Friend always says she is a cancer survivor and it bothers me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I Agree OP. Watching a loved one's body be ravaged by cancer and/or cancer treatments, having your entire world upended, not knowing what the next few months or a year hold, and the toll that it takes on the patient and everyone around them is vastly different than finding an isolated group of cancer cells that are quickly and completely removed and the person returns to their normal life.

It's odd to call yourself a survivor if you didn't go through a period of thinking that your life was actually at risk. It's like the difference between "I survived a car crash" when you were rear-ended on a side street going 10 mph vs. a pile-up on the Beltway.

Perhaps you should check your ignorance. Melanoma can be very fatal, and I would be surprised if there are too many people who go through treatment for it, however brief, for whom it never crosses their mind that not everyone survives it.

Very fatal, lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had ovarian cancer in my early 40s, a cancer that kills far more than women than who survive. I had chemo and radiation and lived to tell the tale, although not to too many people. My dad died of cancer a few years before that.

But all of us who stare down this scary beast are survivors. It's not a contest. My advice: get over it. Be glad you are well and stop making this some sort of hierarchy of horror.

Wow, PP, you really ARE lucky. My sister-in-law died from ovarian cancer three weeks ago at the age of 45, and her last three months were horrendous, even by cancer standards.

But I can also understand where OP's coming from.

[Anonymous]

Do you read Dooce? She had a skin cancer scare and got made fun of on Gomi because of what you're describing. You are not alone in your frustration.

[Anonymous]

Note to Self: running away from a Bear attack is not good enough, must be beaten half to death before you can say "I am survivor of bear attack!" Got it.

Hate cancer not your friend, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:While I see your point, melanoma is scary, and she's lucky. Cut her some slack.

This.

Google how melanoma comes back with a vengeance and quickly kills people. It's a thing.

PS - Cancer isn't a competition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I Agree OP. Watching a loved one's body be ravaged by cancer and/or cancer treatments, having your entire world upended, not knowing what the next few months or a year hold, and the toll that it takes on the patient and everyone around them is vastly different than finding an isolated group of cancer cells that are quickly and completely removed and the person returns to their normal life.

It's odd to call yourself a survivor if you didn't go through a period of thinking that your life was actually at risk. It's like the difference between "I survived a car crash" when you were rear-ended on a side street going 10 mph vs. a pile-up on the Beltway.

If you have melanoma, even treated, you do not go back to your normal life. You worry every time you go in the sun, you change vacation plans, you buy different clothes, you may change your commute to work or change the hours you are outside.

I agree it's not the same as going through chemo or dying, but to pretend that you go back to your normal life is absurd.

My mother has two friends her age who had melanoma about 10 and 15 years ago respectively. They both came back in different parts of the body just recently and they have both died from it. One in the liver and one in the colon. In both cases, the doctors assume these were unrelated cancers but when biopsies, both were melanoma.

So melanoma survivors have to deal with that same worry that the cancer will return. Just because they may not have had chemo or radiation doesn't mean it's all rainbows and unicorns.

[Anonymous]

I'm glad for my friends who have been able to beat cancer without chemo, radiation etc.
That shit sucks. Wish I could have avoided it.
- Non-Hodgkin's lymphoma survivor.

[Anonymous]

Did she have cancer?
Yes?
Then she's a cancer survivor.

[Anonymous]

Melanoma killed my mother, until that point she was a cancer survivor. It took years, but minimal treatment, because there was nothing doctor's could do. OP, be happy your friend is a survivor.

[Anonymous]

I knew someone who died horribly and painfully from melanoma that came back after years and metastasized to his brain. He lost all his personality near the end and became violent. Then he died slowly.

Please try to get a handle on your own grief and not take it out on other people.

[Anonymous]

My therapist always reminds me "you don't get to approve of other people's pain." Her hurt is real and it has NOTHING to do with you o your parents or any other experience in your life. It's HER life. You have to be careful now to compare or correlate the two.

[Anonymous]

One study found an overall 5-year survival rate of 52% for patients with a primary melanoma of the foot and ankle compared with 84% for patients with a primary melanoma elsewhere on the lower part of the body.2

Quick Google search confirms that her cancer is the real deal. Or is 50/50 odds still too good to be real cancer? Where is the cut off? 30% 20% Or do you have to have chemo to suffer enough?

[Anonymous]

My sister is a dermatologist and hates this stigma that it's not "real". I don't know the exact stats but it actually kills quite often and people assume bc there is no chemo to offer that you are fine after removal.

[Anonymous]

Would me saying it wasn't melona and was the grade below I just didn't know the name make a difference. It was the one that's a step above basal cell sarcoma I just didn't remember the name. There was no month of panic. No constant rechecks. She is totally fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would me saying it wasn't melona and was the grade below I just didn't know the name make a difference. It was the one that's a step above basal cell sarcoma I just didn't remember the name. There was no month of panic. No constant rechecks. She is totally fine.

Squamous cell?

You're still totally an asshole.