Friend always says she is a cancer survivor and it bothers me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Context: both of my parents died of cancer, and suffered from cancer. Father got a stage iv lung cancer diagnosis and died within 4 months when he was in his fifties. Mother suffered and died from breast cancer over the course of two years in her sixties. One of my good friends at work is 40, has 4 kids and an aggressive form of brain cancer that's going to kill her. My friend had a melanoma, which is scary and cancer, removed from her toe. Needed no further treatment in terms of drugs, chemo, radiation etc. always refers to herself as a cancer survivor. Her mother has stage i colon cancer caught at her 50yo colonoscopy. Had it removed and needed no chemo etc. posts on Facebook things like 15 year anniversary of my cancer diagnosis, so glad to be cancer free. I want to slap this friend and her mom and be like fuck you you don't know what cancer is you assholes. Venting here because I can't in real life. Thanks.

I'm sorry you are feeling this way, but she has a right to her feelings. There ARE people who have died from melanoma on their toes. She DID survive cancer and is hopefully cancer free. This is something she has to think about daily. So does her mom - you are upset that her mom feels grateful to be cancer free and alive after finding colon cancer? I promise they aren't doing this to spite you.

[Anonymous]

I get your point and would be annoyed if she mentioned it over and over

[Anonymous]

My friend died of melanoma less than a year after her diagnosis. Melanoma is serious.

[Anonymous]

Wait, so people with cancer aren't considered cancer survivors unless they have chemo or radiation?

Unbelievable.

[Anonymous]

I've had friends who have died from melanoma. So it's not always a piece of cake, and I imagine your friend feels very blessed that what she had wasn't worse and didn't kill her. I'm sure she considers herself lucky in comparison to what your parents and others have gone through. She is a survivor, even if she's a survivor in a smaller way.

Just because someone, somewhere has suffered more doesn't negate someone else's struggle. OP, at least you got your parents as long as you did. My mom died of ALS when she was 41. That's worse than dying of cancer in your 50's or 60's. See how this works? Someone will always be better off and someone will always be worse off. It's a continuum.

[Anonymous]

I'm with you OP, and my mom died of malignant melanoma.

There's a difference between having something cancerous removed, and being a "cancer survivor." My mom had melanoma more than once, and went through chemo/radiation and then some. That's cancer. That's different than having a suspicious melanoma removed early.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm with you OP, and my mom died of malignant melanoma.

There's a difference between having something cancerous removed, and being a "cancer survivor." My mom had melanoma more than once, and went through chemo/radiation and then some. That's cancer. That's different than having a suspicious melanoma removed early.

There's no such thing as a "suspicious" melanoma. Melanoma *is* cancer. The only question at that point is whether it's localized or has metastasized.

[Anonymous]

I'd be pissed too. Actually I'd probably ice her out of my life were I you. I don't have time for that kind of nonsense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm with you OP, and my mom died of malignant melanoma.

There's a difference between having something cancerous removed, and being a "cancer survivor." My mom had melanoma more than once, and went through chemo/radiation and then some. That's cancer. That's different than having a suspicious melanoma removed early.

There's no such thing as a "suspicious" melanoma. Melanoma *is* cancer. The only question at that point is whether it's localized or has metastasized.

That is true. But it's still a difference between having something cancerous removed, vs. surviving cancer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Melanoma can be deadly. Just to play devil's advocate, can you imagine the fear she lived through while going through diagnosis and figuring out if the cancer had spread, etc.?

That is very scary, but from diagnosis to end of treatment for her was probably one week.

[Anonymous]

Melanoma is scary but to constantly claim you are a "cancer survivor" without having experienced radiation or chemo or even a serious surgery like a mastectomy is messed up. That's not right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Melanoma can be deadly. Just to play devil's advocate, can you imagine the fear she lived through while going through diagnosis and figuring out if the cancer had spread, etc.?

That is very scary, but from diagnosis to end of treatment for her was probably one week.

So what? Some of you are terrible. Like you are somehow better if you had to go through chemo? Weirdos.

[Anonymous]

I had melanoma on my foot. While I don't consider myself a cancer survivor, because the first treatment they did "cured" the cancer by removing it and it hasn't come back, I definitely still have a lot of fear and worry over it. Once you have melanoma once the chances of it coming back in the first 5 years is high. Once I hit my 5 years, I will post about it, but more so to encourage people to go get checked.

I would never, ever, compare myself to someone who went rounds and rounds of chemo or who died from it. But the fear is real. It's just relative.

[Anonymous]

Lol - this is comical.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Melanoma can be deadly. Just to play devil's advocate, can you imagine the fear she lived through while going through diagnosis and figuring out if the cancer had spread, etc.?

That is very scary, but from diagnosis to end of treatment for her was probably one week.

Not true at all if you have it preliminarily diagnosed by a dermatologist, removed and biopsied, wait for the results, have a second removal to make sure you get clean margins, and then additional test to make sure it hasn't spread to lymph nodes. Plus the recovery from the removal, especially if they've done multiple rounds, can take quite a while if it's in an area that moves a lot (e.g. foot or back of shoulder), and can be painful. That can be weeks from first appointment to final all clear.