Men: why do women like the bad boys so much?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are not attracted to him because he is "bad." They are attracted to his emotional intensity, power, physical fitness, etc. It's more that he gets away with being "bad" because of his other positive attributes.

If Kylo Ren was a 400 pound basement dweller with no life or personality, he would not have women talking about how he is "sexy." This is why "nice" guys who are unattractive losers can't get laid no matter how "nice" they are while handsome "bad boys" do well even when they have a bad attitude.

And women are aroused by aggressive and dominant men while nice guys turn their panties into the Sahara.

If you had any reading comprehension skills, you would have seen the above poster cited "emotional intensity, power, physical fitness". These are not the same things as aggression and dominance.

Different words. Same thing.

Exactly, maybe Dr. Reading Comprehension is one of those touchy-feely that thinks that using "softer" words somehow changes the context or sanitizes them making them more palatable.

[Anonymous]

If we're using the Star Wars universe as an educational tool, it bears mentioning that Kylo Ren never would have existed if Han Solo was a decent person who respected boundaries and the notion that "no means no."

"My hero and lifelong role model, Han Solo, approaches a woman who has told him at every opportunity that she's not interested. Han comes up from behind and presses his body against hers. She's a strong woman, a fighter, so she physically shoves him off.

Undeterred, Han moves back in, grabs her hands, and starts rubbing them. She says, "Stop that," and looks nervous. When he doesn't stop, she clearly says it again. He still doesn't stop. Romantic music plays.

This exchange follows:

Han: What are you afraid of?

Leia: Afraid?

Han: You're trembling.

Leia: I'm not trembling.

Han: You like me because I'm a scoundrel. There aren't enough scoundrels in your life.

Leia: I happen to like nice men.

Han: I'm a nice man.

Leia: No you're not. You're ...

And he kisses her. Note: Her head is pressed up against a metal wall, and all of this occurs in a sealed spacecraft floating in the cold vacuum of outer space. Even if she wanted to leave, she couldn't (because of the implications). The result of this encounter is that she falls in love with this man and they spend the rest of their lives together."

Source: http://www.cracked.com/blog/how-men-are-trained-to-think-sexual-assault-no-big-deal/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have one son who is extremely attractive, tall, and a very good athlete. Ever since kindergarten, girls have been following him around. It has made him arrogant when it comes to women. No matter how many he might piss off there's 2 more waiting. Im worried he will never settle down. It is women's reaction to him that causes him to be less and less grounded.

Yes, I've talked to him, but the girls keep throwing themselves at him,actung like fools. Last one he broke up with was on my porch srunk at 1am begging for them to bw together. It's outrageous. I wish a girl would come along and give him his own medicine.

...how old is he? They will, don't worry...

[Anonymous]

Sex

-have dated/married "bad boys" almost exclusively, to my chagrin (outside of the bedroom!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have one son who is extremely attractive, tall, and a very good athlete. Ever since kindergarten, girls have been following him around. It has made him arrogant when it comes to women. No matter how many he might piss off there's 2 more waiting. Im worried he will never settle down. It is women's reaction to him that causes him to be less and less grounded.

Yes, I've talked to him, but the girls keep throwing themselves at him,actung like fools. Last one he broke up with was on my porch srunk at 1am begging for them to bw together. It's outrageous. I wish a girl would come along and give him his own medicine.

...how old is he? They will, don't worry...

-2

This woman is describing my ex twenty years ago. Always been a chick magnet, no matter how dishonest, cold, or manipulative he is. He's gorgeous, charismatic, and (mostly) nice. Every female, from little girls to old ladies, fall in love with him. It's ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I think for many women it makes them feel special. "See how bad his is to everyone else, but he's MY sweetheart." At least that seems to fit the high school story.

Like those insecure ones keeping vicious dogs to show their toughness and being special!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've posted this before, and will say it again. Most women do not like bad boys. They like hot men. A lot of hot men are jerks, because they can get away with it and because people have catered to them their whole lives because they were so good looking. (Hollywood is filled with these guys....).

Ugly bad boys don't get the women. Hot nice guys get even more women than hot bad boys. This is why guys who are pediatricians and other "helping" fields have a huge advantage. Give a woman two equally attractive men -- one is a pediatric onconlogist with a great relationship with his sisters; the other is a convicted felon who cheats on his girlfriends. I guarantee you that 99% of women are going to prefer the hot pediatrician.

The whole "women prefer bad boys" thing was invented by guys who are not good looking, to excuse why they aren't getting the women ("nice guys finish last"). The truth is that women are almost as shallow as men -- we also like our partners to be hot. Sorry.

Absolutely agree. Being just a "nice guy" isn't going to make me attracted to you. You need to be physically good looking - the horror that women are into looks as well :/ - to me as well as nice, and not be stuck up about it. I've had quite a few great looking guys with huge egos approach me and that's a turn off. Confidence is great, but as soon as I spot the absolute arrogance, nope.

