Would like to hear from late 50, 60-somethings with teens

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 41, my kids are 17 and 15.

I have friends just starting to have kids. That would suck.
We are young and healthy, I'm a few years we can travel WHILE STILL HEALTHY.
No medications or canes needed.
Hopefully we can do this for 20 years or more. Yeah, we are lucky and smart.

Oh, please. Stop patting yourself on the back. Your good fortune to meet your partner and have kids when you were young has nothing to do with being smart. Is it so hard to imagine that others didn't have the option to have kids in their 20s and early 30s? the OP's question was about parenting in your 50s, not a request for those who had kids younger to gloat and speculate about being an older parent.

+1

I front-loaded my adventures. I lived abroad in my 20s and had fantastic life experiences. Would not trade those memories for anything.

Met my husband when I was 33, married at 35. I am 55 now and my kids are 18 and 16.

None of us has complete control over when we meet our spouses and marry anyway.

Thanks for posting. I'm not the OP but am interested in what it's like to have high school kids in your 50s. I am younger than you are now but had my kids at the same age you did. Do you feel the same as earlier PPs (tired, worried about retirement plus college)? I have no regrets about it but I wonder and worry sometimes about what this will be like when I'm approaching 60.

If you started to save for your retirement before you had kids and if you started to save for college when your kids were little and you continue to put money away each month.....it will add up, even if you don't make big $$$$.

As far as having teens in your 50's goes, I can not imagine having an empty nest right now. I love having our teens at home - they keep us on our toes and we genuinely enjoy spending time with them. They are awesome kids, easy, minimal stress. I know that we lucked out and that if one or both of them had a different personality that things could be very different for us. Even so, I think that we are still young enough to have the stamina to deal with their issues and old enough to have the patience/wisdom to guide them through life. Mid/late 30's, as it turns out, was a good time for us to have kids. I don't think we, personally, would have enjoyed parenting them as much if we had had them much younger than we did. But that's us.

[Anonymous]

^I'm a NP, not the previous poster. Just wanted to add my 2 cents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. When we're about 53, the plan is that DH and I are retiring and cruising the islands.

Good luck to all of you older parents on here! It takes a special kind. I couldn't imagine.

LOL!!!! Seriously.

Read that aloud to yourself and tell me you realize that's a complete asshole response. At least if you can do that, there might be hope for you as a human.

They kinda have no clue. Don't harsh her buzz

I had my children at 36 and 39. One of my sisters loved gloating about how she was so much further along on her parenting journey than I was. She couldn't wait for her children to finish college and she would be "done". Of course life never quite works out the way we plan does it? Now her 30 year old son is still living in the basement and has a job at Target. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but I can't help but remember all the nasty comments she used to throw at me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. When we're about 53, the plan is that DH and I are retiring and cruising the islands.

Good luck to all of you older parents on here! It takes a special kind. I couldn't imagine.

LOL!!!! Seriously.

Read that aloud to yourself and tell me you realize that's a complete asshole response. At least if you can do that, there might be hope for you as a human.

They kinda have no clue. Don't harsh her buzz

I had my children at 36 and 39. One of my sisters loved gloating about how she was so much further along on her parenting journey than I was. She couldn't wait for her children to finish college and she would be "done". Of course life never quite works out the way we plan does it? Now her 30 year old son is still living in the basement and has a job at Target. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but I can't help but remember all the nasty comments she used to throw at me.

I would love if my kids lived at home forever. But the working at target part, not so much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. When we're about 53, the plan is that DH and I are retiring and cruising the islands.

Good luck to all of you older parents on here! It takes a special kind. I couldn't imagine.

We did that in our 20s as singles and our 30s together. I see my parents limping along on retirement cruises and I didn't want to do that. But as others have said, people have different time lines.

Go to China and Egpyt, two of my favorites. Enjoy!

+1 DH and I deliberately waited to have kids so we could travel and experience life together a a family of two before parenthood. It was so much fun. Built our marriage so much. I'm glad we didn't wait til retirement. You travel differently at 55 than 25.

Travelling at 55 is much more luxurious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 41, my kids are 17 and 15.

I have friends just starting to have kids. That would suck.
We are young and healthy, I'm a few years we can travel WHILE STILL HEALTHY.
No medications or canes needed.
Hopefully we can do this for 20 years or more. Yeah, we are lucky and smart.

don't know about that

We have a nice house on two acres with a pool. Both of us (50 and 54) are very healthy - no meds unless you count Vit. D.

couldn't give our kids 20 years ago what we can today

We have pensions and significant investments, as well as college plans with two years paid off for our oldest. Plus, my 80 yo mom is still going at it and stepping in to help with the kids. When I retire in 10 years, I'll be able to consult FT. My husband is retiring in 4 years, which is when our younger one will be a teen. And that's when they need you the most.

I'm home from work by 3:45 - with plenty of time to meet the bus for my younger one. My older one is home by 3:20.

We travel b/c we can - but don't take extravagant vacations just yet, as that's lost on younger children.

So you can brag all you want, but I lived my life as a "younger" woman and I'm living my life now - but with more stability for my own children and many more opportunities to share with them.

As long as you have your health, you have everything. My aunt died at 38, leaving 5 girls. I hardly envy her.

I do everything you do, exceptional work very part time, as in 10 hours a week. I'm around a lot.
Btw, it's not retirement if you consult for a money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 41, my kids are 17 and 15.

