Friend always says she is a cancer survivor and it bothers me

[Anonymous]

Does this remind anyone else of Curb Your Enthusiasm? "Mosquitoes?? You see this glass eye???"

Ok but seriously, nothing irks me more than people complaining about others who make it all about them, by making it all about you. What you've been through is awful. Don't worry about comparing it to what she's been through. What's the point?

[Anonymous]

I had ovarian cancer in my early 40s, a cancer that kills far more than women than who survive. I had chemo and radiation and lived to tell the tale, although not to too many people. My dad died of cancer a few years before that.

But all of us who stare down this scary beast are survivors. It's not a contest. My advice: get over it. Be glad you are well and stop making this some sort of hierarchy of horror.

[Anonymous]

Jesus, OP, I hope you don't believe in karma, because you put some truly awful thoughts into the universe.

[Anonymous]

I've had skin cancer. I find your post offensive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with you OP. A removal simply isn't the same as battling it, chemo, etc. That is truly fighting for your life for a length of time.

WTF?
OP, I'm so sorry you have had cancer touch your life in so many ways, but you do NOT get to tell someone else that their cancer doesn't count.
Cancer is not a competitive sport. Yes, her cancer was treated and she survived. That can be hard to hear because you have had so many losses, but she has a right to live and to say that she survived cancer, because she did. You do not get to regulate that.
I've had a number or pregnancy losses, but I know women who have had near misses and did not get to tell those women how to tell their story just because they got the outcome I wanted and did not get.
OP, I hope you are able to grieve your losses and your pain and not blame your friend for living.

Look, I am a cancer survivor. I had stage IV Kidney Cancer. I had multiple surgeries to remove the cancer and metastases; I have lost one kidney and 1 lobe of my lung. But, I had no chemo or radiation. Why? well, they don't know, a priori, what will work, so they need a tumor to measure against. Since my tumors were removed post surgery, there was no treatment. We waited for it to come back; they expected it to come back (90% chance). So far (4.5 years), it hasn't. I have been really lucky. But, I am still a survivor.

[Anonymous]

There was a lady at our kid's school who talked about the wake up call she had, how she thought life was too short and how important it was to live every day to the fullest -- after the cancer diagnosis -- so she left her husband. I remember being a little surprised that the cancer which led to this monumental life-changing event was having a skin cancer removed at the dermatologist's. I know that I told the story to my DH and he had the same reaction. It sounded a bit like the revelation brought on by the cancer diagnosis was perhaps an excuse to do something she wanted to do anyway, leave her husband and buy a sportscar and start dating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm wondering what qualifies as "Real Cancer"...
Would the OP would feel inclined to vent if the friend "survived" cervical cancer as opposed to melanoma on her toe?

What about my stage IV Kidney cancer, treated only with (several) surgeries? I guess, by your definition, I should be able to get life insurance again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This isn't the Pity Olympics.

No it's not but your earned a blue ribbon is the As whole Olympics

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Melanoma can be deadly. Just to play devil's advocate, can you imagine the fear she lived through while going through diagnosis and figuring out if the cancer had spread, etc.?

That is very scary, but from diagnosis to end of treatment for her was probably one week.

It depends what stage it was. If it wasn't found very early, she would have needed to a central node biopsy, which is a multi-step process that involves surgery under general anesthesia in a hospital.

^ centinal node biopsy, nothe central node biopsy.

It's Sentinal

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I Agree OP. Watching a loved one's body be ravaged by cancer and/or cancer treatments, having your entire world upended, not knowing what the next few months or a year hold, and the toll that it takes on the patient and everyone around them is vastly different than finding an isolated group of cancer cells that are quickly and completely removed and the person returns to their normal life.

It's odd to call yourself a survivor if you didn't go through a period of thinking that your life was actually at risk. It's like the difference between "I survived a car crash" when you were rear-ended on a side street going 10 mph vs. a pile-up on the Beltway.

Perhaps you should check your ignorance. Melanoma can be very fatal, and I would be surprised if there are too many people who go through treatment for it, however brief, for whom it never crosses their mind that not everyone survives it.

[Anonymous]

+1 basal cell skin cancer is no sweat but melanoma is a major killer

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hear you, OP. It sounds obnoxious and tone-deaf when we all know people who are struggling with more aggressive/less treatable forms of cancer every day and others have died from it. I'm so sorry that you lost your parents to cancer.

Melanoma is less aggressive? Are people really this uneducated about it? Just...wow.

A childhood friend of mine died earlier this year from melanoma. She had a mole removed about 4 years ago from her back, they took some more out, ad she was fine. Until this time last year, she noticed mole was back. They removed it again, it came back stage 4, she died in 6 months.

But sounds like OP's friend is a drama queen and attention seeker. I get where OP is coming from.

[Anonymous]

I think you're understandably sensitive about this, but should ignore the friend. You're taking what she's saying to personally. If you need to hide her ob FB or see her less often, then do it.

[froggymom]

I'm so sorry for your terrible pain. People can't really understand unless they walk in your shoes. It must be so hard to hear your friend rejoice when you still have so much suffering from your loss. I doubt that she means any insensitivity by it. Since she is your friend try to be happy for her in spite of your own pain. I will be praying for your emotional healing.

[Anonymous]

My uncle died from melanoma.