[Anonymous]

It's an evolutionary strategy. If it's about sex, then it's about reproduction. Love and attraction are just ways evolution has programmed us to have sex.

The details I can only speculate. Perhaps in the context we evolved in, aggressive men were powerful (or dead) and fathered more children, and their sons fathered more children. In our modern society the correlations between aggression and fecundity breakdown, but our lust for aggressive men stays with us.

[Anonymous]

Kylo Ren IS good looking and his deep voice is sexy af.

Is this any different than some women finding Khal Drogo - a rapist and murderer- hot? Not really. He's strong and good looking.

Women like looks too. Get over it.

[Anonymous]

A guy who is polite & respects boundaries will have less sex than the same guy (i.e. looks are the same in both cases) if he is aggressive and pushes boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes women like "bad" men in spite of their bad qualities. As others have pointed out, a really good-looking guy might become arrogant or entitled about women, but his good looks mean that some women will always be attracted to him anyway. As they get older, more women will figure out that the hotness isn't worth the bad behavior, but he will probably still be able to find women interested in a short-term or less serious relationship. But it's not the badness that attracts them, it's the good looks or wealth or whatever.

And some women are attracted to bad men because they think that they can "fix" them. They've been taught that men are just wild/bad but that "the love of a good woman" will tame/gentle/fix them. They'll excuse his jerk behavior as the result of him having been "hurt" by a previous relationship or his mean parents or whatever, and convince themselves that they can heal him. Both men and women can be "white knight" personalities, who choose needy or damaged partners because they can "rescue" them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think there a lot is around looks. This is a lot like asking men “why do you like the hot crazy sexy woman so much?”

Np. Well to be honest I often wonder about this as well! I mean, yes I can see that she is attractive but she's crazy as hell and hard to deal with? That can't be much of a turn on...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If we're using the Star Wars universe as an educational tool, it bears mentioning that Kylo Ren never would have existed if Han Solo was a decent person who respected boundaries and the notion that "no means no."

"My hero and lifelong role model, Han Solo, approaches a woman who has told him at every opportunity that she's not interested. Han comes up from behind and presses his body against hers. She's a strong woman, a fighter, so she physically shoves him off.

Undeterred, Han moves back in, grabs her hands, and starts rubbing them. She says, "Stop that," and looks nervous. When he doesn't stop, she clearly says it again. He still doesn't stop. Romantic music plays.

This exchange follows:

Han: What are you afraid of?

Leia: Afraid?

Han: You're trembling.

Leia: I'm not trembling.

Han: You like me because I'm a scoundrel. There aren't enough scoundrels in your life.

Leia: I happen to like nice men.

Han: I'm a nice man.

Leia: No you're not. You're ...

And he kisses her. Note: Her head is pressed up against a metal wall, and all of this occurs in a sealed spacecraft floating in the cold vacuum of outer space. Even if she wanted to leave, she couldn't (because of the implications). The result of this encounter is that she falls in love with this man and they spend the rest of their lives together."

Source: http://www.cracked.com/blog/how-men-are-trained-to-think-sexual-assault-no-big-deal/

hah except they don't (and that's the whole problem for Kylo Ren - separated/busy parents who ship him off to his uncle). So that is one thing that corresponds to real life. A guy like Han Solo never settles down into a good family man and he doesn't in the movie universe either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have one son who is extremely attractive, tall, and a very good athlete. Ever since kindergarten, girls have been following him around. It has made him arrogant when it comes to women. No matter how many he might piss off there's 2 more waiting. Im worried he will never settle down. It is women's reaction to him that causes him to be less and less grounded.

Yes, I've talked to him, but the girls keep throwing themselves at him,actung like fools. Last one he broke up with was on my porch srunk at 1am begging for them to bw together. It's outrageous. I wish a girl would come along and give him his own medicine.

...how old is he? They will, don't worry...

-2

This woman is describing my ex twenty years ago. Always been a chick magnet, no matter how dishonest, cold, or manipulative he is. He's gorgeous, charismatic, and (mostly) nice. Every female, from little girls to old ladies, fall in love with him. It's ridiculous.

I agree. It is up to his parents to knock some sense into this kid before he goes on to ruin the lives of several women in the future.

[Anonymous]

Seems there are really two different questions being discussed here:

1. "Why do women like a physically attractive man, even when they know that man is bad, mean, narcissistic, etc?" The obvious answer is because he's physically attractive, and sometimes women (just like men) want physical attraction, and that physical attractiveness lets you ignore all the other bad qualities (at least in the short term). IMHO, it's kind of an easy question.

2. "Why do some women choose the bad man, when they have access to a variety of both good and bad men who are equally attractive?" This is a harder question IMHO.