husband meeting up with female trainer and friends tonight out of town

[Anonymous]

My husband is traveling for work in Las Vegas. He said tonight he’s had his fill of the work/event crowd and is planning to go out for dinner and drinks with his trainer and her friends who happen to there too on a separate girls trip. Seems kind of odd to me, I did say that wouldn’t be my first choice for your plans tonight.

There is some history from about 5 years ago to suggest this might not be the best plan. He kissed a young woman he met at a bar in Paris and stayed in contact with her even planned by a rondevous in London that never happened. I have to trustvhes Vern honest about that . I told him if I found out he lied we were over. The truth was the only thing that would save us. I found out shortly thereafter and was devastated. There was at the same time very flirtatious texts between him and a young woman he met in Park City who was moving to DC all about meeting up, him showing her around town etc. the s$&@ hit the fan , we did counseling, and slowly I forgave him. We seem to be in a decent place other than having a very difficult teen. He’s always traveled a lot so I don’t really have a choice other than to trust him. He did tell me his plans at least. The only other odd thing about this is I hadn’t heard he had a female trainer until now, his last one was male. He hasn’t mentioned her and when I mentioned that tonight he said they just sort of pass him around at the club as his schedule is so unpredictable , which is believable. I’m no wimp and I’m not naive but I am having some flash back stress over this situation. Thoughts?

[Anonymous]

Oh hell no. After his history, you get to say no and he should comply.

[Anonymous]

No to the HELL NO. He's telling you enough to get your permission for a casual meeting, so to give him cover. Who knows if he plans to push it further.

[Anonymous]

How/why are they in touch in vegas? He doesn’t seem trustworthy to me. Sorry, OP.

[Anonymous]

Given his history no. Absolutely not.

My husband? Who I trust implicitly sure no problem. But he has never lied, cheated or even thought about it.

[Anonymous]

I'd be on the first plane to vegas.

[Anonymous]

OP, if I read your posting correctly...
You had told your husband previously that if he lied to you again, then you were done right?

But then it seems after you found out about his flirtatious texts w/another woman you gave him another chance & after counseling you stayed.

So in his mind, he likely knows you will not really leave him.
Because of this, he likely will continue doing everything he has been doing.

Given his past history/behavior, you have every right to feel ill at ease about this.
Anyone in your shoes would.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, if I read your posting correctly...
You had told your husband previously that if he lied to you again, then you were done right?

But then it seems after you found out about his flirtatious texts w/another woman you gave him another chance & after counseling you stayed.

So in his mind, he likely knows you will not really leave him.
Because of this, he likely will continue doing everything he has been doing.

Given his past history/behavior, you have every right to feel ill at ease about this.
Anyone in your shoes would.

Can see how it read that way. Actually the flirty texts were first with lark city woman that sane night I left the house with his phone after confronting him and went to a hotel. I found out about Paris/London situation that sane night. Big blow ensued. I left for a week. He was broken and remorseful and we did counseling. It took me years to really get over it and to be honest not sure you ever do. I said at that time that if there’s ever another situation I will leave.

I thought more tonight’s situation and I’m pretty furious. The exact situation known to be highly tempting for him , traveling, young women etc. and yes I think it’s odd they were in contact . If he’s rarely seeing her as a trainer then how would they be close enough to know each other’s travel and text to meet up? Who initiated getting together? If her, she wants something. When I was in my twenties I didn’t initiate this kind of thing with older married men for that very reason. There would be expectations for sure. And if he did it, well that speaks for itself. At this point he needs to screen shot the texts and send to me with her number attached don’t you think? I hate being suspicious and not trusting him but this is feeling all wrong in my gut.

Even if innocent, it’s really crass and disrespectful to put me in this position knowing how hurt and angry I was before. I would never do any of this innocent or not to him.

[Anonymous]

Sorry typos above upset and typing too fast.

[Anonymous]

Hmm. I don't like his attitude, because he's shown that he can't be trusted to know where the line is. This kind of person needs to have strict boundaries, such as no socializing in bars/evenings with other women when you're not there.

However, it doesn't need to be a deal breaker, if he is a loving husband and a caring father otherwise, and really helpful when he is home.

[Anonymous]

He happens to be in Vegas at the same time as his trainer? Those are pretty steep odds, and I know when I was in my 20s, I wouldn’t have met up with a married male client while on vacation. I gotta say, it sounds like some sort of cover story.

Did you tell him that you were uncomfortable with the situation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He happens to be in Vegas at the same time as his trainer? Those are pretty steep odds, and I know when I was in my 20s, I wouldn’t have met up with a married male client while on vacation. I gotta say, it sounds like some sort of cover story.

Did you tell him that you were uncomfortable with the situation?

Those are VEgas long shot odds. Apparently you believe in coincidences.

[Anonymous]

I’m a married woman who has worked out with different male personal trainers for almost four years now. While I’ve never had anything happen between me and a trainer, I’ve seen many, many client/trainer relationships spill over into inappropriate territory (everything from emotional affairs to physical ones).

I’ve been around a lot of personal training, and it’s highly usual for female trainers to have male clients (esp fit ones). I’d wonder if he’s telling the truth. Same with them both, “coincidentally”, being in the same party city at the same time.

Something is going on, and you know it.

[Anonymous]

I just emailed hiM this


Not feeling good about this at all. It doesn’t make sense.

On the one hand you’ve never mentioned this trainer and you say you’re being passed around at the gym. If that’s true, how would you know her well enough to exchange information with phone numbers and travel info? Completely does not add up.

How old is she? Is she on a girls trip? Let’s say she’s in her 20s or Early 30s or hell any age, I would never have texted a married client of mine when I knew he was traveling alone in Vegas of all places to meet up unless I knew something was going to happen. If you contacted her, well that says it all. And she will certainly think you are interested , and you are.

Also your response to my concern was that I don’t need to worry because you’re tired... not that you love me and wouldn’t do anything to hurt me or the kids but rather that you’re tired. Great. I’ll just have to hope you don’t start drinking espresso in the afternoons.

You know the unbelievable pain you put me through. To be so casual about this is hurtful and I’m sorry but Given this situation I don’t trust you. And you’re not showing you care about me or are sensitive to the nightmare you put me through.

I know you’ll say don’t worry and “if you feel that way I won’t go” that doesn’t matter now , the damage is done.

End

There’s a bit more but too identifying.

[Anonymous]

His response

OMG. Really honey this is a bit crazy. I am simply having dinner with a group of them and going home to bed. You have nothing to worry about or get this spun up about. I love you and have ZERO interest in anyone else