Friend always says she is a cancer survivor and it bothers me

[Anonymous]

I agree with you OP. A removal simply isn't the same as battling it, chemo, etc. That is truly fighting for your life for a length of time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hear you, OP. It sounds obnoxious and tone-deaf when we all know people who are struggling with more aggressive/less treatable forms of cancer every day and others have died from it. I'm so sorry that you lost your parents to cancer.

Melanoma is less aggressive? Are people really this uneducated about it? Just...wow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sadly I understand where you are coming from. My husband died recently of cancer, which has been heart breaking. When I read people's posts mentioning that they fought so hard so they overcame it by sheer personal will or that God saved them, I also cringe. My husband wanted to live as much as anyone but that f'ing disease killed him against his will.

I agree with this vent more than the OPs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hear you, OP. It sounds obnoxious and tone-deaf when we all know people who are struggling with more aggressive/less treatable forms of cancer every day and others have died from it. I'm so sorry that you lost your parents to cancer.

Melanoma is less aggressive? Are people really this uneducated about it? Just...wow.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sadly I understand where you are coming from. My husband died recently of cancer, which has been heart breaking. When I read people's posts mentioning that they fought so hard so they overcame it by sheer personal will or that God saved them, I also cringe. My husband wanted to live as much as anyone but that f'ing disease killed him against his will.

I agree with this vent more than the OPs.

Same. I hate the implication that the person who died from cancer didn't just fight enough. The whole language surrounding battling cancer is kind of f*****-up

[Anonymous]

Melanoma is a potentially fatal cancer that can recur and metastasize. Even if the treatment was easier than for other types of cancer, she has to carry around with her the knowledge that she's had cancer once, and now has a higher likelihood of it coming back even worse down the road. That may feel trivial to you, but it's not trivial to the person living with it.

[Anonymous]

It's fine to vent here, OP, but you are wrong to judge others for their feelings. Melanoma is no joke. I, too, have lost loved ones to cancer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hear you, OP. It sounds obnoxious and tone-deaf when we all know people who are struggling with more aggressive/less treatable forms of cancer every day and others have died from it. I'm so sorry that you lost your parents to cancer.

Well then let's make sure to tell the breast cancer survivors to shut up because they didn't have terminal brain cancer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hear you, OP. It sounds obnoxious and tone-deaf when we all know people who are struggling with more aggressive/less treatable forms of cancer every day and others have died from it. I'm so sorry that you lost your parents to cancer.

Once melanoma has spread to the lymph nodes, it is one of the most aggressive & deadliest forms of cancer out there. Now that you know that, can you imagine how incredibly stressful the weeks between receiving a melanoma diagnosis & finding out whether or not it spreads to your lymph nodes must be ???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sadly I understand where you are coming from. My husband died recently of cancer, which has been heart breaking. When I read people's posts mentioning that they fought so hard so they overcame it by sheer personal will or that God saved them, I also cringe. My husband wanted to live as much as anyone but that f'ing disease killed him against his will.

+1 to that.

I hate the "I fought cancer so hard" ok so the person who died of cancer just didn't fight hard, right? ugh.. why can't they just acknowledge that they got very lucky, had an early or treatable form and a good medical team?

So sorry you lost your husband to this horrible disease.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Melanoma is a potentially fatal cancer that can recur and metastasize. Even if the treatment was easier than for other types of cancer, she has to carry around with her the knowledge that she's had cancer once, and now has a higher likelihood of it coming back even worse down the road. That may feel trivial to you, but it's not trivial to the person living with it.

+1

My sister was diagnosed with stage 3 melanoma at age 27. Luckily, hers hadn'the spread to the lymph nodes but the few weeks before we found that out were hell. She actually lost 20 lbs in less than a month purely from stress (& she was fairly thin to begin with). She was always an easy going person who dealt with high pressured situations extremely well but, ever since her diagnosis almost 5 years ago, she has suffered from pretty severe anxiety. Her doctor said this is not at all uncommon.

Pleases don't judge & minimize what you haven't lived.

[Anonymous]

OP,

I had a cancer diagnosis 15 years ago. I had surgery and the option to do radiation or not given the stage. I opted for radiation but had I not, cancer would have still deeply impacted my life. I worry about it coming back every single day of my life. I can see why your friend's posts annoy you but any cancer diagnosis is trauma in a real sense. Most people don't just shake it off because they caught it in time. I personally don't like the online persona you describe but I think your friend's feelings are likely very real and that her fear likely lingers every day from the trauma of the diagnosis. I chose not to share my story with anyone. I didn't even tell work and luckily didn't lose any hair other than body hair. Everyone is different. I too am sorry about the loved ones that have been impacted by cancer in your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sadly I understand where you are coming from. My husband died recently of cancer, which has been heart breaking. When I read people's posts mentioning that they fought so hard so they overcame it by sheer personal will or that God saved them, I also cringe. My husband wanted to live as much as anyone but that f'ing disease killed him against his will.

I agree with this vent more than the OPs.

Same. I hate the implication that the person who died from cancer didn't just fight enough. The whole language surrounding battling cancer is kind of f*****-up

Six days after my twin sibling died of cancer in their early 40s after 4 horrible years living with it, my MIL made a point of telling me how amazing her 70-something acquaintance is for living with cancer for 6 years and that all her nurses at Dana Farber were amazed that her will to live kept her alive so long. I just stared at her, speechless, and then asked her if sh really thought people lived longer with cancer just because they really wanted to? Did she think my young sibling didn't want to live and just chose to die? This was a decade ago and I still feel like it was yesterday. So, OP and PP, I think I understand how you feel.

[Anonymous]

The recurrence rate for cancer is pretty high and it is something that is always in the back of your mind. Sure she didn't really have to go through any real treatment, but she does have to lie with the possibility of recurance.

[Anonymous]

I sort of hear you, but I know someone who suffered very painful surgeries from hidden melanomas all over his body. Deep, painful wounds. And then after all of it, he died from the cancer.