My husband comes home at night and takes my kids out of bed

[Anonymous]

[google]

Anonymous wrote:I have 2 kids (7 and 10) with very early bedtimes (8:30 weekdays). My DD (10 year old), up until about 2 years ago, was in bed by 7:30 because she needed that much sleep. She would sometimes even put herself to bed! Bedtime any later makes both kids miserable the next day. Not all kids can handle late bedtimes.

OP, if your kids are like mine, and absolutely need that much sleep, I would be furious at DH as well. While you can't stop him from doing what he's doing, he takes over when he wakes them up, and if possible deals with them the next morning, as well.

Good luck!

This only works if your kids don't do any sports or activities.

The only family I know who did this kind of early betime once kids reached school age was a homeschool family.

It was pretty sad. All the neighborhood kids would be outside playing in the evenings and their kids would be in in their PJs at 7:30 while ot was still daylight outside, noses pressed against the glass, watching all the other kids aged 4 on up outside having fun.

[Anonymous]

I'm with you, OP. If Dad's work situation doesn't allow him to get home earlier, which I can understand, then he can see the kids in the morning and on weekends. The kids' best interest is the top priority and kids need sleep and consistency for so many important reasons.

When I had kids those ages, my dh would come home anytime between 7:30 and 9:30. I never knew when from day to day, due to the nature of his job and his commute. Bedtime stayed at 8:00 regardless. I couldn't keep them up not knowing exactly when he'd arrive and then, if it was right at 8, that would mean they wouldn't get to sleep until about 9.

The parents who think this bedtime is outrageous may be the ones I see with little kids out shopping at Target when I go to make a late night run.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:[google]

Anonymous wrote:I have 2 kids (7 and 10) with very early bedtimes (8:30 weekdays). My DD (10 year old), up until about 2 years ago, was in bed by 7:30 because she needed that much sleep. She would sometimes even put herself to bed! Bedtime any later makes both kids miserable the next day. Not all kids can handle late bedtimes.

OP, if your kids are like mine, and absolutely need that much sleep, I would be furious at DH as well. While you can't stop him from doing what he's doing, he takes over when he wakes them up, and if possible deals with them the next morning, as well.

Good luck!

This only works if your kids don't do any sports or activities.

The only family I know who did this kind of early betime once kids reached school age was a homeschool family.

It was pretty sad. All the neighborhood kids would be outside playing in the evenings and their kids would be in in their PJs at 7:30 while ot was still daylight outside, noses pressed against the glass, watching all the other kids aged 4 on up outside having fun.

Interesting. My daughter swims 3x/wk and my son plays soccer - one practice + one game/wk. Seems to be working very well in our house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm with you, OP. If Dad's work situation doesn't allow him to get home earlier, which I can understand, then he can see the kids in the morning and on weekends. The kids' best interest is the top priority and kids need sleep and consistency for so many important reasons.

When I had kids those ages, my dh would come home anytime between 7:30 and 9:30. I never knew when from day to day, due to the nature of his job and his commute. Bedtime stayed at 8:00 regardless. I couldn't keep them up not knowing exactly when he'd arrive and then, if it was right at 8, that would mean they wouldn't get to sleep until about 9.

The parents who think this bedtime is outrageous may be the ones I see with little kids out shopping at Target when I go to make a late night run.

It is more in the kids best interest to spend time with dad than to get that extra 30 minutes of sleep.

A strict, early 7:30 bedtime for kids that age is about mom's best interest, not the kids'.

Putting the kids in their rooms for quiet time at 7:30 and having dad come home and do bedtime it far more valuaboe to their health and well being.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm with you, OP. If Dad's work situation doesn't allow him to get home earlier, which I can understand, then he can see the kids in the morning and on weekends. The kids' best interest is the top priority and kids need sleep and consistency for so many important reasons.

When I had kids those ages, my dh would come home anytime between 7:30 and 9:30. I never knew when from day to day, due to the nature of his job and his commute. Bedtime stayed at 8:00 regardless. I couldn't keep them up not knowing exactly when he'd arrive and then, if it was right at 8, that would mean they wouldn't get to sleep until about 9.

