Would like to hear from late 50, 60-somethings with teens

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am 56 and got ice cream with my 11 year old daughter yesterday and she is still in the love Daddy phase.

I always feel sorry for folks who had kids young. They had no fun times in 20s and 30s and in 50s live in an empty house

Why would you feel sorry for them? As this thread has shown, there are pros and cons to both scenarios (having kids young vs. having kids older).
Plus, I'm willing to bet that there are plenty of people who waited until they were older, only to find that they could not have kids.

[Anonymous]

So much judgement on this thread and gloating from those who are convinced that there way is superior. There are pros and cons to having kids in your 20's, 30's and 40's (as well as pros and cons to not having kids at all). Everyone is different and there is no right or wrong way to live your life. My parents had me in their late 20's and while they loved my sister and I they had issues of their own that they hadn't dealt with (plus lots of financial stressors) and as a result our childhood was lousy. Honestly, I wouldn't have cared if my parents were younger or older if they had been better parents and we weren't so strapped financially.

[Anonymous]

Oops-meant "their" not "there."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 56 and got ice cream with my 11 year old daughter yesterday and she is still in the love Daddy phase.

I always feel sorry for folks who had kids young. They had no fun times in 20s and 30s and in 50s live in an empty house

Why would you feel sorry for them? As this thread has shown, there are pros and cons to both scenarios (having kids young vs. having kids older).
Plus, I'm willing to bet that there are plenty of people who waited until they were older, only to find that they could not have kids.

I don't think there is a right way or wrong way, but my husband and I met my freshman year in college whenI was 18. We married at 21 had our kids when 22, 25, and 27.We had loads of fun camping and skiing with them when we were young. I loved having babies to take care of, and had absolutely no interest in partying, drinking or drugs in my 20s. We both managed to finish college and grad school and get good jobs, including three years working abroad. We loaded the crew in our VW van and toured all around Europe with three elementary aged kids. We all learned a lot together. It was not unusual for my husband and I to work long, long, hours between school, work and taking care of the kids, but we worked as a team and supported each other. I remember routinely doing the grocery shopping at midnight. Our kids grew up to be successful and independent adults. They all finished college and have good jobs. They all opted to marry young and have children when young so at 47, I became a grandma for the first time. We ended up having 7 grandkids in 8 years who are now the lights of my life. The two eldest are now in college and I am not yet 70. They idea of having an empty house at 50 made me laugh. Our was always full of grandkids and their friends. I retired early so I could do a lot of driving and child care while my kids advanced their careers and completed grad school. Some of my grand kids went or go to private schools in DC. When I visit them, or visit my grandkids at college, it is confusing to the teachers because I am the same age as some of the parents! Now we travel a lot and take the grandkids. I don't feel like I have missed anything and cannot imagine wanting a different life. I feel so fortunate. So to each their own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow. When we're about 53, the plan is that DH and I are retiring and cruising the islands.

Good luck to all of you older parents on here! It takes a special kind. I couldn't imagine.

We had kids in late 30 s. We spent our youth traveling the world, hiking mountains and sailing and working hard. We are so glad to have done it while we we young and had good knees. It's nice to have college kids around part of the year, the rest of the year we miss them.

[Anonymous]

I think the ideal age to have kids is early 30s, to avoid infertility risks. I had mine later and feel lucky I was able. I am so glad to have lived a carefree child free lifestyle in my 20s, and advanced my career in my 30s, and have financial stability in my 40's With kids.

[Anonymous]

I'm 57 with teens 18, 17, 16. I was always an athlete so no problems with energy levels. Still do 4 triathlons a year, down from 12 in my <40 days. I def don't look like grandma at kids' school -- but their grandma does, of course
I had zero interest in kids til much later in life than most women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The most important thing if you are an older parent is to have your estate planning done in the event you or your spouse die while your children are minor or even young adults. One thing we do not have is reliable family to take over in case DH and I pass away prematurely. We have made a good friend legal guardian if it occurs before our kids (twins) reach adulthood. They are in their first year of high school. We plan to downsize when they graduate high school and start college. We will put the next house in trust for them. We have name them secondary beneficiaries, after DH and myself, on all accounts and life insurance policies. Being older parents, we are concerned with leaving them without planning for the unexpected.

