Ill Sister Wants Me to Take Her Kids vs. My Newfound Freedom

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP. There is a facebook group called, aunts and uncles raising nieces and nephews. you might be able to get some better support there.

It is a closed group but if you are seriously considering taking the girls they will let you join.

People love to act like this is an easy decision and I am pretty sure you are getting this grief b/c you are single and your child is grown.

I vividly remember another thread advising a woman not to take in kids b/c of the major impact on her family.

Well you are a family of one, and while ultimately I think you should and will take them in you have every right to question the choice.

Thank you! How interesting that they would flame ME as a single woman but be understanding of a MARRIED COUPLE--with more income and resources--and an INTACT FAMILY that would not have to change their lifestyles in any real significant way.

DCUM is always interesting.

Thank you for your thoughtful, honest response. I am not on FB but will look online for other support groups.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it is so weird that you focus on the "girly girl" stuff you and your daughter did, and the fact that the nieces allegedly ADORE you.

I hope this was written by a 14 yo boy.

Seems like that's what YOU focused on. I'm starting to wonder if there's some jealousy about a woman successfully raising a child, having fun while doing it, and now being in a position to live with reckless abandon-all while being fabulous ("girly girl") and ADORED.

Your focus on the wrong thing is astounding. Most of the other posters got it right by focusing on what really matters here.

Continue to live a life of nitpicking and sweating the small stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would only take the children if I was either close to the mother or if I had a prior relationship with the children. I wouldn't take in children I barely knew. I don't think it's wrong to want to enjoy your life at some point. I think some posters are just full of crap and I doubt every single person on DCUM would really take in children from a bitchy sibling/children they barely know.

+1. The responses on this thread are ridiculous. Don't be guilted (by your mean sister) and bullied (by DCUM harpies) into doing this when your heart isn't in it. You got lucky with teenagerhood once. As a PP said, it won't likely be so easy this time. It's your life. Live it your way.

+1. I don't have kids, and don't want kids. I wouldn't take on my nieces and nephew. Sorry--I've got one life to live and don't choose to spend it that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't find OP off putting for questioning whether this is the right decision.

I find OP off putting for her bizarro tone where she discusses the death of her sister and these girls' losing their parent with an unbelievably flippant air about her. And acts as if when she takes these girls on it will be nothing but fun and games and cosmos in the big city! When in fact they will have just lost a parent and would be relocating in a dramatic way. She just doesn't seem like she's taking the whole thing seriously. Which is a strange thing to say considering the subject matter but seriously she really sounds so cavalier its making me agree with other PPs that this is a troll.

+1 Taking in two kids, especially after a major trauma like losing a parent, is a huge decision and commitment. I don't blame OP at all for being unsure. But her tone regarding her sister, and the focus on superficial pros and cons of raising two more girls...very strange. I thought it was a troll post originally and now I really hope it is because these poor girls seem like they will be screwed either way.

Doesn't sound like any kids in your care would come out too well either. You seem completely off-balance, unable to put things into perspective and understand another person's point of view. You also seem incapable or unwilling to realize it's impossible to convey all of the nuances of a situation on a message board. People do the best they can to communicate the intricate in simplistic ways. Posters of greater maturity and social intelligence are able to read between the lines and fill in the blanks.

Ok OP. Whatever you say. Only respond to the posters who are sympathetic to you and ignore the fact that many many posters have found your attitude and tone to be bafflingly weird and out of touch and, yes, kind of cruel.

Thank you for responding.

Have a great day!

XOXO

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't find OP off putting for questioning whether this is the right decision.

I find OP off putting for her bizarro tone where she discusses the death of her sister and these girls' losing their parent with an unbelievably flippant air about her. And acts as if when she takes these girls on it will be nothing but fun and games and cosmos in the big city! When in fact they will have just lost a parent and would be relocating in a dramatic way. She just doesn't seem like she's taking the whole thing seriously. Which is a strange thing to say considering the subject matter but seriously she really sounds so cavalier its making me agree with other PPs that this is a troll.

+1 Taking in two kids, especially after a major trauma like losing a parent, is a huge decision and commitment. I don't blame OP at all for being unsure. But her tone regarding her sister, and the focus on superficial pros and cons of raising two more girls...very strange. I thought it was a troll post originally and now I really hope it is because these poor girls seem like they will be screwed either way.

