Ill Sister Wants Me to Take Her Kids vs. My Newfound Freedom

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, here's how it goes. I'm not ill, but I asked a relative to be there for my DC in case of emergency. She refused citing some obscure reasons. Basically, she doesn't feel like it, because their plan is to remain DINKs. That's fine, because she's well within her rights to refuse. However, she is dead to me, and no amount of Christmas presents, phone calls etc. will change that. DH is more lenient (his bloodline), me--not so much. They're done, and I choose to invest in relationships with people who give a fuck.

Awwwww...PP. Do not assume that they don't give a fuck. Understand that A LOT goes into raising children. You know that. A TON more goes into taking on someone else's children. You should be glad they refused instead of A-lying and saying they would, only to change their tune if something happened or B-taking on the kids and resenting them.

You have to be very, very, VERY close to the person and their children--and so very rich you could afford to raise extra kids and outsource much of the responsibility--in order to agree to take that on without blinking.

If your choice is for them to be dead to you, that's your perogative. I would advise letting it go. Everyone's not built for that type of responsibility.

For the record, I wouldn't care if I was dead to my sister. We've never been close. She's never visited my home. And I've lived in this house for 15 years. So it is what it is.

PP, I won't maintain a relationship with a couple that rejected DC. I let it go in a sense that these people mean nothing to me anymore. This is a broken cup that won't ever be whole again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, here's how it goes. I'm not ill, but I asked a relative to be there for my DC in case of emergency. She refused citing some obscure reasons. Basically, she doesn't feel like it, because their plan is to remain DINKs. That's fine, because she's well within her rights to refuse. However, she is dead to me, and no amount of Christmas presents, phone calls etc. will change that. DH is more lenient (his bloodline), me--not so much. They're done, and I choose to invest in relationships with people who give a fuck.

Awwwww...PP. Do not assume that they don't give a fuck. Understand that A LOT goes into raising children. You know that. A TON more goes into taking on someone else's children. You should be glad they refused instead of A-lying and saying they would, only to change their tune if something happened or B-taking on the kids and resenting them.

You have to be very, very, VERY close to the person and their children--and so very rich you could afford to raise extra kids and outsource much of the responsibility--in order to agree to take that on without blinking.

If your choice is for them to be dead to you, that's your perogative. I would advise letting it go. Everyone's not built for that type of responsibility.

For the record, I wouldn't care if I was dead to my sister. We've never been close. She's never visited my home. And I've lived in this house for 15 years. So it is what it is.

PP, I won't maintain a relationship with a couple that rejected DC. I let it go in a sense that these people mean nothing to me anymore. This is a broken cup that won't ever be whole again.

Wow. Drama llama much? They didn't "reject" your child. They (probably wisely) said that they had chosen not to parent and would not be appropriate guardians for your child. That's not a rejection. In fact, they did you and your child a favor by not agreeing to something that they felt ill suited for.

I have a younger sibling who chose to remain childless, which is almost certainly in everyone's best interests. Had I asked that sibling to take my kids, the answer would have been no. It wouldn't have been a rejection of my kids, but rather an acknowledgement that I made the wrong choice in asking them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, here's how it goes. I'm not ill, but I asked a relative to be there for my DC in case of emergency. She refused citing some obscure reasons. Basically, she doesn't feel like it, because their plan is to remain DINKs. That's fine, because she's well within her rights to refuse. However, she is dead to me, and no amount of Christmas presents, phone calls etc. will change that. DH is more lenient (his bloodline), me--not so much. They're done, and I choose to invest in relationships with people who give a fuck.

I think this post sums up a lot of the flaming and resentment in this thread. People are in their poor wittle feelings because, well, how dare anyone refuse to take custody of their children. A lot of projection going on in this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, here's how it goes. I'm not ill, but I asked a relative to be there for my DC in case of emergency. She refused citing some obscure reasons. Basically, she doesn't feel like it, because their plan is to remain DINKs. That's fine, because she's well within her rights to refuse. However, she is dead to me, and no amount of Christmas presents, phone calls etc. will change that. DH is more lenient (his bloodline), me--not so much. They're done, and I choose to invest in relationships with people who give a fuck.