I agree with this; however, my advice, from experience unfortunately, is to be ready regardless of how old you are. My husband and I started having kids at 22 and 18, respectively. Four kids total with the youngest being born at 24 for me and 29 for him. We thought we had plenty of years ahead of us to watch our kids grow older, produce grandkids, great grand's etc.. Unfortunately he passed away a few months ago at the young age of 44 from heart disease. I am 40 and young, but totally blown by the curveball life threw our way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am 56 and got ice cream with my 11 year old daughter yesterday and she is still in the love Daddy phase.

I always feel sorry for folks who had kids young. They had no fun times in 20s and 30s and in 50s live in an empty house

Meanwhile, you brace for impact every time you step out with her in hopes that no one will mistake you for her grandmother...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 56 and got ice cream with my 11 year old daughter yesterday and she is still in the love Daddy phase.

I always feel sorry for folks who had kids young. They had no fun times in 20s and 30s and in 50s live in an empty house

Meanwhile, you brace for impact every time you step out with her in hopes that no one will mistake you for her grandmother...

Meanwhile you have no idea what PP looks like, or if this is even a concern.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 56 and got ice cream with my 11 year old daughter yesterday and she is still in the love Daddy phase.

I always feel sorry for folks who had kids young. They had no fun times in 20s and 30s and in 50s live in an empty house

Meanwhile, you brace for impact every time you step out with her in hopes that no one will mistake you for her grandmother...

Go back to the Beauty and Fashion forum where you so obviously belong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The most important thing if you are an older parent is to have your estate planning done in the event you or your spouse die while your children are minor or even young adults. One thing we do not have is reliable family to take over in case DH and I pass away prematurely. We have made a good friend legal guardian if it occurs before our kids (twins) reach adulthood. They are in their first year of high school. We plan to downsize when they graduate high school and start college. We will put the next house in trust for them. We have name them secondary beneficiaries, after DH and myself, on all accounts and life insurance policies. Being older parents, we are concerned with leaving them without planning for the unexpected.

I agree with this; however, my advice, from experience unfortunately, is to be ready regardless of how old you are. My husband and I started having kids at 22 and 18, respectively. Four kids total with the youngest being born at 24 for me and 29 for him. We thought we had plenty of years ahead of us to watch our kids grow older, produce grandkids, great grand's etc.. Unfortunately he passed away a few months ago at the young age of 44 from heart disease. I am 40 and young, but totally blown by the curveball life threw our way.

I'm really sorry. That's tragic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Interesting thread.

My partner and I met around 40 and married and had two kids in relatively short order. So now we’re in our early fifties with two older grade school kids.

On the one hand, energy is a bit of an issue. We have to work a bit to keep up, my son will outski me in a couple of years, and I’m not quite as active with either kid as I would have been were I 30. And we’re definitely the older parents at our school functions, though most don’t believe it because I’m blessed with a wife who looks ten years younger than she is.

On the other hand...

I work out quite a bit to keep up and keep healthy. So having kids as an older definitely motivates me to take care of my own health.

I am mentally and emotionally a *much* better parent than I would have been when I was 30. I let a lot of little things roll off my back, and respond intellectually and with compassion when there are kid problems, as opposed to emotionally and with reaction. I’m a lot calmer parent, and looking at our peer parents who are younger, our parenting is a lot more consistent and values-driven. That’s not a knock on them, it’s just a benefit of maturity and stability that comes with being older.

I also get to learn from my friends. Most of them had kids around 30, so they are sending them off to college now. One, I get to see their parenting styles and learn from them. Two, I see how their approaches worked out, and I get to see which ones produced needy, clueless kids and which produced Ivy League kids who have good heads on their shoulders and are compassionate, balanced citizens. And three, they’re mostly looking around and saying “what now?” (and in some cases “who with?”) Later parents don’t have that yawning chasm of four decades in front of them with nothing to do.

And financially it is worlds easier to be a later parent. My wife and I busted our tails (and lived it up) before marrying. We know what single life is like, and it was fun, and we’re done with it. We had a much easier time agreeing on joint priorities and financial plans. And we are in peak earning years well before college expenses arrive, and so are well prepared. We don’t sweat the costs of travel league or enrichment courses. Some of that is hard work and good fortune on our part, but some of that is simply where we are at in life. The first few years were a lot of scrimping and saving, but hey, we had three year olds, we were too damn tired to go to Capital Grille anyway. Chinese on the couch was just fine.

