Ill Sister Wants Me to Take Her Kids vs. My Newfound Freedom

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Just when you think you've seen it all on DCUM.


The selfishness and coldness boggles the mind.


I might need to take a break from this site for a bit...

But this is real life. It's not always pretty. And decisions are not always cut and dry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
You write what looks like a movie pitch.

In case this is real, listen to you heart deep inside. The outside of you is a selfish bitch.

As mean as this is, YOU'RE RIGHT! I realized I was being selfish, thinking totally of myself but felt that, for once in my life I might be entitled to do so, damnit! I had my DD young and sacrificed everything--promotions, those exciting transfers to other cities--for her and now's my time!

But life is what happens when you're busy making other plans.

Sorry for insulting you, and thank you for taking it so gracefully.

However it rubs me the wrong way when you imply that somehow raising kids was such a chore, and that now "finally" you're able to enjoy your life. It also saddens me that you're apparently taking your sister's current suffering very lightly and insisting that she was a horrid person before. I know you think this should color the present situation, but it really doesn't. You don't bring this up when the poor woman is in danger of dying, OP. It's just not right on the part of a blood relative, and this is what I meant when I thought it was a movie script. You sounded very impersonal and detached.

[Anonymous]

tl;dr

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
You write what looks like a movie pitch.

In case this is real, listen to you heart deep inside. The outside of you is a selfish bitch.

As mean as this is, YOU'RE RIGHT! I realized I was being selfish, thinking totally of myself but felt that, for once in my life I might be entitled to do so, damnit! I had my DD young and sacrificed everything--promotions, those exciting transfers to other cities--for her and now's my time!

But life is what happens when you're busy making other plans.

Sorry for insulting you, and thank you for taking it so gracefully.

However it rubs me the wrong way when you imply that somehow raising kids was such a chore, and that now "finally" you're able to enjoy your life. It also saddens me that you're apparently taking your sister's current suffering very lightly and insisting that she was a horrid person before. I know you think this should color the present situation, but it really doesn't. You don't bring this up when the poor woman is in danger of dying, OP. It's just not right on the part of a blood relative, and this is what I meant when I thought it was a movie script. You sounded very impersonal and detached.

I totally agree. While you work hard to be personable and sweet in your responses, you speak pretty nastily about your sister, and seem to be hoping we'll all tell you, "No, it's totally cool, leave the kids behind." It's like there is this shell of niceness, and underneath just cold, cold, detached selfishness. I think it's very sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you seem like a truly horrible person.

Kick a person, why don't you?

Most people would pause when faced with the prospect of taking on two kids, no matter the circumstances. Even if that pause was "Will I do right by them? Am I their best option?" I don't know of many people who would take it lightly. Or maybe I'm just overthinking this.

But since I'm being honest, there was a tiny bit of that "Why alter my life to do any type of favor for someone who treated everyone/me so cruelly"? It wouldn't be so bad if my DD was around the same age and still in the home. Then I'd just move from living sacrificially from 1 precious girl to 3. I'm finally making enough money to have a nice amount of disposable income, freedom, and I've been enjoying it all. Only to have it interrupted for--her?

I have a sister with 3 kids who I would've done it for, no hesitation. But because this one was such a pain...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
You write what looks like a movie pitch.

In case this is real, listen to you heart deep inside. The outside of you is a selfish bitch.

As mean as this is, YOU'RE RIGHT! I realized I was being selfish, thinking totally of myself but felt that, for once in my life I might be entitled to do so, damnit! I had my DD young and sacrificed everything--promotions, those exciting transfers to other cities--for her and now's my time!

But life is what happens when you're busy making other plans.

Sorry for insulting you, and thank you for taking it so gracefully.

However it rubs me the wrong way when you imply that somehow raising kids was such a chore, and that now "finally" you're able to enjoy your life. It also saddens me that you're apparently taking your sister's current suffering very lightly and insisting that she was a horrid person before. I know you think this should color the present situation, but it really doesn't. You don't bring this up when the poor woman is in danger of dying, OP. It's just not right on the part of a blood relative, and this is what I meant when I thought it was a movie script. You sounded very impersonal and detached.