Awwwww...PP. Do not assume that they don't give a fuck. Understand that A LOT goes into raising children. You know that. A TON more goes into taking on someone else's children. You should be glad they refused instead of A-lying and saying they would, only to change their tune if something happened or B-taking on the kids and resenting them.

You have to be very, very, VERY close to the person and their children--and so very rich you could afford to raise extra kids and outsource much of the responsibility--in order to agree to take that on without blinking.

If your choice is for them to be dead to you, that's your perogative. I would advise letting it go. Everyone's not built for that type of responsibility.

For the record, I wouldn't care if I was dead to my sister. We've never been close. She's never visited my home. And I've lived in this house for 15 years. So it is what it is.

PP, I won't maintain a relationship with a couple that rejected DC. I let it go in a sense that these people mean nothing to me anymore. This is a broken cup that won't ever be whole again.

Wow. Drama llama much? They didn't "reject" your child. They (probably wisely) said that they had chosen not to parent and would not be appropriate guardians for your child. That's not a rejection. In fact, they did you and your child a favor by not agreeing to something that they felt ill suited for.

I have a younger sibling who chose to remain childless, which is almost certainly in everyone's best interests. Had I asked that sibling to take my kids, the answer would have been no. It wouldn't have been a rejection of my kids, but rather an acknowledgement that I made the wrong choice in asking them.

Exactly! In fact, I knew of financially suited, nice couples that I would've never asked to take my child. Simply because I knew children didn't fit into their lifestyle and I understand what a huge undertaking that would be. I felt it would've been selfish of me to ask them to do such a thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sister is in the hospital in another state and doesn't seem to be doing very well. I went to visit last week and she stated that if anything happens to her, she wants me to take her two girls. One is hers biologically, the other she inherited in a strange twist when her young former sister-in-law decided she didn't want to be a mother.

Here's my dilemma. I am happily a new empty nester. I've been so enjoying my freedom that I put in for a transfer on my job to go work in a fabulous major city faraway for a year or two. I'll be returning to my home here afterwards. Then I considered putting in for another transfer that would take me to another major city for a year or two and/or maybe abroad.

On the one hand, I feel entitled to live my life for me finally, after sacrificing it all to raise my own child. And this is not a sister I was close to anyway. She was always a bitch to me. That is, until I became financially independent. She's always just been a mean person to everyone. Horrible!

On the other, I am in the best position to raise them financially. And I'm their best chance. I tried to look on the bright side and think about how wonderful it will be to have a girl in the house again. My daughter and I are BFFs and really enjoyed her teen years doing girly stuff. We had lots of fun with hair and beauty days, going to the salon, shopping. Just being real girly girls. Getting her ready for the prom was a blast! So were our movie dates together. We walked down the street holding hands...

The girls are just 13, so the great news is that I won't be taking in young kids who need before and after care. They can get themselves out to the bus stop. And they just adore me. I am THEE favorite aunt.

Advice?

I would do it. It's just 5 years until they go off to college and you will have an empty nest. These are your nieces and your kids' cousins.

If they were your kids what would you want to happen? Do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it is so weird that you focus on the "girly girl" stuff you and your daughter did, and the fact that the nieces allegedly ADORE you.

I hope this was written by a 14 yo boy.

Seems like that's what YOU focused on. I'm starting to wonder if there's some jealousy about a woman successfully raising a child, having fun while doing it, and now being in a position to live with reckless abandon-all while being fabulous ("girly girl") and ADORED.

Your focus on the wrong thing is astounding. Most of the other posters got it right by focusing on what really matters here.

Continue to live a life of nitpicking and sweating the small stuff.

No, why would I be jealous? I am a DINK by choice. I am also adored by my nieces and nephews, but would never think to write about that repeatedly if their mother were dying. Your whole tone is so flippant, like it was written by Samantha in SATC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it is so weird that you focus on the "girly girl" stuff you and your daughter did, and the fact that the nieces allegedly ADORE you.

