Is It wrong to expect a high salary boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

I find it bizarre that strangers tell people what their income is.

I can't get past that part.

[Anonymous]

*people tell strangers, not vice versa.

[Anonymous]

Guy here. You can want anything you want. I am 50+, recently divorced. I am online, and screen on three things: education, drug/smoking, and politics.

I do not list my salary, rather, I say I am living comfortably in my own house in the 'burbs.

I do list my education (PhD Science), Political leanings (left-of-center) and religious requirements -- not fundamentalist anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:High salary men are usually looking for trophy type women. Women that look a certain way regardless of accomplishment. So if you are not trophy material (unattractive or so-so) don't cast your line in that pond. Go for a nice looking, hard working guy who will be a good husband and dad even if he does have a little p..

aycheck.

Not true at all. I am in my early 40s, make about double what OP makes and I'm in shape and I have had my choice of women (I'm a good looking guy). After a few years of dating in the DC pool, I ended up falling in love with and marrying a teacher who makes about 1/6 of my salary. Yes, she is objectively a beautiful and smart woman but she also is very focused on her work and doesn't care (nor do I care either) to dress like a hot SAHM/trophy wife. She is very down to earth, confident, loves many of the same things I do.

I find it perfectly fine for you to filter out low income earners - or at least with little or no prospects to earn a high income. you do what's right for you.

+1. Op isn't looking for a rich guy that will look for a trophy wife. Many men making 80k a year aren't looking for a trophy wife. The are looking fr a regalia gel that wants to have sex with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Guy here. You can want anything you want. I am 50+, recently divorced. I am online, and screen on three things: education, drug/smoking, and politics.

I do not list my salary, rather, I say I am living comfortably in my own house in the 'burbs.

I do list my education (PhD Science), Political leanings (left-of-center) and religious requirements -- not fundamentalist anything.

Op here. Politics is another one that is challenging. I lean toward Republican, and my state is very liberal. I think finding someone that matches you politically is very important.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I am turning 32 in a month. I get the money thing because before my advancement, I was making 80k. I collectively look if they posted a salary, their edcuation level, job, etc. I would hope to stay home PT in the beginning if I have children, and hope to marry a guy who makes enough for that to happen. I know levels of income change, and most men don't start earning higher incomes until their 30's or 40's. I am talking about a couple of guys who have a liberal arts degree and make 30-40k. I don't want to be a snob, but I would hope to find a guy who possess at least a bachelors degree ( I have a masters).

It's been a while since I've been online dating (married for 5 years) but this shouldn't be hard to find in this area if you are looking for men over 30.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think $50k is totally reasonable, because as others said, that's mostly self-sustaining level of income in DC. You're not looking for a rich guy. You're just looking for a professional or above guy. I'd make exceptions for guys currently in school. While guys may not actively screen as much, i'd hope any of my professional guy friends would mentally screen and ultimately end up with a woman making at least that. So not a gender thing. Just a self-sustaining professional thing.

So she should only be looking for someone "self-sustaining"?

Yes. And men should, too. You should look for a partner who could support your family if you died, or got cancer, or got hit by a car and couldn't work for a few months, or got laid off, or, or, or.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please also screen for chemistry.

It sounds like you want kids and the best thing that you can do for children is provide them with a stable, loving home. Divorce, lots of fighting, etc can really damage children even though no one likes to admit it.

If you don't marry someone that you'll still want to sleep with even after kids, then you're setting your marriage up for failure.

Op here. I agree. My parents are divorced, and I don't want that for my future children.

Sexual chemistry is also very important to me. I believe in putting marriage before kids for the sake of a long-lasting marriage. I don't ever want to lose that spark, or get lazy and not give my husband sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I am turning 32 in a month. I get the money thing because before my advancement, I was making 80k. I collectively look if they posted a salary, their edcuation level, job, etc. I would hope to stay home PT in the beginning if I have children, and hope to marry a guy who makes enough for that to happen. I know levels of income change, and most men don't start earning higher incomes until their 30's or 40's. I am talking about a couple of guys who have a liberal arts degree and make 30-40k. I don't want to be a snob, but I would hope to find a guy who possess at least a bachelors degree ( I have a masters).

It's been a while since I've been online dating (married for 5 years) but this shouldn't be hard to find in this area if you are looking for men over 30.

Op here. I don't live in the area.

[Anonymous]

No scrubs!

[Anonymous]

I don't think it's wrong for salary to be important, but at 26 consider the guys who are still climbing that ladder. If you can see the potential in one of them then it may be a great investment. My DH was making slightly more than me but seven years older. He's really exceeded my expectations over these last eight years. I'm really surprised / grateful I relaxed my standards enough to make a real decision and not some man who fit into all the "guidelines". Which had previously been the direction I was pursuing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please also screen for chemistry.

It sounds like you want kids and the best thing that you can do for children is provide them with a stable, loving home. Divorce, lots of fighting, etc can really damage children even though no one likes to admit it.

If you don't marry someone that you'll still want to sleep with even after kids, then you're setting your marriage up for failure.

Op here. I agree. My parents are divorced, and I don't want that for my future children.

Sexual chemistry is also very important to me. I believe in putting marriage before kids for the sake of a long-lasting marriage. I don't ever want to lose that spark, or get lazy and not give my husband sex.

Starting to smell trollish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I am turning 32 in a month. I get the money thing because before my advancement, I was making 80k. I collectively look if they posted a salary, their edcuation level, job, etc. I would hope to stay home PT in the beginning if I have children, and hope to marry a guy who makes enough for that to happen. I know levels of income change, and most men don't start earning higher incomes until their 30's or 40's. I am talking about a couple of guys who have a liberal arts degree and make 30-40k. I don't want to be a snob, but I would hope to find a guy who possess at least a bachelors degree ( I have a masters).

It's been a while since I've been online dating (married for 5 years) but this shouldn't be hard to find in this area if you are looking for men over 30.

Op here. I don't live in the area.

Then you sound pretty snobby and you better bring a lot to the table. Anything over $100K in 90% of America is super rich.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think $50k is totally reasonable, because as others said, that's mostly self-sustaining level of income in DC. You're not looking for a rich guy. You're just looking for a professional or above guy. I'd make exceptions for guys currently in school. While guys may not actively screen as much, i'd hope any of my professional guy friends would mentally screen and ultimately end up with a woman making at least that. So not a gender thing. Just a self-sustaining professional thing.

So she should only be looking for someone "self-sustaining"?

Uh, yes. That seems like a reasonable threshold for either sex, no? I think it's reasonable to want to screen people in, say, minimum wage jobs. $50k is not a big threshold in this city. Teachers make a bunch more than that in their 30s in DC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I am turning 32 in a month. I get the money thing because before my advancement, I was making 80k. I collectively look if they posted a salary, their edcuation level, job, etc. I would hope to stay home PT in the beginning if I have children, and hope to marry a guy who makes enough for that to happen. I know levels of income change, and most men don't start earning higher incomes until their 30's or 40's. I am talking about a couple of guys who have a liberal arts degree and make 30-40k. I don't want to be a snob, but I would hope to find a guy who possess at least a bachelors degree ( I have a masters).

It's been a while since I've been online dating (married for 5 years) but this shouldn't be hard to find in this area if you are looking for men over 30.

Op here. I don't live in the area.

I love it that the OP does not live near DC, and is neither a mom or dad.

How do people find this forum?