Doesn't sound like any kids in your care would come out too well either. You seem completely off-balance, unable to put things into perspective and understand another person's point of view. You also seem incapable or unwilling to realize it's impossible to convey all of the nuances of a situation on a message board. People do the best they can to communicate the intricate in simplistic ways. Posters of greater maturity and social intelligence are able to read between the lines and fill in the blanks.

Ok OP. Whatever you say. Only respond to the posters who are sympathetic to you and ignore the fact that many many posters have found your attitude and tone to be bafflingly weird and out of touch and, yes, kind of cruel.

Thank you for responding.

Have a great day!

XOXO

Seriously PPs who are defending her. Look at this ^^^. This woman's sister is dying, her nieces are potentially losing their primary parent and she is contemplating taking them in and she's talking about cosmos and signing off posts XOXO. None of you find that bizarre?

Once again I TOTALLY understand that this would be a tough decision that would need to be weighed very heavily. I don't think she'd be a horrible person for deciding not to do it. But the tone of her posts is SO weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would only take the children if I was either close to the mother or if I had a prior relationship with the children. I wouldn't take in children I barely knew. I don't think it's wrong to want to enjoy your life at some point. I think some posters are just full of crap and I doubt every single person on DCUM would really take in children from a bitchy sibling/children they barely know.

+1. The responses on this thread are ridiculous. Don't be guilted (by your mean sister) and bullied (by DCUM harpies) into doing this when your heart isn't in it. You got lucky with teenagerhood once. As a PP said, it won't likely be so easy this time. It's your life. Live it your way.

+1. I don't have kids, and don't want kids. I wouldn't take on my nieces and nephew. Sorry--I've got one life to live and don't choose to spend it that way.

Yet sanctimonious people on this thread would like to pretend that it's an absolute no brainer. Like life is black and white. You take the kids and that's nice or you don't or even have reservations and you're evil.

I had another relative ask me to take in her children. She is alive, healthy and well but simply wants to be footloose and fancy free. I said, "NOPE! I had one child for a reason. If I wanted to raise more, I would've had more!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't find OP off putting for questioning whether this is the right decision.

I find OP off putting for her bizarro tone where she discusses the death of her sister and these girls' losing their parent with an unbelievably flippant air about her. And acts as if when she takes these girls on it will be nothing but fun and games and cosmos in the big city! When in fact they will have just lost a parent and would be relocating in a dramatic way. She just doesn't seem like she's taking the whole thing seriously. Which is a strange thing to say considering the subject matter but seriously she really sounds so cavalier its making me agree with other PPs that this is a troll.

+1 Taking in two kids, especially after a major trauma like losing a parent, is a huge decision and commitment. I don't blame OP at all for being unsure. But her tone regarding her sister, and the focus on superficial pros and cons of raising two more girls...very strange. I thought it was a troll post originally and now I really hope it is because these poor girls seem like they will be screwed either way.

Doesn't sound like any kids in your care would come out too well either. You seem completely off-balance, unable to put things into perspective and understand another person's point of view. You also seem incapable or unwilling to realize it's impossible to convey all of the nuances of a situation on a message board. People do the best they can to communicate the intricate in simplistic ways. Posters of greater maturity and social intelligence are able to read between the lines and fill in the blanks.

Ok OP. Whatever you say. Only respond to the posters who are sympathetic to you and ignore the fact that many many posters have found your attitude and tone to be bafflingly weird and out of touch and, yes, kind of cruel.

Thank you for responding.

Have a great day!

XOXO

Seriously PPs who are defending her. Look at this ^^^. This woman's sister is dying, her nieces are potentially losing their primary parent and she is contemplating taking them in and she's talking about cosmos and signing off posts XOXO. None of you find that bizarre?

Once again I TOTALLY understand that this would be a tough decision that would need to be weighed very heavily. I don't think she'd be a horrible person for deciding not to do it. But the tone of her posts is SO weird.

YOU are so weird. If it bothers you so much, why not exit stage left instead of trying to incite and inflame others.

What are you, 12? We're talking adult matters here. Maybe it's time for you to leave the thread given that you're not getting the response you want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't find OP off putting for questioning whether this is the right decision.

