a major wall between most spouses and in many ways the whole thing is just a monetary/management partnership with a good bit of fake posturing.

What a bunch of bullshit. How about, be a grown-up and honor your vows to your wife? This type of pop-cultural justificationlets men off the hook because its somehow “biological” for them to cheat because they are “successful”. It also infantilizes man — Its ok they just can’t help it, they can’t keep it in their pants because they make a lot of money.

+1. I majored in biological anthropology, and these “armchair anthropologists” drive me nuts. Same as people who espouse the paleo diet because they have some romantic notion of what early human behavior was, without ever having read a scientific paper. Females are just as biologically inclined to “cheat” as males are. We’ve just been programmed by culture to have certain beliefs about male and female behavior. Often these beliefs don’t hold up to scientific scrutiny.

It’s fine if you don’t want to be monogamous- just don’t get married- but don’t use BS pop psych “science” to rationalize being a douchebag.

-1

Trite cliche's are always not even close to the truth. They are the crutches used by emotionally low capacity people to mentally survive.

Right back at ya, bro

[Anonymous]

OP here. Well now I’m upset all over . I asked him last night to give me her name but then we got sidetracked. He said she’s “not all that attractive.” Well this am I asked again her name, looked her up on social media and she’s drop dead gorgeous. Like could easily be a model and extremely fit. So that was a lie...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^btw I'm not endorsing extramarital conduct. I'm saying with most successful men it takes a high capacity woman to be able to honestly accept what men are thinking and feeling. The shattering of the fantasy is too much for most couples to talk about so they live by boundries and silence. It can make a man drive around on his riding mower with a blank expression like a zombie. It's horrifying.

How horrifying that men can’t run around sticking it in whoever they want because they willingly made a choice to get married. I feel so sorry for them.

-signed, a woman who would love a romp with a hot young 24 year old guy but doesn’t cry about because she’s a f*cking adult.

Women don't feel the same as successful men. The sexes are different. You can't stop Mother Nature without giving in or having issues. Facing and talking honestly about reality can lead to a true marriage (and a monogamous one). I can understand the fear and loathing woman have toward Mother Nature but shaming and trying to control her through emotional bullying talk ain't gonna lead to happiness for anybody.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Well now I’m upset all over . I asked him last night to give me her name but then we got sidetracked. He said she’s “not all that attractive.” Well this am I asked again her name, looked her up on social media and she’s drop dead gorgeous. Like could easily be a model and extremely fit. So that was a lie...

Gee. I didn’t see that coming at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Well now I’m upset all over . I asked him last night to give me her name but then we got sidetracked. He said she’s “not all that attractive.” Well this am I asked again her name, looked her up on social media and she’s drop dead gorgeous. Like could easily be a model and extremely fit. So that was a lie...

I would not let on you looked her up just yet. Keep cool as you can and see how many other lies are told.

[Anonymous]

Where did they go for dinner? I love Vegas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This has to be a troll.. Very few guys would even have a female trainer unless its J Micahels

Not true. I'm a trainer and always have several male clients. When I was involved with MMA, most of my clients were male. That said, I would never meet a male client for dinner. Unless my husband was with me, of course. Ethical, professional trainers don't put themselves in that situation.

No one said it was impossible, just exceedingly rare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Well now I’m upset all over . I asked him last night to give me her name but then we got sidetracked. He said she’s “not all that attractive.” Well this am I asked again her name, looked her up on social media and she’s drop dead gorgeous. Like could easily be a model and extremely fit. So that was a lie...

Gee. I didn’t see that coming at all.

Okay... let me say it again, what happens in Vegas doesn’t always stay in Vegas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This has to be a troll.. Very few guys would even have a female trainer unless its J Micahels

Not true. I'm a trainer and always have several male clients. When I was involved with MMA, most of my clients were male. That said, I would never meet a male client for dinner. Unless my husband was with me, of course. Ethical, professional trainers don't put themselves in that situation.

No one said it was impossible, just exceedingly rare.

I used to train with a women. But most female trainers aren’t that attractive. All the work they put on makes them flat chested, muscular etc. I know most women like to be fit and skinny but I think men like a little plumpness. You know something to hold on to.

[Anonymous]

OP, he's misleading and gaslighting you. I wouldn't blow your stack again (the advice about Chumplady and the 180 is solid), but I'd make sure you're prepared to leave if you decide to leave. That means knowing all the financials, knowing which lawyer you'd choose, etc.