5th Grade DD and boyfriend texting "I love you", WTF?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think 5th grade not having a text device would help this a lot..

Glad I'm not the only one who thinks this.

+100

WTF is your 5th grader doing with a phone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:my children aren't allowed to have boyfriends/girlfriends at 11. They aren't allowed to text boys or girls they "like" in a one on one chat . This is what I said to my 5th grader and 8th grader about this:

"I know you like this boy/girl, keep on liking him/her but that person is not a boy/girlfriend. You may not text with them one on one. A group chat is fine" I monitor all texts. They know that.

If I were you I'd take the texting aspect of the device away without shaming her. She's proven she doesn't have the emotional maturity to use it. This is why social media is such a problem as well, so go ahead and set a rule for when she'll get Instagram and Snapchat. Make it 13 or 8th grade or whichever comes last. The pressure is about to come for her to have these apps if it hasn't already.

This rule is impossible for you to enforce. As well as a rule that encourages your children to go behind your back.

Speak for yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think 5th grade not having a text device would help this a lot..

Glad I'm not the only one who thinks this.

+100

WTF is your 5th grader doing with a phone?

I have a kid who is a fifth grader in a non-poor but also non-rich public school. Maybe about half of the fifth graders have phones. Specifically, smart phones. And most of the rest have other devices they can text on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:my children aren't allowed to have boyfriends/girlfriends at 11. They aren't allowed to text boys or girls they "like" in a one on one chat . This is what I said to my 5th grader and 8th grader about this:

"I know you like this boy/girl, keep on liking him/her but that person is not a boy/girlfriend. You may not text with them one on one. A group chat is fine" I monitor all texts. They know that.

If I were you I'd take the texting aspect of the device away without shaming her. She's proven she doesn't have the emotional maturity to use it. This is why social media is such a problem as well, so go ahead and set a rule for when she'll get Instagram and Snapchat. Make it 13 or 8th grade or whichever comes last. The pressure is about to come for her to have these apps if it hasn't already.

This rule is impossible for you to enforce. As well as a rule that encourages your children to go behind your back.

It isn't impossible. I always know where my 11 year old is ans what she's doing. She doesn't have a boyfriend because I say so. She likes a boy, she told me about it and I said "good! Get dressed for gymnastics."
I do not encourage or allow time and space for romantic relationships to develop between 11 year old 5th graders. No way. FWIW, I have an older child. It worked for her too. As she gets older and shows maturity, she can prove she's ready for romantic relationships.

You can't control her feelings. And you can't control whom she talks to at school. If she wants to have a boyfriend, and you shut down any talk of boyfriends, then there's a good chance that she just won't tell you about it.

Keep in mind that at this age, there is no actual activity involved in having a boyfriend/girlfriend, except for texting. You can control the texting.

Also, it's a mistake -- in my experience as both child and parent -- to conclude that if it worked for this child, it will work for that child. Children are different, because people are different.

Thank you oh wise one.
When I said "it worked" I meant I did it for her too.
And it's fine for her to like people, have feelings, crushes etc and I don't wish to control that. It's not fine for her to develop a relationship, tell that romantic interest she loves him on text. And at 11 I DO have control over that.
And to thenposters who think it's the same as passing notes and saying Luv ya. Lylas, it's not. ILYSM as a comment on Instagram is quite different than an 11 year old telling a boy she loves him.

[Anonymous]

Romeo and Juliet

LOL, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think 5th grade not having a text device would help this a lot..

Glad I'm not the only one who thinks this.

+100

WTF is your 5th grader doing with a phone?

for piece of mind! remember these parents give in because all the kids have phones!

parents dont know how to say no anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think 5th grade not having a text device would help this a lot..

Glad I'm not the only one who thinks this.

+100

WTF is your 5th grader doing with a phone?

What do you do with a phone?

[Anonymous]

Your 5th grader has a cellphone. She also has a boyfriend. Telling him she loves him is the least of your worries. You've been failing at parenting for a long time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your 5th grader has a cellphone. She also has a boyfriend. Telling him she loves him is the least of your worries. You've been failing at parenting for a long time.

yup i agree

[Anonymous]

I'm not typically judgemental about this stuff, but your daughter is too young for a phone that she can text her classmates on. A flip phone or a house cellphone for emergency use only. Texting and this constant online stuff is why kids are developing anxiety problems.

Kids in my DS's class (5th) have phones- it's ridiculous. They are acting older than the children they still are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not typically judgemental about this stuff, but your daughter is too young for a phone that she can text her classmates on. A flip phone or a house cellphone for emergency use only. Texting and this constant online stuff is why kids are developing anxiety problems.

Kids in my DS's class (5th) have phones- it's ridiculous. They are acting older than the children they still are.

? You can text on a flip phone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your 5th grader has a cellphone. She also has a boyfriend. Telling him she loves him is the least of your worries. You've been failing at parenting for a long time.

Remember when you were in fifth grade and people "went with" each other? Which meant:

1. classmates knew they were "going with each other"
2. it lasted about a week
3. maybe they talked to each other on the phone

It's just like that now, only texting on the phone instead of talking. And emojis.

If you consider this a failure at parenting, you might think about getting out more and interacting with people who have real problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not typically judgemental about this stuff, but your daughter is too young for a phone that she can text her classmates on. A flip phone or a house cellphone for emergency use only. Texting and this constant online stuff is why kids are developing anxiety problems.

Kids in my DS's class (5th) have phones- it's ridiculous. They are acting older than the children they still are.

yup, its sad. Parents need to step it up and stop offering phones to these children. Its such a huge problem and its only going to get worse

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not typically judgemental about this stuff, but your daughter is too young for a phone that she can text her classmates on. A flip phone or a house cellphone for emergency use only. Texting and this constant online stuff is why kids are developing anxiety problems.

Kids in my DS's class (5th) have phones- it's ridiculous. They are acting older than the children they still are.

? You can text on a flip phone.

pp here- emergency phone. Something that is handed out of a child needs it- if they are home alone or dropped off somewhere. Not a phone that where they have permission to text friends or use for anything other than an "as needed" basis with parents. It's too young. Phones are creating far more problems for youth than they solve. I'm not trying to be on a soapbox- I think phones are trouble for younger kids and the ages that they get phones are pushed lower and lower.

[Anonymous]

No more phone. An 11 year old does not need to be texting boys.