5th Grade DD and boyfriend texting "I love you", WTF?

[Anonymous]

my children aren't allowed to have boyfriends/girlfriends at 11. They aren't allowed to text boys or girls they "like" in a one on one chat . This is what I said to my 5th grader and 8th grader about this:

"I know you like this boy/girl, keep on liking him/her but that person is not a boy/girlfriend. You may not text with them one on one. A group chat is fine" I monitor all texts. They know that.

If I were you I'd take the texting aspect of the device away without shaming her. She's proven she doesn't have the emotional maturity to use it. This is why social media is such a problem as well, so go ahead and set a rule for when she'll get Instagram and Snapchat. Make it 13 or 8th grade or whichever comes last. The pressure is about to come for her to have these apps if it hasn't already.

[Anonymous]

Every 5th grader I know has access to a texting device.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think 5th grade not having a text device would help this a lot..

Glad I'm not the only one who thinks this.

+1 many get smartphones in 7th grade, and I think even that is too young.

+ 2

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They don't understand what love is. I remember thinking that I "loved" my 6th grade crush despite having barely spoken two words to him. In my own time, when I was much older, I obviously came to understand what love really is. It's something your kid should learn on their own. It's not something their parents can control.

They'll both mature and work out what they really feel. Just monitor for your daughter's safety and mostly let them be. It will run its course.

They understand what love is, to a fifth-grader.

Otherwise I agree with you -- this is something for them to work out on their own.

[Anonymous]

we have a name for this: puppy love.

This is just not a problem. They mean it, but they don't have the depth of experience for it to be more than puppy love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:my children aren't allowed to have boyfriends/girlfriends at 11. They aren't allowed to text boys or girls they "like" in a one on one chat . This is what I said to my 5th grader and 8th grader about this:

"I know you like this boy/girl, keep on liking him/her but that person is not a boy/girlfriend. You may not text with them one on one. A group chat is fine" I monitor all texts. They know that.

If I were you I'd take the texting aspect of the device away without shaming her. She's proven she doesn't have the emotional maturity to use it. This is why social media is such a problem as well, so go ahead and set a rule for when she'll get Instagram and Snapchat. Make it 13 or 8th grade or whichever comes last. The pressure is about to come for her to have these apps if it hasn't already.

This rule is impossible for you to enforce. As well as a rule that encourages your children to go behind your back.

[Anonymous]

they probably sent inappropriate photos to each other on snap too.

its your fault for allowing her to have a phone. your problem

[Anonymous]

Are you sure it's a boyfriend and not a boy friend?

[Anonymous]

The issue for me (and I've been in this position) is that I never knew what was coming next, nor did my daughter. One day it was "you're so pretty", then it was "you're so hot". The line between puppy love and inappropriate became blurry. Kids are trying to be older much faster these days, and their expectations about relationships are very different. Kids say ILYSM to friends constantly so I could see you it would progress to this with a boy, but I think it's too much at that age.

Monitor the texts, tell you're daughter you're monitoring. Tell her to tell you if there is anything that makes her uncomfortable.Tell her to tell the boy that her mom looks st her phone. Talk about relationships, respect and maturity. And that people do stuff to brag about it or seem older. It's sweet that they like each other but important not to go too far too soon with "I love you". I would also make sure to discuss the physical aspect of relationships because I have heard and seen the gossip among tweens- some are in a rush to have their first kiss. And don't think that a kiss can't happen at school

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would immediately decide the family is going tech free for the week beginning right this second. Totally unacceptable.

Why? If they're never unsupervised together, texts are monitored, and they engage in age appropriate activities with groups of friends only, then I wouldn't be alarmed by this. It's probably cute and temporary but they still like each other when they're older they can date properly at a more appropriate age. Either way this seems harmless to me.

It is not an age-appropriate activity for an 11 yr old or 5th grader to say "I love you" to someone they're not related to.

Are you American or from another culture? Just curious.

I see nothing wrong with "puppy love" at that age, as long as they are well supervised by adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would immediately decide the family is going tech free for the week beginning right this second. Totally unacceptable.

