Friend always says she is a cancer survivor and it bothers me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Melanoma is scary but to constantly claim you are a "cancer survivor" without having experienced radiation or chemo or even a serious surgery like a mastectomy is messed up. That's not right.

If a woman has DCIS breast cancer and elects only the more extensive lumpectomy, declining radiation or other further treatment despite the fact that it's also a legitimate form of treatment for that kind of cancer, did she not have enough cancer to be considered a survivor?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with you OP. A removal simply isn't the same as battling it, chemo, etc. That is truly fighting for your life for a length of time.

WTF?
OP, I'm so sorry you have had cancer touch your life in so many ways, but you do NOT get to tell someone else that their cancer doesn't count.
Cancer is not a competitive sport. Yes, her cancer was treated and she survived. That can be hard to hear because you have had so many losses, but she has a right to live and to say that she survived cancer, because she did. You do not get to regulate that.
I've had a number or pregnancy losses, but I know women who have had near misses and did not get to tell those women how to tell their story just because they got the outcome I wanted and did not get.
OP, I hope you are able to grieve your losses and your pain and not blame your friend for living.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sadly I understand where you are coming from. My husband died recently of cancer, which has been heart breaking. When I read people's posts mentioning that they fought so hard so they overcame it by sheer personal will or that God saved them, I also cringe. My husband wanted to live as much as anyone but that f'ing disease killed him against his will.

I agree with this vent more than the OPs.

I'm sorry for OP and this other posters husband but people have a right to be happy to have survived. Their story, their fight, their survival is not a slap in the face to those who have died and their loved ones who grieve their passion. PAIN IS NOT A COMPETITION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Anonymous]

I had melanoma on my foot. While I don't consider myself a cancer survivor, because the first treatment they did "cured" the cancer by removing it and it hasn't come back, I definitely still have a lot of fear and worry over it. Once you have melanoma once the chances of it coming back in the first 5 years is high. Once I hit my 5 years, I will post about it, but more so to encourage people to go get checked.

I would never, ever, compare myself to someone who went rounds and rounds of chemo or who died from it. But the fear is real. It's just relative.

+1,000

[Anonymous]

She may still fear it returning. It was still cancer. Just stay off Facebook.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm with you OP, and my mom died of malignant melanoma.

There's a difference between having something cancerous removed, and being a "cancer survivor." My mom had melanoma more than once, and went through chemo/radiation and then some. That's cancer. That's different than having a suspicious melanoma removed early.

There's no such thing as a "suspicious" melanoma. Melanoma *is* cancer. The only question at that point is whether it's localized or has metastasized.

That is true. But it's still a difference between having something cancerous removed, vs. surviving cancer.

No it isn't ! Having it removed and being cancer free is called SURVIVING CANCER.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sadly I understand where you are coming from. My husband died recently of cancer, which has been heart breaking. When I read people's posts mentioning that they fought so hard so they overcame it by sheer personal will or that God saved them, I also cringe. My husband wanted to live as much as anyone but that f'ing disease killed him against his will.

+1 to that.

I hate the "I fought cancer so hard" ok so the person who died of cancer just didn't fight hard, right? ugh.. why can't they just acknowledge that they got very lucky, had an early or treatable form and a good medical team?

So sorry you lost your husband to this horrible disease.

Saying you fought hard is not implying that someone else did not. Unless someone says, hey you died because you did not fought hard then what you are saying is just not true.
People have a right to frame their life struggles the way that they want to and what best describes their journey, their doing so does not invalidate anyone else's.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm with you OP, and my mom died of malignant melanoma.

There's a difference between having something cancerous removed, and being a "cancer survivor." My mom had melanoma more than once, and went through chemo/radiation and then some. That's cancer. That's different than having a suspicious melanoma removed early.

There's no such thing as a "suspicious" melanoma. Melanoma *is* cancer. The only question at that point is whether it's localized or has metastasized.

That is true. But it's still a difference between having something cancerous removed, vs. surviving cancer.

No it isn't ! Having it removed and being cancer free is called SURVIVING CANCER.

Congratulations, you survived having a small, local cluster of cancer cells removed. That's wonderful, and be glad and grateful that it wasn't worse. But you did not survive cancer. You are not a "cancer survivor."

