Friend always says she is a cancer survivor and it bothers me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Melanoma can be deadly. Just to play devil's advocate, can you imagine the fear she lived through while going through diagnosis and figuring out if the cancer had spread, etc.?

That is very scary, but from diagnosis to end of treatment for her was probably one week.

So what? The cancer free OP didn't even have melanoma on her toe, so she's even lower on the cancer survivor totem pole than the friend. Maybe she should stfu before she goes around saying other people's potentially fatal cancers are cake walks.

[Anonymous]

Basically, OP thinks that if someone had stage 1 cancer or didn't have to go through chemo, she wants to slap them if they refer to themselves as cancer survivors. Or even if they say they feel blessed to be cancer free after 15 years.

OP, you sound like someone who could benefit from some therapy for your grief and anger. And I say that as someone who lost a husband to AML.

[Anonymous]

So where does my mom fall in the cancer survivor category, op?

Stage 2 breast cancer resulting in the removal of one breast. Radiation, no chemo. Survivor, or not enough suffering?

Came back as stage 4 all over her body 5 years later. No real treatment for stage 4 (beyond shots and meds). I wouldn't call her a survivor at this point since it will kill her.

The thing about cancer is that it usually comes back with a vengeance. Once you've been diagnosed with anything, you're always looking over your shoulder and waiting. Not fun.

I'm sorry about your family's medical history, but I don't understand your need to turn suffering into a competitive sport.

When I was lamenting my mother's stage 4 diagnosis and worrying about the odds of me dealing with a similar diagnosis in the future, my doctor said this: "Everyone dies, and something will kill you. Cancer, your heart, or getting hit by a bus. Live your life and do the best you can with the cards you're dealt, and don't waste any time worrying "what if" or asking "why me" because life is too short."

[Anonymous]

My father died of melanoma in his thirties. Your friend survived. I think it is worse to call yourself her friend.

[Anonymous]

Remember the old adage: "Walk a mile in someone elses shoes before you criticize." You never know the whole story of someone's life. Perhaps your friend has had friends or family die of cancer and even this seemingly minor brush with cancer triggers all kinds of things for her and she is delighted to have survived. Perhaps. Perhaps. Perhaps. I agree with a poster above that your grief and fear are making it hard for you to deal with this situation. Find someone to talk to.

[Anonymous]

But she is. It may not be as severe as others. But thankfully she's survived.

[Anonymous]

I think the part that bugs OP is that the melanoma, which can be deadly, was on her toe. If it were on her face, I'm guessing that OP would have been more sympathetic.

No need to compare suffering, though. That's a losing game.

[Anonymous]

You know that if that toe melanoma spreads that can lead to having to amputate your whole foot or leg?

[Anonymous]

I think you should step away from trying to compare the degrees of suffering and survival among various people with cancer. If I had melanoma removed from my toe, I would certainly tell people that I survived melanoma, one of the deadliest cancers. The location of melanoma on your body, whether foot, face or somewhere else, has nothing to do with anything-- I don't understand what 9:52 is saying. I wouldn't go around labeling myself a "cancer survivor," but this argument over semantics doesn't seem like a worthwhile hill to die on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My father died of melanoma in his thirties. Your friend survived. I think it is worse to call yourself her friend.

Cancer survivor or not, OP is a terrible friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My father died of melanoma in his thirties. Your friend survived. I think it is worse to call yourself her friend.

Cancer survivor or not, OP is a terrible friend.

This!

Anyone who was diagnosed with a cancer and lived, has survived.

[Anonymous]

As a previous poster mentioned, cancer is not a contest. You don't get more points for having different types of cancer (and I do wonder why you think you are the judge of this).

I lost my best friend to ovarian cancer two weeks ago. It was horrible. It has a shitty survival rate and, believe me, she would have done anything to survive. Does she get lots of points for this?

My mother died from lung cancer. She was 82. She opted for hospice rather than undergoing any treatment. Does she points deducted because she decided not to treat it? Does she get further points deducted beside she was a three pack a day smoker?

Does my son's friend (19 yo) not get points because she has thyroid cancer? She was treated and the doctors agree it is very unlikely to recur. What points does she get?

I had basal cell cancer removed from my face. It was small, they got it all and I don't expect it to have any impact on the rest of my life. I would not call myself a cancer survivor, although technically I had basal cell cancer and I survived.

OP, get your head on straight about melanoma. It kills people.

There is no doubt you've had some rough experiences with cancer. That much is clear. But you are wrong to judge other people on their experiences with cancer. You don't get a prize for having people in your life who have very difficult cancers.

[Anonymous]

- BECAUSE (not beside) she was a three pack a day smoker.

[Anonymous]

OP- I realize that you have had to deal with a lot of heartache . I do want you to put yourself in your friends shoes and understand how difficult it must have been for her to hear that she has cancer. No matter what her treatment plan was, she probably worries every day that it might come back. As you know, each time she went in for scans, the anxiety and worry is tough.
We can all agree that she is fortunate enough to not have had to had chemo or radiation. I'm sure she is not trying to compete with others who have . She is just celebrating the fact that she survived cancer.

My son was diagnosed with a rare cancer in his hand and had it surgically removed and did not have chemo. He did have radiation for 5 weeks. It has been 9 years and we just found out that his cancer has metastasized to his lung. I remember my sister-in-law had a friend who had a child with a brain tumor that was discovered at the same time as my sons tumor in his hand. She actually told me that my sons cancer was nothing like what her friends child was going through. Yes, that child had to have chemo, missed a ton of school, and has permanent disabilities caused by his treatment. I would never argue that his course was much tougher, but the anxiety that my child had to go through, and years of testing was so scarey. We almost made it to the magical 10 year mark.
We never know what the future holds. What might seem small and somewhat benign could be much more than what it seems. Cancer can surprise us all.
Try to be happy for your friend.

[Anonymous]

It isn't atypical for melanoma to come back years later, unlike many cancers where one is considered free and clear much sooner. Your friend probably has that hanging over her head.