Men: why do women like the bad boys so much?

[Anonymous]

I always thought women were attracted to men who spoke their minds and treated women like crap but not insulting, and appear unavailable, sort like a cat and mice games that single people play. Men who are always available and nice, and always agrees appears weak and spineless. Bad boys have been around for decades portrayed in the media, like Fonzie from happy days, leather jacket wearing riding a motorcycle, who didn't think he was cool? Then there was johnny Depp, who women loved, a moody, sort of a metro guy, who always dated hot models.

[Anonymous]

As a woman who has always been attracted to the bad boy, let me explain.

I'm the "good girl". I get good grades, follow the rules, wear modest classic clothing. But I'm actually a thrill seeker deep down. I like excitement and adventure. It's why I've gone bungee jumping and skydiving and white water rafting. It's why I've traveled solo as a young woman to places young women don't normally go alone.

The bad boys bring that rush of the unknown. They take risks. They don't give a **** what society thinks of them. They chase adventure. They are, in a word, exciting. They also tend to be more confident, which is a plus.

I was once accused of ignoring a nice guy in favor of a bad boy. I was a junior in college, had big plans for leaving the area after graduation, so had no interest whatsoever in a long term relationship. As it turned out, two guys asked me on a date at about the same time.

First guy - nice guy - picked me up in a very practical sedan and took me to a nice restaurant (nice by college standards, anyway - nothing crazy fancy). We had a pleasant conversation, of which I don't remember a single topic.

Second guy took me out a few days later. He picked me up on a motorcycle. Took me to a dark dive place with loud music and small booths. We traded stories about our adventures and our wish lists for future adventures. Then took me to some music club he knew of, not marked, had to ask for a name at the door in order to be let in. I was totally out of my element. And I love being out of my element. It's thrilling. Guess which guy got laid?

Bad boy and I dated, not exclusively, for a few months. I knew from the beginning it wouldn't last. I didn't care. I wasn't looking for anything lasting. And when it ended, there was another bad boy lined up behind him.

Nice guy went on to find a nice girl, they settled down and got married. I'm happy for him, but that was so not me ... Or at least not what I was looking for then. I eventually settled down too and am happily married to a nice guy who also has a strong sense of adventure - although I'm usually the one pushing it! And I can't pretend the bad boys don't still occasionally catch my eye ... Not that I would do anything about it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

2. "Why do some women choose the bad man, when they have access to a variety of both good and bad men who are equally attractive?" This is a harder question IMHO.

Lol, this is me tonight. Yesterday, my sweet, gentle, handsome ex declared his undying love. Today, another sweet, gentle, handsome man treated me so well, looked at me like I was magical. They are wonderful people but do not excite me. You know what I'm doing right now? Waiting for a text back from a smart, deep, mysterious, confident guy who rarely returns my texts, and is likely to cancel tomorrow's plans because I have a cold sore and told him that oral is off the table, but how about some drunken conversation instead.

Am I being an ass? Maybe. Can I help it? Honestly, idk. The bad boy is irresistible. I don't want to "save" or change him, but I want to know him.

[Anonymous]

I am a very bad girl and only attracted to nice guys. Never been attracted to bad boys. Why? Self preservation. I need someone who will balance me out and bad guys meaning someone who treats me like crap, ignores me, acts like an arrogant jerk can go lost! I don’t need that crap and there are plenty of guys, nice ones, after me: I am a looker, hot and sexy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

2. "Why do some women choose the bad man, when they have access to a variety of both good and bad men who are equally attractive?" This is a harder question IMHO.

Lol, this is me tonight. Yesterday, my sweet, gentle, handsome ex declared his undying love. Today, another sweet, gentle, handsome man treated me so well, looked at me like I was magical. They are wonderful people but do not excite me. You know what I'm doing right now? Waiting for a text back from a smart, deep, mysterious, confident guy who rarely returns my texts, and is likely to cancel tomorrow's plans because I have a cold sore and told him that oral is off the table, but how about some drunken conversation instead.

Am I being an ass? Maybe. Can I help it? Honestly, idk. The bad boy is irresistible. I don't want to "save" or change him, but I want to know him.

PP here. Oh, and BTW - I have a kid and recently split from another handsome, mysterious, confident guy. He was an abusive jerk and I have restraining order against him. So I'm under no illusion about the risks. Idk, the initial attraction is magnetic, and my daughter with the first bad boy is smart and beautiful. But the relationship was awful. Maybe I'm dumb as a rock and will regret it when I'm older. 30 yo now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are not attracted to him because he is "bad." They are attracted to his emotional intensity, power, physical fitness, etc. It's more that he gets away with being "bad" because of his other positive attributes.

If Kylo Ren was a 400 pound basement dweller with no life or personality, he would not have women talking about how he is "sexy." This is why "nice" guys who are unattractive losers can't get laid no matter how "nice" they are while handsome "bad boys" do well even when they have a bad attitude.

And women are aroused by aggressive and dominant men while nice guys turn their panties into the Sahara.

If you had any reading comprehension skills, you would have seen the above poster cited "emotional intensity, power, physical fitness". These are not the same things as aggression and dominance.

If you had any critical reasoning ability, you would have been able to understand I was saying aggression and dominance arouse women rather than trying to simply repeat "emotional intensity, power, physical fitness". I am aware they are not the same, my goal was not to repeat or affirm the post but to add a statement. It really is a pretty simple concept, yet you find it so difficult to understand you need make a snarky stupid comment. By the way " "emotional intensity, power, physical fitness" are fairly typical manifestations of aggression and dominance, they are far from mutually exclusive.

Aw, it must be so hard when all of the women you want prefer hot aggressive dominant bad boys instead of your pedantic personality and easily bruised ego.