I totally agree. While you work hard to be personable and sweet in your responses, you speak pretty nastily about your sister, and seem to be hoping we'll all tell you, "No, it's totally cool, leave the kids behind." It's like there is this shell of niceness, and underneath just cold, cold, detached selfishness. I think it's very sad.

You're both right. I am and have always been detached from this sister. But I wasn't hoping or even thinking you'd advise me to leave the kids behind. If that was the case, I would've played up her nastiness with examples, as justification. Instead, I was simply being honest about what part of my reservation was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
You write what looks like a movie pitch.

In case this is real, listen to you heart deep inside. The outside of you is a selfish bitch.

As mean as this is, YOU'RE RIGHT! I realized I was being selfish, thinking totally of myself but felt that, for once in my life I might be entitled to do so, damnit! I had my DD young and sacrificed everything--promotions, those exciting transfers to other cities--for her and now's my time!

But life is what happens when you're busy making other plans.

Sorry for insulting you, and thank you for taking it so gracefully.

However it rubs me the wrong way when you imply that somehow raising kids was such a chore, and that now "finally" you're able to enjoy your life. It also saddens me that you're apparently taking your sister's current suffering very lightly and insisting that she was a horrid person before. I know you think this should color the present situation, but it really doesn't. You don't bring this up when the poor woman is in danger of dying, OP. It's just not right on the part of a blood relative, and this is what I meant when I thought it was a movie script. You sounded very impersonal and detached.

I totally agree. While you work hard to be personable and sweet in your responses, you speak pretty nastily about your sister, and seem to be hoping we'll all tell you, "No, it's totally cool, leave the kids behind." It's like there is this shell of niceness, and underneath just cold, cold, detached selfishness. I think it's very sad.

You're both right. I am and have always been detached from this sister. But I wasn't hoping or even thinking you'd advise me to leave the kids behind. If that was the case, I would've played up her nastiness with examples, as justification. Instead, I was simply being honest about what part of my reservation was.

I guess it's kind of hard to believe the "I've been so wronged by this sister" narrative when you've spoken so cruelly and coldly about her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
You write what looks like a movie pitch.

In case this is real, listen to you heart deep inside. The outside of you is a selfish bitch.

As mean as this is, YOU'RE RIGHT! I realized I was being selfish, thinking totally of myself but felt that, for once in my life I might be entitled to do so, damnit! I had my DD young and sacrificed everything--promotions, those exciting transfers to other cities--for her and now's my time!

But life is what happens when you're busy making other plans.

Sorry for insulting you, and thank you for taking it so gracefully.

However it rubs me the wrong way when you imply that somehow raising kids was such a chore, and that now "finally" you're able to enjoy your life. It also saddens me that you're apparently taking your sister's current suffering very lightly and insisting that she was a horrid person before. I know you think this should color the present situation, but it really doesn't. You don't bring this up when the poor woman is in danger of dying, OP. It's just not right on the part of a blood relative, and this is what I meant when I thought it was a movie script. You sounded very impersonal and detached.

I had a GREAT time raising MY OWN child. And would've had 10 times the fun if I'd had 10 times the kids. We're talking about my sister's kids. And I'm finally able to live my life selfishlessly, without being responsible for anyone else.

I have never been close to this sister who is many years older than me, but a bit of the detachment may also be not knowing how grave her situation truly is. She's always in and out of the hospital and asked me to take her daughter if anything happened to her during a hospital visit 10 years ago. This time, she may be graver than ever before, but I've always had the impression she was being dramatic during every sickness. This time she's older and likely sicker. There's also that thought she has in her head of sending her child(ren) to live with me even if she's alive that made me start thinking more seriously about the possibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
You write what looks like a movie pitch.