[Anonymous]

This is a great example of why I am not on FB.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm with you OP, and my mom died of malignant melanoma.

There's a difference between having something cancerous removed, and being a "cancer survivor." My mom had melanoma more than once, and went through chemo/radiation and then some. That's cancer. That's different than having a suspicious melanoma removed early.

There's no such thing as a "suspicious" melanoma. Melanoma *is* cancer. The only question at that point is whether it's localized or has metastasized.

That is true. But it's still a difference between having something cancerous removed, vs. surviving cancer.

No it isn't ! Having it removed and being cancer free is called SURVIVING CANCER.

Congratulations, you survived having a small, local cluster of cancer cells removed. That's wonderful, and be glad and grateful that it wasn't worse. But you did not survive cancer. You are not a "cancer survivor."

You are right -- you win the Pain Olympics. Feel better now? Does this dry anyone's tears, lessen anyone's pain? SMH!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm with you OP, and my mom died of malignant melanoma.

There's a difference between having something cancerous removed, and being a "cancer survivor." My mom had melanoma more than once, and went through chemo/radiation and then some. That's cancer. That's different than having a suspicious melanoma removed early.

There's no such thing as a "suspicious" melanoma. Melanoma *is* cancer. The only question at that point is whether it's localized or has metastasized.

That is true. But it's still a difference between having something cancerous removed, vs. surviving cancer.

NP here. No, it's the difference between surviving cancer and surviving cancer treatment. Surviving cancer includes people who have tumors, melanomas, and lumps that are cancerous removed. Surviving cancer treatment means you have survived radiation or chemo therapy.

Having cancer is no mild thing, whether your treatment was simpler or not. The people I know who had cancerous melanomas removed, even if it did not require chemo or radiation still had to make significant lifestyle changes. They had to become very cautious about excess sunlight; high level SPF and cover ups, constant regular skin checks from head to toe, and regular checkups to ensure that the cancer does not spread. Melanoma spreads very easily and having it once makes one a high risk for spread.

It's not as serious as having to undergo cancer treatment, but it's still a big deal and the person has a right to call herself a cancer survivor. OP, I'm very sorry about your difficult experiences with cancer, but it won't make your situation better by minimizing someone else's struggles. This is like someone who has had to have a kidney transplant minimizing someone who only has to undergo dialysis.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Melanoma can be deadly. Just to play devil's advocate, can you imagine the fear she lived through while going through diagnosis and figuring out if the cancer had spread, etc.?

That is very scary, but from diagnosis to end of treatment for her was probably one week.

It depends what stage it was. If it wasn't found very early, she would have needed to a central node biopsy, which is a multi-step process that involves surgery under general anesthesia in a hospital.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Melanoma can be deadly. Just to play devil's advocate, can you imagine the fear she lived through while going through diagnosis and figuring out if the cancer had spread, etc.?

That is very scary, but from diagnosis to end of treatment for her was probably one week.

It depends what stage it was. If it wasn't found very early, she would have needed to a central node biopsy, which is a multi-step process that involves surgery under general anesthesia in a hospital.

^ centinal node biopsy, nothe central node biopsy.

[Anonymous]

All of you who are saying that the "friend" has a right to characterize her cancer experience however she wants and to feel whatever she feels also need to remember that OP is also allowed to be offended/hurt/whatever by the friend's choice of words even if no offense was intended. OP is allowed to come here and vent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm with you OP, and my mom died of malignant melanoma.

There's a difference between having something cancerous removed, and being a "cancer survivor." My mom had melanoma more than once, and went through chemo/radiation and then some. That's cancer. That's different than having a suspicious melanoma removed early.

There's no such thing as a "suspicious" melanoma. Melanoma *is* cancer. The only question at that point is whether it's localized or has metastasized.

That is true. But it's still a difference between having something cancerous removed, vs. surviving cancer.

No it isn't ! Having it removed and being cancer free is called SURVIVING CANCER.

Congratulations, you survived having a small, local cluster of cancer cells removed. That's wonderful, and be glad and grateful that it wasn't worse. But you did not survive cancer. You are not a "cancer survivor."

The medical community would disagree with you. I had melanoma that did not require chemo or radiation &, while I don't typically go around calling myself a cancer survivor, my medical records & charts do refer to me as one.