My husband comes home at night and takes my kids out of bed
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Anonymous
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OP needs to talk to her DH about whether he has any flexibility regarding when he gets home. Then:
- If DH has flexibility, he needs to use it at least certain days a week and come home before the existing bedtime. - If DH has no flexibility, then OP needs to let the kids stay up later at least 2 or 3 weeknights so the kids can get all of their sleep sometimes and see dad sometimes. In either case, OP and her DH really need to work on their communication issues so that there isn't so much resentment over something that seems pretty obvious. |
Anonymous
Huh? 7:30 is rather early. 8:30 won't damage the kids beyond repair, I assure you. |
Anonymous
| When my 5yo started Kindergarten, his bedtime was 8:30. Within a month, we moved it up to 7:30 because he was just THAT tired. And we often don't get home until 6-6:15. It was rough, but in the end so much better for him. |
Anonymous
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OP said her dh comes in between the hour of 7:30 and 8:30. So it has to vary from day to day. People keep saying "keep them up for 30 more minutes." Many days, that wouldn't help anyway, and it would be likely be longer anyway because no one is suggesting she let him see them for 5-10 minutes and then go to sleep. It will get them all amped up and add more time than 30 minutes. Because it varies, it requires her to have a lot of flexibility and makes the bedtime different every single night.
Every family is different. My dh worked erratic hours and probably saw our kids 2 weeknights out of 5 when they were little. Sometimes he'd walk in and I'd just tucked them in 10 minutes earlier so it just wasn't going to happen. They were tired and cranky! It was torture for me and for them to keep them awake. They are teens now and their relationship with him is solid as a rock. There's more than one way to have good father/child relationships. |
Anonymous
| For those of you who say the father needs time with his children, do you really think it's OK for the dad to go and wake up a SLEEPING CHILD so that daddy can have time with him or her? For real? |
Anonymous
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My 3.5yr old goes to bed at 7pm every night, and wakes up at 6:45am during the week. While we may be in the minority, there are waaaay more than a handful of households with kids who go to bed on the early side.
If kids - particularly mine - don't get enough sleep, everything else suffers. I'd be grinding my teeth at this. |
Anonymous
Have you stopped ready on the first page? No, what many are suggesting is that OP lighten up a little on the strict and early bedtime and let the children stay up until 8:30 at least a couple of nights a week or more depending on the father's work flexibility. Many of us think that OP has set both parents up to fail and resent the other by putting the children to bed before the dad gets home. |
Anonymous
Noone suggested or stated that. What multiple posters have done is to give OP a more than reasonable solution (bumoing bedtime 30 minutes to a reasonable 8:00 time and have dad do a calm bedtime) that is better for the kids, dad and their marriage. What she is doing is not working for anyone, not for her, the kids, the husband or the marriage. She needs to change things, and not.by making a 7:30 bedtime the hill to die on. |
Anonymous
| Growing up, even in early elementary school, my brother and I had a pretty strict bedtime and were usually asleep before 8pm. Yes, even in the summer when it was light out and we could hear our neighborhood friends outside. We were happy, well rested kids, did well in school, and had and have strong bonds with both of our parents -- even though we often only had real quality time with our dad in the mornings and on weekends. |
Anonymous
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American kids are chronically tired, not getting enough sleep, getting to bed too late. People jumping on OP for the abnormally early bedtime reflect this.
OP, that's not too early of a bedtime. Clearly if the kids are falling asleep, that's right for them and you deserve credit for single-handedly keeping them in a healthy routine. |
Anonymous
| If the DH came home like clock work at 7:30 sure - keep up for that extra half hour but as stated - it is 7:30 - 8:30 which means that realistically the kids would be up/awake until 9:00 many night: a stay in bed kiss/cuddle from Dad is NOT what this DH is doing if he's waking them up. There's no way my kids would go back to sleep in less than a half hour. At that age - my DH was traveling way too much and/or getting in late some nights. My kids bedtime? 6:45 - and yes - definitely for ME but bonus for them. I definitely needed to have them on a schedule and if I was going to be doing it on my own more nights than not - I needed the surety of a set bed time and then I also needed my downtime or I'd have been at end of my rope if I had to get up and do it on my own the next day - and I did this when I was working full time 100% out of the house and when I was 100% stay at home/not working. The DH has to make his kids a priority and if its being with them at breakfast, then so be it. |
Anonymous
| If someone is going to sacrifice, let him come home early 1-2 nights/week to participate in bedtime and spend time with the kids. The kids' sleep (and physical and mental health) should not be shortchanged. |
Anonymous
| Are all these crazy PPs just one person? Who TF goes in and wakes a sleeping child because you didn't get tickle time in before you got home from work? A damn selfish parent, that's who. 7:30 is not too early a bedtime for a three year old. My oldest is asleep by 8 and he's 7. Two years ago, his bedtime was 7:30. Some of you need to read a book about childhood sleep. And maybe parenting while you're at it. |
Anonymous
| Sleep is more important than spending time with dad. A few hours on the weekend should be enough for them to bond. |
Anonymous
No it isn't. |