5th Grade DD and boyfriend texting "I love you", WTF?

[Anonymous]

Unfortunately, by middle school if your child does not have a phone with the ability to text, then he/she WILL be left out of social situations. Kids make their plans that way without parental involvement. You might say fine, but to kids at this age there is not much more important than having friendships. I will be giving my son a phone to start 6th grade, but no social apps like Instagram or Snapchat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No more phone. An 11 year old does not need to be texting boys.

Nobody needs to be texting anybody, come to that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately, by middle school if your child does not have a phone with the ability to text, then he/she WILL be left out of social situations. Kids make their plans that way without parental involvement. You might say fine, but to kids at this age there is not much more important than having friendships. I will be giving my son a phone to start 6th grade, but no social apps like Instagram or Snapchat.

well parents need to teach their kids to TALK and not rely on their phones ... come on

these kids lack common sense its sickening

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:my children aren't allowed to have boyfriends/girlfriends at 11. They aren't allowed to text boys or girls they "like" in a one on one chat . This is what I said to my 5th grader and 8th grader about this:

"I know you like this boy/girl, keep on liking him/her but that person is not a boy/girlfriend. You may not text with them one on one. A group chat is fine" I monitor all texts. They know that.

If I were you I'd take the texting aspect of the device away without shaming her. She's proven she doesn't have the emotional maturity to use it. This is why social media is such a problem as well, so go ahead and set a rule for when she'll get Instagram and Snapchat. Make it 13 or 8th grade or whichever comes last. The pressure is about to come for her to have these apps if it hasn't already.

This rule is impossible for you to enforce. As well as a rule that encourages your children to go behind your back.

It isn't impossible. I always know where my 11 year old is ans what she's doing. She doesn't have a boyfriend because I say so. She likes a boy, she told me about it and I said "good! Get dressed for gymnastics."
I do not encourage or allow time and space for romantic relationships to develop between 11 year old 5th graders. No way. FWIW, I have an older child. It worked for her too. As she gets older and shows maturity, she can prove she's ready for romantic relationships.

This is an excellent approach.

On a related note, I have been thinking of getting a helicopter myself. Do you prefer the Bell or the old surplus Sikorsky? How much does fuel run you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The issue for me (and I've been in this position) is that I never knew what was coming next, nor did my daughter. One day it was "you're so pretty", then it was "you're so hot". The line between puppy love and inappropriate became blurry. Kids are trying to be older much faster these days, and their expectations about relationships are very different. Kids say ILYSM to friends constantly so I could see you it would progress to this with a boy, but I think it's too much at that age.

Monitor the texts, tell you're daughter you're monitoring. Tell her to tell you if there is anything that makes her uncomfortable.Tell her to tell the boy that her mom looks st her phone. Talk about relationships, respect and maturity. And that people do stuff to brag about it or seem older. It's sweet that they like each other but important not to go too far too soon with "I love you". I would also make sure to discuss the physical aspect of relationships because I have heard and seen the gossip among tweens- some are in a rush to have their first kiss. And don't think that a kiss can't happen at school

this is a good post

I said I love you in 6th grade and to be honest, he tried to move way too fast. We quit talking and he spread rumors about me being "easy" even though that was the furthest thing from the truth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:my children aren't allowed to have boyfriends/girlfriends at 11. They aren't allowed to text boys or girls they "like" in a one on one chat . This is what I said to my 5th grader and 8th grader about this:

"I know you like this boy/girl, keep on liking him/her but that person is not a boy/girlfriend. You may not text with them one on one. A group chat is fine" I monitor all texts. They know that.

If I were you I'd take the texting aspect of the device away without shaming her. She's proven she doesn't have the emotional maturity to use it. This is why social media is such a problem as well, so go ahead and set a rule for when she'll get Instagram and Snapchat. Make it 13 or 8th grade or whichever comes last. The pressure is about to come for her to have these apps if it hasn't already.

This rule is impossible for you to enforce. As well as a rule that encourages your children to go behind your back.

It isn't impossible. I always know where my 11 year old is ans what she's doing. She doesn't have a boyfriend because I say so. She likes a boy, she told me about it and I said "good! Get dressed for gymnastics."
I do not encourage or allow time and space for romantic relationships to develop between 11 year old 5th graders. No way. FWIW, I have an older child. It worked for her too. As she gets older and shows maturity, she can prove she's ready for romantic relationships.

This is an excellent approach.

On a related note, I have been thinking of getting a helicopter myself. Do you prefer the Bell or the old surplus Sikorsky? How much does fuel run you?

Haha. So funny. I'll laugh when you have a teenage pregnancy in your home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Romeo and Juliet

LOL, OP.

Romeo and Juliet weren't 11, PP, even then, then the age of consent was lower.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Every 5th grader I know has access to a texting device.

Yup. It's only the parents of infants and toddlers who are certain that their children won't text in fifth grade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:my children aren't allowed to have boyfriends/girlfriends at 11. They aren't allowed to text boys or girls they "like" in a one on one chat . This is what I said to my 5th grader and 8th grader about this:

"I know you like this boy/girl, keep on liking him/her but that person is not a boy/girlfriend. You may not text with them one on one. A group chat is fine" I monitor all texts. They know that.