In case this is real, listen to you heart deep inside. The outside of you is a selfish bitch.

As mean as this is, YOU'RE RIGHT! I realized I was being selfish, thinking totally of myself but felt that, for once in my life I might be entitled to do so, damnit! I had my DD young and sacrificed everything--promotions, those exciting transfers to other cities--for her and now's my time!

But life is what happens when you're busy making other plans.

Sorry for insulting you, and thank you for taking it so gracefully.

However it rubs me the wrong way when you imply that somehow raising kids was such a chore, and that now "finally" you're able to enjoy your life. It also saddens me that you're apparently taking your sister's current suffering very lightly and insisting that she was a horrid person before. I know you think this should color the present situation, but it really doesn't. You don't bring this up when the poor woman is in danger of dying, OP. It's just not right on the part of a blood relative, and this is what I meant when I thought it was a movie script. You sounded very impersonal and detached.

I totally agree. While you work hard to be personable and sweet in your responses, you speak pretty nastily about your sister, and seem to be hoping we'll all tell you, "No, it's totally cool, leave the kids behind." It's like there is this shell of niceness, and underneath just cold, cold, detached selfishness. I think it's very sad.

You're both right. I am and have always been detached from this sister. But I wasn't hoping or even thinking you'd advise me to leave the kids behind. If that was the case, I would've played up her nastiness with examples, as justification. Instead, I was simply being honest about what part of my reservation was.

I guess it's kind of hard to believe the "I've been so wronged by this sister" narrative when you've spoken so cruelly and coldly about her.

Then don't believe it. But I don't know who would make up such a thing about a loving sister, especially one who is ill. The reality is that even mean people die.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:By the time anything happens to your sister, the girls will likely be close to (or already) 14. In 4 years they'll be old enough to go away to college...

With all of the other relatives that these girls have in their lives (grandma, other aunts/uncles) it sounds as though you would have a certain amount of help. Maybe the girls could even summer with Grandma or another relative to give you a break from parenting them.

If they were 3 I could understand the panic. But these are 2 good 13 year old kids.....

I considered that as well. They'll be starting high school in the fall and those years fly.

The rest of the family lives too far away to help on a daily basis, but as you've said, at their ages they won't need that much looking after. They're at that fun age my daughter and I really enjoyed--cooking/baking together, sorting out boy/school drama, clothing, hair...

And yeah, if you think I struggled with this you can only imagine what I was thinking when she asked me 10 years ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This has to be a pitch for a tv show.

I call troll. These kids sound like they'd be better off in social services.

Disagree. This sounds like someone posting about real feelings. Real feelings are always honest but may not be what society thinks is appropriate or acceptable to articulate.

Thank you.

[Anonymous]

I would only take the children if I was either close to the mother or if I had a prior relationship with the children. I wouldn't take in children I barely knew. I don't think it's wrong to want to enjoy your life at some point. I think some posters are just full of crap and I doubt every single person on DCUM would really take in children from a bitchy sibling/children they barely know.

[Anonymous]

Take them and give them the choice of moving with you or boarding school

[Anonymous]

What is so bizarre is your description of motherhood, getting pedicures, going shopping and baking cookies. If you are taking in two 13 year old girls from a troubled family that just lost their mother and moving them into a suburban oasis this is not going to be a walk in the park. There are a lot of emotional issues here you wil need to deal with, including getting them therapy.

Seriously, don't abandon these girls but don't sugarcoat motherhood. If you are not a troll you are skipping through life on a very superficial level.

[Anonymous]

OP. There is a facebook group called, aunts and uncles raising nieces and nephews. you might be able to get some better support there.

It is a closed group but if you are seriously considering taking the girls they will let you join.

People love to act like this is an easy decision and I am pretty sure you are getting this grief b/c you are single and your child is grown.

I vividly remember another thread advising a woman not to take in kids b/c of the major impact on her family.

Well you are a family of one, and while ultimately I think you should and will take them in you have every right to question the choice.