The parents who think this bedtime is outrageous may be the ones I see with little kids out shopping at Target when I go to make a late night run.

It is more in the kids best interest to spend time with dad than to get that extra 30 minutes of sleep.

A strict, early 7:30 bedtime for kids that age is about mom's best interest, not the kids'.

Putting the kids in their rooms for quiet time at 7:30 and having dad come home and do bedtime it far more valuaboe to their health and well being.

According to who? I would love to see one piece of evidence that supports this.

[Anonymous]

I haven't read the responses but this would not be ok in our house, for either parent to do.

It's not ok because it's not good for the kids. It's a really, really bad idea that works against their best interests in all kinds of ways.

And it's not collaborative good parenting either, or respectful behavior with a spouse.

It's just awful in so many ways.

Bedtime in our house is 7:30-8 also OP (for several years now and our kids are 5.) It is non-negotiable. A handful of times a year they stay up later than that because of special occasions, or illness, or trips or whatever, but NEVER because one parent willfully disregarded the established bedtime.

[Anonymous]

IMHO, this is so not about the bedtime.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm with you, OP. If Dad's work situation doesn't allow him to get home earlier, which I can understand, then he can see the kids in the morning and on weekends. The kids' best interest is the top priority and kids need sleep and consistency for so many important reasons.

When I had kids those ages, my dh would come home anytime between 7:30 and 9:30. I never knew when from day to day, due to the nature of his job and his commute. Bedtime stayed at 8:00 regardless. I couldn't keep them up not knowing exactly when he'd arrive and then, if it was right at 8, that would mean they wouldn't get to sleep until about 9.

The parents who think this bedtime is outrageous may be the ones I see with little kids out shopping at Target when I go to make a late night run.

It is more in the kids best interest to spend time with dad than to get that extra 30 minutes of sleep.

A strict, early 7:30 bedtime for kids that age is about mom's best interest, not the kids'.

Putting the kids in their rooms for quiet time at 7:30 and having dad come home and do bedtime it far more valuaboe to their health and well being.

According to who? I would love to see one piece of evidence that supports this.

Another pp.. Really? You have children you don't yet understand the impact of parental bonding? You need science to support common sense knowledge. All that scientific research you rely on to raise your children you didn't come across the importance of the father and mother spending time with their children? The long-term impact into adulthood?. Wow! Good luck with your kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
It is more in the kids best interest to spend time with dad than to get that extra 30 minutes of sleep.

A strict, early 7:30 bedtime for kids that age is about mom's best interest, not the kids'.

Putting the kids in their rooms for quiet time at 7:30 and having dad come home and do bedtime it far more valuaboe to their health and well being.

According to who? I would love to see one piece of evidence that supports this.

There's plenty of evidence that supports that having two involved parents is better for kids.

Here's one reference. There are more.
http://www.parenting.com/article/why-kids-need-their-dads

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm with you, OP. If Dad's work situation doesn't allow him to get home earlier, which I can understand, then he can see the kids in the morning and on weekends. The kids' best interest is the top priority and kids need sleep and consistency for so many important reasons.

When I had kids those ages, my dh would come home anytime between 7:30 and 9:30. I never knew when from day to day, due to the nature of his job and his commute. Bedtime stayed at 8:00 regardless. I couldn't keep them up not knowing exactly when he'd arrive and then, if it was right at 8, that would mean they wouldn't get to sleep until about 9.

The parents who think this bedtime is outrageous may be the ones I see with little kids out shopping at Target when I go to make a late night run.

The kids' best interest is a close and loving relationship with their father.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm with you, OP. If Dad's work situation doesn't allow him to get home earlier, which I can understand, then he can see the kids in the morning and on weekends. The kids' best interest is the top priority and kids need sleep and consistency for so many important reasons.