Why? If they're never unsupervised together, texts are monitored, and they engage in age appropriate activities with groups of friends only, then I wouldn't be alarmed by this. It's probably cute and temporary but they still like each other when they're older they can date properly at a more appropriate age. Either way this seems harmless to me.

It is not an age-appropriate activity for an 11 yr old or 5th grader to say "I love you" to someone they're not related to.

I was 11 for half of seventh grade. Probably 90% of the inscriptions from girls in my 7th grade yearbook include "luv ya". This was in the early 1980s, when there wasn't any texting, but there was plenty of talking on the phone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would immediately decide the family is going tech free for the week beginning right this second. Totally unacceptable.

Why? If they're never unsupervised together, texts are monitored, and they engage in age appropriate activities with groups of friends only, then I wouldn't be alarmed by this. It's probably cute and temporary but they still like each other when they're older they can date properly at a more appropriate age. Either way this seems harmless to me.

It is not an age-appropriate activity for an 11 yr old or 5th grader to say "I love you" to someone they're not related to.

I was 11 for half of seventh grade. Probably 90% of the inscriptions from girls in my 7th grade yearbook include "luv ya". This was in the early 1980s, when there wasn't any texting, but there was plenty of talking on the phone.

OK, bye.
You hang up first.
No, you hang up.
No, you.

You still there?
Yeah.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:my children aren't allowed to have boyfriends/girlfriends at 11. They aren't allowed to text boys or girls they "like" in a one on one chat . This is what I said to my 5th grader and 8th grader about this:

"I know you like this boy/girl, keep on liking him/her but that person is not a boy/girlfriend. You may not text with them one on one. A group chat is fine" I monitor all texts. They know that.

If I were you I'd take the texting aspect of the device away without shaming her. She's proven she doesn't have the emotional maturity to use it. This is why social media is such a problem as well, so go ahead and set a rule for when she'll get Instagram and Snapchat. Make it 13 or 8th grade or whichever comes last. The pressure is about to come for her to have these apps if it hasn't already.

This rule is impossible for you to enforce. As well as a rule that encourages your children to go behind your back.

It isn't impossible. I always know where my 11 year old is ans what she's doing. She doesn't have a boyfriend because I say so. She likes a boy, she told me about it and I said "good! Get dressed for gymnastics."
I do not encourage or allow time and space for romantic relationships to develop between 11 year old 5th graders. No way. FWIW, I have an older child. It worked for her too. As she gets older and shows maturity, she can prove she's ready for romantic relationships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:my children aren't allowed to have boyfriends/girlfriends at 11. They aren't allowed to text boys or girls they "like" in a one on one chat . This is what I said to my 5th grader and 8th grader about this:

"I know you like this boy/girl, keep on liking him/her but that person is not a boy/girlfriend. You may not text with them one on one. A group chat is fine" I monitor all texts. They know that.

If I were you I'd take the texting aspect of the device away without shaming her. She's proven she doesn't have the emotional maturity to use it. This is why social media is such a problem as well, so go ahead and set a rule for when she'll get Instagram and Snapchat. Make it 13 or 8th grade or whichever comes last. The pressure is about to come for her to have these apps if it hasn't already.

This rule is impossible for you to enforce. As well as a rule that encourages your children to go behind your back.

It isn't impossible. I always know where my 11 year old is ans what she's doing. She doesn't have a boyfriend because I say so. She likes a boy, she told me about it and I said "good! Get dressed for gymnastics."
I do not encourage or allow time and space for romantic relationships to develop between 11 year old 5th graders. No way. FWIW, I have an older child. It worked for her too. As she gets older and shows maturity, she can prove she's ready for romantic relationships.

You can't control her feelings. And you can't control whom she talks to at school. If she wants to have a boyfriend, and you shut down any talk of boyfriends, then there's a good chance that she just won't tell you about it.

Keep in mind that at this age, there is no actual activity involved in having a boyfriend/girlfriend, except for texting. You can control the texting.

Also, it's a mistake -- in my experience as both child and parent -- to conclude that if it worked for this child, it will work for that child. Children are different, because people are different.

[Anonymous]

Put her on birth control and buy her condoms stat.