I find OP off putting for her bizarro tone where she discusses the death of her sister and these girls' losing their parent with an unbelievably flippant air about her. And acts as if when she takes these girls on it will be nothing but fun and games and cosmos in the big city! When in fact they will have just lost a parent and would be relocating in a dramatic way. She just doesn't seem like she's taking the whole thing seriously. Which is a strange thing to say considering the subject matter but seriously she really sounds so cavalier its making me agree with other PPs that this is a troll.

+1 Taking in two kids, especially after a major trauma like losing a parent, is a huge decision and commitment. I don't blame OP at all for being unsure. But her tone regarding her sister, and the focus on superficial pros and cons of raising two more girls...very strange. I thought it was a troll post originally and now I really hope it is because these poor girls seem like they will be screwed either way.

Doesn't sound like any kids in your care would come out too well either. You seem completely off-balance, unable to put things into perspective and understand another person's point of view. You also seem incapable or unwilling to realize it's impossible to convey all of the nuances of a situation on a message board. People do the best they can to communicate the intricate in simplistic ways. Posters of greater maturity and social intelligence are able to read between the lines and fill in the blanks.

Ok OP. Whatever you say. Only respond to the posters who are sympathetic to you and ignore the fact that many many posters have found your attitude and tone to be bafflingly weird and out of touch and, yes, kind of cruel.

Thank you for responding.

Have a great day!

XOXO

Seriously PPs who are defending her. Look at this ^^^. This woman's sister is dying, her nieces are potentially losing their primary parent and she is contemplating taking them in and she's talking about cosmos and signing off posts XOXO. None of you find that bizarre?

Once again I TOTALLY understand that this would be a tough decision that would need to be weighed very heavily. I don't think she'd be a horrible person for deciding not to do it. But the tone of her posts is SO weird.

YOU are so weird. If it bothers you so much, why not exit stage left instead of trying to incite and inflame others.

What are you, 12? We're talking adult matters here. Maybe it's time for you to leave the thread given that you're not getting the response you want.

I just asked Jeff if you were real weirdo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't find OP off putting for questioning whether this is the right decision.

I find OP off putting for her bizarro tone where she discusses the death of her sister and these girls' losing their parent with an unbelievably flippant air about her. And acts as if when she takes these girls on it will be nothing but fun and games and cosmos in the big city! When in fact they will have just lost a parent and would be relocating in a dramatic way. She just doesn't seem like she's taking the whole thing seriously. Which is a strange thing to say considering the subject matter but seriously she really sounds so cavalier its making me agree with other PPs that this is a troll.

+1 Taking in two kids, especially after a major trauma like losing a parent, is a huge decision and commitment. I don't blame OP at all for being unsure. But her tone regarding her sister, and the focus on superficial pros and cons of raising two more girls...very strange. I thought it was a troll post originally and now I really hope it is because these poor girls seem like they will be screwed either way.

Doesn't sound like any kids in your care would come out too well either. You seem completely off-balance, unable to put things into perspective and understand another person's point of view. You also seem incapable or unwilling to realize it's impossible to convey all of the nuances of a situation on a message board. People do the best they can to communicate the intricate in simplistic ways. Posters of greater maturity and social intelligence are able to read between the lines and fill in the blanks.

Ok OP. Whatever you say. Only respond to the posters who are sympathetic to you and ignore the fact that many many posters have found your attitude and tone to be bafflingly weird and out of touch and, yes, kind of cruel.

Thank you for responding.

Have a great day!

XOXO

Seriously PPs who are defending her. Look at this ^^^. This woman's sister is dying, her nieces are potentially losing their primary parent and she is contemplating taking them in and she's talking about cosmos and signing off posts XOXO. None of you find that bizarre?

Once again I TOTALLY understand that this would be a tough decision that would need to be weighed very heavily. I don't think she'd be a horrible person for deciding not to do it. But the tone of her posts is SO weird.

YOU are so weird. If it bothers you so much, why not exit stage left instead of trying to incite and inflame others.

What are you, 12? We're talking adult matters here. Maybe it's time for you to leave the thread given that you're not getting the response you want.

I just asked Jeff if you were real weirdo.

You're unhinged.

Absolutely certifiable.