I hope this was written by a 14 yo boy.

Seems like that's what YOU focused on. I'm starting to wonder if there's some jealousy about a woman successfully raising a child, having fun while doing it, and now being in a position to live with reckless abandon-all while being fabulous ("girly girl") and ADORED.

Your focus on the wrong thing is astounding. Most of the other posters got it right by focusing on what really matters here.

Continue to live a life of nitpicking and sweating the small stuff.

No, why would I be jealous? I am a DINK by choice. I am also adored by my nieces and nephews, but would never think to write about that repeatedly if their mother were dying. Your whole tone is so flippant, like it was written by Samantha in SATC.

You really don't know what you would choose to write about or how your posts would come across. Especially to people who are just generally miserable and always looking for something to flame about.

[Anonymous]

Those of us thinking that the OP sounds "off" are not focusing on her choice to take the girls in or not. That is a difficult choice and no one thinks it is a no brainer.

OP is, however, a nut job who likely should not be raising any children, let alone those that will be dealing with what these girls will be dealing with.

And no, OP it is not our lack of maturity that makes us unable to read between the shallow lines you write.

If this is a creative writing exercise, you get a D for lack of depth. If this is real, my heart goes out to these girls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Those of us thinking that the OP sounds "off" are not focusing on her choice to take the girls in or not. That is a difficult choice and no one thinks it is a no brainer.

OP is, however, a nut job who likely should not be raising any children, let alone those that will be dealing with what these girls will be dealing with.

And no, OP it is not our lack of maturity that makes us unable to read between the shallow lines you write.

If this is a creative writing exercise, you get a D for lack of depth. If this is real, my heart goes out to these girls.

x1000. Op's description of raising her "girly girl" sounds like she was one of those parents who preferred to be their child's friend instead of their parent. I couldn't get past that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Those of us thinking that the OP sounds "off" are not focusing on her choice to take the girls in or not. That is a difficult choice and no one thinks it is a no brainer.

OP is, however, a nut job who likely should not be raising any children, let alone those that will be dealing with what these girls will be dealing with.

And no, OP it is not our lack of maturity that makes us unable to read between the shallow lines you write.

If this is a creative writing exercise, you get a D for lack of depth. If this is real, my heart goes out to these girls.

LOL!

Apparently, everyone on DCUM is a nutjob. That is, if they don't write exactly what you want them to in the way you'd want them to.

Maybe the kids should live with you, since you're such an amazing person.

Then again, you don't come off sounding too stable yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, here's how it goes. I'm not ill, but I asked a relative to be there for my DC in case of emergency. She refused citing some obscure reasons. Basically, she doesn't feel like it, because their plan is to remain DINKs. That's fine, because she's well within her rights to refuse. However, she is dead to me, and no amount of Christmas presents, phone calls etc. will change that. DH is more lenient (his bloodline), me--not so much. They're done, and I choose to invest in relationships with people who give a fuck.

Awwwww...PP. Do not assume that they don't give a fuck. Understand that A LOT goes into raising children. You know that. A TON more goes into taking on someone else's children. You should be glad they refused instead of A-lying and saying they would, only to change their tune if something happened or B-taking on the kids and resenting them.

You have to be very, very, VERY close to the person and their children--and so very rich you could afford to raise extra kids and outsource much of the responsibility--in order to agree to take that on without blinking.

If your choice is for them to be dead to you, that's your perogative. I would advise letting it go. Everyone's not built for that type of responsibility.

For the record, I wouldn't care if I was dead to my sister. We've never been close. She's never visited my home. And I've lived in this house for 15 years. So it is what it is.

PP, I won't maintain a relationship with a couple that rejected DC. I let it go in a sense that these people mean nothing to me anymore. This is a broken cup that won't ever be whole again.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those of us thinking that the OP sounds "off" are not focusing on her choice to take the girls in or not. That is a difficult choice and no one thinks it is a no brainer.

OP is, however, a nut job who likely should not be raising any children, let alone those that will be dealing with what these girls will be dealing with.