Travel is actually a heck of a lot of fun now. We have kids who will engage in life, right at the time when we have money and experience to pick great destinations and travel in style. We can plan for Europe and Asia for lengthy trips that our kids want to join us in and will remember for the rest of their lives. And in our 50’s, despite the view of some of the younger parents here, we’re nowhere near old enough where physical limitations are an issue. I don’t think we’ll be tottering around Burning Man in our walkers just yet.

And when the kids launch and we’re in our early sixties, sure, we’ll miss them. But we’ll miss them from some great two martini dinner restaurants. We’ll bear up somehow.

We are not that concerned with being a health burden to our kids. That’s on us to manage as parents, not them, and we have planned appropriately for care and insurance and coverage to not be a burden. (We have those issues to an extent with our parents, and damned if we’re going to pass that on). Again, older parents can have the experience and the planning to solve the problems that come up.

The biggest downside is grandkids. We recognize that if our kids do as we did, we’ll be 80 when the grandkids are born. That’s not a gimme obviously. and we’d be sad if we missed that. But we hope to live well and healthily and make it to that time. The health outcome correlation with wealth and with social connection is quite strong. We hope that the advantage that late parenting provides will help manage that risk.

Sure, if you had asked us at the time we had the kids, we’d rather have started at 32 or 35 instead of 40. But there”s a lot of pros to doing it on the timing we were given. “Always look at the bright side of life, dah-dah, dah-dah#dah-dah-dah-dah”

I get what you're saying but I don't think your life experience is limited to those who have kids after 40. We had kids at 32. They're now in late elementary and we're also in our peak earning years, we will have saved a ton by the time our kids get to college. We're able to travel internationally every year and our kids can do every travel sport and extracurricular they want. You don't have to be 55 to achieve this, most of us (in NW DC) get there by 45. You may have an extra million+ in the bank than we do (as you're 10 years older) but I think the financial benefits of "waiting until you're older to have kids" kicks in for anyone who has kids in their early 30's or older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. When we're about 53, the plan is that DH and I are retiring and cruising the islands.

Good luck to all of you older parents on here! It takes a special kind. I couldn't imagine.

We did that in our 20s as singles and our 30s together. I see my parents limping along on retirement cruises and I didn't want to do that. But as others have said, people have different time lines.

Go to China and Egpyt, two of my favorites. Enjoy!

Us too.

We were childless by choice (and high earning DINks) from 26-35.

We traveled extensively (and first class due to miles!). We took a year long sabbatical to party and live in Europe. Life was fantastic--ran with the ups, live parade, tomato fest, Oktoberfest, etc. nightclubs with no closing times in Barcelona. None of these things compatible with 50+ year olds. It's a different kind of travel.

Glad I got to experience young and pretty. Doing it some with kids. I still plan to travel in 50s/60s, btw.

I had all my kids before 30 and had done all the traveling with them. My kids been at all the places you mentioned and many more. We took jobs in different parts of the world and lived in some countries for 1-3 years. I am 42 now and have kids in college. I will be empty nester by 46, so still can do a lot of traveling along. But the last thing I would want to do is to change diapers at 40s or to deal with teenagers at 50s.

Life is very easy now as I can get up when I want without packing anyone's lunches, I can go for run in the morning without warring about getting kids ready for school, I can stay late at work if I feel like without even thinking that kids will not be fed. Older kids drive younger to all after school activities for last couple years, so I don't have to sneak out from my office early.

I am glad that I raised my kids when I was young and had tons of energy. They are my best friends and my best travel buddies even now, when they are adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I get what you're saying but I don't think your life experience is limited to those who have kids after 40. We had kids at 32. They're now in late elementary and we're also in our peak earning years, we will have saved a ton by the time our kids get to college. We're able to travel internationally every year and our kids can do every travel sport and extracurricular they want. You don't have to be 55 to achieve this, most of us (in NW DC) get there by 45. You may have an extra million+ in the bank than we do (as you're 10 years older) but I think the financial benefits of "waiting until you're older to have kids" kicks in for anyone who has kids in their early 30's or older.

This is so true even for people who had kids before 30. My kids ended up getting a full scholarships and full rides to the top colleges, and I still have around 20 years to contribute to my retirement, even thought I am contemplating to retire from a full time job at 50. We purchased our first home at late 20s and now it is paid off when I am 42. So financially, we will probably end up the same as people who worked through their 20-30s to save money for kids.