If I were you I'd take the texting aspect of the device away without shaming her. She's proven she doesn't have the emotional maturity to use it. This is why social media is such a problem as well, so go ahead and set a rule for when she'll get Instagram and Snapchat. Make it 13 or 8th grade or whichever comes last. The pressure is about to come for her to have these apps if it hasn't already.

This rule is impossible for you to enforce. As well as a rule that encourages your children to go behind your back.

It isn't impossible. I always know where my 11 year old is ans what she's doing. She doesn't have a boyfriend because I say so. She likes a boy, she told me about it and I said "good! Get dressed for gymnastics."
I do not encourage or allow time and space for romantic relationships to develop between 11 year old 5th graders. No way. FWIW, I have an older child. It worked for her too. As she gets older and shows maturity, she can prove she's ready for romantic relationships.

You can't control her feelings. And you can't control whom she talks to at school. If she wants to have a boyfriend, and you shut down any talk of boyfriends, then there's a good chance that she just won't tell you about it.

Keep in mind that at this age, there is no actual activity involved in having a boyfriend/girlfriend, except for texting. You can control the texting.

Also, it's a mistake -- in my experience as both child and parent -- to conclude that if it worked for this child, it will work for that child. Children are different, because people are different.

If there's 'no actual activity' then who are those kids we hear about getting blowjobs in middle school?? And then bragging about it on the internet? I doubt they coerce a random classmate into it, it's probably the proverbial 'girlfriend' showing her love after multiple texted 'I love you's.

OP, I also a firm believer in no boyfriends in 5th grade. Please.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately, by middle school if your child does not have a phone with the ability to text, then he/she WILL be left out of social situations. Kids make their plans that way without parental involvement. You might say fine, but to kids at this age there is not much more important than having friendships. I will be giving my son a phone to start 6th grade, but no social apps like Instagram or Snapchat.

well parents need to teach their kids to TALK and not rely on their phones ... come on

these kids lack common sense its sickening

You can't turn back the clock on technology. Kids are using iPads and other tablet devices in kindergarten. Yes, kids need to learn to talk and not rely on their phones, but you also need to understand that kids communicate differently today, even differently than just a year or two ago. Heck, a lot of my younger staff at work all communicate work issues via Snap Chat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

If there's 'no actual activity' then who are those kids we hear about getting blowjobs in middle school?? And then bragging about it on the internet? I doubt they coerce a random classmate into it, it's probably the proverbial 'girlfriend' showing her love after multiple texted 'I love you's.

OP, I also a firm believer in no boyfriends in 5th grade. Please.

Is fifth grade middle school, where you are? It isn't, where I am.

Also, are there kids who do oral sex while in middle school? Yes. Are there as many as some people believe there are? No. Did oral sex in middle school happen before cell phones? Yes -- or at least, it was rumored to happen, when I was in middle school, a very long time ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

If there's 'no actual activity' then who are those kids we hear about getting blowjobs in middle school?? And then bragging about it on the internet? I doubt they coerce a random classmate into it, it's probably the proverbial 'girlfriend' showing her love after multiple texted 'I love you's.

OP, I also a firm believer in no boyfriends in 5th grade. Please.

Is fifth grade middle school, where you are? It isn't, where I am.

Also, are there kids who do oral sex while in middle school? Yes. Are there as many as some people believe there are? No. Did oral sex in middle school happen before cell phones? Yes -- or at least, it was rumored to happen, when I was in middle school, a very long time ago.

6th grade is middle school where I am. There is a group of eight 12 year olds who were suspended from school this year for sending nudes on their phones. Supposedly "good kids". On school property. I'm the poster who doesn't allow her 5th grade 11 year old to have romantic relationships and text "I love you" to a boyfriend. The nudes start off with declarations of love between kids who have no idea what they're talking about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every 5th grader I know has access to a texting device.

Yup. It's only the parents of infants and toddlers who are certain that their children won't text in fifth grade.

I keep seeing posts like this when the issue of texting comes up. I have a kid in middle school. she did not text in fifth grade, and neither did her friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
6th grade is middle school where I am. There is a group of eight 12 year olds who were suspended from school this year for sending nudes on their phones. Supposedly "good kids". On school property. I'm the poster who doesn't allow her 5th grade 11 year old to have romantic relationships and text "I love you" to a boyfriend. The nudes start off with declarations of love between kids who have no idea what they're talking about.

I doubt that it's a straight shot from having a phone in fifth grade to texting "I love you" to a boyfriend in fifth grade to sexting in sixth grade to oral sex in seventh or eighth grade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every 5th grader I know has access to a texting device.

Yup. It's only the parents of infants and toddlers who are certain that their children won't text in fifth grade.

I keep seeing posts like this when the issue of texting comes up. I have a kid in middle school. she did not text in fifth grade, and neither did her friends.

I have a kid in middle school (8th grade) and a kid in fifth grade. When the 8th grader was in fifth grade, most of the kids in her fifth grade did not have phones and did not text. But now, three years later, most of the kids in in my fifth-grader's class do have phones and do text. Changing times.