My husband comes home at night and takes my kids out of bed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do kids really go to sleep 7:30? That seems very early even for 3-year old. Our toddler sleeps only 10 hours (including nap) in 24 and goes to sleep at 11 pm.

Uh, you're the weird one.

Putting a Toddler to bed at 11pm is terrible parenting. I feel sorry for your kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[google]

Anonymous wrote:I have 2 kids (7 and 10) with very early bedtimes (8:30 weekdays). My DD (10 year old), up until about 2 years ago, was in bed by 7:30 because she needed that much sleep. She would sometimes even put herself to bed! Bedtime any later makes both kids miserable the next day. Not all kids can handle late bedtimes.

OP, if your kids are like mine, and absolutely need that much sleep, I would be furious at DH as well. While you can't stop him from doing what he's doing, he takes over when he wakes them up, and if possible deals with them the next morning, as well.

Good luck!

This only works if your kids don't do any sports or activities.

The only family I know who did this kind of early betime once kids reached school age was a homeschool family.

It was pretty sad. All the neighborhood kids would be outside playing in the evenings and their kids would be in in their PJs at 7:30 while ot was still daylight outside, noses pressed against the glass, watching all the other kids aged 4 on up outside having fun.

Interesting. My daughter swims 3x/wk and my son plays soccer - one practice + one game/wk. Seems to be working very well in our house.

Same here: My DCs have morning band x2, after school clubs x3, evening sports x3. Lights out was 7:30 until 4th grade, then it moved to 8:30. My teen is now 9:30, but sometimes reads in bed until later, but as a baby until about age 6, that kid was 6:30 to 6:30 like clockwork and you could't change it -- he'd just fall asleep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 2 kids (7 and 10) with very early bedtimes (8:30 weekdays). My DD (10 year old), up until about 2 years ago, was in bed by 7:30 because she needed that much sleep. She would sometimes even put herself to bed! Bedtime any later makes both kids miserable the next day. Not all kids can handle late bedtimes.

OP, if your kids are like mine, and absolutely need that much sleep, I would be furious at DH as well. While you can't stop him from doing what he's doing, he takes over when he wakes them up, and if possible deals with them the next morning, as well.

Good luck!

Your kids are in elementary school, OP's kids are in daycare where they can nap for 2 hours in the afternoon. When my kids were 5 and under and in daycare they didn't go to bed until 9 or 9:30 so DH and I could interact with them. I spoke with the daycare teacher about it once and she said she could usually tell the type of parent who insisted that their child shouldn't nap at daycare because they wanted their kid to go to sleep at 7:30pm. Those parents would get mad at her if the kids napped when nap time/quiet time is a licensening requirement. She commented that the parents who seemed to really like spending time with their kids kept them up later. Up until kindergarten my kids took long naps because they stayed up late. sounds like OP barely wants to deal with her kids. She wants them out of sight and DH to cater only to her.

This is so messed up. The parents who want to spend time with their kids, actually take the time to raise their own kids! You want to impose an adult schedule on toddlers just to make your workday more convenient. That is incredibly sad.

[Anonymous]

Has your husband lost his mind...??!

Children need adequate rest each & every night.
They require uninterrupted slumber in order to grow in a healthy manner.

For your husband to disrupt their sleep is unconscionable to me.

He needs to figure out a way to be at home earlier.
Or if possible can you keep the kids up an extra hour each night?

[Anonymous]

It would be interesting hear the husband's side of this story. I'm a DW with one in college and one almost there. OP, you and your husband really need to figure this out together. I totally get that bedtimes and routines are important but so is your marriage and family. What is happening is not working. Why do you continue to put your kids to bed only for them to be woken when your husband comes home? After the first couple of times, you and your husband should have come up with a compromise solution rather than stewing and getting "so angry and resentful." I urge you to figure out a way to communicate and work together because the teenage years are tricky - there will be much bigger issues to deal with and you'll need to be a team. I think the bead time isn't really the issue here. I wish you the best. I know it isn't easy but figuring out how to be a team will be a huge benefit in the future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It would be interesting hear the husband's side of this story. I'm a DW with one in college and one almost there. OP, you and your husband really need to figure this out together. I totally get that bedtimes and routines are important but so is your marriage and family. What is happening is not working. Why do you continue to put your kids to bed only for them to be woken when your husband comes home? After the first couple of times, you and your husband should have come up with a compromise solution rather than stewing and getting "so angry and resentful." I urge you to figure out a way to communicate and work together because the teenage years are tricky - there will be much bigger issues to deal with and you'll need to be a team. I think the bead time isn't really the issue here. I wish you the best. I know it isn't easy but figuring out how to be a team will be a huge benefit in the future.

Since she refers to them as "my kids" I'm not sure I'd hold my breath waiting for a compromise and teamwork!

[Anonymous]

Hi! I would keep them up if I were you until he came home. I would also ask my husband to choose a quiet game or read them a story. Say it is because you don't want them excited before bed but you love that he is spending time with them. Just to do it in a calmer style. He is trying to be involved and may be he doesn't know any other way to play with them. You can give him helpful hints without demeaning him or his ideas.

[Anonymous]

OP, how flexible is your husband's work time ?Is getting home 730-8:30 because he must work that late, or just prefers to miss all the drudgery of dinner, baths, bedtime and instead get to do play time? or is it his gym time?

If he has NO control over his schedule, including starting earlier then I would compromise but I would not put the kids to bed first. Let them have quiet time and he puts them to bed--not rile them up. If he has control, then you work together on a schedule that makes sense. I could see doing dinner, playtime, and then he comes home and does bath/bedtimes. He also needs to be doing some of the child care and not just the playtime.

also, what are the mornings like?

fwiw, our kids are 4 and 6 and they usually have lights out at 8:30. much later and they are a wreck. they naturally wake early. I would be pretty pissed off if DH came home and woke the kids, and he would feel the same, but we also usually try to be there every night and we alternate the bedtime routine with the kids so they each get one on one time.