[Anonymous]

What i find troubling, OP, is the way you make a point to distinguish between your "biological" niece and the other one. You've written about how your bio niece texted you, how you might resent taking a "non-blood" relative (or something like that) referring to the fact that you'd not resent taking the bio niece but you would her sister and another post when you only refer to taking them in the singular (she, her) rather than plural.

If you are truly being honest and considering this, please check yourself and your feelings for the adopted girl. You would do a lot of harm by treating them differently just because they don't share dna.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What i find troubling, OP, is the way you make a point to distinguish between your "biological" niece and the other one. You've written about how your bio niece texted you, how you might resent taking a "non-blood" relative (or something like that) referring to the fact that you'd not resent taking the bio niece but you would her sister and another post when you only refer to taking them in the singular (she, her) rather than plural.

If you are truly being honest and considering this, please check yourself and your feelings for the adopted girl. You would do a lot of harm by treating them differently just because they don't share dna.

"Bio" neice is simply my way of distinguishing between the two. I feel very strongly that they need to stay together.

My mother told me that my sister said she wanted her daughter to live with me whether she makes it or not. My knee-jerk response was "You can't separate the two." I have no resentment about her being a non-blood relative at all.

[Anonymous]

OP, here's how it goes. I'm not ill, but I asked a relative to be there for my DC in case of emergency. She refused citing some obscure reasons. Basically, she doesn't feel like it, because their plan is to remain DINKs. That's fine, because she's well within her rights to refuse. However, she is dead to me, and no amount of Christmas presents, phone calls etc. will change that. DH is more lenient (his bloodline), me--not so much. They're done, and I choose to invest in relationships with people who give a fuck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, here's how it goes. I'm not ill, but I asked a relative to be there for my DC in case of emergency. She refused citing some obscure reasons. Basically, she doesn't feel like it, because their plan is to remain DINKs. That's fine, because she's well within her rights to refuse. However, she is dead to me, and no amount of Christmas presents, phone calls etc. will change that. DH is more lenient (his bloodline), me--not so much. They're done, and I choose to invest in relationships with people who give a fuck.

Awwwww...PP. Do not assume that they don't give a fuck. Understand that A LOT goes into raising children. You know that. A TON more goes into taking on someone else's children. You should be glad they refused instead of A-lying and saying they would, only to change their tune if something happened or B-taking on the kids and resenting them.

You have to be very, very, VERY close to the person and their children--and so very rich you could afford to raise extra kids and outsource much of the responsibility--in order to agree to take that on without blinking.

If your choice is for them to be dead to you, that's your perogative. I would advise letting it go. Everyone's not built for that type of responsibility.

For the record, I wouldn't care if I was dead to my sister. We've never been close. She's never visited my home. And I've lived in this house for 15 years. So it is what it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, here's how it goes. I'm not ill, but I asked a relative to be there for my DC in case of emergency. She refused citing some obscure reasons. Basically, she doesn't feel like it, because their plan is to remain DINKs. That's fine, because she's well within her rights to refuse. However, she is dead to me, and no amount of Christmas presents, phone calls etc. will change that. DH is more lenient (his bloodline), me--not so much. They're done, and I choose to invest in relationships with people who give a fuck.

Yikes. Not wanting to commit to raise someone else's child in case of emergency = not giving a fuck and is grounds for being cut off? Obviously you don't believe she was well within her rights to refuse, because before you even asked the question, the only answer you were willing to accept was "yes." That's a huge thing to ask of someone, and good for her for giving an honest answer instead of saying yes when she didn't really mean it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, here's how it goes. I'm not ill, but I asked a relative to be there for my DC in case of emergency. She refused citing some obscure reasons. Basically, she doesn't feel like it, because their plan is to remain DINKs. That's fine, because she's well within her rights to refuse. However, she is dead to me, and no amount of Christmas presents, phone calls etc. will change that. DH is more lenient (his bloodline), me--not so much. They're done, and I choose to invest in relationships with people who give a fuck.

Yikes. Not wanting to commit to raise someone else's child in case of emergency = not giving a fuck and is grounds for being cut off? Obviously you don't believe she was well within her rights to refuse, because before you even asked the question, the only answer you were willing to accept was "yes." That's a huge thing to ask of someone, and good for her for giving an honest answer instead of saying yes when she didn't really mean it.

+100