I'm sure that there is a special lady out there whose panties will be drenched in anticipation with the opportunity to be with you!

xXxHugsxXx

[Anonymous]

Bad boys are assholes, which is a huge turn off. I prefer men with character and integrity over some dominant aggressive d1ckhead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Bad boys are assholes, which is a huge turn off. I prefer men with character and integrity over some dominant aggressive d1ckhead.

And, FYI, Kilo Ren murdered his father. You can’t come back from that. He is a psychopath.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

2. "Why do some women choose the bad man, when they have access to a variety of both good and bad men who are equally attractive?" This is a harder question IMHO.

Lol, this is me tonight. Yesterday, my sweet, gentle, handsome ex declared his undying love. Today, another sweet, gentle, handsome man treated me so well, looked at me like I was magical. They are wonderful people but do not excite me. You know what I'm doing right now? Waiting for a text back from a smart, deep, mysterious, confident guy who rarely returns my texts, and is likely to cancel tomorrow's plans because I have a cold sore and told him that oral is off the table, but how about some drunken conversation instead.

Am I being an ass? Maybe. Can I help it? Honestly, idk. The bad boy is irresistible. I don't want to "save" or change him, but I want to know him.

PP here. Oh, and BTW - I have a kid and recently split from another handsome, mysterious, confident guy. He was an abusive jerk and I have restraining order against him. So I'm under no illusion about the risks. Idk, the initial attraction is magnetic, and my daughter with the first bad boy is smart and beautiful. But the relationship was awful. Maybe I'm dumb as a rock and will regret it when I'm older. 30 yo now.

You'll regret it when your daughter has learned her relationship patterns from watching you. Getting mistreated yourself is more or less tolerable. Watching your kid be mistreated is brutal.

[Anonymous]

No 'bad boys' are on this site to answer your question firsthand

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No 'bad boys' are on this site to answer your question firsthand

LOL! Truth. How has this not come up yet...'bad boys' definitely don't cruise uppity parenting gossip sites

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a woman who has always been attracted to the bad boy, let me explain.

I'm the "good girl". I get good grades, follow the rules, wear modest classic clothing. But I'm actually a thrill seeker deep down. I like excitement and adventure. It's why I've gone bungee jumping and skydiving and white water rafting. It's why I've traveled solo as a young woman to places young women don't normally go alone.

The bad boys bring that rush of the unknown. They take risks. They don't give a **** what society thinks of them. They chase adventure. They are, in a word, exciting. They also tend to be more confident, which is a plus.

I was once accused of ignoring a nice guy in favor of a bad boy. I was a junior in college, had big plans for leaving the area after graduation, so had no interest whatsoever in a long term relationship. As it turned out, two guys asked me on a date at about the same time.

First guy - nice guy - picked me up in a very practical sedan and took me to a nice restaurant (nice by college standards, anyway - nothing crazy fancy). We had a pleasant conversation, of which I don't remember a single topic.

Second guy took me out a few days later. He picked me up on a motorcycle. Took me to a dark dive place with loud music and small booths. We traded stories about our adventures and our wish lists for future adventures. Then took me to some music club he knew of, not marked, had to ask for a name at the door in order to be let in. I was totally out of my element. And I love being out of my element. It's thrilling. Guess which guy got laid?

Bad boy and I dated, not exclusively, for a few months. I knew from the beginning it wouldn't last. I didn't care. I wasn't looking for anything lasting. And when it ended, there was another bad boy lined up behind him.

Nice guy went on to find a nice girl, they settled down and got married. I'm happy for him, but that was so not me ... Or at least not what I was looking for then. I eventually settled down too and am happily married to a nice guy who also has a strong sense of adventure - although I'm usually the one pushing it! And I can't pretend the bad boys don't still occasionally catch my eye ... Not that I would do anything about it!

It really depends on your definition of "bad boy."

Your story seems to be about a guy who marches to his own drummer and is fun and mysterious. To me, these aren't really "bad" traits, though I get what you are saying. A mysterious, non-conformist, rock star "bad boy" can still be a nice guy, in the moral sense.

The OP seemed to define "bad boy" as basically a jerk. There are plenty of rule-following "good boys" with masters degrees and 401ks that are jerks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No 'bad boys' are on this site to answer your question firsthand

LOL! Truth. How has this not come up yet...'bad boys' definitely don't cruise uppity parenting gossip sites

Aren't trolls bad boys in a sense?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No 'bad boys' are on this site to answer your question firsthand

LOL! Truth. How has this not come up yet...'bad boys' definitely don't cruise uppity parenting gossip sites

Aren't trolls bad boys in a sense?

Definitely not. The word that comes to mind is "tools"...but you're definitely not revving any young rebellious girls' engines by telling them you post antagonizing comments online for kicks

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

2. "Why do some women choose the bad man, when they have access to a variety of both good and bad men who are equally attractive?" This is a harder question IMHO.

Lol, this is me tonight. Yesterday, my sweet, gentle, handsome ex declared his undying love. Today, another sweet, gentle, handsome man treated me so well, looked at me like I was magical. They are wonderful people but do not excite me. You know what I'm doing right now? Waiting for a text back from a smart, deep, mysterious, confident guy who rarely returns my texts, and is likely to cancel tomorrow's plans because I have a cold sore and told him that oral is off the table, but how about some drunken conversation instead.

Am I being an ass? Maybe. Can I help it? Honestly, idk. The bad boy is irresistible. I don't want to "save" or change him, but I want to know him.

Agrssive and dominate traits arouse women far more than "nice". "smart, deep, mysterious, confident guy who rarely returns my texts, and is likely to cancel tomorrow's plans " is not a "bad boy", it a a hole, but more socially acceptale than saying an aggressive dominant man.