Men: why do women like the bad boys so much?

[Anonymous]

Being the subejct of this fasciantion (or not), do you have any ideas as to why this might be?

I was reminded of this by a thread on the entertainment board where the posters are crushing on Kylo Ren from the latest Star Wars movie. One poster even said "he's a mass murderer but sooo sexy."

It's concerning to me that all the fans are hot for Reylo. It's such an abusive dynamic between them. At one point he actually says to her like "you're nothing. But not to me." That kind of mind twisting is straight out of bad boyfriend 101. It reminds me so much of the Fifty Shades of Gray franchise.

Why is it that girls can't help but be drawn to guys who say things like "you're nothing and nobody. But not to me."

[Anonymous]

They are not attracted to him because he is "bad." They are attracted to his emotional intensity, power, physical fitness, etc. It's more that he gets away with being "bad" because of his other positive attributes.

If Kylo Ren was a 400 pound basement dweller with no life or personality, he would not have women talking about how he is "sexy." This is why "nice" guys who are unattractive losers can't get laid no matter how "nice" they are while handsome "bad boys" do well even when they have a bad attitude.

[Anonymous]

Spare us the faux concern.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They are not attracted to him because he is "bad." They are attracted to his emotional intensity, power, physical fitness, etc. It's more that he gets away with being "bad" because of his other positive attributes.

If Kylo Ren was a 400 pound basement dweller with no life or personality, he would not have women talking about how he is "sexy." This is why "nice" guys who are unattractive losers can't get laid no matter how "nice" they are while handsome "bad boys" do well even when they have a bad attitude.

I get what you're saying but...Adam Driver is not that good looking.

[Anonymous]

I wonder if it's related to that whole cheesy pickup theory that men should subtly insult and demean women they're trying to pick up ("neg" them), because some women are insecure and will feel that winning the approval of someone who demeans them will make better by association.

Or maybe it's because women are socialized their whole lives to follow rules about how to act and dress and behave, so some are attracted to people (mostly men) who buck conventions and rules.

Surely there are research papers on this topic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Spare us the faux concern.

NP. I have a tween daughter who has seen the film along with most of her girlfriends. They are all swooning over him. I find it disturbing too. I think it has something to do with giving girls the powerful impression that they can "save" a boy/man and "turn" him into a nice guy.

I told my daughter that that very rarely happens in real life but I doubt she will take my word for it.

[Anonymous]

DH here who was overlooked by my HS love as a "really sweet best friend, but not romantically" in favor of the bad guy.

The way it was explained to me by some women years later is that for girls in HS (and in unfortunate cases, even older women) who have limited self-confidence, they're enchanted by the fact that the bad boy who hates the system and is defiant toward the rules is somehow noticing them (the girl) and seeing the beauty in her, and her alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are not attracted to him because he is "bad." They are attracted to his emotional intensity, power, physical fitness, etc. It's more that he gets away with being "bad" because of his other positive attributes.

If Kylo Ren was a 400 pound basement dweller with no life or personality, he would not have women talking about how he is "sexy." This is why "nice" guys who are unattractive losers can't get laid no matter how "nice" they are while handsome "bad boys" do well even when they have a bad attitude.

I get what you're saying but...Adam Driver is not that good looking.

+ 1



He's not going to be People Mag's Sexiest Man or whatever they call it any time soon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They are not attracted to him because he is "bad." They are attracted to his emotional intensity, power, physical fitness, etc. It's more that he gets away with being "bad" because of his other positive attributes.

If Kylo Ren was a 400 pound basement dweller with no life or personality, he would not have women talking about how he is "sexy." This is why "nice" guys who are unattractive losers can't get laid no matter how "nice" they are while handsome "bad boys" do well even when they have a bad attitude.

Add in there confidence too. It's the same with women who have similar qualities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are not attracted to him because he is "bad." They are attracted to his emotional intensity, power, physical fitness, etc. It's more that he gets away with being "bad" because of his other positive attributes.

If Kylo Ren was a 400 pound basement dweller with no life or personality, he would not have women talking about how he is "sexy." This is why "nice" guys who are unattractive losers can't get laid no matter how "nice" they are while handsome "bad boys" do well even when they have a bad attitude.

I get what you're saying but...Adam Driver is not that good looking.

PP here -- I did not say that he was. I pointed out his "emotional intensity, power, physical fitness, etc." as things that women find alluring, not his looks.

[Anonymous]

I hear what you’re saying about Adam Driver not being the most handsome man ever, but he’s sexy AF. Can’t we all agree that there’s more to sexual attraction than beauty? I love to listen to him talk. I like to watch him move, the way he uses his hands, his sense of humor. And frankly, even if he’s not the most beautiful person ever, I still think he’s reasonably attractive. Certainly not hideous. But I’m one of those women who’d rather have a 6 with personality than a 10 who just has his looks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Spare us the faux concern.

NP. I have a tween daughter who has seen the film along with most of her girlfriends. They are all swooning over him. I find it disturbing too. I think it has something to do with giving girls the powerful impression that they can "save" a boy/man and "turn" him into a nice guy.

I told my daughter that that very rarely happens in real life but I doubt she will take my word for it.

Then perhaps we should talk about that directly instead of the broad stereotypes OP threw out there about what "women" like and "girls" are drawn to. Believe it or not, woman (and girls) are autonomous human beings, all of whom have their own individual preferences and do not necessarily like the same things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH here who was overlooked by my HS love as a "really sweet best friend, but not romantically" in favor of the bad guy.

The way it was explained to me by some women years later is that for girls in HS (and in unfortunate cases, even older women) who have limited self-confidence, they're enchanted by the fact that the bad boy who hates the system and is defiant toward the rules is somehow noticing them (the girl) and seeing the beauty in her, and her alone.

Except, it's rarely just in her "alone" and they end up putting their pecker inside anything that moves and gives them an opportunity.

[Anonymous]

It's also his voice. If he sounded like Gilbert Gottfried, I doubt the ladies would be swooning.

[Anonymous]

Adam Driver looks like if Keanu Reeves had a fugly little brother. With a great bod.

I'm still thinking they are brother and sister so my mind is not going anywhere dirty with the "u r nothing/but not to me" line.

But then I'm not into 'bad boys'. I like guys who like themselves and others.