I have friends just starting to have kids. That would suck.
We are young and healthy, I'm a few years we can travel WHILE STILL HEALTHY.
No medications or canes needed.
Hopefully we can do this for 20 years or more. Yeah, we are lucky and smart.

don't know about that

We have a nice house on two acres with a pool. Both of us (50 and 54) are very healthy - no meds unless you count Vit. D.

couldn't give our kids 20 years ago what we can today

We have pensions and significant investments, as well as college plans with two years paid off for our oldest. Plus, my 80 yo mom is still going at it and stepping in to help with the kids. When I retire in 10 years, I'll be able to consult FT. My husband is retiring in 4 years, which is when our younger one will be a teen. And that's when they need you the most.

I'm home from work by 3:45 - with plenty of time to meet the bus for my younger one. My older one is home by 3:20.

We travel b/c we can - but don't take extravagant vacations just yet, as that's lost on younger children.

So you can brag all you want, but I lived my life as a "younger" woman and I'm living my life now - but with more stability for my own children and many more opportunities to share with them.

As long as you have your health, you have everything. My aunt died at 38, leaving 5 girls. I hardly envy her.

I do everything you do, exceptional work very part time, as in 10 hours a week. I'm around a lot.
Btw, it's not retirement if you consult for a money.

OMG you said you are going to retire to consult FULL TIME. What kind of retirement is working full time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. When we're about 53, the plan is that DH and I are retiring and cruising the islands.

Good luck to all of you older parents on here! It takes a special kind. I couldn't imagine.

LOL!!!! Seriously.

Read that aloud to yourself and tell me you realize that's a complete asshole response. At least if you can do that, there might be hope for you as a human.

They kinda have no clue. Don't harsh her buzz

I had my children at 36 and 39. One of my sisters loved gloating about how she was so much further along on her parenting journey than I was. She couldn't wait for her children to finish college and she would be "done". Of course life never quite works out the way we plan does it? Now her 30 year old son is still living in the basement and has a job at Target. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but I can't help but remember all the nasty comments she used to throw at me.

My brother in law made a nasty comment to me about not wanting to be an "old" parent like me at his wedding to my sister, who is younger by quite a bit. Well, they ended up just having their first child a whole two years earlier in age than me. Meet karma.

[Anonymous]

I'm 51 (almost 52!) and my husband is 46, our kids are 14 and 9. I don't know any differently so have nothing to compare, I don't feel elderly, I loved my childless 20s and early 30s, and things are great. I love the life the kids and my husband have and things have worked out. I'll be 63 when the youngest graduates, which is the same age my Mom was when my younger brother graduated - 8 kids over a span of 14 years (her not me). She had no issue either raising children in her 50s.

People are deeply invested in their choices being right especially when it comes to the appropriate age to have children. I guess now that I'm an old fart, I just don't care what you think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow. When we're about 53, the plan is that DH and I are retiring and cruising the islands.

Good luck to all of you older parents on here! It takes a special kind. I couldn't imagine.

Way to rub it in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Finding this string fascinating. Definitely shows there are two sides (at least) to every coin. I am 49 and my husband (>50) and I are pregnant with our first. Have led a wonderfully fulfilling life to date, as a high-paid professional, who has travelled the world, been the go-to aunt for my numerous nieces/nephews, and am looking forward to this new phase. And, no, I don't feel anywhere close to my age, and I don't have energy problems, or out of touch with the youth of today, so don't bother wishing me well if you are planning to retire at 53 as I've set myself up very well. You chose your lot and I chose mine and the decision was a very conscious, educated one. My kid is going to be very lucky to have me as its (we don't know the sex yet) mom at this age ... I can provide much better than if I had the kid in my 30s.

With all due respect, and lots of good wishes....

(And I say this as a mom who was 45 when my youngest was born....)

You have no idea how much your energy will start to wane as you get into your fifties.

+1 You will learn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's tough having teens in your 50s. We take ours on vacation, but it's not easy. They alternate between being fun and being awful. DH and I have not changed a bit, but our children change every few seconds. It's exhausting. I'm looking forward to the post-college years, when other parents tell me their kids all get along and become nice and friendly and appreciative of their parents. You may get lucky and have nice, easy to manage kids, but I don't. Mine have always been strong-willed and difficult, but the teen years are the most difficult. Plus I worry incessantly about them. They think they are mature, but they know nothing....

I was a really young (teen) Mom. Children are now 21, 17, 14 & 7. Even at my age, having teens is exhausting. I mean, absolutely exhausting. There are days where I just want to run away. I am SO looking forward to when they are independent adults.

,

First you have 4 kids which sounds exhausting at any age. not everyone, especially educated professionals in the DC area, want more than 2. Further, of course you are exhausted you were a teen mom. You have no idea how you would feel at 40 had you not struggled to raise 4 kids buy then! That's like over 20 years of sleepless nights.

I am an educated professional. In fact, I now own my own business. I was not exhausted in their younger years - that was a breeze But, the teens years are very stressful-emotionally draining. That's what I meant by exhausting. I would NOT want to deal with teen angst and menopause at the same time. A murder would happen!

[Anonymous]

Teens are exhausting and worrying no matter how old or young you are. That's a separate issue!

[Anonymous]

Why have kids if you are counting down the days when they leave? Sounds awful to be an empty-nester at 45, especially if you don't have a rewarding career.

I wasn't ready to have kids in my 20s, and I'm in my 40s and not ready for them to be gone!!! We had them in the middle - early to mid 30s, but were able to build careers as well.

[Anonymous]

Some people just like to throw stones. OP didn't ask what you thought about her age, just advice for the future for those who are there. I am not there yet, but will be. I am 46 with a 4 & 7 year old. My DH is 48 year olds.