Is It wrong to expect a high salary boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

EXPECT is a strong word. You should EXPECT someone who loves you and has compatible values, goals and work ethic. That doesn’t come with a particular price tag.

Ps- because I’m nit picky, liberal arts & bachelors degrees aren’t mutually exclusive.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Please also screen for chemistry.

It sounds like you want kids and the best thing that you can do for children is provide them with a stable, loving home. Divorce, lots of fighting, etc can really damage children even though no one likes to admit it.

If you don't marry someone that you'll still want to sleep with even after kids, then you're setting your marriage up for failure.

Op here. I agree. My parents are divorced, and I don't want that for my future children.

Sexual chemistry is also very important to me. I believe in putting marriage before kids for the sake of a long-lasting marriage. I don't ever want to lose that spark, or get lazy and not give my husband sex.

Starting to smell trollish.

Or very naive.

[Anonymous]

Wait, so people exchange salaries on the first couple of dates (or even in the dating app). How... mercantile.

[Anonymous]

Being candid, there is nothing wrong with demanding a high earning partner but the pond OP is fishing in is small and she needs to realize it. I mean, how many single men are their in their mid 30s, and how many of them earn 200k +. Let me assure you these men are super in demand and they know it. They are the female equivalent of a 22 year old female model.

So hold out for whatever you want but be realistic about the potential of not finding anyone. Nothing wrong with being single of course.

[Anonymous]

I think it's fine as long as you make your expectations clear and as long as you are realistic about the fact that the higher your salary expectations are, the smaller the number of available men -- and the more in-demand they will be.

Is it "wrong" for a man to expect a Victoria's Secret model? I would give him essentially the same advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Being candid, there is nothing wrong with demanding a high earning partner but the pond OP is fishing in is small and she needs to realize it. I mean, how many single men are their in their mid 30s, and how many of them earn 200k +. Let me assure you these men are super in demand and they know it. They are the female equivalent of a 22 year old female model.

So hold out for whatever you want but be realistic about the potential of not finding anyone. Nothing wrong with being single of course.

Op here. I do not expect the guy to make 200+. I asked it it was ok to screen men who made less than 50k with no potential for high earning. I wouldn't care if he made $70,80,90k, etc., or $60k with potential for promotions, etc.

I think expect is a strong word. I would hope for a decent income. I came from a family ( living with my dad) that was very poor until I moved with my mom. We were middle class but they still couldn't afford college or anything I hope to offer my future children. I don't need a guy to earn a high income to buy me things. I, as many other people, just want to provide their children with what they didn't have. I hope that we would make enough for a nice home, enough to raise 2-3 kids, ability to pay for their college tuition, family vacations, etc. I want to be able to afford to stay at home PT when the children are young or not struggle if one parent gets laid off, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait, so people exchange salaries on the first couple of dates (or even in the dating app). How... mercantile.

Some list their salary range on their profile. It's also not that hard to find out if you look at their education level and profession.

[Anonymous]

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I love it that the OP does not live near DC, and is neither a mom or dad.

How do people find this forum?

the internet is your friend. google it dingbat

Um, I think what this person means is, why do people who don't live in DC and are not parents post on a DC parents forum?

Certainly there are a few websites out there for people who are not DC parents. Or are the wisest people only to be found here?

This is not just a parents forum. Jeff said everyone is welcome.

Are you a friend of Jeff's?

No but Jeff has said in my forums that the forum is open to anyone, regardless if you're a non-parent or where you live. Get off your superior high horse. I will post regardless of whether you like it. This is not your forum so MYOB. It must suck to go through life so bitter.

* many forums

Are you the person who calls people 'dingbat' all the time?

No, but still doesn't change the fact that anyone has the right to post on here. This is not an exclusive forum. Stop acting like you're better than everyone because you're from the area of a parent. You're sense of superiority is annoying.

"From the area of a parent"?

I think you need to learn to read and spell.

NP/DP - you, PP, are such a twat. Take the stick out of your ass.

[Anonymous]

My DH "only" makes 60k but it's never been an issue because he is able to live happily on a small amount of money, and puts my wants ahead of his own. OP, character is more important to your future happiness than the guy's paycheck.

[Anonymous]

If you're just looking for a paycheck, I'm guessing you need to rachet back any other requirements you may have.

For example, height, weight, looks, personality, history of addiction or incarceration.

Seems like your focus is pretty much only on money.

[Anonymous]

OP, to be a single person making a 180K salary is an enormous opportunity to secure your future to get what you want (to stay home/not work for a few years, send kids to good schools). Consider investing very significant amounts of your current salary -- in real estate, in an index fund or the like -- so that you will have a stream of potential income. I have a friend who had a biglaw job for 6 years, lived simply (as simply as you can in NYC), bought a couple properties in Brooklyn outright and can now do whatever the hell she wants bc of her rental income stream.

If you do this, who cares what your husband makes? Find someone you can love.

[Anonymous]

PP here -- will add that I think that coming from humble beginnings may have caused you to focus on income over wealth. now that you have an high income, you can use it to CREATE wealth. that's how rich people get and stay rich.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP here -- will add that I think that coming from humble beginnings may have caused you to focus on income over wealth. now that you have an high income, you can use it to CREATE wealth. that's how rich people get and stay rich.

She doesnt have a high income and it looks like her income earning prospects are not good bc she wants to be a SAH. They all say just for a few years they will be SAh and they never go back to work and you carry them for the next 40 years. When I was dating 10 years ago (making $400k in mid 30’s), these chicas were a dime a dozen. Finally found someone who was truly interested in having a career — not getting pregnant and then being cared for like a child for the next 40 years.

[Anonymous]

OP is this you?

http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/673464.page

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP here -- will add that I think that coming from humble beginnings may have caused you to focus on income over wealth. now that you have an high income, you can use it to CREATE wealth. that's how rich people get and stay rich.

She doesnt have a high income and it looks like her income earning prospects are not good bc she wants to be a SAH. They all say just for a few years they will be SAh and they never go back to work and you carry them for the next 40 years. When I was dating 10 years ago (making $400k in mid 30’s), these chicas were a dime a dozen. Finally found someone who was truly interested in having a career — not getting pregnant and then being cared for like a child for the next 40 years.

Op here. I wouldn't throw away my career. I would like to stay home PT for the first 6-12 months after having a baby, and then return to work. I would be bored if I stayed home all the time.