5th Grade DD and boyfriend texting "I love you", WTF?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a 5th grade son. I can't speak about the girls - they typically move faster - but none of the boys in his class has a phone, and he doesn't ask for one. No interest. 7th grade? Yes. I have one of those, too. There is a HUGE difference between an 11 year old and a 13 year old. Though he's not allowed to date either.

Dating at 11/12? Hell to the no. Go right ahead and call me a helicopter mom and just try to convince me I'm encouraging my child to lie and sneak behind my back. You're saying more about yourself, your child, and your worldview when you say that. I absolutely love when parents say that by saying no to something, you're making your kids lie and do it behind your back. If that's how you approach parenting, then I imagine that is truth for you. What kind of headlock do your tweens have you in?!

It depends on what you say "no" to, doesn't it? If a parent says no to a fifth-grade kid getting a cell phone, the kid isn't going to lie and get a cell phone behind the parent's back. If a parent says no to a fifth-grade kid hanging out with a friend the parent doesn't like, it's quite possible that the kid is going to lie and hang out with the friend the parent doesn't like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think 5th grade not having a text device would help this a lot..

Glad I'm not the only one who thinks this.

+1 many get smartphones in 7th grade, and I think even that is too young.

+1 to this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a 5th grade son. I can't speak about the girls - they typically move faster - but none of the boys in his class has a phone, and he doesn't ask for one. No interest. 7th grade? Yes. I have one of those, too. There is a HUGE difference between an 11 year old and a 13 year old. Though he's not allowed to date either.

Dating at 11/12? Hell to the no. Go right ahead and call me a helicopter mom and just try to convince me I'm encouraging my child to lie and sneak behind my back. You're saying more about yourself, your child, and your worldview when you say that. I absolutely love when parents say that by saying no to something, you're making your kids lie and do it behind your back. If that's how you approach parenting, then I imagine that is truth for you. What kind of headlock do your tweens have you in?!

It depends on what you say "no" to, doesn't it? If a parent says no to a fifth-grade kid getting a cell phone, the kid isn't going to lie and get a cell phone behind the parent's back. If a parent says no to a fifth-grade kid hanging out with a friend the parent doesn't like, it's quite possible that the kid is going to lie and hang out with the friend the parent doesn't like.

Well, yes, of course my kid can't get a cell phone on his own as he doesn't have that kind of money, among other reasons. So that's a given. But when people say "if you don't let your kid date, they will do it anyway behind your back, so you may as well agree to it" - that is what I disagree with. I will not allow or condone things that I don't think are in my child's best interest out of fear that I'd be encouraging sneaking and lying. That is not a given and not my expectation. Parents characterize it as if they can't expect more than that so they may as well not set themselves or their children up for failure. I'm not saying it won't happen, but I will not lower my expectations for fear of disappointment.

[Anonymous]

Most kids have crushes before they are 12.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Well, yes, of course my kid can't get a cell phone on his own as he doesn't have that kind of money, among other reasons. So that's a given. But when people say "if you don't let your kid date, they will do it anyway behind your back, so you may as well agree to it" - that is what I disagree with. I will not allow or condone things that I don't think are in my child's best interest out of fear that I'd be encouraging sneaking and lying. That is not a given and not my expectation. Parents characterize it as if they can't expect more than that so they may as well not set themselves or their children up for failure. I'm not saying it won't happen, but I will not lower my expectations for fear of disappointment.

There's a difference between "I expect you not to have a boyfriend/girlfriend" and "You may not have a boyfriend/girlfriend". One is an expectation, the other is a rule. And furthermore, it's a rule that the parent can't reasonably enforce. And any kid with any sense knows that the parent can't reasonably enforce it.

If you want to make rules that you can't reasonably enforce, then ok. I don't think it's a good idea in any context, but everybody gets to make their own decision about that.

But to conclude that parents who don't want to make rules about a given subject also give up on setting expectations about that subject -- that's just empirically false. Maybe some parents do, but plenty of parents don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok, so I've been looking through my 11 year old daughter's texts and saw that she has a boyfriend. Didn't particularly bother me. They only see each other at school and they're not even in the same class; However I just looked again tonight and for the past 2 days they've been going on about how wonderful and special the other one is and how they love each other so so much. There must be at least 20 I love you's between the two of them.
This is really way more than what I would expect for a 5th grade "relationship". I'm not sure what if anything I should do about it.

What the heck does your 5th grader have a phone for? To make her safer.

See how that is working out? LOL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok, so I've been looking through my 11 year old daughter's texts and saw that she has a boyfriend. Didn't particularly bother me. They only see each other at school and they're not even in the same class; However I just looked again tonight and for the past 2 days they've been going on about how wonderful and special the other one is and how they love each other so so much. There must be at least 20 I love you's between the two of them.
This is really way more than what I would expect for a 5th grade "relationship". I'm not sure what if anything I should do about it.

this post belongs in the elementary school thread - because your daughter is in 5th grade.

Maybe if you treated her like a 5th grader and not a tween/teen, she wouldn't:

1. Have a phone
2. Have unlimited texts
3. Have a device that isn't being monitored all the time
4. Need the attention of a boy
5. Be saying I love you

She has already gotten down with some porn and other stuff on that phone too. i would check her deleted texts on your carrier and make sure she isn't on snap sending body pics over to her "boyfriend" Texting, apps, social media, and phones are for teens and grown-ups. Let this poor girl be a kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

What the heck does your 5th grader have a phone for? To make her safer.

See how that is working out? LOL

How do you know why the OP's fifth-grader has a phone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately, by middle school if your child does not have a phone with the ability to text, then he/she WILL be left out of social situations. Kids make their plans that way without parental involvement. You might say fine, but to kids at this age there is not much more important than having friendships. I will be giving my son a phone to start 6th grade, but no social apps like Instagram or Snapchat.

He will find a way. Kids are always savvier than the parents.

Look, you are already justifying the need for his phone by the "everyone has one" response.

SUCKER!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

What the heck does your 5th grader have a phone for? To make her safer.

See how that is working out? LOL

How do you know why the OP's fifth-grader has a phone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

this post belongs in the elementary school thread - because your daughter is in 5th grade.

Maybe if you treated her like a 5th grader and not a tween/teen, she wouldn't:

1. Have a phone
2. Have unlimited texts
3. Have a device that isn't being monitored all the time
4. Need the attention of a boy
5. Be saying I love you

She has already gotten down with some porn and other stuff on that phone too. i would check her deleted texts on your carrier and make sure she isn't on snap sending body pics over to her "boyfriend" Texting, apps, social media, and phones are for teens and grown-ups. Let this poor girl be a kid.

An 11-year-old is a tween. A fifth-grader is a tween. An 11-year-old fifth-grader is a tween.

Bonus points for assuming that the 11-year-old who said "I love you" by text must also be sexting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your 5th grader has a cellphone. She also has a boyfriend. Telling him she loves him is the least of your worries. You've been failing at parenting for a long time.

+1
Exactly!

NP here. It feels really good to knock someone down a peg, doesn't it? Why is that so easy for you?

[Anonymous]

Kids can text on iPods too.

[Anonymous]

I don't t think most fifth graders are sneaking out to see their boyfriend/girlfriend. Sure, they can "date" at school. What does that even mean in Elem School? If you have a problem with the texting then say no texting. Obviously, if your kid was in high school my answer would be different.

[Anonymous]

Have you asked her if they are having sex? 11 is not to young for kids these days.