And no, OP it is not our lack of maturity that makes us unable to read between the shallow lines you write.

If this is a creative writing exercise, you get a D for lack of depth. If this is real, my heart goes out to these girls.

x1000. Op's description of raising her "girly girl" sounds like she was one of those parents who preferred to be their child's friend instead of their parent. I couldn't get past that.

Mommy issues, much?

The fact that you can't get past that one small part, while 98% of the other posters have, suggests there is something wrong with YOU.

Sorry you didn't have a good relationship with your mother. But that needs to be worked out outside of this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't find OP off putting for questioning whether this is the right decision.

I find OP off putting for her bizarro tone where she discusses the death of her sister and these girls' losing their parent with an unbelievably flippant air about her. And acts as if when she takes these girls on it will be nothing but fun and games and cosmos in the big city! When in fact they will have just lost a parent and would be relocating in a dramatic way. She just doesn't seem like she's taking the whole thing seriously. Which is a strange thing to say considering the subject matter but seriously she really sounds so cavalier its making me agree with other PPs that this is a troll.

+1 Taking in two kids, especially after a major trauma like losing a parent, is a huge decision and commitment. I don't blame OP at all for being unsure. But her tone regarding her sister, and the focus on superficial pros and cons of raising two more girls...very strange. I thought it was a troll post originally and now I really hope it is because these poor girls seem like they will be screwed either way.

Doesn't sound like any kids in your care would come out too well either. You seem completely off-balance, unable to put things into perspective and understand another person's point of view. You also seem incapable or unwilling to realize it's impossible to convey all of the nuances of a situation on a message board. People do the best they can to communicate the intricate in simplistic ways. Posters of greater maturity and social intelligence are able to read between the lines and fill in the blanks.

Ok OP. Whatever you say. Only respond to the posters who are sympathetic to you and ignore the fact that many many posters have found your attitude and tone to be bafflingly weird and out of touch and, yes, kind of cruel.

Thank you for responding.

Have a great day!

XOXO

Seriously PPs who are defending her. Look at this ^^^. This woman's sister is dying, her nieces are potentially losing their primary parent and she is contemplating taking them in and she's talking about cosmos and signing off posts XOXO. None of you find that bizarre?

Once again I TOTALLY understand that this would be a tough decision that would need to be weighed very heavily. I don't think she'd be a horrible person for deciding not to do it. But the tone of her posts is SO weird.

Yes yes yes to all of this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Those of us thinking that the OP sounds "off" are not focusing on her choice to take the girls in or not. That is a difficult choice and no one thinks it is a no brainer.

OP is, however, a nut job who likely should not be raising any children, let alone those that will be dealing with what these girls will be dealing with.

And no, OP it is not our lack of maturity that makes us unable to read between the shallow lines you write.

If this is a creative writing exercise, you get a D for lack of depth. If this is real, my heart goes out to these girls.

But that IS what you should be focusing on, as that is 98% or not more of the post. It's obvious you had a hard time with comprehension and identifying the MAIN IDEA in school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those of us thinking that the OP sounds "off" are not focusing on her choice to take the girls in or not. That is a difficult choice and no one thinks it is a no brainer.

OP is, however, a nut job who likely should not be raising any children, let alone those that will be dealing with what these girls will be dealing with.

And no, OP it is not our lack of maturity that makes us unable to read between the shallow lines you write.

If this is a creative writing exercise, you get a D for lack of depth. If this is real, my heart goes out to these girls.

x1000. Op's description of raising her "girly girl" sounds like she was one of those parents who preferred to be their child's friend instead of their parent. I couldn't get past that.

Mommy issues, much?

The fact that you can't get past that one small part, while 98% of the other posters have, suggests there is something wrong with YOU.

Sorry you didn't have a good relationship with your mother. But that needs to be worked out outside of this thread.

Um 98% of other posters have most certainly not overlooked it. You have like maybe 15% of posters on your side with another 5% being more understanding.

The people who think you sound like a cold hearted weirdo are absolutely in the majority here.