When I had kids those ages, my dh would come home anytime between 7:30 and 9:30. I never knew when from day to day, due to the nature of his job and his commute. Bedtime stayed at 8:00 regardless. I couldn't keep them up not knowing exactly when he'd arrive and then, if it was right at 8, that would mean they wouldn't get to sleep until about 9.

The parents who think this bedtime is outrageous may be the ones I see with little kids out shopping at Target when I go to make a late night run.

It is more in the kids best interest to spend time with dad than to get that extra 30 minutes of sleep.

A strict, early 7:30 bedtime for kids that age is about mom's best interest, not the kids'.

Putting the kids in their rooms for quiet time at 7:30 and having dad come home and do bedtime it far more valuaboe to their health and well being.

According to who? I would love to see one piece of evidence that supports this.

Another pp.. Really? You have children you don't yet understand the impact of parental bonding? You need science to support common sense knowledge. All that scientific research you rely on to raise your children you didn't come across the importance of the father and mother spending time with their children? The long-term impact into adulthood?. Wow! Good luck with your kids

Short answer - no, I have nothing to support the assertion that an extra 1/2 hour spent with dad is more beneficial than a good nights sleep. Got it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
It is more in the kids best interest to spend time with dad than to get that extra 30 minutes of sleep.

A strict, early 7:30 bedtime for kids that age is about mom's best interest, not the kids'.

Putting the kids in their rooms for quiet time at 7:30 and having dad come home and do bedtime it far more valuaboe to their health and well being.

According to who? I would love to see one piece of evidence that supports this.

There's plenty of evidence that supports that having two involved parents is better for kids.

Here's one reference. There are more.
http://www.parenting.com/article/why-kids-need-their-dads

No one is questioning the importance of an involved parent. The question is - is it better than a good nights sleep?

[Anonymous]

Not seeing their dad for five days out of a week is not good for the kids.

When my kids were about the same age as OPs, my husbabd worked a job for two years where he worked the kids of hours where he missed most bedtimes and often would go days without seeing the kids for any notable amount of time.

My kids are now older elementary and teenage (1-9 at that time) and all of them have talked about how sad they were not to see him at bedtime, how excited they were when they got to stay up late or when he came home early and how they would try so hard to stay awake so they could see him before bed.

It matters OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
It is more in the kids best interest to spend time with dad than to get that extra 30 minutes of sleep.

A strict, early 7:30 bedtime for kids that age is about mom's best interest, not the kids'.

Putting the kids in their rooms for quiet time at 7:30 and having dad come home and do bedtime it far more valuaboe to their health and well being.

According to who? I would love to see one piece of evidence that supports this.

There's plenty of evidence that supports that having two involved parents is better for kids.

Here's one reference. There are more.
http://www.parenting.com/article/why-kids-need-their-dads

No one is questioning the importance of an involved parent. The question is - is it better than a good nights sleep?

I think the OP needs to also think about whether the 7:30 bedtime is better than a good marriage. She says she is "so angry and resentful." That's not good for anybody. I'm 50 and have been there. IMO, you need to step back and look at this situation more broadly. You also need to talk to your husband. Things get a lot harder than bedtime later on. Maybe you can comprise by incrementally delaying bedtime while at the same time asking if your husband to try to come home by 7:30 for a couple of weeks. So... bedtime can go from 7:30, to 7:40, to 8:00. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

I could see pushing bedtime to 8 at that age but if there are nights where he is waking the kids up at 8:30 and doing this play thing, you are then talking about small children who aren't getting back to sleep until 9, 9:30, 10pm. I have a 6 year old who has to get up at 6:30 to get to school so we can make the commute and work hours work, we just recently pushed her bedtime to 8 and I think that's the bare minimum of sleep she needs. Our 1 year old would be a hot mess if we kept him up past about 7:15 since his only nap at daycare ends at 3pm at the latest.

There has to be a compromise here. Move bedtime to 8. If H gets home at 7:30, then he does bedtime and gets the kids to sleep. (But not in a rough and tumble riling them up way that keeps them up even later!) But bedtime starts at 7:30 even if he's not home since you said there are nights he doesn't get in until 8:30.